Imperfect Circles
by mylilchickadee
Summary: /formerly "Ashes to Dust"/ Eighteen years after the fall of the Diabolo, the players in that tragedy have been reincarnated, living ordinary lives. But how long will that last?
1. 1: Lucky

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

Rated: M, just to be safe. Mostly for "adult themes", not scenes. And some eventual violence.

Summary: Eighteen years after the fall of the Diabolo, the players in that tragedy have been reincarnated, living ordinary lives. But Rai and Ren are separated, not even aware of each other's existence. Will they meet and will they remember? Or will life and death get in the way again?

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Imperfect Circles 

Lucky

The high school building was under a spell of quiet darkness as most of the students had rushed home as soon as possible hours ago. There were only a few persistent ones, lingering in the fields and courts outside, caught up in sports practice or just hanging out with friends. But inside, the halls were almost deathly hushed, like life had ended for the day and all sound and movement were locked away.

There was, however, one student who remained in this near silence. One very smart, very determined, very studious young man who was just putting the last of his books into his bag and was getting ready to leave when a girl suddenly and strangely burst through the library doors just before closing time. The boy glanced up curiously as he watched her swiftly scan the room before spotting him and briskly striding over. Stopping abruptly in front of him, she put her hand to her chest, breathing heavily as if she had just run a 25K marathon. Ever courteous, the boy pulled out a chair for her, but she refused it. So instead he waited patiently, watching her as she attempted to catch her breath.

Finally, she calmed and handing him an overflowing folder, said, "I'm so glad I caught you. Ohashi-sensei told me to make sure you got this before you left."

The boy took the folder and leafing through it quickly asked, "What is it?"

The girl simply shrugged, understanding that he was talking more to himself than to her.

She watched him rather intently as he pursed his lips and furrowed his brow in what she decided must be a rather cute expression. Not that she'd ever say so. While she was certain he would have been gracious and thanked her or given one of those smiles that could just make you melt, she was equally certain he wouldn't exactly appreciate being called "cute". What seventeen-year-old boy would? That didn't, however, make it any less true, whether appreciated or not. But as she allowed herself to stare more closely while he sifted through the papers, she changed her mind. "Handsome" was probably a more apt adjective than "cute" now that she thought on it. He held a kind of mystery that allowed his appearance to somewhat contradict his demeanor in an attractive way. The long black hair that tied up neatly into a ponytail at the nape of his neck wasn't something she'd normally think an honor student and class president would have. But on him, it seemed to fit perfectly. Those little wire-rimmed glasses on the other hand, were just the thing for a boy like him, excellently showing off his intense jade-colored eyes. And the fact that he was tall enough that she'd have to rise up on tiptoe to kiss him she presumed to be just the right height. She took this all in rather analytically, allowing her thoughts to show on her face, not much caring at the moment for outward appearances.

Suddenly, the object of her attention closed the folder with a nod and turned to look at her, noticing the fierce blush she sported as he caught her staring. She was just an average high school girl, after all. Yes, that's exactly right. Average, ordinary. He smiled. There were quite a few girls like this around school, who seemed to harbor a secret crush on him. They never bothered him with it, so he never said anything to discourage them, but he made a point not to _encourage_ them either.

"Thank you," The dark-haired boy said, cutting into her reverie and tucking the folder into an already stuffed backpack. He watched amusedly as the girl fidgeted a little under his gaze, refusing to meet his eyes. Just as he was slinging his pack over his shoulder, the lights in the library went out, a not-too-subtle reminder that it was time to leave.

The two of them looked up to the now dim lamps, still standing somewhat stupidly in the middle of the room. Glancing down and seeing the girl's apparent awkward nervousness, he took pity on her and spoke.

"It's getting pretty late. How about I give you a ride home?" He offered.

The girl's eyes boggled out and her mouth dropped open as she turned to face him full on. This was an unexpected turn of events. She had hung around Ohashi-sensei specifically for the chance to meet the boy, but this was going far better than even she had hoped. Apparently realizing that she stood there gaping like a fish, she shut her mouth with an audible click and nodded her head with childlike vigor. The boy allowed himself a little laugh and gave her a classic smile.

"Why don't you get your things and meet me out front?" He stifled another laugh as she nodded again, her eyes crinkling up as she grinned. She really was very cute, acting like a little kid sister.

"I-I'll get them right now!" She yelled with exuberance. Then calming herself and lowering her voice, she added, "I'll just be a minute."

And she was off like a shot, leaving the boy to shake his head and chuckle under his breath. He readjusted the bag over his shoulder and headed out before the librarian came and was forced to push him out the door manually.

It took very little time for him to reach his car in the parking lot, saying a quick "hello" to many of the other students he'd passed on the way. Nearly everyone knew him and his good-natured friendliness made him a person you'd want to talk with. It was likely the main reason that led him to be so popular amongst the girls as well. Not that he actually realized this. Maybe on some level he knew, but he simply acted the way he did because that's who he was, not through any conscious effort to be liked. And yet he essentially was. There were only a few in the school who didn't like him. It was unfortunate that those few hated him with an unmitigated passion as though he'd done something that had ruined their lives for all eternity. He couldn't fathom why they held him in such contempt, but again, as long as it didn't affect him too much, he simply let it be.

Jumping into his car and starting it up, he pulled around to the front doors of the school to await the girl's arrival. As he sat there, he realized a bit belatedly that he'd offered a ride to a girl whose name he didn't even know. What an odd thing. He was fairly sure he'd seen her walking the halls on several occasions, but as he'd had no previous interaction with her before, he was completely at a loss. Well, she seemed safe enough, just your average high school girl. But still, he shook his head at his own strange behavior.

As he sat behind the wheel absently musing, he began to wonder what could possibly be taking her so long. It had been a while since she'd said "just a minute" and he thought for a moment that perhaps she'd gotten herself lost. That would be a pretty hard thing to do, but given what little he knew of her so far, he could believe it. Just then, he looked out his side window and there she was. Dashing up, her hair flew out behind her and her bag bounced rather sloppily at her side. When she opened the door and hopped in, she was once again out of breath. It seemed she did a lot of running. Not because she liked the exercise, but because she was just always late. He stifled another laugh. Even though he found it rather amusing, he still didn't want to embarrass the poor girl.

She quickly slammed the door shut and turned to him and he would've sworn, if it were possible, that she had big stars sparkling in her impossibly blue eyes.

"I'm so sorry!" She apologized, still a bit breathlessly. "But Ohashi -sensei stopped me again to make sure I gave you that packet."

"Don't worry about it." The boy answered kindly, gracing her with yet another knee-weakening smile.

She sighed a bit dramatically, but then seemed to catch what she was doing and snapped her gaze away to look pointedly into her lap. The boy took an amused sidelong glance in the other direction and started the car.

"So, where do you live?" He asked.

"Oh! I'm sorry. Just up here, a couple blocks down and a few to the right." The flustered girl answered, but smirked to herself, seeing that that wasn't a very good explanation. Her voice took on a strange tone. "It's those new condos they just built last year. You know where those are?"

"Yeah, I do," The boy replied, nodding his head.

"Yeah. Mom and Dad just moved then when Dad got a promotion at work. They're really nice, but a little creepy, since hardly anyone lives there yet." She scrunched up her nose in distaste. "And they smell funny. I don't think they waited long enough for the paint to dry. Or they left an open can in there or something. I don't know . . ."

Realizing that she was babbling a little, she let her last thought trail off. Then she glanced coyly at the boy next to her from under her long dark lashes. "Sorry."

"For what?" The boy asked. Taking a quick look at her, he remembered that he still didn't know her name, so he asked.

"Kaoru." She supplied readily, her cheeks managing to color to a fetching shade of pink. She simply couldn't believe her luck! All this time and here she was in his car. This was going to be easier than she'd thought.

He nodded as he turned his eyes back to the road. "Nice to meet you Kaoru, I'm Rai."

"Well, I know that. I-I mean, everyone knows who you are." Her wide eyes once again shifted away in what was presumed to be embarrassment. "Sorry."

"There's no reason to be." He reassured her as he smiled just slightly. She returned in kind, a small sweet one that lit up her face and made her look infinitely prettier than she already did.

They traveled the last bit of their trip in silence, just a few minutes more, before he pulled up beside her home.

"We're here." He said, stating the obvious. Although perhaps it had not been all that obvious to Kaoru since she flinched, jolted from her wandering mind. She hurriedly gathered her things before swinging open the door. She quickly got out only to peek her head back in to say her thanks. Then she shut the door and waved as he drove off. He returned the gesture and watched in his rearview mirror as she entered the building.

On his way home, he couldn't help but think what a pretty, charming girl she was. With long flowing black hair and deep blue eyes, all nicely offset by pale skin and a slim, but pleasing figure. Any guy in school would probably be thrilled to have a girl like her as a girlfriend and it was odd actually, that it appeared she was unattached. But the popular dark-haired boy could not picture that situation for himself. Kaoru was cute, sweet and clearly liked him. He couldn't help but think that he should like her back. But he just didn't, not like that. He simply couldn't see himself with her, or anyone else for that matter. He'd never felt anything deeper than friendship for anyone he'd ever met and he couldn't seem to change this. Sometimes when he thought about it, he found it strange, wondering how he could be seventeen and still not have had a girlfriend or even a teenage crush. Maybe he was a late bloomer, he didn't know. But if he didn't think about it, it didn't much bother him, so he pushed concerns such as these to the back of his mind.

Soon, he pulled up into the driveway of a very nice, though not elaborate home. He parked the car and pulled his pack out of the back seat, tossing it over his shoulder as he walked to the front door. The house was empty when he entered as it always was. His parents would still be at work, running the school they had started together years before: a boarding school for grade school kids, intended to give them an advantage when it came time to take the exams for entering high school. Rai himself had gone when he was younger, and he'd readily admit it was a very good school, but there was something about it he didn't like. Probably that it was mostly filled with kids of privilege and distinction, rich kids, many of whom were spoiled and thought the world owed them something.

He had the distinct feeling the world didn't owe anybody anything.

So when the time came, he chose instead to go to a more public, but equally good high school that admitted students solely on the efforts of their will rather than depth of their pockets. And he much preferred it. There he'd met a great variety of people from a wide range of life that he would never have known otherwise. He couldn't imagine having the friends he did if he were stuck in another rich kid factory.

Not that he begrudged his parents' school, not by any means. Without it, he wouldn't have had all the things he did, wouldn't have had the chance to do the things he really wanted. And his parents had worked very hard to get to where they were today, to be able to provide anything and everything Rai could ever possibly need.

The teen climbed the stairs and opened the door to his room, dropping his bag clumsily to the floor. Somewhat reluctantly, he pulled the recently acquired folder and tossed it to his desk. He'd have to go through all those papers Ohashi-sensei had given him and by just the cursory glance he'd given them in the library; it looked like it would be quite the undertaking. He didn't really want to, but it was student council business and ultimately it his own fault that now his time would be taken up. It was primarily simple things like the upcoming fair and what clubs would able to do what and when. Except it truly wasn't simple at all. That was the problem. It seemed every club wanted more than they could have and many of them either wanted to do the same attraction or all at the same time. It was going to be a lot of work trying to sort it all out and sill make everyone happy. Tonight he'd have to set up a preliminary schedule and booth map to set before the council tomorrow. Even though he knew "student council president" would look good when he wanted to go to college, he also wondered whether, with all the tests he'd have to take just to get in anyway, if it would really make a difference. Or more to the point, if all the grief was really worth it. But he'd agreed to it and if there's one thing he hated to do, it was to back out on an agreement.

So he perused the folder on his desk and started making notes on all the various problems. He sat there, rifling through requests and numbers and booth allotments for what seemed like forever. When he thought he could take no more, he was finally rescued by the welcome sound of the front door unlocking.

"Rai, we're home!" His mother shouted up to him. Rai walked out onto the hall balcony just outside his room and peered over the railing down at the two who had just come in.

"Welcome home!" He shouted back with a smile. His mother, still clad smartly in her work clothes, lifted a takeout bag with a somewhat rueful expression on her face.

"Sorry we're late, honey. But we picked up some sushi to make up for it."

"That's OK," Rai answered, checking his watch. It had somehow become eight o'clock. He had completely lost track of time looking through all those papers. He'd been so engrossed in fact that he didn't notice he'd missed dinner. Ah, well. It made little difference now.

"You haven't eaten yet, have you?" The woman asked, giving a child-like pout. Rai suppressed a smile. His mother worked with little children all day long that sometimes she forgot that her own son was no longer one of them.

"No, I haven't. I'll be right down." The not-so-little teen called back.

"Then we'll meet you in the kitchen!" His up-till-now silent father shouted in his deep baritone. Then the two adults walked under the balcony and through the kitchen door, disappearing from sight. Rai went back to his room and replaced the papers back in the folder, all his notes included. It would have to be good enough for now. He'd spent too much time on it as it was. He still had actual homework to do. It looked like, in fact, it would be a _very_ long night.

Tumbling down the stairs, he finally realized he was pretty hungry as his stomach let out a protesting growl. Sushi was one of his favorites and he didn't get to eat it all that often, all things considered.

He sat down at the table as his mother doled out their dinner and they instantly began to eat. After a couple minutes of quiet but ravenous consumption, Rai's mother faced him with that particular glint in her eye. Popping another piece of sushi into his mouth, he braced himself, both knowing and dreading what was to come.

"So, honey," She ventured in that trying-to-be-subtle way of hers that was anything but subtle. "I hear your school's having a fair soon. Any girls you want to invite?"

"No, mom." The black-haired boy said, rather tiredly. This was a conversation they'd had many times before. For some reason unbeknownst to the boy, his mother was insistent that he have a girlfriend before he graduated high school. He really couldn't understand why, he had a lot of other things on his mind much more important than girls and some short-term relationship that would never last. At least in his opinion.

"Come now, there must be someone who interests you. Some pretty little thing that bats her eyes at you." Rai rolled his own. As if he'd actually want a girl like that. "You can't tell me there isn't a line of girls just waiting to be asked out by my handsome son."

She did that typical mother thing, reaching over and taking his chin in her hand. Rai just smirked. His father laughed at the antics of the other two members of his family and then pretended to chastise his wife.

"Now dear, don't pressure the boy. When he's ready, I'm sure he'll find the right one. Maybe she just hasn't come along yet."

The woman sighed and released her hold on the disgruntled teen as the man let out another hearty laugh. "I guess you're right. But as a mother . . ."

The woman's husband just shook his head and laughed. Then, changing the subject, he began a new conversation with his wife that thankfully had nothing to do with their son and his lack of female companionship.

Rai quickly tuned his parents out as they went on to discuss other things, business mostly, a subject which seemed to consume almost all their time. The talk of girlfriends made him think again of the pretty little thing he'd had in his car only hours before. He _could_ ask her to attend the fair with him; he was fairly confident she would say yes. Maybe he should ask her. It couldn't possibly do any harm. He didn't feel anything of any great significance for her at the moment, but perhaps that would change. As it was right now, there was no one else who made him feel anything deeper.

So in his purely pragmatic way, he thought, why _not_ her?

At any rate, it might help to get his mother off his back.

And a small part of him, a part he didn't realize he had somewhere deep in his mind, hoped that maybe he would feel something. And wondered if he'd even recognize the meaning of such an emotion if he ever did feel it.

Finishing his dinner in as little time as possible, he excused himself with a cursory nod and headed back to his room. It's not that he didn't want to spend time with parents, awkward conversations notwithstanding; it was simply that he knew he had a mountain of homework awaiting him, what with all the student council distractions.

So sliding back into his desk chair, he prepared himself for a long tiresome night of studies.

Hundreds of words and several hours later, he'd finally finished the last of his assignments. Thoroughly exhausted, he threw himself onto his bed and blearily glanced over to the digital display alarm clock that sat on his dresser. Quarter past one. And he had to get up early to get the class set up for tomorrow too.

He somehow doubted that the day soon to come would be one of his more productive ones. But that would just have to do. After all, even _he_ was allowed one of those every once in a while. He took off his glasses and placed them beside his clock and sleepily draped a forearm over his eyes to protect them from the unwelcome light of the overhead lamp.

As he lay there, he found himself recalling the events of the day and with it the situation that was his life. He had a good home, a good education, every opportunity to make whatever he wanted with what was set before him, and two parents who loved and supported him. And just before the sweet release of sleep overtook him, he smiled.

Rai was a very lucky boy indeed. And he knew it.


	2. 2: Dreamworld

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

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Imperfect Circles 

Dreamworld

_Everything was hazy, fuzzy, some trace of something he felt he should know, but couldn't place. It was all like some strange, morbid memory that was fighting to make itself clear, but only succeeded in taunting him instead. There was a great many people, mostly young; his age, or so he somehow seemed to know. Because they were all faceless, blank slates with voices that distorted, sounding only vaguely human. And yet he felt, in the very marrow of his bones, that he knew each and every one of them once upon a time. The harder he tried to chase them down, they blurrier they became, vanishing in a whiff of smoke and receding back into the depths of his confused mind. And after the last of them had trickled off and disappeared, he saw the blood._

_Blood everywhere. Dripping from the walls and seeping into the floor. Covering the many corpses that lay strewn about like some morbid blanket. In his mind's mind he could remember the screams, hear the ripping and tearing of flesh, the sickening spatter of blood that had flown through the church like party streamers only moments before. Even in his mixed-up head he could recall the sweet, coppery smell that permeated his world._

_And in this sham of a memory he could feel that pulsating joy that thrummed through his veins at bearing witness to it. No, to be the perpetrator of it. Whoever he was, whoever he once had been, it was a creature that enjoyed that stench of death. More than that, he reveled in it; savoring the last bits of torture that marked the final moments of countless victims. And all he wanted was more. More death, more blood, more ear-splitting screams of pain. Killing was like a drug, and in his dreamworld, he was a junkie._

_Through all the intoxicating carnage, there was but one sane thing that held him back. _

_A boy; the only clear thing in his mind. A memory and an emotion that meandered devout and aimlessly through the slaughter that surrounded him. A boy with blond hair and golden brown eyes was the only thing in this nasty jumbled mess that he could truly see. The one face, lit up with joy, furrowed in anguish, laden with pain. And the one thing that even the monster that he was couldn't let go of._

_'Come to me,' his dream voice would say, reaching out with his strange senses to try and catch his elusive prey._

_'Come to me so that I may hurt you, so that I may tame you.'_

_'So that I may hold you.'_

_And without fail, the boy would come. Tear-stricken but smiling with blood pouring out, the boy would come._

_And ask a monster for forgiveness._

_But all they would meet was death. Every time._

It was then that Rai would always wake up.

His green eyes popped open into the unforgiving brightness of his room. Immediately he squinted them closed again, the sudden burst of light too much to take, and rolled to his side, cursing his stupidity for leaving the overhead on. As he pressed his palms to his eyes, he groaned, trying to both remember and forget the awful dream that assaulted him night after night. Wearily, he pried his eyes open, growing accustomed to the light and reluctantly got up from the bed. Taking a quick glance to the clock, he saw that it was only a little past four, assuring his horrible fear that the dreams were getting worse.

He shuffled to the bathroom as quietly as possible, careful not to wake his parents still sleeping in the other room. He flicked on the light and turned the faucet to run cold as he leaned heavily over the porcelain sink. Cupping his hands, he caught some of the water and splashed it on his face, trying to chase away the last dregs of unwanted thoughts. His eyes lifted to stare at the boy in the mirror, wet bangs covering his tired eyes and wondered who it was he was looking at. It was an odd feeling and one he thoroughly didn't like: to look at himself and not know who he is.

And even against his better judgment, the memories of that persistent dream came back. Demanding to be known, demanding to be understood. After a while of staring at the image in the mirror, his face stopped making sense. He didn't know how he knew, but he _knew_ that his dreams were not just simple dreams. They were not just his mind wandering off, releasing the excess stress that built up over the day. They had a much greater meaning. They were memories or premonitions, he wasn't sure which. But he wasn't particularly fond of either option. They were dark and troubling. And not just for the way they teased him with half information or showed him death in sickening technicolor.

It was his own reaction that disturbed him most of all. His dream self loved it. Bathed itself in blood like it was water and yearned for slaughter in all its cruel glory. His dream self enjoyed the kill and wanted to kill more and more with each passing moment. It was as if that other side of him was trying to exert its sick desires onto him. To make him a murderer like it, trying to tempt Rai with the feeling of unmitigated bliss that overtook him in the presence of so much death.

But it didn't work.

When Rai woke up, all he felt was the painful tightening of a stomach that wanted to retch. The idea that at one time, past or future, he loved to kill disturbed him more than he could even admit. Because he knew it was true. And it frightened him.

And he knew he had to know which it was, the things that have been or the things that had yet to be. But there was no way to find out.

Rai suddenly realized that the water was still running and abruptly shut it off. Then, pulling a towel from the rack, he dried his face, letting the cloth slide down until only his bloodshot eyes met him in the reflection. So different from the eyes of his dream; he didn't want to see the things those eyes saw.

But then he registered that that wasn't entirely true. There was one thing he wanted his present eyes to see. The boy. He felt a strange tight fuzzy feeling in his chest when he remembered him. But he didn't know what it meant. All he knew was that he wanted to see him. If the dreams were, as he believed, portraying real events, then the boy must exist somewhere too. Perhaps if he found him a mystery could be solved and a tragedy prevented.

Rai needed to find him to sort things out.

He had no idea how to go about doing this.

And there was a deeper desire that clenched in his heart at the very thought of seeing the other teen. He couldn't recognize the feeling, but he held to it anyway.

Dropping the towel to the counter, Rai shut the bathroom light and went back to his room. Turning off that light as well, he threw himself back on the bed and allowed his thoughts to drift once again to that unknown blond and let the sweet tingling sensations that filled him take him off to a much more pleasant sleep.

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Dragging himself in like the dead, Rai fell into his assigned seat thoroughly exhausted. He let out a long sigh as he laid his head on his folded arms and tried to get some much needed rest. The morning hadn't been any longer than usual, just more tiring. The council meeting was a frustrating bore, taking up way more time and energy than was truly necessary and he found himself wondering yet again why he'd ever agreed to be a part of it.

He let his drooping eyes close as the teacher droned on about one thing or another, figuring he'd just read up on it later and catch up that way. Right now what he really needed to catch up on was some sleep. And so he let his mind drift away into a sleep so deep, he was harshly jerked awake when the lunch bell rang.

Wearily, he lifted his head and discreetly wiped away the trail of drool that had trickled from the side of his mouth. That would have been embarrassing. He must have really been out for that to happen, most of the time his sleep was so light that he'd wake at the drop of pin and many people couldn't tell if he was in fact asleep or just concentrating. He shook his mind awake and stretched his arms widely out behind him, just as he would if he were at home. There was no point in keeping up appearances now, not that he was ever all that concerned with that anyway. And not that there was really anyone to notice.

The rest of the students sure got out of there in a hurry, either they were starving or the lecture really was that bad. Rai had a sneaky suspicion it was little of both.

Deciding there was little reason to stay in an empty classroom, especially after he'd slept through it all anyway, the boy stood up and grabbed his books, heading for the door.

And as he pulled it open, he was met with a most unwelcome surprise. An overdone girl stood blocking his way, an ugly scowl on her face and a hand on her hip as she waved papers she held in the other one which angrily in his face.

"What exactly is the meaning of this?!" She screeched in a voice that grated on his nerves even when used at a normal decibel.

Rai placed a hand to his head and closed his eyes in exasperation. He'd been expecting this since last night, but that didn't make it any less irritating. "What is the meaning of what?" He said, pretending he didn't already know the answer.

"This!" The girl continued, pointing a finger accusingly at the guilty piece of paper. "This is not nearly enough to put on our show for the fair!" She placed both hands to her hips and sported an even haughtier expression.

"Mako," The boy replied, completely annoyed at having this conversation at all. "It's already been decided. If you need more money, you're just going to have to find another way to get it. Have a benefit or something."

"A benefit?" Mako scoffed, backing up as if he'd just told her she'd have to sleep in a mud puddle with a herd of pigs. "The Fashion Club does not _grovel _for its funds!"

"It's not groveling. And maybe you had better start," he said, trying to maneuver his way around the obstinate girl. But she moved to block him, flipping her shoulder length brown hair importantly over her shoulder.

"Oh, no we won't. I know there's more money. Why don't you take it from the Chess Club or something? It's not like they're going to need it for anything. Who'd want to go to some stupid Chess Club booth anyway?"

Rai narrowed his eyes at her, and as he did so, he finally caught sight of the skinny little weasel leaning on the lockers behind her. Yuu, student council treasurer and ever faithful lackey to Mako. That certainly explained how she knew about the other clubs' finances. Choosing to ignore the ridiculously ranting girl before him, he addressed the hollow-eyed kid instead.

"You know you're not supposed to divulge the decisions of the council until it's made official."

The overly pale boy sneered at him as he replied smartly, "I never said a word."

Rai snorted. Like he believed _that._ He was about to say so when that annoying girl jumped in again.

"Then it's _not_ official. That means you can allot us more money. Do it." With that, she slammed the papers against Rai's chest, expecting her every demand to be met.

"It is official." Rai responded, ripping the papers from her hand. "It just hasn't been announced. Nothing's going to change. The entire council already voted and agreed on this. Every club will get the same amount of funding; any more they may need will have to be put up by themselves. Now, if you'll excuse me."

Forcibly, Rai pushed the girl out of his way and stalked off. Freedom at last! He saw no reason for politeness; those two would never like him anyway. So Rai just ignored the flash in Mako's dark eyes and only gave Yuu a pointed look before continuing down the hall.

Mako whipped around to face her underling, hands gripping her hips and fury dripping out of her every pore. "I hate him." She said through clenched teeth. Then she narrowed her heavily made-up gaze at the bony boy at the lockers. "You'd better do something about this."

"I can't." The platinum blond shook his head. "The council has already decided. There's not really a lot I can do." Then he placed a hand to his chin, looking up to the corner of the ceiling and thinking. "Well, actually, I could probably maneuver a few things around. Those people are so stupid; they'd never even notice some of their money was missing."

Mako deepened her pout at the devilish smile she saw grace the thin boy's lips. "I'm not talking about that, you idiot. I mean," she said coyly, sidling up to Yuu and sliding a painted finger across his jawbone, making him flinch before turning her way. "Do something about _him_."

Yuu's smile altered into a foul, but sickly delighted grimace. "I'll see what I can do."

"Can't wait," Mako breathed into his ear. Then she jerked away, a knowing smile on her lips. She quickly turned on her heel, stomping off, the fact that the boy would follow a given.

And he did indeed push off the lockers and continue after her, evil grin still firmly in place. Thinking about what he could do, he almost rubbed his hands together in villainous glee.

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Rai felt himself calming as he exited the building and walked into the sunshine. He knew that he would have to face Mako after the decision was made this morning, he'd just been hoping for a little reprieve first. But no such luck. And he shook his head again in confusion as to how she, of all people, had been named Fashion Club president. She wasn't even that fashionable. Notoriously overdone with so much make-up that he wasn't even sure what her skin color actually was. And her fashion sense was only that of a lemming, always wearing what was supposed to be "new and hip" at that moment; not an original bone her body. But there she was anyway, Fashion Club president. He knew most of the kids in the club, even if only in passing, and they were all very normal, very nice people. Unfortunately, it was always the one bad apple that he had to deal with. And with her little lackey recently elected as treasurer, his headache with the girl had only increased ten-fold.

She hated him with such animosity and he could never figure out why. He didn't much care for her either, but the reasons for _that_ were easy to name.

There was nothing much he could do about it, even if he cared to, so he didn't worry over it. Instead, he looked around the yard for a place to sit and quietly eat his lunch. And maybe try and catch up on that class he'd just slept through while he was at it.

Finally spotting a vacancy under one of the shadiest trees, he walked over and seated himself against its trunk. Then digging through his bag, he pulled out a sandwich followed by a large hardcover book and settled himself in as he began to chew on his lunch and read through the just-covered chapter.

And it was_ really_ boring. No wonder all the other students had rushed out of there. If he hadn't already been asleep, he probably would've fallen into it during class anyway. Giving up, since it was almost time for class to begin again anyhow, he shoved the book back into his bag.

As he did so, he once again considered Kaoru. He sort of decided last night that he would ask her to go to the fair. There shouldn't be any harm in that, and he almost considered it a sort of test. And more importantly, he'd finally have something to tell his mother so that she could stop nagging him. With this in mind, he grabbed his bag and scanned the immediate area, hoping to see the girl somewhere nearby.  
But when he stood up, a wave of extreme dizziness washed over him. And when he tried to steady himself against the tree, he was assaulted with a slew of images that whipped through his mind with harsh insistence.

This was new. And a very bad sign.

It was a vision, like the many dreams he'd been having, only this was the first time it happened when he was awake. Which only made it that much worse because it was that much more real. The only thing that saved him from crying out was that despite the pain, this vision was not an unpleasant one.

It was just disturbing in a whole different way.

_He was with the boy again, sitting on a park bench somewhere, talking about death. There they were, the two of them, only seventeen, having an almost light-hearted conversation on how they should die. And more to the point, how they should kill each other. And Rai did not understand. They were young; their whole lives should still be ahead of them, why in the world were they discussing their deaths? But he had no time to reflect on this as the illusion moved forward._

_'If I'm going to die anyway, I want you to kill me.' Said dream Rai, with a content smile on his face. 'But I hate pain.'_

_'How do you want to die?' Asked the little blond with an adorably serious look on his face._

_'While I'm sleeping . . . on a snow covered mountain." Replied dream Rai. Then he continued. 'With you holding me.'_

_'Hey! Then I'd die, too, wouldn't I?' Protested the boy, flailing like a little kid._

_But dream Rai only smiled. That was the point, wasn't it? That they die together? That they always be . . together? Rai had a feeling that even to his former or future self, this was still the most important thing. And he suddenly wanted to find the boy even more than anything else._

_But then the vision turned painful again. Agonizing. And once more he was cast into a field of death, of blood and carnage all around. Eyes and skin and limbs no longer connected to bodies, a ghastly display that made it unclear just how many had been massacred. But this time he was clutching the boy with all the strength in him, desperate to hang onto the only thing he had. It scared the blond, but it scared Rai too. The small blond boy was crying his name, fear and worry in his eyes as dream Rai held him tight._

_But Rai was even more frightened. Because at that time he was also trying to fight. The blood lust, the killing desire. And it was like a sharp and brutal pain that attacked his soul from every direction at once. But his need to be with the boy was greater, and with a final plead to God, he willed it back. If only for the moment._

As the vision began to fade, the real Rai felt his insides lurch. He hoped against all logic that maybe he could stop these terrible events, despite the dreams telling him he'd only fail.

He had to believe things could change, that whatever the dreams showed him did not have to come to pass. He silently prayed to whoever would listen that he was seeing the future, and not the past. He clenched his hand viciously against the bark of the tree.

Even after this, it was all so unclear. All but for one simple thing.

He knew now, even more then ever, that he needed to find that boy. It was as if this last vision was confirming the pull that should exist between them.

Only when he found the blond would his mind become clear, would he know the truth, would he be able to set things right.

Only then would he be able to sleep again.

At least this is what he believed.

But as the dizzying pain became too much, he lost his grip, both on the tree as well as on his reality. The last thing he saw before falling over and blacking out were his two friends rushing up to catch him as they called out his name.


	3. 3: Unknown Ties

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

Unknown Ties

She'd sprinted through the halls of the school rather carelessly, actually slipping and falling flat on her face before taking off again and pointedly ignoring the looks and laughs she'd gotten for doing so. She didn't really care what _those_ people thought. She just needed to get there. So it was rather understandable that after all that, she was less than thrilled to see that she'd already been beaten. Standing the loser in the hallway, Kaoru peered irritably around the corner of the door frame with a furious scowl wrinkling her brow.

She was hoping to find Rai recovering by himself, therefore allowing her to be the one he woke up to. But of course his two lackeys were already there, ruining her plans! She knew that it was mostly pure chance that yesterday she'd been the one sent for him. Unfortunately, her luck didn't hold out today.

But it was also exactly as she'd expected. Word that "class president Rai" had passed out in the middle of the schoolyard had flown through the rumor mill almost as fast as when Mako walked in wearing the latest fashion from Paris which made her look like an old lady lampshade. And it was no surprise that those two were already there with the teenager as he lay unconscious in the nurse's bed. Actually, she'd heard that the brute of a girl was the one who'd caught him and brought him here. Kaoru had been hoping against hope that that particular aspect of the rumor was just that: rumor. But of course that part just had to be true. That part was always infuriatingly true.

And then there was the fact that where the girl was, the boy would be too, as if they were attached at the hip.

They were always in her way, trying to hog all his attention. And just when she'd finally found a way in after all her work and months of biding her time! Kaoru gripped the wood of the doorframe so hard her knuckles turned white and her frustration could probably be felt for miles around. How utterly exasperating to have her opportunity snatched away before it even came! She clenched her jaw, wondering what it was she should do now.

"Aw, poor dear. Why so tense," an annoying voice teased from somewhere behind her.

The black head whipped around to face the condescending glare of none other than the number-one-school-snob and lampshade-wearing Mako. Just what she needed, an obstacle in one room and a pointless nag in front of her.

"What do you want?" Kaoru snapped back, a little more angrily than she'd intended.

"Oh, nothing," Mako hummed as she paced around, pretending to be fascinated by her garishly pink nails but really taking a peek inside the nurse's office. She glanced in one moment then slowly rotated her head like a snake with an equally serpentine grin to her lips. "Looking to catch a little prey? Well, I don't think the likes of _you_ has any chance. But then, I couldn't really care less. It's just. . ." she paused a second dramatically, as if searching for the right words. "I'd hate to see you get your little heart broken."

Kaoru rolled her eyes and smirked back. Was that really the best that she could come up with? And why exactly was Mako bothering to tease her in the first place? That stupid girl hadn't the slightest clue who Kaoru even was. It was more like Mako really wanted to attack someone else and that Kaoru was just convenient.

But Kaoru had no time or care to deal with the snooty princess right now. Instead, she looked Mako up and down before widening her grin and shaking her head. "You always think you're more important than you are. Like you're so special and so worthy of attention. But you're not so, well, anything. You never have been and you never will be." Kaoru put on a deceptively sweet smile. "And I'm done talking to you. You aren't worth my time."

Then, easy as that, Kaoru turned her attention back to the scene in the nurse's office, without a further thought to the gaping girl beside her.

"You're the one who apparently thinks she's so special." The ignored girl mumbled. Her eyes narrowed and she leaned in to whisper into the other's ear. "Low-class trash really shouldn't try to rise above their station. Especially when they have no looks, no talent, and no smarts to bargain with."

But Kaoru made no comment, nor any indication she'd even heard her. She had no use for the annoying self-absorbed snob. Said snob snapped herself back up, furious that this little nothing of a girl would dare ignore her. For some moments more, she continued to stare at Kaoru, but getting no response only exasperated her more, so she turned quickly on her heel and strode away.  
Kaoru smiled. Just as she'd known, the big faker was all talk and quick to back down.

Mako stormed through the school, earning a wide berth from the many students who had no desire to antagonize the princess any further and therefore incur her mighty wrath. The aforementioned princess was irritated beyond belief and needed to vent a little steam. Someplace else. How dare that insignificant gnat ignore her! Why, she could destroy the little nothing in two seconds flat if she really wished to. Unconsciously, Mako clenched and unclenched her fists repeatedly as her heels clacked loudly through the building corridors. Then she came to an abrupt halt, having run out of places to go.

As she stood in the center of the hallway seething, an overly slick-looking boy crept up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder. Any other boy would have been a whimpering mess on the floor after the beating they'd get from her. But this one was different. Slightly comforted, Mako leaned back into her boyfriend Shino's arms.

"What's the matter, baby?" The boy slurred into her ear.

"Oh, nothing much." Mako replied, a bit calmer now. "Just some stupid little girl not giving me any respect."

"Oh?" He asked in an unconcerned tone. "And who was that?"

"Rai's latest admirer, that's all." She closed her eyes and steadied her voice. "Not that she's got a chance. I just went to see if the rumors were true and instead I found her, standing there like a stalker." She let out a dry laugh.

Wisely, Shino said nothing about the fact that she sounded rather like a stalker herself. "And why would you care about some little girl after Rai, hm?"

"Well, I don't really. Unless I can use her, of course," she added with resolution.

"Of course," Shino said, continuing to sound disinterested.

Then Mako tensed once more, her anger rising again at the thought of whom she'd deemed her nemesis. "I just hate him."  
"Yes, I know." Shino said, getting bored now. Mako shifted in his arms to look up at her boyfriend's face.

"I want to ruin him." She sneered through gritted teeth. "Not just some stupid embarrassing thing in school or something. I mean _really ruin him_. Something that will completely and utterly destroy his life."

Shino looked down at Mako, beautiful in her bare-boned ferocity and smiled a sickening grin of his own. "I'm sure you'll think of something."

She stared up at him, evil glint twinkling in her eye. Even though she had no clue how to do it yet, the prospect of destroying Rai made her positively giddy.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Rai pried his eyes slowly open, his head still pounding from the aftereffects of his recent "episode" in the schoolyard. It was thankfully dim as his eyes readjusted to the light, revealing a room that was vaguely familiar. With an effort, he pushed himself up to a sitting position and took a quick glance around. It must be the nurse's office. But he had no clue how he got there. The last thing he remembered was passing out by that tree. . .

"It's about time ya woke up!" A female voice shouted, sending a new wave of pain through his skull as he felt a hard punch to his shoulder.

"Ow!" He cried, rubbing the tender muscle and squinting his eyes, wondered what exactly he'd done to incur this punishment. But he recognized that voice immediately, and knew the answer to that question would be quick in coming By now he knew her well; she'd been his best friend since the day they met, their very first day of school.

He could recall that day with crystal clear perfection.

_He'd just walked inside the new school building, looking over his schedule and trying to find his classroom while also not trying to look completely and utterly lost. Even though he was. So there he stood, minding his own business when out of nowhere he was attacked by a loud screeching girl from somewhere behind him._

_"Oh my God! It's been forever! Ah thought Ah'd never see you again!" A strange girl cried this as she embraced Rai out of the blue. Unfortunately, he had no idea who she was. So Rai lifted her hands and turned around to look into her beaming face. He had the fleeting thought that perhaps when he saw her, he'd be hit with some kind of recollection, but now that he looked, his mind remained blank. Before him stood a girl with short hair and sparkling eyes, looking up at him in joyful anticipation. But after a short while, a weird unreadable expression came over her face as she saw that he did not recognize her. For some reason, it made him feel a little sad._

_"I'm sorry," Rai then said, with an apologetic smile. "I'm afraid you've got me confused with someone else."_

_The girl's face fell for a moment before a new, different smile appeared. "Ha-ha. Guess Ah do. Well, doesn' matter. We'll meet now anyway, it's good a time as any." She grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously. "Pleased to meetcha. My name's Nana."_

_Rai smiled back and just like that, they were friends._

"I can't believe ya did that!" Present Nana continued to yell, now pounding her fists on the patient's head. "Ya scared the hell outta me! Ah thought ya were gonna die!"

"Ouch! Stop that!" Rai shouted back, trying to defend himself from her ridiculous assault. His head already hurt before this new attack and now it was positively throbbing. "I wasn't going to die. I just passed out, that's all."

"Well, that's just the point, isn't it?" The girl said, letting her arms fall to her sides as she caught her breath. "Normal people don't just _pass out_ for no reason. Hey! Are ya listenin' to me?!"

Well, he was and he wasn't. He'd known Nana too long to really pay her frequent rants any mind. And as she continued on, Rai spied the other person in the room, who seemed to be attempting to blend into the drapes. Rai gave the boy a warm smile.

"Hello, Rei."

The boy bashfully looked his way and said in a voice so quietly timid it could barely be heard. "H-hello."

Rai continued to smile, once again amazed at his two friends, so completely different, so perfectly matched. In some ways, it was totally illogical that they were twins, and in other ways it made absolute sense. Nana had brown hair, Rei had blond, Nana had brown eyes, Rei had blue. Nana was a bit of a tomboy and Rei was, well, to put it delicately, a little effeminate. Sometimes it seemed like Nana was the male and Rei really the female. And this never manifested itself better than in their differing personalities. Nana was loud, obnoxious, active, athletic, and just all around good-natured girl. Rei on the other hand, was quiet, artistic, polite and so desperately shy that it sometimes was painful to watch. That didn't stop him from having a little fan club of his own, however. All done of course without his permission. It was that same timidity as well as his pretty boy looks that made certain girls, as they said, just want to "squish him". And of course, being the loving twin she was, Nana, on occasion, would push him into the arms of one such girl just to watch him squirm.

Rai was so lost in thought that he was startled when Nana suddenly shoved her face into his, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

"So," she whispered. "Are ya gonna tell me what happened or not?"

Rai shifted a little under that stare and wondered just how much he should say. Then he sighed. It didn't much make a difference, it was what it was. "You'd never believe me."

"Try me." Her eyes narrowed even further to tiny slits.

Deciding "well, why not", Rai told her. "I've been having . . .visions."

Nana shot upright, eyes popping wide. "Visions? What kind of visions?"

Rai stared at his friend, confused at her sudden change in behavior and awkwardly fudged his answer. "It doesn't matter, they don't mean anything."

"If it doesn' matter, then just tell me." Her voice had a slight desperate edge to it.

"Nana. . ."

"Don't make me beat ya up again," she said in the matronly tone she usually reserved for her brother. "Because Ah will do it."

Rai knew better than to mess with her when she spoke in that particular voice, so he decided to just give in. "Just impressions, really. Nightmares I've been having that I guess are now part of my day. There are some shadowed people. And blood. A whole lot of blood. Corpses in a church. And a boy. That's all. Ah," he sighed, using his hand to brush away the images, not wanting her to think he was crazy. "It doesn't mean anything."

But Nana knew better. She pursed her lips in consideration a moment before coming to a decision. Turning to her brother, she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Rei, why don't ya go outside and wait in the hall for a second. There's something Ah'd like to talk to Rai about."

"But, Sis. ."

"Ya heard what Ah said," she chastised, once again using her matron voice.

Rai blinked his eyes in bewilderment as he watched Rei shuffle out, casting backward glances in Rai's direction, clearly just as puzzled. Once the soft click of the closing door was heard, Rai turned his attention back to the girl who now stood with her arms crossed, staring out the window, chewing her bottom lip intently.

"Yen for your thoughts." The brunette asked softly.

_Oh, if they only came that cheap,_ thought Nana. She continued to gaze through the glass and out onto the normal life outside. This was probably one of the hardest decisions she'd ever had to make. How much should she tell him, and how much should she hold back? He was starting to remember,_ finally_, but she was unsure if that was such a good thing anymore. When she'd first run into Rai in this life, she'd been disappointed his memories were gone. But as time went by and she saw how free and happy he was, she began to silently pray every day that he never remember.

But apparently God doesn't listen to those who once were devils.

She could go crazy, debating over this issue. If he was remembering, it was probably best he do so, but in his own time. However, in order for this to happen, it might help if she at least gave him a little push. Taking a deep breath, with the decision made, she spoke, her eyes still gazing off into the distance.

"Those are not just dreams. They're memories."

"Memories?" The teen asked, his worst fears coming to the surface while at the same time wondering at Nana's strange certainty. But desperate to know the truth, he went with it, daring to believe her. "What does that mean? And how would you know?"

"They're glimpses into your past life, Rai." With a great intake of air, she finally turned to face him. "And the reason Ah know is that Ah've had them too. You know those fuzzy, nameless, faceless people?" Rai nodded slowly, skeptically. "Well, Ah'm one of 'em."

"What?" Rai said, shaking his head, trying to make some sense of what Nana was telling him. "How do you know they're real? How do you know you're one of the people in my dream?"

Nana looked up to the ceiling, heaving yet another sigh and ignoring her friend's question, instead just musing on her past, debating which of his blanks to fill in. "Ya know, we weren't very nice people back then. Well, _Ah_ wasn', anyway. You were, at least up until the end. Then ya became Nebiros."

"Nebiros?"

"And Ah was Sagatanas. Devils, demons, servants to Diabolo." She closed her eyes a moment before looking him full in the face. "And we paid the price. Eighteen years ago, we died. Ah don't know how the hell we ended up back here again, but this is our second chance. Ah know ya wanna remember, but it's not really my place to tell ya. Besides, all Ah know is the bad stuff. And honestly, not even that much about ya."

Hugging her arms around herself, she sat down on the edge of the bed beside Rai. She knew it wasn't entirely fair to deny him what she knew, but she really did believe it would be better for him to reach the truth by himself, when he was ready. It wasn't safe to let him in on too much until he could handle it.

Meanwhile, Rai sat dumbfounded; it was a lot to take in, assuming Nana was telling him the truth. But she would never lie to him, he knew that. So _she_ at least believed what she said. The scary part was it all just confirmed the strange suspicions he'd had for a while now. He'd been secretly hoping he was simply delusional. Or at least that he'd been dreaming of a preventable future. But with one simple word, Nana had dashed all his hopes.

Memories.

He closed his eyes and prayed those memories didn't come back to him right now.

"Ya seem to be handling this well."

Rai reopened his eyes and looked to Nana as she gazed askance at him, wringing her hands. He gave her a wry half smile. "I've actually kind of suspected that's what they were." He pulled his knees up and rested his chin down. "But I never really believed it."  
Nana returned her eyes to her clasped hands. The two reborn spirits sat together in silence for a while, thinking their own unique, similar thoughts. After a little bit, Rai lifted his eyes to the girl next to him. "So do you know how you died?"  
Nana tensed at the question. There was no way she could tell him, so she simply looked away to a random spot on the floor.

Rai watched her and deduced that his must be territory beyond his bounds. He knew as soon as the words escaped his lips that he shouldn't have asked. So instead, he went to a question that truly concerned _him _and hopefully wouldn't hurt _her._ "How did I die?"

The girl tilted her head in his direction. "Ah don't actually know. Ah was already gone by then." She felt him deflate somewhat, but she was heartened by his apparent interest. Smiling, she added, a little sadly "Ya should ask Ren."

"Who?"

The answer made her head whip around in shock, her eyes suddenly wide, with all other things forgotten. "The boy ya were with all the time, no matter what. Even as Nebiros, he was the only one that ya . . ."

"Then he's the boy." Rai cut off her trailing thought with a statement that was still somehow a question.

Nana inched herself closer to Rai and leaned forward to press her forehead against his. She placed her hands lightly on his shoulders, but whether to comfort him or steady herself, she didn't know.

"My God, Rai," her voice barely above a whisper, "Ya really _don't _remember much, do ya?"


	4. 4: Nana and Rei

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

Nana and Rei

Kaoru kept shifting restlessly from foot to foot, uncomfortable under the weight of his strange presence. It was awkward when he'd first arrived, silent like a ghost and she'd never have known he was there if he hadn't suddenly entered her sight. Actually, what had happened is that she'd completely missed him and was caught peeking through the crack in the doorway when he swung it full open and walked out. She'd jumped back in surprise, but all he did was quietly shut the door behind him and come to a complete stop.

And there he stood still, like a statue in front of the entryway, not moving and yet to make a peep.

It was unnerving.

Also a bit worrying that he had caught her in the act of spying, though she couldn't be certain he'd even noticed her. He still hadn't glanced in her direction.

And every time she looked at him, he looked exactly the same as he did when he first entered the hallway. So she began to switch from foot to foot, rubbing her hands together and turning her head this way and that, an exercise in perpetual motion as if making up for his lack thereof.

Finally, she decided to break the ice, as it were, since anything would be better than this uncomfortable silence. It was as if he could see right through her and read her innermost thoughts.

And that could most certainly not be tolerated.

"Hi," she said simply and brightly.

His blue eyes rolled to glance at her through a thick layer of long blond lashes. "H-hello." The boy replied with a habitual stutter.

Now she was thinking that this might be worse, but she already started it, so she may as well try to earn some information for her effort. "You're Rei." Kaoru then said, with just enough inflection to deem it worthy of a response.

The blond only nodded, though his eyes took on a thoughtful, almost wary look.

"Um, well," the girl began again, unsure of how to broach the subject. "You're friends with Rai, right?"

Another nod.

Honestly, this was starting to get a little irritating. She herself was a little shy, that's the kind of girl she was supposed to be, but this was positively ridiculous! Kaoru was honestly amazed he could get through life at all when he said no more than two words and even those were so soft you had to strain to hear them. It was pretty clear now why he was constantly in the presence of his sister; she probably did all the talking for him.

"Well, you saw him in there, then. How does he look? Is he alright? What happened?" She almost felt like if she threw enough questions at him at once, he was bound to answer at least one.

He shrugged. She was about ready to hit him.

But instead, she folded her arms over her chest and looked the other way, fully prepared to give up on this fruitless conversation. At least she could be sure that if he could read her mind, he would tell no one what he found there. That would require actual talking, a thing which he seemed incapable of. But then she heard it: his whisper-soft voice. She turned around to face him.

"I don't know what happened. We just saw him fall. He woke up a few minutes ago." He paused for a while after that and Kaoru thought that he was done, but then he unexpectedly continued. "I don't know what's going on in there now. I got kicked out."

Well, that was interesting least. Not only had she been privileged to hear more of his voice than nearly the entire student body combined, but she also knew that whatever was going on in there was private. Between Nana and Rai.

Curiosity was getting the better of her - _just what were they talking about? -_ and Rei was only slightly less unsettling than before. Exasperated and anxious, she felt she had to do something. Her nerves sat on end, uneasy for what secrets may be revealed behind this closed door. So working up her courage and sneaking beside the boy, she leaned forward and gently rapped her knuckles against it.

------------------------------------------------------------

The two friends sat for long moments in silence, Nana leaning her forehead on Rai's, her eyes closed, her hands warm upon his shoulders. Rai tried to search Nana's face for the reasons behind her reaction, but this close-up it was hard to see anything but hazy mixed-up shapes. His mind began to wander again, piecing the disparate little bits into some semblance of order. All he knew was that he'd been right about one thing: the boy was the key. But what else was he? Nana's behavior both confounded and intrigued him, her continuing silence only making it worse.

"Nana," he started, finally breaking the eerie quiet. "Who exactly is Ren?"

Nana didn't move, just took a deep breath and spoke in a still hushed voice. "The sword to yer shield. The light to yer dark. He's the only one ya really, truly cared about with any depth of feeling. The only one ya wanted whether you were Rai or Nebiros. The only one ya'd let near ya."

"So we were friends?" Rai asked, though even he himself didn't feel that was quite the right word.

Nana pulled away slowly. With an effort, she opened her eyes to look at him, a touch of sadness there for Rai, for herself, and even some for Ren. "Ah wouldn' exactly say that."

"What do you mean?"

"Ah can't honestly tell ya." The girl shook her head. "But Ah got the feelin' it was more than friendship, what ya had with Ren. But he's the one who'd know. About you the two of ya, and the ritual ya performed that started the whole thing. He's the one ya need to find."

Rai mulled over Nana's strange statements and then nodded his head in agreement. "To tell you the truth, now that we're being honest and you don't think I'm crazy, I've kind of wanted to meet him."

"Yeah," Nana sighed, leaning back on her hands. "Ah woulda thought so."

"But now I want to meet him more than ever, to ask him about my past." Rai looked out to the sunshine that beamed through the windows. A small voice in the back of his mind told him it was more than that, but he avoided it. "Do you think he knows? Do you think he's even out there somewhere?"

The girl shrugged and turned to look out the window with him. "Who can say? Ah'll bet he's out there, though, Ah think we _all _are. Maybe he's even wonderin' about ya. But then, not everyone remembers. And sometimes it's better that way." She tilted her head to look into Rai's green eyes. "A big part of me never wanted ya to remember. But Ah guess that's over now, isn't it?"

Rai gave her a weak, almost apologetic smile, though he was only half-sure why he felt somewhat the same way. Maybe because now, everything would change, and change in whatever form was always a little scary. But he didn't really want to think about that now, didn't want to talk about the boy Ren anymore. For some unknown reason, talking about him put a fluttery, anxious feeling in Rai's stomach that he wasn't yet ready to face. So instead he ventured on to what he hoped were safer topics. "What about you? When did you remember?"

Nana's smile faltered and she gradually rose from the bed to rest her hands once again on the windowsill. "When Rei was in trouble," she answered softly. The brown-haired girl gazed out into the sky, the unfortunate events of that day rising to the surface of her mind. It was one of the best and most horrible days in her life. The worst, of course because of what she saw, both in the present as well as the flood of memories that came crashing into her, the best because she realized how strong she could be and was able to save her brother from a miserable existence.

Looking out to the clouds, she spoke slowly and softly, as if recounting a dream. "Ya know we live with our uncle. But Ah never told you why."

"I always assumed your parents had died, I just didn't think it was my business to bring up the subject," Rai supplied, now nervous that his 'safer topic' wasn't safe at all.

Nana shook her head regretfully. "No. Both my parents are still alive, as far as Ah know."

_As far as she knows?_ Thought Rai. That had the distinct flavor of something ominous The fluttery feeling in his gut suddenly turned heavy and plummeted and he was uncertain whether this was any of his business. So he kept quiet, allowing her to proceed in her own time, if at all.

But she paused only a short while before she picked up the story once more.

"See, my father was never very good with money." Nana said, bracing herself to tell the history she finally felt it was time to tell. She always knew it would be Rai in which she would confide her deepest and darkest secrets. But it was harder than she'd expected and swallowing hard, she spoke and was surprised when her voice sounded calm. "When Rei and Ah were ten, my father lost his job, and with it his life savings when all the debt collectors began to call. It was horrible, never knowin' when we'd be evicted, not knowin' when we'd be eatin' next, hidin' from everyone who came by so they wouldn't know we were still there. Eventually, my mom got sick of it, and one day we woke up and she was gone, along with a suitcase. Just like that. No note, no good-bye, no nothin'. She saved herself, leavin' Rei and I to whatever ill intents my father had planned. That's about when he really began to lose it. We were finally kicked outta our home, and he dragged us to some old nasty apartment with no heat, but plenty of rats and cockroaches; where the walls were cracked and the faucets leaked, and the whole thing just had a bad smell about it. But somehow, my father managed to pay for it, sort of, from the little odd jobs he got, or maybe from outright stealin'. Ah don't know. The point is: it was real bad and gettin' worse."

Nana paused for a moment, out of breath, tired from the telling. It was her and Rei's secret, one she'd kept these past seven years. And now that she was released from the pain of holding it, she felt emotionally drained.

Rai just watched her, already stunned to hear how her mother had just walked out on her children. But he could tell that this was not yet the worst, Nana was just preparing herself to say the words. He tried to brace himself, tried to be ready to comfort her, but how can you prepare yourself when you don't know what's coming?

The girl took a deep breath and started up again. "Then one day, Ah get home from goin' to the grocery and Ah hear some noise from the back room. Ah assume it's Rei, but he'd been feelin' a little sick lately, so Ah go to check on him. Right before Ah get there, Ah hear somethin' that sounds like a man's voice and Ah get a real bad feelin' that somethin's wrong. And when Ah open the door . . ," Her voice cracked at this point and she took a moment to compose herself. " . . Ah see Rei on the bed, completely naked and some strange man kneeling over him with his pants down and his cock out, ready to . . ._violate _my brother."

"Oh my god . . ," whispered Rai, leaning forward, unable to say anything else.

Nana could feel herself choking a little bit on the sobs that wanted to escape her lungs as she absently wiped the tears from her eyes. She let out a short, uncomfortable laugh. "Ya know, that was the easiest decision Ah've ever had to make. It wasn't really even a decision. Ah just launched myself at that, that _man_, and Ah was only ten, but Ah bit and kicked and scratched and screamed and did anythin' Ah could just to get away from Rei. And Rei just lay there, exposed, his leg spread, starin' at us. He wasn't sayin' anything; he wasn't even puttin' up a fight. Ah don't know if was stupid or scared, . . . or stupid. But if Ah hadn't come along, he woulda been raped. If Ah hadn't come along, who knows how many times it woulda happened. And the idiot probably never woulda even said anything."

"Nana, I'm . ."

But Nana cut him off, letting the tears fall down her face, not even aware that she was crying. "Anyway, apparently one of the neighbors heard me screamin' and called the police. Turns out, my father _sold_ Rei to some sleaze he'd met on the street so that he could pay off some debts he owed to some 'unsavory' folk, Ah'm sure. Ah don't know how much Rei went for, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough."

Rai eased himself off the bed, walked slowly over to his friend at the window, still unsure as to what to do. Cautiously, he put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a sympathetic embrace, the only thing he could think of. As he held her, he rubbed her back gently and whispered nonsense comforting words into her ear. In his arms, Nana began to shake as the tears flowed freely. It was a relief to finally tell someone what had happened, to release the burden she'd been carrying all this time.

Nana spoke again, her voice swallowed up somewhat by Rai's shoulder as her mouth rest against it. "But ya know somethin'? The part about it that scares me the most? The fact that Ah don't know for sure if that was the first time. Maybe Rei had already been sold countless times before, _fucked_ over and over by men he didn't know and that's why he'd just laid there. Because he was _used _to it. But Ah can't ask, and Rei's never told me."

Rai winced at Nana's harsh words and harsher voice, but still continued to hold her, being the proverbial shoulder for her to cry on, hoping that his little comfort was enough.

Yet still she wasn't done. She hadn't even come to the real point of the story yet.

"But that's not even the worst part, can you believe that?" The girl stammered out. "Because it was then that Ah remembered my past life. While the police were there arrestin' the man and takin' statements. My past hit me so hard, Ah blacked out. And Ah saw what a bad person Ah was, that Ah had willingly become a devil. But more than that, Ah saw my relationship with Rei." Rai unconsciously tensed at that, though not really knowing why. "Even in his other life, Rei was so pretty and innocent that he was passed from person to person so they could do whatever they wanted with him. But after everythin' that had happened to him, he became cruel, manipulatin' everyone to do whatever evil things he wished. But the thing was, back then, Ah was jealous of him. Jealous! _And Ah hated him. _Ah pretended to be his friend and he pretended to be mine, but it was all just a sick, twisted game. In the end, Ah killed him. Just to end it, the only thing Ah could do as his 'friend'. But that's not really what it was. And it sickens me. Because Ah'm not that Nana anymore. And he's not that Rei. Ah don't know if bein' born his twin this time around is my punishment or my redemption. But Ah couldn't bear it if we had to go through all that again."

Rai noticed that the cloth of his shirt was wet with Nana's tears, and all he could do was hold her.

And so they stood there, in each other's arms, awkward and comfortable, for having known each other, and yet not known at all. To Rai, the quiet still of the room was oppressive. And the only thing he could do was hold her.

There was a gentle knock at the door.

Thankful for the interruption, Nana woke up and quickly pushed away, wiped her eyes dry and attempted to straighten her hair and make herself look presentable. She didn't like looking weak, even less feeling it, even in front of Rai, whom she knew would never judge her, only support her and stand by her side.

But there it was, nonetheless. She couldn't help but be grateful for the distraction which allowed to her to return to herself, pretend that nothing had just happened in this blatantly overwrought room.

So, swiftly she walked to the door and opened it only to find herself staring into the face of a girl she'd never met. Kaoru looked up at Nana with her wide, inquisitive blue eyes and saw the red puffiness that a few seconds of tidying up couldn't hide. The black-haired girl's faced changed, curious and a little suspicious, looking Nana up and down and then attempted to peek around her and into the room behind.

"Who are you?" Nana asked, forcing herself to sound normal.

"Oh. Hello, Kaoru." Rai said as he walked up to the two, recognizing the girl in the doorway. He could tell by Nana's behavior and the look in her eyes that she wanted to pretend that nothing had happened. The least he could do was follow her wishes.

At the note of recognition, Kaoru smiled and eased her way in, approaching the boy. "I heard you were brought here and wanted to check and see if you were alright. But I'm glad to see you must be feeling better."

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you." Rai smiled back, trying like Nana to act as if nothing was wrong. He'd never realized how hard acting was before just this minute.

The girl blushed as she stared up at Rai, making Nana roll her eyes, which were slowly returning to normal, hiding the effects of recent events. Rei inched his way cautiously towards his sister, always less anxious in her presence as well as aware of her discomfort. Nana instinctively knew that he was near, but didn't look at him. Instead, her gaze was focused on the play between her friend and this new, unknown girl.

Kaoru looked up to Rai from under her lashes, coy and sweet, and Nana instantly had the impression that she was not as innocent as she appeared. At least, it seemed to her that this new girl only acted this way with Rai, a fairly safe assumption on her part, seeing as she'd encountered the same such actions from other girls many times before. Nana scowled all the same. The problem wasn't the girl anyway. No. It was the way Rai was treating this girl, with a pleasant familiarity, almost flirty, at least for Rai. He never treated any of the other girls with anything but polite dismissal. This was new. And not altogether to Nana's liking.

"I'm so pleased you remembered my name." Kaoru said, smiling up at him.

"And why wouldn't I?"

"Oh, I don't know," the girl continued. "I just thought maybe you wouldn't. Anyway, what happened? I hope you're not getting sick or anything. You should be sure to take good care of yourself."

Rai laughed at the worried inflection in her voice. "No, no. I'm fine. Just tired. I didn't get too much sleep last night, that's all."

Kaoru pursed her lips, not entirely buying that explanation. Nana raised her eyebrows, not entirely buying anything either. Rei looked up to his sister, and catching her expression, began glancing curiously between the two girls. Then he lowered his head and grinned lightly to himself.

"Well, anyway," spoke Kaoru. "I guess that's it. I only wanted to see that you were alright and I have. So I guess I should go."

The black-haired girl turned to do just that when Rai suddenly remembered something and called to her. "Oh, I forgot to ask . . ."

Kaoru whipped around so fast, it made Nana's head spin. "Yes?"

"I'm obviously going to have to be at the fair to make sure things are running smoothly, but I do get a little time off. Both Nana and Rei," he indicated the two with his hand, "Will be busy at that time. So I was wondering if you'd like to visit the fair with me. It's much better to go to these things with someone, if you know what I mean."

Kaoru's eyes opened wide and her whole face lit up. Nana scowled further as Rai, realizing Kaoru's thoughts, was quick to clarify. "It wouldn't be a date or anything, so don't worry. I'd just rather not be by myself, looking stupid, so I thought I'd ask a friend."

"Sure! I'd love to!" The invited girl piped up, not bothered by his qualification in the least. Friends, whatever. She would get to spend time with Rai and that would be good enough. It was more than she'd hoped for and she smiled to let him know she was thrilled, regardless the reason.

At Kaoru's ready agreement, Rai let out the breath he hadn't known he was holding. That was close. He didn't want her getting the wrong idea, regardless of how cute or sweet she was. He'd just been handed a few too many other things to deal with at the moment than to concern himself with something as silly as dating.

"Good, I'll be free at around two o'clock, so I'll meet you on the front steps, OK?" He said.

The girl nodded her head vigorously and clasped her hand in 'girlish glee'. Nana thought she might be sick right there and Rei actually had to stifle a chuckle.

"OK! I'll see you then. I'd better be going now." And as if she feared that if she stayed one moment longer that he'd rescind his offer, she was off like a shot down the hall, sliding around the corner.

_Perfect! _She exclaimed to herself, skipping with her lip curled up on one side. _Somehow, this day had turned out simply perfect!_

Back in the nurse's office, Nana crossed her arms, actually crossed her arms, and glared at Rai. Suddenly shocked by the heat of the gaze she was sending him, Rai dropped his smile and stared at her blankly.

"What?"

"Why the hell did you just ask her to the fair?" Nana spat out.

"I didn't ask her to the fair, I asked to spend time with her at the fair." Rai clarified defensively. His head was already swimming in too much new information, he didn't need Nana's attitude now too.

"Same thing." Nana refused to budge. Rei's hands shot up to his face as he tried desperately to hide his amusement.

"It's not at all. You were here, you heard me tell her it was just as friends. I just didn't want to wander around by myself, having everyone bothering me, especially those crazy girls. You know how those girls can be." He inclined his head and looked pointedly at his friend. She, of all people, being the one to rescue him more than once, should know exactly what he was talking about. "Besides, she'd a very nice girl. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is, genius," she poked a finger on his forehead for that. "Is that she'll treat this as a date anyway and try to wheedle more out of you. Honestly, Rai, Ah don't know how ya can be so clueless sometimes."

"You're being harsher on her than you should be." Her finger still on Rai's forehead, Nana's frown deepened in displeasure. Heaving a sigh, Rai grabbed her offending hand and lowered it with his own. "And it's already decided. Stop making such a big deal of it. There's a lot of other things on my mind now, _as you know_." He looked at her intently, making sure she got his meaning. Nana gave in reluctantly, just a little. "Besides, I've got to get to class now, anyway."

Somewhat placated, Rai then walked back into the room and snatched up his backpack, throwing it over his shoulder, passed by the twins and giving them both a quick good-bye, disappeared down the hallway.

Nana stood there, shaking her head, her eyes closed, utterly disgusted. He really was a dope sometimes, not seeing what was right in front of his eyes. Not to mention everything she'd just told him. What about Ren? Did he just throw all that she'd just told him right out the window? For a genius, he was an idiot. Well, he'd figure it out soon enough, once his memory came back. Until then, she'd just have to leave him to his own misguided devices.

A muffled chuckle alerted her to the brother who stood beside her, looking up with a teasing expression in his eyes. Nana turned her head down to him and for a moment her expression became soft, the memory of what she'd just related still fresh in her mind. But then she saw the look in Rei's eyes and scowled.

"What's with you?" She asked.

Rei lowered his hands and turned to her with a mischievous grin on his face and barely hidden mirth in his eyes. "You're just jealous," he teased, his grin widening.

Nana stiffened at the accusation, a blush creeping up her cheeks, despite her effort to squash it. "I am not."

But her brother wasn't fooled one tiny bit. No, instead, and much to Nana's chagrin, he began to quietly giggle. The girl sneered down at him, her hands fisting reflexively, as she tried to straighten her back in defiance and deny his unfounded claim. But it didn't work. Rei just stared at her with amusement dancing in his eyes.

"Oh, shut up!" Nana yelled, smacking her twin hard on his back in retaliation.

But instead of shutting him up, he let loose the laughter that till now had been barely contained. Nana grumbled under her breath something about "stupid, know-it-all brothers", which only made Rei laugh louder.

And seeing the innocent joy her brother showed, and even though it was at her expense, she just had to smile


	5. 5: All's Fair, Part 1

Disclaimer: Diaoblo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

All's Fair, Part 1

Rai felt stupid. He felt confused and worried and guilty and a little scared, but mostly what he felt was stupid. He'd been avoiding Nana and, by default, Rei ever since the fateful conversation in the nurse's room. And he felt like a complete and total idiot for the way he'd run out of there as if the place were on fire. But everything that Nana had said had him overwhelmed; he felt like his head was about ready to explode if he dealt with all that one moment more, so he'd quickly reverted to his simple life and rushed out. Nana had seemed content to do the same, but now that he'd had time to think, he felt stupid.

And tired. Very, very tired. With so much filling his mind, he found it hard to turn it off enough to let him get any really productive sleep. If that's the proper way to put it. He'd doze for a short time, but then jolt awake, his unconscious panicking over what might be revealed there. So that's how he'd been spending his nights, taking his rest in short intervals, interspersed with long hours of thinking. So it was perfectly understandable that he wandered through the school half-dead, earning more than a few stares from the students who were used to him being alert and ever-aware of his surroundings.

He knew with certainty, and a touch of dread, that he'd soon have to talk with Nana. This avoidance was becoming an issue and had been outright childish from the start. The thing was it had been almost a little too easy. He hadn't seen the girl at all since that afternoon and usually she'd come barreling at him at least three times a day. Maybe she was mad at him. She'd have every right. He knew it was about time he swallowed his discomfort and approached her; this silliness had gone on long enough. But knowing this and working up the courage to do something about it were two entirely different things.

And unfortunately that wasn't the only thing distracting him as of late. No, of course there was the whole matter of his "past life". It seemed that now that he knew what the dreams were, he couldn't have them. His unconscious or subconscious or whatever was in constant panic mode, not showing him any more than he'd already seen. If he really thought about it, that made perfect sense however. Finding out that dreams (in which he slaughtered masses of people and smiled in their bloody, horrified faces) were true was just a little disconcerting. There was no ignoring that. At one point, he had been the manifestation of pure, unadulterated evil. It was hard to fathom, even though it had always felt so real when he dreamed it. Then to find out your friends were damned right there along with you? It was surprising he hadn't passed out again right there. But in a way he had, as he'd been walking around in a daze the whole week since.

Then there was the matter of the boy. Would Rai's new-found problems never end? He knew now that his name was Ren, but with only a first name and an image in his head, it was hard to try and hunt him down. Not that he hadn't tried. Because how he had tried! Searching every possible database, every listing of names he could find. But with so little to work with, it was understandable that his efforts had yielded no results. All the same, finding the boy Ren had become almost an obsession with him, as he spent every free moment on that endeavor. But whenever Rai thought of the boy, whenever his face appeared in his mind, a strange sort of feeling, a longing even, came over him. The fact that a boy he'd never met could have such an effect on him was troublesome. Maybe even a little uncomfortable, thought the feeling itself was not. The feeling, despite himself, was one he'd enjoyed, perhaps because it was one he'd never felt before. It settled itself like a nervous anticipation in his stomach, a wanting of something he couldn't quite name. The more he felt it, the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to meet this Ren and give this strangeness a name.

Yes, Rai had a lot on his mind lately to wear him down.

So it was perfectly reasonable that, with both severe physical and mental exhaustion, Rai fell into a deep sleep right in the middle of his history class.

_There was a mishmash of colors, black and red and gray that flew past him as he fell through his memories_.

_He was chasing someone. Calling out to him as with his very soul. His black, evil soul._

_Chasing him down through some otherworldly plane, for he had not moved an inch. He still sat with almost contented glee upon the altar of God as it soaked in the stain of blood left by the countless bodies strewn before him._

_Somehow, he knew the boy was near and therefore nothing else mattered. Not the piles of corpses whose rancid stench filled the air, not the other transformed devils that surrounded him, who tried to talk to him, make him listen, tried to understand his cruelty. He didn't care. The whole lot of them was of no consequence. There was certainly no tie between them, no bond that held them together. They were tools and nothing more._

_And so it was that all that mattered was the boy. He sniffed him out, this one all-important creature. This one who started it all, who needed to be broken just so Rai could keep him. It didn't matter, broken, bloody, even dead, just so long as he belonged to **him**, just as he should._

_But you're best of all, Ren._

_And they say the cute ones are dumb._

_He could feel his presence coming ever closer and went out to meet him, to claim him as his own. Any obstacles that were in his way were to be obliterated; it made no difference what they were._

_And that is how he saw through his dream devil eyes the instant he killed his current best friend. Only she wasn't his best friend then. She was just a thing, a pawn to be used and manipulated, destroyed when her purpose was all used up. And that's what he had done. He taken her unnecessary life, thrust his hands through her middle, splitting her into two, so as to get to the one he wanted. He stepped over her empty carcass and reached out to him. Ren. The only one that mattered. _

_It seemed all he did was chase. He reached forward and put his arms around the boy, only to hurtle downward into some sickening unknown spiral._

_And then he was running again, this time beside Ren, comrades, friends, the two perfectly matched souls, joined forever by the curse of ten years before. And it felt good and it felt right, even when all they were doing was hunting down Diabolo. Even when it seemed all they did was fight, as they waited for their time to die._

_Running beside Ren, he watched him, breathed in his intoxicating scent, and heard that precious voice as the boy called out._

_Take a good look at how you changed us._

_Nema!_

_From the bottom of a set of stairs he'd only now noticed, a girl turned around._

_And smiled._

Rai woke up with such a sharp, sudden start that he fell out of his chair and onto the floor, shocking everyone in the room.

"Are you alright?" The teacher asked, startled that Rai of all people had been the one to disrupt the class in such a fashion.

The black-haired boy put a hand to the back of his head and scratched it, as if that would somehow clarify what had just happened. "No, I'm sorry." He answered in a perplexed tone. "I'm just really tired."

The teacher pursed her lips in doubt. "Well, perhaps you should go to the nurse's office and rest a bit?"

"No, it's alright. I'm fine." Rai carefully seated himself back into his chair. And just as he was settling himself in, he heard a horrible high-pitched giggling, like glass scraping against concrete. Unthinking, he turned his head, wide-eyed, to stare at the girl who laughed.

And exactly as she just appeared in his dream, Mako grinned back at him.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Nana was embarrassed. Which was a very not-Nana thing to be. So she was fidgety and nervous. Which was an even more not-Nana thing. All it served was to make her all-around uncomfortable, to feel at odds with herself, a feeling she did not like at all. Ever since that unlucky day when, like an idiot, she decided to tell Rai the truth as well as the sordid details of her own life, she'd been wallowing in a little pit called humiliation. So she'd done everything in her power to avoid seeing Rai. After her display of weakness and blubbering messiness, she just didn't want to face him. It was stupid, but it was true. And since then, she'd carefully orchestrated her every move to be sure to be someplace where Rai was not.

The whole ordeal was exasperating.

And exhausting.

All that worrying and sneaking around and timing things "just right" was enough to wear anyone down. Even more so for someone who never did such things. What she really wanted was a nap. But her mind was working overtime and she was having a hard time concentrating, let alone sleeping.

Rei saw all this.

And all he could do was stand at her side like always, her silent little piece of comfort. He didn't know the exact reason why his sister kept pacing about, or why she continued to wring her hands like some old lady. Though he'd suspected it had something to do with the conversation she'd had with Rai. The one he was quite blatantly left out of. Whatever it was, it was still bothering her. And whatever bothered her bothered him. Everything was that way between them.

It only made Rei even more ill-at-ease than normal.

And he was upset that they hadn't seen Rai in over a week. They weren't the best of friends, the two boys, and in many ways Rei and Rai were friends simply by the link between Nana. But even so, Rai could be considered one of the blond's only friends; a sad state of affairs he'd hadn't fully realized until he no longer saw the long-haired brunette on a daily basis. He wanted to be there for Nana, but to be honest it was beginning to get on his nerves. The not being able to see who could be considered his one friend (who wasn't related to him) made him extremely uncomfortable.

He didn't know a lot, but he knew he didn't like that.

Rei's blue eyes followed as his sister paced aimlessly in the courtyard. And as he watched, his annoyance grew and his pout deepened. Enough was enough, as far as he was concerned. So, pooling his little courage, he stepped in front of Nana and spoke.

"Just go talk to him."

"What?" She said, making a path around her brother and continuing to pace.

Rei turned around and once again blocked her well-worn path.

"I said, talk to him."

Nana stopped and stared down at her brother, her unreadable expression bordering on anger. Rei frowned further as Nana said nothing.

"I'm sick of this." Rei said, not backing down from the girl's stare. "I don't know what happened between you two, but this is pointless. You're acting like some shy little girl. Which you're not."

Nana glared at him. Sometimes having a twin that could essentially read your mind wasn't anything but annoying. Especially when he was right. She sighed and crossed her arms and closed her eyes, heaving a great sigh.

"And how exactly would you know this has anythin' to do with Rai?" The girl said as if she'd been told this same thing a hundred times before.

So Rei hit her. Yes, hit her. Not hard, but the fact that he'd done it at all was enough to get Nana's eyes to pop open and stare down at him, mouth gaping. "I'm not stupid, you know!" Rei shouted. Well, "shouted" for him. But soon he smirked. "Besides, you're the one who mentioned Rai, not me."

Nana lowered her arms and pouted. "Damn!" That was a stupid slip-up. Not that it mattered, even without her saying, Rei knew the score already. Her denial, such as it was, was just for show anyway. She sighed. "What difference does it make to you anyway?"

"Don't be stupid." Rei replied, his brow furrowing in irritation. "What happens to you makes a difference to me. I don't like seeing you unhappy. Besides, because of this," he waved his arms around purposely. "I haven't gotten to see him either. It's not fair."

Then the boy crossed his arms and pouted furiously.

Nana looked at him for a bit, that childish expression on his face and boyish tilt to his stance, and she felt her anger slipping away. _He was lonely! Little Rei missed his little friend!_ Nana stared at the blond boy and he was just so little, so lovable, so utterly adorable, that Nana felt the anger quickly replaced by the urge to hug him. So without warning, she pounced.

"Mrph!" Rei mumbled as he struggled to escape from Nana's giant bear hug. But the girl just swung from side to side, enjoying the way her brother's arms flailed helplessly around her. He really was too cute sometimes! Which was actually a big help at times like these when he very accurately pointed out your flaws. No matter what he said, or even how he said it, she couldn't help but think that he'd still just looked like a fluffy, huggable teddy bear.

When he finally gave up his struggle, she kissed him quickly on the top of his head and let go. She looked at him fondly as he grumbled under his breath, trying to straighten out his hopelessly mussed clothes.

"What was that for? Jeez!" Rei snapped at her, adorable pout once again in place. Nana smiled and resisted the urge to smoosh him once more, instead putting her hands on her hips on looking up to the sky.

"Oh, you're right. _Of course_." She angled her eyes downward to see her brother's face. "But it's just too embarrassin'! Ah can't talk to him now."

A few moments passed as Nana returned to look up to the sky, with Rei looking at her looking up to the sky. Then suddenly there was a fierce tug on Nana's arm as Rei grabbed hold, seeming to try and drag her with him. Unfortunately, Nana stayed firmly in place as her brother essentially "treaded water", being both the smaller and weaker of the two.

"What exactly are ya tryin' to do?" The girl asked curiously.

With a great grunt of exasperation, Rei threw the offending arm away and stood fuming in the courtyard. Breathing heavily, his fists at his sides and his teeth clenched, he forced the words out as calmly as he could.

"Taking you to see Rai." And as if that settled things, he spun on his heel and stalked off, apparently expecting his sister to follow. Nana shook her head as she watched him. It wasn't often her brother was this stubborn. Or this vocal. And the crux of the matter was that he was right. Perhaps it was best to give in to the inevitable and let him gain this little victory.

It was about time they saw Rai anyway.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Rei stomped through the school, aimlessly seeking out Rai, even though he had no idea where the other boy was. Somewhere behind him, he felt his sister's familiar presence as she reluctantly lagged there; still insisting on putting up a pointless front that she didn't want to see the brunette. Rei rolled his eyes, wondering how old they were supposed to be when all he was trying to get them to do was have a simple little conversation.

He was just about to give up when he saw the thing which he had sought. Exiting a classroom, his nose buried deep in a book, Rai stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned a page, apparently completely unaware of the other two standing there with him. After a moment, though, he shoved the book into his bag and in so doing, caught sight of his friends. A strange expression came over his face, and he turned, looking as if was ready to bolt, if Rai ever did such things.

_What the hell?_

Rei watched for a second, dumbfounded, but quickly regained his senses. It seemed that Nana wasn't the only one acting stupid here. Seriously, what was wrong with these two?!

Not wanting to deal with their useless insecurities any longer, Rei rushed forward and planted himself firmly in Rai's intended path of escape. The blond scowled up at his friend, who stared back down nervously.

"Hello, Rei." Rai said, trying to sound ordinary and pleasant.

Rei's scowl only deepened. "Don't you 'hello Rei' me!" Both boys started at the smaller one's atypical outburst. But Rei wasn't going to let up. Instead, he placed his hands firmly on Rai's chest and started pushing back, back to where his sister still stood somewhat in shock. Rai stumbled backward under Rei's pressure, but more from surprise than any real, effective force. Rai was after all, like most people, bigger than Rei. But backward he went anyway, until he bumped into something that could only be Nana.

Still struck dumb, the black-haired boy turned to semi-look Nana in the face and stuttered a half-hearted "hi".

"Hey, Rai." Nana said, gazing in the other direction.

Blue eyes darted from one person to the other, frustrated at their awkward stupidity. Huffing in exasperation, Rei put his hands to hips and made his demand, which he knew would somehow be met, simply by the fact that he was the one ordering it. "Talk."

With that simple word, Rei walked away, leaving the two unresponsive friends staring at anything but each other in the hallway.

As the small boy stalked off, Rai couldn't hide the amusement as he watched, having to shake his head at the boy's unusual behavior. Then he snuck a peek at the girl who stood beside him, her eyes shifting this way and that in a very abnormal fashion. He had been loath to talk with her since that day, but he hadn't expected to find her acting so nervous as well. She just wasn't the type to be nervous. And then his stomach seized as he thought of the dream he'd just had. How was he supposed to just talk to her after that? Now that he knew, what exactly was he supposed to do? But he glanced to the girl again and realized, to some extent, that it didn't matter. That was then, this is now, and his main problems at the moment were with the "now".

Nana just continued to shift and look in the other direction.

His avoidance of her, whatever the reason, couldn't possibly have been helping anything, and he smacked himself inwardly for acting so foolish.

Taking a breath, he turned to fully face the girl as well as his own stupidity.

"I'm sorry," he said simply, bowing his head.

Nana faced Rai slowly and wide-eyed, not expecting to hear that at all. She was the one acting strange and immature in her desire to avoid him. What had Rai to be sorry about? He hadn't done anything.

"I've been avoiding you." The raven-haired boy continued. "And I'm sorry. It wasn't fair. You poured out your heart and your story to me and I know that had to have been one of the hardest things you've had to do. And instead of being supportive, I ran off. And I shouldn't have done that. It was just so much to take and I didn't know what exactly I should do. I guess you could say I panicked. Not that that's an excuse. So I'm sorry I've been acting like an idiot this past week. Please forgive me."

Rai took a much needed breather after swallowing his pride and letting all that out at once. He closed his eyes and waited for the berating he knew he deserved. Only it didn't come. Not expecting the silence that greeted him, Rai peeled an eye open to look at the girl, afraid that she was so mad that she couldn't even find the words.

What he saw was quite different indeed.

After a few seconds of blinking confusion, Nana burst out into uncontrollable peals of laughter.

Rai stared back stupidly, wondering what in the world he'd said that was so funny. His forehead creased into little wrinkles as he watched his friend almost topple over in her mirth. A few laughing moments later, she looked up, wiping the tears from her eyes and glanced sideways at Rai as he continued to stare, completely confused.

Finally, with another short giggle, the girl took a deep breath and leaned against a set of nearby lockers. Smiling, she looked to Rai who still stood with brow furrowed in complete confusion and all she could do was shake her head.

Hefting the bag from off his shoulder, the boy dropped it to the ground and settled into place at the locker space right beside Nana, not knowing what else to do. He turned his eyes to look at her and she tilted her head up towards him, a small smile still in place.

"What," he asked, his puzzlement still showing, "May I ask is so funny?"

Nana punched him in the arm playfully. "Ah was about to apologize for avoidin' you."

Rai rolled his head over to completely face her, searching her expression, and upon finding the truth of her words there, he too smiled. "We're a pair, aren't we?"

"Yeah . . ." Nana trailed off and turned to face the hallway once more. She crossed her arms quickly to curtail any fidgeting she might be inclined to do. Then she took a breath. "Ah shouldn't have laid all that down on ya at once. Especially the part about me and Rei. There ya were thinking you were having regular ordinary dreams, and in Ah waltz, spillin' out way more than any normal person could be expected to handle. Ah'm sorry for layin' it all on ya at once."

"Don't apologize." Rai insisted, still searching her face. "I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me something like that. And I'm really glad that you found your way out of such a horrible situation. I guess when somebody tells you something like that; you really don't know how to act. So I just ended up acting dumb."

"Don't worry 'bout it." Nana uncrossed her arms and set them at her sides, still not quite sure what to do with them. At last, she settled on placing them behind her back, resting against the metal of the locker door. Her eyes shifted curiously to Rai and the empty hallway, back and forth, still a touch unsure. "So, do ya believe me?"

The black haired boy spun around, his long tail whipping behind him. "Of course I do! I know you wouldn't lie about something like that!"

"Not that, silly," Nana said, elbowing him gently in the side. "Ah mean about the rest. About havin' a past life and all."

"Oh, that." Rai turned back around, a slight blush tainting his cheeks. "I already told you I did, didn't I?"

He felt Nana nod silently.

Now it was Rai's turn to fidget, as he faced the other way, purposely not looking the girl in the face. "I had another vision."

"Oh?" Nana replied, trying to sound a whole lot less interested than she was. "When?"

"Just a little while ago."

"About what?" She was really curious, but desperate to not show it.

Rai hedged a little on this point. Why had he decided to bring this up after a second ago choosing to ignore it? More importantly, did she know how she had died? All signs pointed to "yes", if her behavior from their last discussion was put into play. She must have known and that's why she wouldn't tell him. Should he bring it up now? What purpose would it really serve but to place a strain on their relationship? She seemed content to ignore it, so he would as well. At least for now. It was too soon to broach the subject, what with everything else that had recently come up. He'd known he was a horrible, bloodthirsty demon back then, but the idea that he had killed the person who was now his best friend had never even occurred to him. It wasn't something either of them needed to face, not yet. But there was that other thing . . .

"Did you know Mako was part of it too?" He asked quietly.

Nana eased back into the lockers. "Yeah. And while we're at it, so were Yuu and Shino."

"Really?" The boy mused, staring off into space.

"Now that you know we were once devils, you can't tell me you're surprised? That's why they hate you, after all; they're holdin' a grudge from all those years ago."

It made a weird sort of sense. "Do they remember, do you think?"

"Naw," the girl answered shaking her head lightly. "Ah doubt it. If they did, they'd probably be a bit more vocal about it. At the very least, they'd be more ruthless than they are. Right now, they're nothin' more than annoyances, really. So Ah don't think they remember. Ah sure hope not." She let out a small sigh and her voice lowered. "And Ah hope they never do."

Rai nodded in agreement, though he didn't know why. "So is that all of us? All the devils?"

"There were two more. But I don't know what happened to them." Nana blinked. For some reason, she didn't want to say how she suspected they might never have died. If they were still alive, they might very well know what had happened at the end. But something inside Nana told her that Rai should hear it from Ren, should have a reason to see him. Those two, in whatever way, belonged together, and she wanted to make sure it happened. A little pain twisted her heart at that admission. But she wanted what was best for Rai, and she always believed that ultimately, that was Ren.

"It must be some cosmic plan that we all ended up back in the same place." Rai said offhandedly.

"All except Ren." Still lost in her thoughts, Nana said the name without thinking.

Rai's stomach clenched suddenly. Why was that? Why was Ren the only one not here? And why had he had that strange, sudden reaction to his name? For some reason he couldn't name, he wanted to see him more than any of the others. It wasn't fair to Nana, or even to Rei, but Ren, the mysterious boy that plagued his dreams, was the one he wanted to see most of all.

As if reading his thoughts, Nana said simply, "Ah'm sure ya'll find him."

Again Rai nodded, but was anxiously unsure.

"Why are ya taking that girl to the fair?" Nana then asked irrelevantly.

"Kaoru," the boy supplied. "And I've already told you why. It's no big deal. She's a very sweet girl. And, I don't know. I'm comfortable with her. She's not like the others, all crazy and silly. She's, I hate to say it, ordinary. And that's easy to be with."

Nana pursed her lips as she listened. It still made no sense to her, but unfortunately, Rai didn't have to listen to a word she said. But still, she didn't like it. He was lying to himself, or fooling himself, or still not aware of who he really was. No matter the reason, it was strange and it bothered her. "You should find Ren." She repeated cryptically before pushing off the wall and walking off.

Rai watched her go wordlessly; wondering at that strange, last statement. He stood silently as his friend walked away with no need for goodbyes; their frayed ties had been mended. But he also didn't need to be told to find Ren; it was the one thing he truly wanted to do. At the moment, it was the only thing he could be sure of. So far, he'd been met with only roadblocks and brick walls, but he wasn't about to give up.

Not until he found him. Somehow he was sure that nothing would end, or really begin, until he found Ren.


	6. 6: All's Fair, Part 2

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

All's Fair, Part 2

The next week passed without apparent incident with the three friends attending school and hanging out in the way they normally did. With the weight of awkward relationships lifted off his shoulders, Rai's dreams increased in frequency but they didn't grow any worse. Nor did they change much. They were repeats of many of the things he'd seen before, all jumbled up so it was hard to tell what happened when. After a while of trying to sort them out, he gave up, having been left with nothing but a giant headache. It was so frustrating to have something just beyond his reach, taunting him with little pieces of an unknown puzzle.

Worst of all, his visions of Ren were ambiguous at best. Showing how they fought together, survived relying on each other, but never showing the exact nature of the relationship. They were friends, of that he was sure, they were always together, holding each other up in a way, being the ones they could lean on. Nana had told him Ren was the sword to his shield, but he got that only in an academic sense. In his visions he saw them fight alongside one another, but he wondered if there was more to it, these complimentary poles. There was always this tiny tingle of something that itched at the back of his mind when he thought of the other boy, but it never solidified and came to the surface. And he'd yet to remember the ritual of which Nana spoke or of the events that led directly to his death. When he thought about it, he'd never dreamt of his past childhood, either. All his visions were centered on a very short time frame from just before he became possessed through to when he was a devil, stopping just short of his demise. And nearly all the memories were tainted. If not for the evil manifested within him, then at least by the extreme betrayal he would soon perpetrate against his supposed best friend Ren. Were there no sweeter memories? No innocent times? Or was he condemned from the beginning to be nothing more than a demon?

He shook his head free of such thoughts. They had to be there. He couldn't, or at least didn't want, to believe his life had been nothing more than a path to evil. There had to be more, he was sure of it. If for no other reason than to explain why Ren had stood by his side for so long. He wouldn't have done that for a demon, would he?

He wasn't sure why he believed this of Ren, but he did.

Rai knew he needed to stop obsessing over all this if he was to survive his high school life. Past lives were one thing, but he also had a present one to live as well. Recalling this, he buttoned up his shirt and knotted the tie around his neck. Quickly, he pulled his hair into a small ponytail and with one last look in the mirror, closed the light and exited the bathroom. The mornings were becoming longer and longer, the struggle to get up more and more work. As if in retaliation for his insomnia, sleep seemed to be trying to take a hold of him. Dismissing such strange thoughts, he hurriedly grabbed his bag and tumbled down the stairs, the smell of fresh pancakes wafting up to meet him.

He found his mother in the kitchen, leaning over the stove, scrutinizing the pancakes with great interest. Rai shook his head and smiled. His mother was adept at a great many things but cooking, alas, was not one of them. He dropped his backpack into the nearest chair and approached her.

"Here, I'll get that," the boy said, taking over the task the woman was currently employed in. With a spatula, a carefully turned the dough right before it was ready to burn.

"Ah, great, thank you." The woman replied, wiping her hand on her brightly colored, nearly flawless apron. She rushed over to the table and began doling out dishes and silverware.

"What's with the fancy breakfast mom?" Rai said, paying close attention to the toast that was ready to become charcoal. The woman could not even make toast properly!

"Oh, nothing much." She answered, placing the last of the flatware at its proper place. "Yesterday, we found out we received a big contribution to support the school."

"Really?" The boy exclaimed at the good news. "That's great. What's it for?"

"Oh, it's like a scholarship fund for lesser privileged children to attend." She squeezed beside her son and grabbed a cup from the cabinet and quickly filled it with freshly brewed coffee. "It's a very good thing. I know how you complained that only rich kids could afford to go, but now there'll be chance for others to attend as well. It's a good thing."

"It _is_ a good thing mom," Rai rubbed her shoulder, wondering why she was acting so nervous about something so simple. "It will be nice for more kids to get a chance to go. You run a good program there."

"Yes, I know." But she didn't sound too convinced.

"What's the deal? You should be happy, but you sound more like it's the worst thing that could happen." Rai put the just-cooked pancakes onto a plate and placed them in the center of the table. The unfamiliar smell floated through the room, making his stomach grumble quietly. He ignored it and began to crack some eggs to scramble.

"I'm just worried," his mother replied, plopping herself at the table and grabbing a slice of toast that had just popped up. She began nibbling nervously on it between little sips of her coffee. "I don't know if the other kids will accept the new transfers. We've already gotten applications, can you believe it? But I guess some parents were aware we might get the money and were looking ahead. At any rate, our regular kids are used to dealing with others just like them. I'm not sure how they'd react to someone different."

Rai nodded silently as he leaned over the stove. That was true enough. Children could be cruel, and differences tended to accentuate this cruelty. He'd seen it well enough when he'd attended the school himself, even directed towards him since he was "new money" and it was assumed he was there only because his parents ran the place. It was part of the reason he felt he had to leave. Many of the kids there thought they were better than everyone else and there was even a great deal of infighting amongst themselves about whose family had longer standing and greater heritage. But not all were like that. And he told his mother so.

She absently agreed and continued to sip her coffee.

Rai sat down beside her and began to eat his breakfast before it got cold. His mother joined him and soon after and then his father came trampling in, his booming voice echoing through the house and effectively lightening the somber mood that echoed through the house.

"Good morning, family!"

"'Morning, Dad."

"Good morning, dear."

The man settled himself and dug in, a pleased smile on his face in complete contrast to the grimace that graced his wife's. As he chewed loudly on his breakfast, he smiled almost mischievously at his son.

"So, that fair's today, isn't it?" He said nonchalantly.

Rai choked a little on his food. This was so unfair! No wonder his father was in such a good mood, he'd decided to have a little fun at his poor son's benefit.

Rai's mother instantly brightened up and looked over to her son with wide eyes, her other worries temporarily forgotten.

"That's right!" She exclaimed. "So have you found a girl to go with?"

The raven-haired teen looked down at his plate and mumbled under his breath. "Yes."

"Oh really?!' The woman was really excited now. "Who is she? What's her name? When can we meet her?"

Rai sighed and let his fork fall to his plate. "She's just a girl from school, her name's Kaoru. And we're just friends, so no, you can't meet her. You'd just scare her away."

"If you're worried about that, then it must be more important."

"I knew this was going to happen." The boy grumbled. "I'll say it again: she's just a friend. Don't get any ideas into your head. It's not going to happen."

But the woman wasn't listening. She just clasped her hands and stared at her son, her eyes sparkling. Thoroughly disgusted, Rai snatched up his bag and stormed out, hearing his father's hearty laugh as he slammed the front door.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The fair, well, did not go off without a hitch. Or five, or seventeen. Despite the time taken for the allotment of money and space and event time, there was still a great deal of shuffling and squabbling amongst the various clubs. The biggest annoyance of course came in the form of a certain Fashion Club President who stomped around the fair haughtily, her hands on her hips. No surprise there. She was once again ranting and raving, this time with the Drama Club about whether or not to share some of the space backstage for a time. The Drama Club wanted to use it towards the end of the fashion show to set up and therefore save time before they mounted their play. The fashion show would have been essentially done by then, and there would be plenty of space to spare for the Drama Club. Mako, however, ever the antagonist, had to make things difficult. And it was giving Rai an even greater headache than the ones he'd been suffering from as of late. He rubbed his temples as he tried to block out that annoying high pitched voice of his would-be nemesis.

"Alright, that's it!' He finally shouted, at the end of his rope. "Mako, you will allow the Drama Club to use half the right stage wing fifteen minutes before the end of your show to prepare their things."

Mako opened her mouth to protest, but Rai raised his hand to cut her off. "It's not an unreasonable request. And this is only a school fair, so stop bickering over stupid little things. It's enough. Now both of you go and take care of whatever you need to take care of."

"Thank you," the Drama Club President said politely before giving Mako a triumphant sneer and walking away. On the other side, Mako fumed, her fingers flexing and her hair almost standing on end. But Rai was paying her no attention. He had closed his eyes and was continuing to rub his temples, hoping the pain would soon go away. After a few more moments of angry wordless grumbling, Mako stomped off in a huff and Rai felt almost instantly better. In a very strange way, the fact that he now knew that they had shared a past life made it easier for him to deal with her. At least it explained her hatred of him.

And he had the feeling that whatever battle had raged between them, she had not won.

He smiled slightly behind his hand.

As he lowered that hand, he quickly checked his watch. Ten more minutes. Ten more blissful minutes until he was free of his duties and would be able to just be another student enjoying the fair. He wandered around, those last ten minutes, checking up on all the booths, and answering any questions that were directed his way. Soon, though not soon enough for his taste, another student council member raced up to take over. Rai very enthusiastically handed over his clipboard and wished the new supervisor good luck, to which he received a wry grin in response.

Rai took his time heading to the front of the school to meet Kaoru. Given her track record, she'd be sprinting up at the last minute saying someone or another had stopped her for some strange reason. He put his hands in his pockets and sauntered over, fully prepared for a long wait. So he was more than a little shocked to find that Kaoru was already there patiently perched upon the steps.

Upon spotting her "date", the girl jumped up and waved her hand to indicate where she was and then rushed over to meet him. But as always, she ran a little too fast and wasn't exactly watching where she was going and ended up tripping on a rock and falling straight into Rai.

The boy reached out his arms and deftly caught her. Still looking down to the ground, Kaoru let herself blush, both at her fall as well as at the fact that she now found herself in Rai's arms. That was a well-plotted stroke of luck.

"You're alright," Rai said, a statement soft in its reassurance.

The girl glanced up at her rescuer and smiled, receiving one of those winning Rai smiles in return. Blushing still, she pushed herself away and attempted to straighten her hair as if all that happened was a little wind had blown it astray.

Rai grinned down at her. She really was cute, just like a little kid. "So, what do you want to see first?"

"Doesn't matter," she answered, shrugging. "Why don't we just start at the beginning and work our way around?"

Rai nodded his agreement and they walked side by side to the first booth.

There were a great many ordinary as well as bizarre things to be found. A lot of clubs were simply selling items related to their interest. The Cooking Club was offering all variety of baked goods and the Manga Club was showing off their latest issue of two of their present projects. Kaoru decided to buy some of the cookies "to bring home to her parents" she said, though Rai saw her sneak one into her mouth. He suppressed a laugh.

They wandered a bit more until they reached the Art Club's booth, where they found Rei dutifully putting in his time drawing portraits. Rai watched the boy work with his brow creased and his tongue sticking out in concentration. The drawing he was working on was really quite lovely, accurate to the girl sitting before him, but with plenty of artistic touches of line and tone to make it original. The girl sitting for the portrait stared dreamily at Rei as he worked and Rai had a sneaky suspicion that she, and the other three girls in line, was part of Rei's unofficial "fan club" and had asked for a portrait simply to watch him work. It was a shame in a way, Rei was a fine artist. But in another way, it was OK, since Rei didn't seem bothered at all, or even aware of the stares he was receiving.

As Rai observe his friend, Kaoru fidgeted a little uncomfortably at his side. Rei was just weird in her opinion, smarter than he let on, and he just made her a little nervous. Besides, she had wanted to use this time to get closer to Rai, but it seemed that no matter what, spending time with Rai was spending time with Nana and Rei too. She shrugged her shoulders accepting this and glanced through the crowd absently. She was with Rai now, wasn't she? And right now, that was most important of all.

Back at his easel, Rei glanced up to get another look at his subject when he spotted his friend standing there watching him. Anyone else would have made him edgy, but Rai was somehow "safe". The brunette waved a small "hello" and Rei simply smiled back, his tongue still sticking out and his hand hovering over the canvas.

Once Rei's eyes returned to the work in front of him, Rai nudged Kaoru slightly to wake her from her stupor and the two of the walked off together, Rai giving one final backward glance to his friend.

As they continued on, Kaoru noticed that even when it didn't seem like it, Rai was very attentive. He always made sure he kept her in sight and when they were stopped and there was much bustling beside them, he stood in the way so that he would be bumped by the people rather than her. He really was a truly kind and trusting person, Rai was. This is how Kaoru saw him.

Rai, for his own part, had become somewhat enamored of Kaoru. In the sense that the more they were together and the more he watched her, the more she just seemed like a cute little kid. Like someone you wanted to protect. It was an oddly familiar feeling, but he couldn't quite place where it came from. So instead he just accepted it, watched her and smiled.

They were heading towards the Girls' Softball Team attraction where Nana would be manning the pitching cage, when Kaoru suddenly screeched and grabbed Rai's arm. Alarmed, he looked down at her, expecting to discover what had frightened her, but instead was met with a delightful smile on the girl's face as she pointed.

"Look Rai!" She exclaimed. "We can catch goldfish! It's silly, I know, but I've always wanted to do that. And I've never gotten the chance before!"

Rai laughed out loud this time and nodded his head as Kaoru ducked hers in embarrassment.

"Sure, let's go," he said and began to walk that way, looking over in the direction that Kaoru had pointed.

And that's when he saw him.

Almost as if Kaoru were pointing him out.

Standing beside a pretty blonde girl was the boy he only knew from his dreams, the boy named Ren. His hair was a dirty blond, long enough to cover his face as he leaned over, a distraught look upon it. Even from this distance, Rai could see oddly familiar golden brown eyes as they darted warily around the area. The only thing Rai could see clearly was their two faces, hovering strangely in the sea of people. But still there was no mistaking him. That was Ren.

The blond boy put a hand to his mouth as though he was about to be sick and the girl put an arm around his shoulder, concern welling in her eyes. She was asking him a question, but from this far away Rai couldn't quite make out what it was. All the same, he felt his fist clench subconsciously at this girl who was acting so familiar with _his_ Ren.

Wait. His Ren?

When did that happen? When did he become so _possessive_ of someone he didn't even know? His focus blurred as he watched, confused at his own reaction, but still he didn't move.

Like an idiot, he was rooted to the spot, gaping foolishly.

Then the girl gently led the boy away, mingling with the crowd and disappearing into the vast sea of people. With that, the boy named Ren left Rai's sight.

And in his head, over and over, all Rai could do was scream to himself to "MOVE!" before he lost him. But it was having no effect.

He was just standing there, letting some girl take his Ren away. No way. He couldn't allow that. Ren was supposed to look to him for everything, rely on him for whatever he needed. Not some nameless girl!

His mind continued to scream at him to follow, but for some infuriating reason, his body refused to listen.

Meanwhile, Kaoru looked from Rai to the direction of his glare, back and forth like a tennis match, with a curious catlike expression on her face. "Rai . . ." she said tentatively.

And that woke him up. Like a lightning bolt to the head. Before she could even get the next words out, Rai took off like a shot, expertly weaving his way through the mass of students, over to where he'd seen him. He had to get there, had to get his Ren back. Because he was _his _Ren.

But of course, when he got to where he'd first spotted them, the two had completely vanished. Rai spun around almost frantically, ignoring the strange looks everyone was giving him. Trusting to his instincts, he headed off in one direction, somehow feeling that it was the one the boy had followed.

He once again felt the impulse to stop and scanned the area for any signs of the one he sought. But there were too many people milling around, too many distractions to be able to see anything clearly. Silently, he cursed himself a fool for having lost himself to shock and therefore waste his opportunity. Dejectedly, he stood on the sidewalk his arms hanging limply at his sides and his head lowered in disappointment.

He'd lost his chance.

Heaving a sigh, he raised his head just in time to see a bus take off from the other side of the street. And through the window, he spied the boy Ren resting his head wearily against the glass with that annoying girl sitting beside him.

Rai stared after them with his blood nearly boiling; once more overcome with inexplicable anger at a girl he'd never met over a boy he didn't know. With deep regret and irritation, he knew the chase was over for today; there was no way he'd be able to catch up now. But secretly, deep down inside, he wished and prayed and believed they'd meet again.

Somehow he knew they would get another chance and that time he'd be damned if he let it slip through his fingers.

Because he had to see him again, he had get Ren back.

And as he looked to the distance under his strange possessive spell, he couldn't help but wonder what Ren's life was like.


	7. 7: Daily Routine

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

Daily Routine

_A few days earlier . . ._

The sun's light hit him almost brutally the instant he walked out the front door. Squinting his eyes in protest, he turned around quickly and tried to lock the bolt as quietly as possible so that he could make a clean getaway. He was in no mood to deal with cheery girls, no matter how sweet and caring they may be. Not with everything else he had to deal with.

He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep this charade up. Slowly but surely, it was eating away at his psyche.

With a sigh, he faced the sun and was immediately assaulted by two soft arms wrapping around him and a hard belly hitting him in the gut. He grunted in reaction, looking down to see shiny blonde hair just below his shoulder, fluttering up and threatening to tickle his nose. What exactly was it about him that made girls want to throw themselves around him, no matter the place or time of day? It was like he had a magnet for them and any girl from miles around would be inexorably drawn to it, unable to resist the pull of perpetrating an 'attack hug'. That was a little bit of an exaggeration, but still. Though of course it wasn't _always_ bad.

Except for times like this, when he really didn't want to deal with it.

Trying to extricate himself from the surprisingly strong arms that held him, he fought to keep himself under control, put on his mask and let everything be alright.

"Come on, now," his voice soft but insistent. "I don't have time for this. I've got to get to work."

The blonde head just shook rapidly back and forth, refusing to relinquish its hold.

"What is with you, anyway?" The boy growled out, holding two seemingly delicate wrists in his hands. Keeping them to the sides, he looked down at the attacker, seeing only blonde from the head that was still lowered. He hummed in question and tilted his head, waiting for a response.

Like another attack, the girl's head shot up, a huge grin on her face and her eyes almost sparkling. "Good morning, Ren!" She shouted brightly.

Letting go of her hands, Ren readjusted his tattered backpack that hung over his shoulder, wondering where in the world the girl got that kind of energy this early in the morning, especially in light of her condition.

Now released, the blonde leaned back, crossed her arms over her chest and continued to smile at her neighbor. She watched as he shook his head in disgust and tried to get by her, mumbling a mock-annoyed "hello". He always acted like her antics bothered him when in fact she knew he found them comfortable, grounding even. As he turned his back to her to head down the outside stairs, she watched him, her smile becoming a little strained before falling away altogether. How could she help but worry about him? Since she and her father moved in to this little run-down complex a month ago, she'd become instantly and sorrowfully concerned over her neighbor's situation. The walls were, after all, very thin.

She pursed her lips as she followed him down the stairs. She couldn't be sure, but she had her suspicions. At first, she'd wanted to call the police, but when she saw the way he acted like nothing was wrong, she could sense he didn't want anyone to know. Even if done anonymously, it would quickly become common knowledge what happened in apartment 308, and in a sadly weird way, she thought he might be hurt worse by that.

How horrifying and humiliating he would he feel if everyone found out?

And of course, she might not be right.

So she kept her mouth shut and did what she could, try to get him to open up, give him something normal and good to hold onto. Maybe then he'd confide in her and she could be a real help, convince him to do something. But even after only knowing him for only a month, she knew enough that it was better not to push.

Taking a deep breath and schooling her face into a friendly smile, she chased after him. "So, how was your night?" Best to start off simple.

Ren immediately tensed internally he berated himself; he shouldn't allow such a reaction to such a simple question.

"Fine," he said, turning to face her and forcing a smile of his own. "Boring."

"Oh."

She continued to follow behind him, trying desperately to keep up with his quickened pace. He was definitely trying to get away. "You know if you ever need someone to hangout with or something, I'm just about always free." As an afterthought and in an attempt to cover up, she added, "It's boring stuck in the apartment all the time. And I don't have many friends really. Just you and . . ."

But before she finished her statement, she tripped on a stair and tumbled forward. Deftly, Ren spun around and caught her, somehow managing to hold his balance.

"Chiaki! Are you alright?!" He held her carefully, trying to help her right herself on the stair. Then, in one fluid movement, he leaned forward and pushed her down to sit on the landing, sure that she was safe, his breathing a little ragged from worry.

"Don't worry, it's fine." She said, smiling weakly and feeling a little stupid and waving off his attention. "Thanks to you."

Ren took a deep breath of relief just before letting her have it. "What do you think you're doing, running down the stairs anyway?! You could've gotten seriously hurt! And what about the baby? You've got to start thinking more sensibly!"

Chiaki winced at his tone, but knew that he was right and was only angry because he was worried. She gently laid a hand over her extended belly, feeling the baby kick a little bit, as if re-enforcing what Ren had just said.

The boy ran a hand through his messy hair and looked askance at her through his long bangs. Better to give in than let her injure herself. It wasn't really that much to ask was it? "Look, if you're that anxious to do something, I'll see you tonight and we can go out and have some dinner or catch a movie, or something, OK?"

The girl brightened immediately. Not exactly what she was going for with that fall, but mission accomplished nonetheless. The more time they spent together, the closer they would get, and then maybe . . .

She gave him a big, honest smile. "It's a date, then!"

"Yeah, a . . date." He smiled back and waved to her as he headed back down the stairs. "Be sure to take care of yourself! No more running around, OK?"

Chiaki just waved back, still sitting n the landing of the stairs. A date, huh? Well, she was sure it was OK, but she'd still call anyway to let her friend know and tell her to look out for Ren when he showed up. Taking care of him was more than a one person job.

Thank God she wasn't alone in it. Maybe with help she could finally get him to open up.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The building was fairly quiet when he walked in, but then he usually was the first to arrive and all the residents would only just be waking up, and too used to each other to raise much of a fuss. Carefully, and as silently as he could, Ren closed and locked the door behind him, trying to agitate the residents as little as possible. Leaving the main room lights dimmed, he dropped his bag into his locker and headed to the back, ready for the onslaught.

Opening the door and flicking on the lights, he was immediately greeted with a loud excited ruckus, a great deal of jumping and running to match it.

"OK, OK, keep it down, will you?" He chided with a smile. It was hard to stay mad at anyone so happy to see you.

Following the same thing he did every morning, he went to the food closet and started doling out their morning meals. Taking two at a time, he went clockwise, just like always, unlocking the doors and sliding the bowls in. The little monsters ripped in with abandon, acting as though they hadn't eaten in months, when he knew for a fact it had only been last night.

Soon, all of them were watered and fed, and Ren went into the office to start searching through the schedule to figure out who needed what and when. Sliding his finger down the list, he was not at all surprised to find "Peaches" listed on top. The poor old gal seemed to spend more time with them than with her own family. In fact, she'd become somewhat of the unspoken mascot of their little establishment.

Ren sifted through the medicine cabinet quickly, and grabbing the right bottle, strode over to his patient. Kneeling to her level, he unlocked her door and waited as she slowly sauntered to him; this was all just a routine for her.

"Hey, ol' girl. Life treating you alright?" He ruffled his hand on her head and she smiled. Well, as much as she could. It looked like a smile at any rate, and with her wagging tail, he knew she was happy to see him. She swallowed the pill with little trouble and as extra thanks, he scratched right behind her ear, just the way she liked. Leaving her cage door open, he stood up and headed back to the supply closet. Most times, it was unwise to let one of the animals wander around, but Peaches was such a lovable mother hen, that it didn't much matter. She'd just pace the aisles and notify him if anything seemed amiss. The old brown and white bulldog might be blind in one eye and list to the right when she walked, but it didn't seem to stop heart all.

"Good morning, Ren." A feminine voice said from somewhere behind him.

He started slightly, not having heard the telltale signs that his boss had just arrived. Ren ran over and poked his head through the kennel door. "Hi, Kusunoki-san. How are you today?"

The woman sighed heavily and ran fingers through her hair in an overly-dramatic gesture. "As good as I can be. The kids made a right mess of the house yesterday, running around and playing some who-knows-what, godforsaken game. They've been punished for it and have obviously been whining ever since." She threw her purse to her desk and stared out the window wistfully. "What on earth ever possessed me to take those five in?"

"Because you've got a good heart." Ren gave her a big grin, receiving a smaller one in return and as she walked by, she ruffled his hair in much the same way he'd done to Peaches earlier. She picked up the list he been perusing not too long before, and without raising her head asked, "Have the little ones been let out yet?"

"No, I was just about to do that." The blond boy whipped around and hurried to grab the toys from the closet after which he headed to the cage closest to the outside door that led to the exercise pen.

"Did you give Peaches her pills?" The woman called out from the other room.

"Already done!"

"What would I do without you?"

"Go out of business, probably!" The boy teased.

Kusunoki laughed at his joke, knowing that it was pretty close to the truth. Ren had become almost indispensable this last year, especially after the fight to keep her "strays", the five rambunctious boys she'd taken into her house.

"I should adopt you, too," the woman mused under her breath.

Ren stopped suddenly and gave her a somber smile. "Nah. You can't do that. I could never deal with all those kids!" Then he really grinned and ran out before he said something stupid, like, "Yes, please do adopt me."

Outside in the ample yard Ren sat down; sure to avoid any 'presents' the dogs might have left behind and watched as the troop of puppies essentially entertained themselves. The group of five two-month old chocolate labs had fallen under their care when their mother's owner decided he didn't want them. They'd been searching for homes for the pups for a little while now, but labs take a lot of care and a lot of space and unfortunately, not too many people can deal with both.

As he was musing, one of the puppies leaped into Ren's lap and looked up at him, tongue lolling out and tail wagging furiously, yipping every now and then. The remaining four contented themselves with running crazy circles around him, occasionally stopping to attack one of their siblings and tackle them to the ground.

Absently, the boy rubbed the puppy's ears making the little guy growl appreciatively, and he let his mind wander. It was a bad habit of his, losing his concentration and forgetting where he was sometimes. He always tried not to think too much, but honestly, how could he not? There was too much to remember, too much weighing him down. In all honesty, he was far too young to carry the burdens that had been forced on him; but unfortunately life didn't seem to care. Last night and then Chiaki this morning and now this . . .

Not that he didn't like his job, or his boss, or anything like that. It was just that he didn't like having to be the adult, the man of the house all at only seventeen. And because of Chiaki, he was now running a little late, which meant he'd now probably have to deal with _them_. She was just lonely and looking out for him he knew. But still, sometimes she made things worse in her attempt to make them better. He could tell this morning she was trying to distract him, comfort him, something like that and it was all very distressing. Exactly how much did she know?

His unconscious clenched at the thought, causing a painful nervous tightness across his chest. Last night was not unusual or damning in any way, but if she knew about that, then she might know the other things too. She didn't know, did she? No one could ever know; it would kill him. Please God, say no one knows . . .

He was jolted by his reverie by a quiet, pathetic whimpering that oddly enough seemed to issue from his lap. Looking down, he saw the puppy looking up at him with ears pushed back, eyes wide, and that worried little noise issuing from his throat. Back to his senses, he then realized how quiet it had become. Glancing around, he saw all the others had circled him and were watching with similar expressions, a low constant whimper radiating through the yard. They showed well where the term 'puppy-dog-eyes' came from. Sensing his uneasiness and depression, the dogs had reacted and offered, in their own small way, a measure of comfort.

And it actually helped. He did feel a tiny bit better.

Laughing, Ren rubbed the head of the one in his lap and tossed him to the ground as he stood up. Immediately picking up on his change in mood, the five began running and jumping, happy that their friend now seemed to be in better spirits.

"Sorry to have worried you all!" Ren said good-naturedly as he picked up a small rubber ball and tossed it for the puppies to chase excitedly.

Their joy easily mirrored, he joined them in their play and allowed his worries to float away for the moment. There were greater things to attend to.

Besides, it was hard to stay too upset when five furry little wide-eyed friends were racing about happily, barking anxiously for you to join in.

------------------------------------------------------------

The next hours passed without incident, up until his shift was over and he began throwing his things into his bag and rushing to leave on time. He quickly and a bit precariously slung his pack over his shoulder and headed for the door, shouting out his last goodbyes.

"'Night Peaches! 'Night, Kusunoki-san!"

Peaches let out a dry bark, her tongue hanging out and her tail wagging furiously as Kusunoki leaned over her desk, yelling after him. "Hey! How come I get second billing!?"

Laughing, Ren just replied, "Because she helps me out more during the day than you do!"

And with that, the energetic teen exited the building, leaving the two 'old gals' alone. Kusunoki smirked down at her rival, not really bothered by the light-hearted jibe, but thinking on it anyway. Peaches turned her head up, her tongue still flapping and with for all intents and purposes what appeared to be an amused smile on her face.

"Don't you give me that look." Kusunoki said with a sneer. She picked up her papers and cradled them almost protectively to her chest, gazing to the door. Very low she whispered under her breath in the direction the boy had gone. "Don't worry about being late Ren. Please just take the long way around."

Her eyes turned a little sad, and with a shake of her head, she entered the main kennel, ever-faithful Peaches following behind.

But as luck would have it, Ren didn't have time to take the long way around. He was nothing if not reliable and his conversation with Chiaki that morning had backed up the rest of the day. For some strange reason, once his routine got a little bit off, he had trouble adjusting it. He'd become a creature of habit; he'd discovered it was the only way he could really cope.

Warily, Ren clutched the strap to his pack as he shifted his eyes back and forth, practically running through the streets to his next destination.

Just a little bit further! If only his second boss were as nice as his first; he would've taken the long way around. Then he could arrive a little late without getting scolded and threatened with termination. He was just about to exit the "danger zone" without incident, prepared to heave a sigh of relief, when _they_ appeared, seemingly out of nowhere.

The biggest one sneered down as if Ren was a mouse caught in a trap.

He rather was.

"Hey, little girl, where you off to in such a hurry?" Ren felt a sharp shove against his chest which made him stumble backward. He looked up to see their worthless leader, a relative giant with greasy black hair and beady little eyes glaring down at him.

"Just let me pass . ." Ren muttered and tried to squeeze his way through. But suddenly he felt that hand again, stronger this time, slamming him against the brick wall in the alleyway just behind him. Thankfully, his pack was only filled with clothes and actually helped to soften the hit a little. Ren lowered his head to look at the ground, leaning back against the wall just a touch, trying to catch the breath that had just been knocked out of him.

"Why should I? You haven't paid the toll. See, you've got to pay the toll if you want to cross through our section of town." The two equally greasy henchmen just laughed as they loomed on either side of the main one. Ren kept his head lowered. They only did this because they knew he wouldn't fight back. And he only took it because if not him, it would just be someone else, maybe someone less able to take it. They always used to beat him up after school and for some reason, even after he dropped out, they continued their bullying. He couldn't quite figure out why they'd go to the effort to terrorize him when they no longer saw him unless they chose to. There had to be others that they could more easily torment, but apparently they'd rather go out of their way to harass him. Ren squeezed his eyes shut in anger and frustration.

Life is so unfair.

"Didn't you hear me, asswipe?" The grease giant snatched Ren up by the collar and pulled him forward until the blond's feet just barely brushed the ground.

Still unwilling to look him in the eye, Ren twisted his head to the side, his long bangs covering his face like a shield. "I don't have any money. You know that." But what was the point in arguing, really? They already knew this, and even is he had had money, he was sure they'd have come up with another excuse to beat him up anyway.

"Oh? Then we'll just have to punish you, won't we?" Ren felt a sharp pang echo through his body as his feet hit the ground and he doubled over, holding his stomach where the bastard had kneed him. The blond boy stumbled backward awkwardly until he felt the familiar roughness of the brick wall meet his back. Pain was still radiating through his body like a wave, slowly receding into a dull ache. "You're pathetic." He muttered defiantly, his hair falling over his face.

"What was that?" The other boy's voice was edged in amusement and just a touch of irritation.

Ren decided to lift his head to actually look him in the eye. "I said 'you're pathetic'."

How true it was. The blond watched as the leader's eye twitched angrily, his whole body tensing at the accusation. Ren took a small smug satisfaction of his own at that, knowing that he'd hit a nerve. It was his only way of fighting back. And bullies were really always like that, weren't they? Trying to make up for their many obvious shortcomings by picking on those they deemed "weaker". Ren smirked as he thought on it.

But then suddenly he found it hard to think at all. It was difficult to do when the back of his head hit hard stone, sending agony shooting through his brain like lightning and making him see stars. "_I'm_ pathetic? YOU'RE PATHETIC!!"

Ren's mind was whirling, reeling from the shock and his vision blurred entirely when another fist met with his temple. Staggering from the blow, his legs gave way when a kick was leveled at the side of his knees, making them buckle and crashing him to the ground. In an automatic defensive response, he curled up like a child, wrapping his arms protectively over his head. He could try to fight back, but that would only make things worse. It was three against one as they kicked him repeatedly, making his back ricochet against the wall over and over again, and firing new jolts of pain through his already battered body with each successive blow. Oddly, out of some disassociated corner of his mind, he knew there were probably people walking by, seeing him get beaten, ignoring it and simply walking away. No one ever wanted to get involved.

He couldn't really blame them, but he hoped he would've intervened had he ever been one of them.

But then his mind couldn't register anything but pain when a steel-toed boot caught him in the side of his head, filling his world with temporary blackness. His stomach protested the treatment, roiling in his gut, ready to purge itself of its meager contents. With a great effort, he got his lurching stomach under control and pushed himself onto his hands and knees, trying to get a handhold on reality. He felt like he was spinning and every hit he'd taken was already beginning to ache, a sure sign that they would leave bruises that would last for quite some time.

Shaking on all fours like an abused dog, he heard a voice only barely through the haze that fogged his senses. "I think I liked it better when you were a creepy little punk who wouldn't speak. You need to watch your tongue. Remember this. Next time I won't be so nice."

And with one final kick that lifted Ren off the ground and sent him careening one last time into the brick, the three goons wandered off, the last one even taking the time to hurl a gob of spit on him.

Ren remained on the ground a while, letting his stomach settle, his world go back to normal and his aches filter through him enough to allow him to stand. Still swaying a bit when he finally managed to get to his feet, he absently wiped away the sputum that had stuck to his cheek. He blinked once, twice, his eye unconsciously fighting to keep out the trickle of blood that leaked from the cut on his forehead. Stepping back out to the sidewalk with one hand on the wall to hold himself steady, he looked around absently at all the people who just passed him by. Without a care to what they might think, he spit out a mouthful of blood, straightened up and went on his way just like_ them_, as if nothing had happened.

So much for being on time.


	8. 8: Girlfriend

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

Girlfriend

Ren virtually sprinted through the store, nodding a cursory "hello" to the man behind the register, receiving an almost apologetic wave in response. It was not an uncommon sight in many of these stores to find a kid dashing through and looking pathetic, trying to reach the restrooms in the back. Ren had been to this particular used music store on four other occasions that he could recall, so by now the manager knew him and just let him in to use the bathroom normally reserved "for customers only".

It was not the best part of town he'd been lying in, in that old alley covered in dirt and trash, but then that was the point. This particular neighborhood, the one he regularly tried to avoid, was filled with gangs and pseudo-gangs and countless groups of bullies. So much so that many of the local businesses had made complaints to the police about these kids who caused disorder, property damage and far worse that they couldn't prove. Some complaints were even made on behalf of the numerous victims that could often be seen running through the streets and shops in various stages of damage and sometimes undress. But "bullying" wasn't exactly high on the Police's priority list, and so the problem went relatively unchecked. The people who called the once nice neighborhood home and the unwilling victims of attacks were left to fend for themselves, living much the same as they had before the infestation.

Except now many establishments owned guns.

The door slammed loudly behind him as Ren finally reached the bathroom sanctuary, not even bothering to check if anyone else was there when he dropped his bag to the floor and rushed to the mirror, placing his hands on either side of the sink and leaning forward.

The face in the mirror stared back at him, the same eyes, the same hair, the same face. The same everything he'd always had. And yet, bit by bit, he was having a hard time recognizing the features that now showed the evidence of their most recent assault. Because the person looking back from the other side of the glass was somehow a stranger. At least he felt like it was

Or was it hoped?

He was sick of it. Sick of the working, sick of the fighting, sick of the. . . Just sick of everything. Would he never get a break, or was he for some twisted reason destined to live the same horrible, worthless life forever? No, there was no point in thinking over such things. Life was what it was, whether it was hell, heaven, or somewhere in between.

The boy reached down into the sink he'd just turned on, and cupping his hands, took a small amount of water up to his lips. He swirled it around his mouth quickly, but even with the dilution he could taste the distinct coppery flavor of his own blood. With one final cleansing "swish", he spit out a lovely pink fluid into the sink. Yup, blood. He raised his head to gaze once more into the mirror, leaning forward again for a closer look. Sticking his finger into his mouth, Ren experimentally wiggled his lower left canine. A little loose, but it hopefully wouldn't fall out; it didn't seem bad enough to do that quite yet. Well, thank God for small favors, anyways. Wearily, he grabbed his bag and entered one of the battered stalls to change. It looked about as good as he felt.

With practiced care, he eased his body free of his clothes, trying not to strain his already sore limbs. At least he hadn't been wearing his work clothes when he'd been attacked. He sure wouldn't have wanted to face that scolding had he shown up all bloody and dirt-covered. His boss wouldn't have cared if he was alright, he just would have yelled about "how the money for the uniform had apparently been tossed down the drain and the rest of the day was a waste as well; no one wanted to see someone looking like that when they went out!"

Again, thank God for small favors.

The clothes he pulled from his bag, all things considered, were not too worse for the wear; a little wrinkled, but otherwise salvageable. With a little effort on his part, he'd look presentable. Holding the pristine white shirt up, he smiled and nodded. It would be OK. But even so, he winced when he pulled the shirt on, stretching his bruised shoulder in a very uncomfortable way. He reached over and tested the area; it was already tender to the touch. Just great. But he was accustomed to such things, and he could hide his pain enough so that no one would notice, at least no one that didn't really care. He'd be sure to hearing about it from Chiaki when he saw her tonight, and she'd be hearing from him as well! If she hadn't decided on an impromptu intervention (because that's what it was, wasn't it?), he wouldn't have been running late and could have taken the long way around. Of course, he wouldn't say that exactly. It wasn't really her fault; it was those damn self-important bastards who were to blame.

Pulling his pants on as gently as possible, he noticed - how could he not? - that essentially his entire body ached, from the crown of his head to the tip of his toes. Suddenly he was glad that Chiaki had ambushed him. He'd see if maybe they couldn't rent something and watch it at her place on one of her nice cushy couches, rather than on one of his hard, beat up excuses for furniture.

Mmmm. . . cushy couches . . .

He was actually looking forward to it.

But first things first. There was work to attend to today and regardless of what lay ahead later, what was before him now would likely feel long. He opened the stall door to take another good look at himself in the mirror, to double-check that he appeared alright. Quickly, he ran his hands through his messy hair, trying to put it into some semblance of order. Once done, he took an approving glance at himself. He appeared fine, ready for work.

Minus the gash in his forehead, the myriad of scrapes that decorated his cheek from when it had been pressed to the pavement, and the slight swelling that was taking place over his left eye. Well, at least it wasn't purple yet. Fluffing his hair forward, he could cover the cut and part of his eye, but his cheek was a lost cause. Maybe they'd think it was acne or something, they're both red and tend to cluster . . .yeah, that's it, they look exactly the same.

Riiiight.

With nothing more to be done but prepare himself for a good old-fashion chewing-out, he headed out the bathroom door, waved thankfully once more to the cashier and grabbed a free employment paper as he exited.

He'd probably need it and it was always best to be prepared.

-------------------------------------

A little while later, a dark blond head peeked cautiously through the back entrance and into the bustling kitchen of a restaurant called "The Porcelain Bowl". There was a great deal of clanging and chopping and shouting going on inside; it was a popular place and the dinner rush was set to begin. Heaving a sigh of relief that his unforgiving boss was nowhere in sight, Ren opened the door fully and walked in, attempting to appear casual. It would have been better had he been able to quit this lousy, unrewarding job, but life was not so kind to him. Originally he'd gotten the position illegally, being under the legal working age, planning to quit when he found a better job when he was old enough. Unfortunately, his mother's "condition" took a sharp downturn at just about that same time. The woman now wallowed in her constant inebriation and delusions so that her son became her only source of survival. Without him to take care of her, she would surely die. What else was he supposed to do?

So he kept the job and all the problems that came with it.

The boy entered the employee lounge and was dropping his bag off in his designated locker when, standing up, he was suddenly assaulted for the second time today by a soft, feminine body grabbing his shoulders from behind. Trying to fight back the wince and the groan that accompanied this action as it jarred his aching injuries, he slowly turned around to face the rambunctious girl.

She stood there, her arms still around his neck, her head lifted just slightly as she looked at him with a mix of joy and relief in her eyes. Her dark hair was done up in a ponytail, falling down in curls and her eyes stared at him in the brightest, clearest shade of emerald through a wispy curtain of bangs. The girl was only a touch shorter than he so that they could look almost directly into each other's faces without much trying. She gazed at him a moment with a happy look in her eyes, until apparently she registered his present sorry condition, making her lips turn downward into an angry scowl and her eyes narrow to slits.

She stepped back and Ren let her, feeling the welcome ease on his sore muscles. Still not saying a word, she lifted her hand to his chin and turned it one way and then the other, appraising the evidence of his recent altercation, very much seeming like a mother. Then she put her hands to her hips and shook her head as she whispered, more to herself than him, "Not again."

Letting out a sigh of her own, she approached one of the other lockers, deftly twirling the combination, grabbed a purse from inside and subsequently grabbed the boy who stood blinking at her in confusion. Without much effort, she dragged him behind her and stuffed him into the single employee bathroom, hastily locking the door behind her and shoving Ren down to take a seat on the toilet. She dropped to her knees before him and began unceremoniously rummaging through her purse.

At a loss, and feeling completely awkward sitting on a toilet in front of a kneeling girl, Ren cleared his throat conspicuously to get her attention. The girl didn't answer, just shouted a joyful "aha!" when she apparently found the item she'd been looking for and held it up triumphantly.

"Um, Kei?" The boy ventured, having already been ignored. "What are you doing? I don't really have time for this; I've got to get out there as quick as possible before the boss gets mad. I'm already late as it is."

"Oh, shush," the girl named Kei admonished, slapping him on the knee to behave. That time Ren really did wince; even that small contact had hurt. "Don't worry about that. I clocked you in when I saw you weren't on time. And you can't go out like this. You'll scare all the customers away!" She once again took his chin into her hand, but gentler this time, angling his face down to where she could best see it. "Now, just hold still."

The blond held himself as motionless as he could as Kei worked on him, using her makeup to cover up the tiny scratches that littered his face. Ren couldn't hold back the little twitches he made as the girl dabbed against the newly made abrasions. He felt a calm and warm hand lower to his knee and squeeze it affectionately. "I know it hurts, but it'll be OK. They're healed enough that this shouldn't damage them, just make sure to wash it out as soon as you get home." She looked at him in disappointment. "I told you your horoscope said bad things would happen."

Ren nodded wordlessly in amusement at the girl's strange belief in the occult and watched as her lips turned up into a pretty smile. "I said 'don't move'."

The boy stilled himself obediently and took the opportunity to look closely at the girl and was awed once again by just how pretty she was. Creamy skin, clear green eyes, long dark, hair. . . He let his arm rise up of its own will to run gently through that silken hair. Kei's smile mellowed a bit and she stopped in her ministrations for a second to close her eyes and lean into his touch. The boy's fingers trailed backward and then wove themselves through her tied-up locks.

"How come you don't wear you hair down?"

Kei's eyes popped open and her smile deepened in wry amusement. "Because I'm at work, silly." She hit the knee she'd been squeezing playfully and put one last dab of makeup on the boy's face before standing up to appraise her handiwork. Hands back on hips, she nodded in approval and stated, "There, that should be good enough. But if that eye starts purpling up, you be sure and tell me."

With that, she leaned over to put the container back in her bag, giving Ren a perfect view up her skirt. He blushed a deep crimson, but didn't look away. "No, I mean, even when we go out, you never let your hair down."

The girl turned her head to look at him and noticed the direction of his gaze. She smiled mischievously; catching his eyes momentarily and making him turn an even deeper shade of red. This time he did look away. She straightened herself up and laughed. "What are you talking about nonsense stuff like that now for?"

Ren shrugged noncommittally and kept his gaze diverted. Still smiling, Kei bent forward, and snatching the boy's chin in her hand, faced him towards her and planted a kiss on his mouth. The kiss was simple, innocent, just lips to lips, that is until the girl slowly pushed her tongue out to trace the seam of his mouth. Ren jerked back instinctively.

But Kei didn't move from her spot, instead wrapping a hand around the back of his neck and calming him down with smooth, massaging strokes of her fingers. Ren's wide eyes turned sheepish when he looked up into her face, her green eyes patient and understanding. Of what, he didn't dare ask.

". . . sorry." He mumbled in apology.

Kei just shook her head as the boy once again stared at her face purposely. His gaze traced every curve, every nuance, and she sat patiently, waiting for him to finish, which he did by settling his look to her emerald eyes. The boy blinked a few times and then spoke without thinking.

"You'd look really cute with glasses." Then his brow furrowed in confusion at his own irrelevant observation.

Kei tilted her head quizzically, but then with a shrug to herself, leaned forward once more, letting her lips grace his, her breath warm on them when she spoke. "I'd look cute in anything." Ren's mouth opened reflexively to comment and the girl took full advantage to push her tongue inside, sliding against the palate and running gently against its mate. Just a moment's worth of taste and the tongue retreated, the girl standing up suddenly and backing away, as if daring him to chase her for her brazen act.

Ren looked up at her then, blinking through his daze, he smirked in defeat, keeping up his act as he watched her smile victoriously, snatch up her bag and reach for the door. But then she stopped suddenly, her smile turning devious as she faced him with a mock accusatory tone in voice. "I hear you've got a date tonight."

Ren smirked at her in dry amusement. Sometimes it wasn't exactly helpful to have a neighbor and girlfriend who were the best of friends. Most decidedly so when they talked about everything and the topic of conversation was, more often than not, him. He didn't even want to know what things they said about him when he wasn't around. "It's just Chiaki." The blond boy said, a bit defensively.

Kei angled her head and released a small snort. "I know that, silly. Who do you think told me?"

Ren just shook his own head, conceding defeat.

The girl's grip on the doorknob tightened as she made to exit, but then her dark hair swished as she spun back around to say one final thing. "You'd better get out there before the boss realizes you're late and has a total conniption. I can only do so much, you know." With that said she yanked the door open, gave the boy a conspiratorial wink and dashed outside, leaving him agape and confused sitting alone in the bathroom.

But he quickly came to his senses when he saw several of the cooks lean over their counters to peer inside and catch him there on the toilet, looking stupid. One of them had the audacity to tease him saying, "hey shrimp, forget what you gotta do next?" Ren sneered at him, not liking the slight to his small frame, and even less the knock against his reputed lack of intelligence.

He jumped up immediately and headed outside, quickly washing his hands first, so that they wouldn't get the wrong idea. Realizing that his things were still sitting out in the employee lounge, he took a quick detour and shoved them into his locker. Leaning back onto the cold metal, he heaved a sigh. Yes, thank God for small favors. And thank God for Kei. Who could really ask for a better girlfriend?

Then the sharp, angry voice of his boss echoed menacingly through the kitchen, clearly heard even above the din of clanging pots and sizzling dinners.

"Ren! You'd better not be just getting in here!"

Pushing off abruptly from his resting place, he ran out of the kitchen and into the dining hall, heading into another long night of work.


	9. 9: Forsaken

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

Forsaken

Ren noticed that the aches he'd received the other day were slowly beginning to ease as he turned the key in the lock after another hard day's work and quietly entered the dark apartment.

There was a soft, warm glow of light coming from the living room and the distinctive stench of alcohol permeated the air. It sickened him, but it was familiar, and he knew his mother was home.

Dropping his backpack by the front door, he walked by the woman who sat slumped and sloppy in the worn-out chair, dead-drunk and sighing. He entered the kitchen to make dinner; he knew from experience that this would be a very long night.

The teen made a simple meal, a stir-fry of onions, peppers, and mushrooms, the only edible food still left in the house. While he was at it, he tossed some old moldy cheese into the trash, nearly retching from the odor that assailed his nose. Suppressing the twisting of his insides, he wandered out and set two plates onto the makeshift table. Even though he knew it was pointless, he went back into the living room and kneeling down, gently shook his mother awake.

"Mom," He whispered quietly. "Mom, dinner's ready."

Waving her arm disgustedly towards him, her words slurred together lazily. "M'not hungry."

"But mom, you've got to eat or you'll get sick."

"Said m'not hungry!" She flailed her arms wildly at him like a caged animal until he was forced to let go.

He stood up reluctantly and looked down to her with a mixture of sorrow and disgust, fighting back the tears that hovered at the edges of his lashes. She hadn't always been like this. Long ago, they'd been a family, a mother and father and son, all of it picture perfect. But even then it was a lie. It had really been a picture of a man, an adulterer, and an illegitimate child. The days of happiness, no matter how false and deeply rooted in lies they were, were now long gone. Upon discovering his wife's betrayal through the face of a child that was not his, the man had left without a second glance to the woman he'd promised to stay with forever or the boy he'd raised as his own. This thing the two that remained had could hardly be called a home, and this 'family' was nothing but a fucked-up charade.

"Alright. I'll put some in the fridge for you, if you want it later."

The woman grumbled and rolled to her side, her hair and dress a crazy mess tangled over the chair. Ren left when at last he heard the troubled mumblings and soft snoring that always accompanied her liquor-induced sleep.

By now his dinner had cooled, but on days like this he had little appetite anyhow. He knew he could leave for the night, and that he should, but the last time he'd done that, he'd come home to find his mother at the bottom of the stairs. She'd tripped on her way to search for him and had broken a leg and two ribs, and suffered a severe concussion. She'd almost died. If he'd taken just a little longer to return, she probably would have. And what would he do then, the murderer of his own mother? So he stayed, despite all that happened. Because he didn't know what else to do. He shouldn't care what happened to her, but she was his mother.

And a boy should take care of his mother.

He sat at the table alone, picking at the food a little bit, finally giving up any attempts to finish. He stored his dinner in another container in the fridge, washed the dishes and retired to his room.

It was sparse by any standards, a bed, end table and lamp, bureau and that was about it. But it was neat, the one thing he had control over, the floor clear of debris and his clothes carefully folded or hung in their proper places. It was the only room in the apartment that could make the claim of being presentable.

He threw himself to the meager mattress and pulled a book off the end table. There was no TV in his room, no stereo, no game system, no computer, none of the modern electronic "toys" that most kids his age were used to. Since he didn't go to school anymore, he had no homework to fill his time either. All he had were his books. And even those weren't his. Every single one had been borrowed, sometimes from his scant friends, occasionally from Kusunoki-san, but mostly from the library. All his money went to survival or into his mother's habit when she stole it while he wasn't looking. He couldn't even afford his own cheap entertainment.

But that was OK. As long as he had them to escape to he would beg, borrow and steal to get them. They were that important. He needed them like his mother needed alcohol. It was an addiction that had to be fed, to take him away from his brutal world. He needed them to stomach his reality.

Any kind of book would do, he really wasn't picky. Just as long as he didn't see his life mirrored in its pages. Presently he was in the middle of "Treasure Island", a story of pirates and treasure and adventure on the high seas and a kid named Jim Hawkins. He liked these kinds of stories best; the kind of which he could never even remotely take a part. They made it that much easier to distance himself from the truth.

After a few hours of escape, he yawned widely, his jaw cracking, and he knew that he was much too tired to stay awake. So, putting the book down, he crawled under the covers and tried to get to sleep. This was going to be a fitful night and he'd need what small amount of slumber he could get.

With an almost hesitancy he fell off to sleep.

There was a soft rustle at the edge of his bed was enough to wake him. Looking to the clock that blinked at him from his bedside table, he saw that it was 12:32 am. He really hadn't slept long, but he had slept deep, and he was surprised he hadn't noticed the opening of the door. Maybe he'd become too desensitized to notice anymore.

He faced the wall, trying desperately not to tense as a weight shifted down beside him. A sticky sweet breath ghosted across the nape of his neck and he closed his eyes tight and bit his lip, hoping it would all just go away, willing himself not to be sick. When a cold, deathly hand slid across his small belly, caressing his taut muscles, he willed himself not to be sick. And when that hand pushed itself lower, beneath his pants, beneath his boxers, grabbing him almost gently, almost lovingly, he willed himself not to be sick.

Even when he heard his named whispered wet and lustily against his ear, he willed himself not to be sick.

It was easier this way. To just close his eyes and let it happen. She needed him and he needed to be there for her. So he let it happen when she rolled him over to his back, and when she threw off the covers and pulled off his clothes, exposing him to the cold night air.

He could feel the goose bumps race down his flesh and he shivered. He kept his eyes closed and his body motionless as he felt it all, though he tried not to. He try to imagine it was some cute girl he seen on the street, or a neighbor's daughter, or Kei, or even Chiaki, her pregnant swelling stomach out-to-here, or damn near anyone. Just anyone but her. And it was easier than once it was. No matter what he felt or what he heard, if he didn't see her, it was easier.

He made the mistake once, long ago, of opening his eyes. In a way, he hadn't recognized her, but that hadn't made it easier. She was sweaty and mussed and panting like some rabid animal. She frantically uttered his name and the name of his "father", mixing the two together until they could no longer be distinguished from each other.

Because back then she couldn't remember who he was.

He'd wanted to cry and vomit at the same time, his body convulsing slightly under the pressure.

She hadn't seemed to mind.

Which only made him more ill as he tried in vain to fight down the bitter bile that was creeping up his throat. He had turned his head to the side and was violently sick over the edge of the bed. The spasms of his little body hadn't bothered her.

So he didn't open his eyes anymore.

He didn't open his eyes because it was easier now.

He could just wait for her to finish. He could pretend it wasn't real, that it was a dream. That there was no intoxicated sick woman over him. That he was with Jim Hawkins on a pirate ship on the high seas. He could pretend if he really wanted to, that the rocking of the bed was only the rocking of the boat.

He didn't have to do anything but lay there and wait while his weak body betrayed him.

It was not like when he was a child. Back then he'd be forced to the bed, struggling and screaming as her weight pressed down on him trying to feel something. But it was never enough and she'd grow angry and beat him till he was bruised and bloody. Then he had to be conscious, he had to be aware, had to take an active role. He would cry and he'd scream, but she would just hold him tight, as his small body thrashed in her unnatural embrace and . . . and then he was seven and he was eight and he was nine and now he was seventeen and he didn't have to do anything anymore.

And it was easier.

He felt his traitorous body suddenly stiffen and release, the sound of her voice echoing painfully in his ears. That's what made him the most sick. He had no control over his own body and it did whatever it wanted with no concern with how _he_ felt. But it was over now. He wouldn't have to think about it again, not until the next time.

After an eternity, he felt the release of her weight as she flopped down ungracefully at his side. His body felt sticky and sweaty and sick and was desperate to wash up, but he waited to feel the rhythmic breathing of her sleep before he opened his eyes.

He looked out into the darkness for a moment, trying to calm himself, and then rose from the bed. Not bothering to dress, he simply grabbed his discarded pajamas, walked into the bathroom and promptly threw up.

It was like a ritual. Every time, his stomach emptied itself of all that he'd eaten and once that was spent, he'd be wracked with dry heaves so harsh they made his eyes water. Then he'd get into the shower, turn the water to as hot as he could tolerate and scrub his skin until it was pink and raw.

Slowly, he got dressed and exited into the hallway. The smell that hit him, of sweat and alcohol and _them_, almost made him sick again, so he quickly shut the bedroom door.

Tomorrow, everything would be washed.

He was completely spent, physically and emotionally, and slowly dragged himself to the living room couch. As he threw himself down, he was utterly exhausted, but knew that sleep would not come easily.

Because this was nothing new.

Because even though it was killing him, he would let it happen again. He always did, he had to. Because she was his mother and she needed him to take care of him in every way or she would end up killing herself. Because she was his mother and she was sick and a son should take care of his sick mother.

Because she was his mother and it was all his fault.

He curled himself on the sofa, and pulling a ratty old blanket over him, he tried to empty his mind of everything but pirates and treasure and good old Jim Hawkins.

Eventually, he fell into a restless sleep.

When he woke in the morning, he once again showered and scrubbed until he could pretend he was clean. And as he entered his room to get a change of clothes, he tried to ignore the gentle snoring of the woman in his bed.

But when he was cleaned up and dressed and appeared to the whole world as nothing but your average teenage boy, he'd look in the mirror and know it wasn't true. The mirror does not lie.

It could be seen in his eyes that looked so tired and guilty, the skin that looked so sallow, and the mouth that still held her stinking sweet breath, regardless of how much he brushed his teeth. No matter how he combed his hair, how he wore his clothes, no matter how neat and proper he made himself, it was still there.

There are some things that would not wash away.

And every day, when he went to work, met people in the street or the bus or wherever else he might go, he prayed to God or the Devil or whoever may be listening that they wouldn't see the big red "sin" written across his forehead.

-------------------------

He turned around after closing his front door and noticed that there thankfully was no over-protective, somewhat nosy, though well-intentioned pregnant blonde girl standing there, waiting to get in his way. There was no bag with him today, and he closed his eyes in semi-contentment, knowing that he'd be spared at least one unwanted difficulty today: he didn't have to work at the restaurant. One job days were always better than two, even if that one job was at "The Porcelain Bowl". But today was not one of those days.

Today was all about the puppies.

Letting his mind settle around that simple thought, he bounded down the stairs, relishing these few moments of uninterrupted freedom.

"Ren?" A soft voice called out to him from somewhere above.

Did he say uninterrupted?

The boy stopped in his tracks and craned his head upward to see his friendly neighbor leaning over the third story railing and watching him rather intently. Chiaki's hair framed her face and with the sunlight streamed through it and her hands resting gently on the railing, she looked a bit angelic. Despite his small annoyance at being bothered, he couldn't hide the smile he gave her.

"What is it, Chiaki?" He asked off-handedly. Then, without warning or apparent reason, he braced himself on the stair suddenly and pointed his finger at her, a threatening warning. "And you stay right where you are! I don't want to have to try and catch you after you fall down two flights!"

The girl's face scrunched up into a smile. "I was planning on staying here. I was just going to ask you if you wanted to go with me someplace on Saturday. Kei's gonna be out of town this weekend, but she thought you might want to go. She said you didn't have to work at the restaurant, so I was hoping you'd have time."

Ren lowered his hand to his head in thought. That's right, he remembered now that Kei was going to be gone and he didn't have work. He'd been thinking of putting in some extra time at the kennel and maybe stopping off at the library to avoid going home as long as possible. But going somewhere else might be a nice change. Since he was at the library so often, they were beginning to get a little too familiar with him and sticking their noses into things that didn't concern them. And more importantly, into things that he'd much rather not talk about.

"That depends," he finally called up. "Where exactly are you going?"

"There's a fair going on at a school across town. My dad got tickets from one of his co-workers; he thought I might like to go." She shrugged her shoulders indifferently. "It might be fun. We'd at least get out of this boring place for a while. And at any rate, since my father's the one that got the tickets, for once I won't have to argue with him about whether or not I can go out."

It was clear where Chiaki got part of her personality from. "Over-protective" wasn't even close to adequate to describe how it was that her father treated her. Not that he could be blamed; he'd been lenient and trusting with her before and she'd gotten herself pregnant and expelled from school. But "getting out of the house" was certainly not the only reason she'd asked Ren. She'd intended to go with her best friend, sure, but it was also true that Ren needed an escape, if only for a few hours. Maybe even see a better part of the world of which he saw so little. Perhaps things had really turned out for the best.

Ren looked up critically at the girl, considering her offer. Seemed harmless and entertaining enough. And if she'd asked Kei first, at least he could hope it wasn't another pity invite, but a back-up. Somehow, being second choice was better than being plain pathetic.

He shrugged with a smile, agreeing. "Sure, why not? Sounds like fun."

Chiaki practically jumped. "Great! I'll 'pick you up' at nine o'clock, OK?"

Ren just waved in understanding, and tumbled down the rest of the stairs, actually feeling a little bit lighter in his step at the prospect of something different.

------------------------------

The next few days passed without incident, at least without any unique incident. Saturday rolled around, and Ren tidied himself as best he could, considering he now wore rather obviously the evidence of his most recent beating. The bastards had done quite a job on him for it to last this long. He looked the worse for wear. The bruises, most specifically the black eye, had turned to the lovely brown and yellow shades that hematomas did with the passage of time.

He took a quick check of the apartment, noticing that his mother still lay passed out, draped inelegantly over the broken down armchair, a bottle of vodka hanging precariously from her sleep-numbed fingers. The boy wandered over and gently pulled the bottle from her hand to bring it to the kitchen and out of harm's way. He could have thrown it away, but there was no point; she'd just find another way to get more, and then on top of it all off, she'd have been furious with him. Sighing, he stared momentarily at the label before setting it silently to the countertop.

There was a quiet rap on the door so, shoving his keys into his pocket, he opened it and watched as Chiaki smiled and backed away, giving him room to exit.

"Ready?" She asked unnecessarily.

He nodded and adjusted the sleeve on his shirt for no apparent reason other than cover his slight discomfort. The girl reached up her hand to brush some bangs from his face, resting for a second on his bruised cheek, caressing it comfortingly. "Well, then, let's go."

The fair was a pleasant enough diversion, a nice change of pace as the two friends played games and snacked on some of the food. For the most part ignoring the strange and blatant stares they kept receiving. Not that it was surprising, two unknown kids wandering around, a boy with a healing black eye and scarred face escorting a very clearly pregnant underage girl. God only knows what they thought. But both being used to unwanted attention and rude behavior from strangers, they were able to put the looks out of their mind and enjoy themselves.

They had just attempted catching goldfish, both failing miserably and were about to head to the pitching cage so Ren could try to support his claim of having a "mean fastball". On the way, Chiaki became momentarily distracted by some fancy jewelry display when Ren suddenly keeled over.

He stumbled forward, his arms clutching his stomach as if that could somehow stop the nausea that attacked his gut. The world was spinning around him, the dizzying effect making him stumble further, almost falling over, until a pair of warm arms caught him.

"Ren! Are you alright?! What happened?" It was Chiaki of course, leaning over Ren protectively and rubbing his back.

But he barely registered her presence, amidst the sickness and the spinning; there was something else, some strange familiar feeling. It felt like a call, a pull, but it was so strong and so unknown, that the sheer forced behind it was what was making him ill. It was trying to make itself known but couldn't; it was hitting a wall somewhere inside him and the effect was almost numbing.

Chiaki eased him back up as she continued to soothe his back with a warm, soft hand and whisper comforting words. But Ren was paying her no heed, instead darting his eyes this way and that as if the cause of his condition was somewhere outside of him. However, his eyes caught nothing to prove it.

"Ren, you don't look good. Are you OK?" The boy shook his head fervently as his hand flew to his mouth, in an attempt to quell the bile that was rising in his throat. "Do you want to go home?" He nodded carefully, trying not to jar his head too much and avoid making himself sicker than he already was.

Chiaki put her arm around his shoulder and began to guide him away, back to the bus stop where they first arrived. After crossing the street, she sat him down gently on a bench, seating herself beside him, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. She kept taking tiny sidelong glances to him, concern etching her eyes. She hoped that nothing worse had happened to bring on this latest bout of illness; the boy never took good care of himself and practically worked himself to death. Her hands kneaded anxiously in the folds of her skirt, easing only slightly when she saw Ren slowly straighten up, taking deep, calming breaths.

"Feeling better?" The girl asked cautiously.

Ren only smiled weakly at her in response. His stomach had settled considerably, and the world had finally stopped whirling. With a great sigh, he leaned back against the bench and closed his eyes, letting his mind wander. That feeling that overtook him so strongly: what was it? It was trying to tell him something but was silenced. Something he should know, but for some reason couldn't recall. Ah, that didn't even make any sense. What was he thinking?

Letting his arms rest on the back of the bench, he titled his head back forward and re-opened his eyes, his movement stopping cold. His eyes caught on to someone standing just across the street, and his mind whirled in confusion.

Kei? What was she doing here? Wasn't she supposed to be out of town?

But as he watched the person more closely, his gaze stuck to it like a magnet, he realized it wasn't Kei at all. This person's hair was a little darker, hanging down in a long flowing tail that waved a little in the small breeze. They were taller than Kei, and had small wire-rimmed glasses that perched on the top of an aquiline nose. And of course there was the fact that this person was _male_.

Yes, there was that.

Ren watched the boy across the street as the teen seemed desperate to find something. Ren's recent nausea was completely forgotten. Without really thinking about it, Ren traced the other's movements, noticing that even with his frantic behavior he had a grace, an almost elegance. The blond watched the length of hair that danced across the boy's back, entrancing him like a hypnotic snake. His skin was creamy pale and Ren wondered absently if it was as soft as Kei's. The teen's frame was tall and lean, angled and straight and Ren found it just as attractive a shape as Kei's round and curved girlish form. Maybe even more so and . . .

_And what the hell?!_

Ren jerked his gaze away to stare blankly down at the sidewalk beneath him, a gentle blush dusting his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. What was wrong with him? Why was he sitting here, thinking about the possible attraction of some _guy_? This was a male he was thinking about and what the hell? Well, he did look a little like Kei. That must be it. He just reminded him of Kei and she was the one who was supposed to be here with Chiaki, so she was on his mind, that's all. Yeah, that's it. It had to be; it couldn't possibly be anything else.

He eased the breath he hadn't realized had become so heavy, fisting hands that had fallen from their perch on the back of the bench. But even with his mind's reassurances that his attention was nothing but confused distraction, there was a tiny voice hiding in the back that refuted this claim. He willed it to be quiet, but the nagging little voice was still there.

Against his better judgment, his looked once more from the corner of his eye at the figure across the street. And without warning, his stomach flipped over painfully as the boy looked straight at him, yet didn't seem to see him. Ren doubled over once more, the feeling stronger this time and Chiaki leaned across him in concern. Just then, the bus pulled up and blocked the view on the other side of the street. Hooking an arm about the boy's waist, the blonde girl helped him stand and led him over to the bus door.

He looked sheepishly over at her as she pushed him on board. "How pathetic is this?" He said, blushing deeper. "I should be helping you, not the other way around."

Chiaki just shook her head. "Don't worry about it."

Then the two took their seats quickly, both lost in their own, individual worrying thoughts. Chiaki was concerned over Ren's sudden downturn in health whereas Ren couldn't stop mulling over his strange staring at and sizing up of a boy he didn't even know.

He had the sinking feeling that something was chasing him, hot on his heels, and he wasn't quite sure he wanted it to catch him.


	10. 10: Sweet Dreams or: The Meeting

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

Sweet Dreams  
Or: The Meeting

He roused rather pleasantly as his eyes opened slowly to meet the morning light. For the first time in a long time, his dreams were not some irrelevant mess of nonsense things or some horrible and bloody image from his "past". No, the dreams that woke him were quite sweet indeed, giving him a gentle comfort that warmed his body upon waking.

Although they were a bit strange.

He'd dreamt of sleeping. _How strange is that_? he thought. Very, in his opinion. Who ever dreams about sleeping? In fact he hadn't really thought such a thing was possible, but there it was. But that's not really what made him cherish these dreams. No, it was the person with him and the sensations elicited by his nearness as he slumbered; that's what made them so painfully sweet. In his dream he would be resting on a bench or on the grass or some other random place. Each time with a warm welcome weight lying against him. It felt so perfect to have this person nestled snugly into his side that Rai felt that of all the memories he had, this was favorite. And it wasn't even from his present life. But the weight against his shoulder had made him feel like home, for lack of a better term, making him wish the dream would never end. So reluctant was he to wake in fact, that when he did open his eyes to find himself alone and in his bed, he was filled with disappointment.

Still groggy, Rai turned onto his side and closed his eyes once more, trying to recapture the image that had recently played on the backs of his eyelids. But he couldn't quite grasp it, all he could do was try to recall what he could _He could remember looking down in his dream to see who it was that had made him feel so at peace. And he was not surprised to see that it was the boy Ren. The one he'd only yesterday regrettably let slip through his fingers. Without conscious thought, he'd lifted his hand to run gently through messy hair, brushing it from the boy's face to get a better look. He smiled. Ren looked perfectly innocent and angelic, consuming Rai with the overwhelming desire to lean down and kiss him._

_So he did._

_Gently, he pressed his lips to the blond's forehead, much in the way a mother would. And it felt nice. Very, very nice. He wondered how much different and better it would feel if he'd been able to give him a real kiss, not this innocent little thing between friends or family. But he wouldn't do it. It would be unfair, not knowing what Ren would think of it. And he wasn't about to risk alienating him; he wanted to keep Ren by his side, in whatever capacity that might be. So instead, he'd simply leaned his head on the other boy's and held the smaller frame protectively. Feeling his heart speed up just a touch, he let himself be content as the two of them shared a moment of uncommon peace. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, the most important person in his life cradled in his arms._

Oddly enough, that's when he'd woken up.

And he'd discovered a few things in the process. Nana was definitely right. "Friends" wasn't exactly accurate to name what they had. Although it wasn't entirely inaccurate either. They were friends, but he had secretly harbored a wish for more. What he'd felt for Ren back then held friendship, true, but there was also need and want, and a small hidden hope for something different. Something that at the time he'd thought was impossible. But back then, they'd been fighting demons and fighting for their lives. Not exactly the time to start a new and somewhat awkward relationship. But there were no such obstacles now. Was this_ their_ second chance?

But their second chance for what exactly, he still didn't quite know.

The way his mind and body had instinctively reacted had both confused and frightened him. His former self desired to take Ren as his own. His former self would be fairly content to keep Ren locked up in a cage like some exotic creature. But how did he feel now? When he'd seen him yesterday, something stirred in him that he'd never felt before. A fierce possessiveness that scared him, but behind all that was something much deeper. But was that only based on "memories" or was it real? And of course the Ren that existed now might be quite different himself. If only Rai could see him again, then maybe he could clarify this. It was a strange thought, to wonder over his feelings for a boy he'd only seen for the first time the day before.

But did he? Did he have a chance with Ren?

Involuntarily, the thought brought a heated blush to his face, making him hide under the sheets as if there were someone there to see and judge. He was behaving silly, almost like some lovesick schoolgirl and it didn't even make any sense. He wasn't sure of what his feelings were yet. He rolled himself onto his back and stared up at the ceiling blankly, an arm draped over his forehead. His life had suddenly changed dramatically. But he would just go with it. Finding out he'd lived a past life was tough. Discovering that it was a brutal and bloody one was worse. But he'd dealt with both of those revelations quite well, all things considered.

Realizing that the reason he'd never had a girlfriend might be because he's probably just plain not into girls was easy.

Compared to everything else, it wasn't even worth a moment of thought.

Not when finding the reason for his epiphany was dangling there in front of him.

But now two things had become painfully clear. First, he was apparently not the person he'd previously thought he was. And secondly, and more importantly, he needed to discover precisely what that dream meant and if they represented him or only some previous life.

He thought he knew, but he had to be sure. Right now he was not. And more than anything, he wanted to know that addictive feeling again, the one brought on by Ren.

He wanted it at any cost.

------------------------------------

The school was quiet as the day slowly ticked through the morning, so close to vacation break that most classes were poor excuses for education. That's why it was so easy for her to barge in another class unannounced.

She flew into the murky, cramped computer lab as though she were on a mission. But in a way, she was. Striding through purposefully and ignoring the stares of the "pathetic nerds" as she called them, she made a beeline for the monitor in the farthest left hand corner. Whipping out her cell phone and flipping it open, she shoved it importantly into the face of the thin boy seated there.

"Find him for me."

Yuu blinked his eyes clear, readjusting them from hours spent staring at a computer screen. He squinted and leaned forward, seeing a picture on the LCD that showed a boy with dirty blond hair standing beside a pretty blonde girl. Yuu lifted his gaze to the angry female standing before him, a bored expression on his face.

"What do you want to do that for?" He asked rather boldly.

Mako's face darkened dangerously, the hand on her hip tightening to a fist. "Not that you need to know, but that appears to be Rai's little secret."

"Oh?" A thin, pale hand reached out and took the phone from Mako, pulled out the memory card and began downloading the stored pictures. "What little secret do you mean?"

Mako smiled like the cat that ate the canary. "It seems that Rai plays for the other team."

Yuu's eyebrow raised in interest. "Really? And how exactly would you know that?"

Mako shrugged as if to say she "just knew" and the boy jerked his chin at her in response. "And what are you going to do once you find him, hmm?"

Another shrug. "Don't know yet, we'll see. Besides, it doesn't much matter. I just want the information. _Now._" She tagged on the order, irritated that Yuu had the nerve to pry into her affairs rather than just do his job.

"Hm." Finished with the download and sifting through the pictures on the screen, the boy leaned back thoughtfully. "And how exactly do you expect me to find him?"

"That's _your_ problem. You're the genius, after all." Without another glance, Mako snatched the phone off the desk and traipsed back towards the door she came in. Pausing a moment with her hand on the frame, she shot back over her shoulder, "And they got on the 90 bus." After dispensing that last bit of knowledge, she went to step out the door.

"What about the girl?!" Yuu shouted back with exasperation and leapt to his feet. Mako was sometimes, or to be honest at most times, the epitome of aggravation.

The brunette girl waved her hand dismissively in the air without a care to his attitude. "Yeah, her too." And so saying, she exited the room, a devious smile on her lips and the thought of prey in her twisted mind.

-------------------------

Kaoru leaned her cheek lazily on her hand as she flipped absently through her magazine. It was a free period, but she had nothing in particular to do but sit here, so that is what she did. She turned the next page and settled it there, resting her hand down and keeping the page, bored out of her mind. Her gaze went to the outside, staring out the window as one of her least favorite people entered the room.

Mako smiled mischievously and sauntered up with a haughty swing in her step which made Kaoru roll her eyes and direct her gaze quite determinedly in the opposite direction.

"So," the little snob interjected into Kaoru's thoughts. "I saw what happened yesterday."

Kaoru hummed indifferently. When she felt the heavy stare still on her, the blue-eyed girl shifted those eyes to look at Mako, who reclined self-importantly on her desk. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, I think you do." Mako leaned forward like some kind of predatory cat, her smile widening sickly. "I was watching it too. _Very interesting._ Seems our little Rai has a thing for littler boys, no?" The princess tilted her head mockingly. "That_ is_ who he was chasing, right? That little blond-haired boy. I wonder what the rest of the school would think it they found out." Upon saying that, she popped her eyes wide and put a finger to her lips in fake girlish fashion, pretending to think it over. After an unnerving moment like that, she settled back into her more natural and condescending smirk. "Hey, to each his own I say, but who would have guessed? Though it does make sense now, doesn't it? After all, there's no other reason he'd be seen with the likes of you except to keep up some kind of front."

Kaoru smiled and turned away, not even bothering to defend herself. "How do you know it wasn't the girl?" She asked, giving away the fact that she did indeed know what Mako referred to.

The brown-eyed girl lifted her eyebrows in amusement at the admission, but simply replied, "Oh, I don't really. But I wouldn't bet on it. Though wouldn't that be a hoot! Perfect Rai and his little illegitimate love child!" She cackled evilly behind her painted nails. Catching her breath after her forced fit of laughter, she lowered her hand and leaned in conspiratorially to whisper, "So what's his name?"

Ignoring the question, Kaoru just mused, "Since when did _we_ become friends?"

Mako snickered amusedly at that. "Goodness dear, we're not. I just thought we could help each other out. You being the jilted lover and all. Well, 'lover' does sound like too strong a word . . ."

Kaoru lifted an eyebrow at that. She'd never been anything of the sort and had never truly intended to be. Interesting that Mako should think so. "Hm. You sound like you're the one in love with him."

"Hardly." There were several minutes of silence as Mako stared with great interest at Kaoru's face while said object of fascination pointedly ignored her. As Mako stared, she planted her painted nails on the wooden desk and began clacking out an annoying rhythm. Kaoru was about ready to break those nails off when the offender spoke up. "So what do you think turned him?"

Kaoru knew Mako was just teasing, trying to get her riled up, but she wasn't about to fall for it. Up until a few weeks ago, she'd never even spoken to Rai and she was certainly not his confidant. She snorted at the girl's idiocy on several points. As if someone just "turned gay" anyway. Kaoru stood up abruptly and headed for the door, facing the other way to hide the smile dancing on her lips. "I don't know. But it's a wonder _all_ the guys in the school aren't gay, seeing as they have to look at you all day."

And with that as her final farewell Kaoru simply walked out the door knowing Mako was right about Rai. But she had quite a few other things to deal with.

Still in the classroom, Mako's lips stretched into a thin, tight line as she watched the other girl exit. Even if the little girl would be no help in "getting" Rai, she was nonetheless too outspoken and arrogant for her own good. She needed to be taken down a peg or two. Still angry, Mako looked down to where the girl had only recently been sitting, only then noticing the magazine that lay open on the desk. Her eyes stopped cold.

With near reverence, she picked up the magazine and skimmed the contents of the article to which it was opened, a long nail tracing the lines of text. Little insignificant girls forgotten, she leapt from her perch on the edge of the table and nearly ran out the door and back to the computer lab with a wicked grin gracing her face.

--------------------------------------

As he sat in the classroom avoiding the rest of the school during lunch period, Rai stared blurredly into space, head on his folded arms, his mind still mulling over the events of the yesterday morning and the day before. His life had been taking several sudden and unexpected turns over the last few weeks. It was a little much to handle all at once, but he did the best he could. He shifted uneasily in his seat, the images and sensations of his dream coming back to him. How silly for such a simple thing to affect him so, but it did.

He was still gazing off into la-la-land when a hand began waving insistently before his unfocused eyes. Blinking them clear, he angled his head to look up while the rest of his body remained motionless.

Nana stood smiling at him in his muffled state and, after a moment, she pulled up a chair to sit across from him, straddling it in a very unladylike fashion.

"Hey there. Where ya been?"

He smiled a bit impishly at her, his mind still a little giddy from the thoughts so recently in it. "I've been here."

"Uh-uh-uh," admonished the girl, wagging a finger at him. "Your body may be here, but your mind was way off in some other dimension." She tilted her head to him. "Whatcha been thinkin' about?"

Rai smiled at her, a slight blush once again gracing his handsome features. Since when did he start behaving like such a girl? Stupid nerves and stupid blushing. Wasn't he supposed to have better control than that? He was hoping it was just from the shock and newness of the situation and that he'd be able to control his reactions much better one he got used to things. For now though, he hid his face by looking away, schooling his voice to sound calm as he answered. "I saw Ren."

Nana leaned over the back of the chair, a huge grin on her face. "Well, that explains it, doesn't it?" She began rocking back and forth on the front legs of her chair, almost as excited as Rai. Despite how it caused a little pain, she truly believed that Ren was the one always meant to be with Rai and she wasn't selfish about it; she wanted what was best for them. "So. . .?" She asked expectantly after her friend failed to elaborate.

"So . . . what?"

She rolled her eyes. Did meeting Ren suddenly make him lose all his intelligence? "So what did you say to him?"

"Nothing. I never got the chance." Sighing, the boy sat up and leaned back into his chair, hands going awkwardly to his pockets. "I couldn't catch up to him before he boarded a bus and got away."

Nana's face fell a little bit at hearing that. She threaded a hand through her hair, a habit more becoming a boy than a girl and stared askance at her friend. All things considered, he looked . . . hopeful. "Well, you know he probably lives in town, then. That's something', ain't it?"

"It's a pretty big town." Rai gave her a charmingly crooked smile.

She kicked him playfully under the desk, not intending to hurt, only to tease. "It is, but you'll find each other. You were just meant to, I'm sure."

"Yeah."

Rai nodded thankfully to his friend and she tapped him with her foot again, accentuating her point. With nothing more to say, the two sat together in companionable silence, each to their own thoughts as Nana watched Rai with interest. After a while, a few students entered the fairly empty room, wandering back from lunch early, murmuring to themselves in a low, gentle hum. Among the new group was Kaoru, now perusing a paper after she'd left her magazine behind. She'd gone back to the room where she left it, but it was no longer there and taken by Mako, no doubt. So, she'd plucked up a paper from the library and ran out with it. A thing which she's technically not supposed to do, but if no one caught her, none's the wiser. Both Rai and Nana had their attention drawn away from their internal musings by the noise carried into the room by the recent intruders. A wince and a thought coming to his head, Rai left his seat and approached the girl he'd so rudely run out on the day of the fair.

Hearing the sound of feet coming closer, Kaoru raised her head from her paper and upon seeing who it was, smiled her sweet smile. Grateful that she still seemed amiable after the way he'd abandoned her, Rai cast back a similar friendly look, his lips curling up slightly on the sides.

"Hi."

"Hello, Rai," Kaoru answered as she took her designated seat, laying the paper down and open to a particular page on the desk in front of her. She awkwardly put her hands in her lap and fiddled with a stray thread that dangled from her otherwise perfect shirt. Rai's expression softened at the poor girl's obvious discomfort

"Um, I'm sorry for the other day. Let me make it up to you," Rai offered, feeling a little guilty that he wasn't really all that sorry about it, given the reason and situation.

"You don't have to do that."

"No, no, I want to." Rai looked around a little frantically, realizing now, of all times, that he hadn't come up with a way to so-call "make it up to her". Then his eyes caught sight of the paper in front of the girl which now displayed an advertisement on one of the most celebrated restaurants in the city. "How about I take you to dinner? Here," he said, pointing to the ad. "My treat, as an apology to a friend."

Blue eyes darted to the declared place and opened wide, her head whipping up to look at him. "But that's so expensive! I couldn't possibly . . ."

Rai laughed good-naturedly. "Don't worry about it, it's covered. What do you say?"

Kaoru let herself smile once more and nodded her head in agreement. "Sure."

"Great, I'll meet you there at six, is that alright?"

The girl simply nodded her head again and Rai gave her a winning smile in response, just before bidding her goodbye and heading out the door.

Nana waved back as he told her goodbye as well, her gaze curiously turning to the brunette girl once Rai disappeared from sight. Her eyes narrowed in confusion and a little irritation. Rai had better get his act together and let this girl go, if he was ever to get back with Ren.

Apparently, seeing the boy after so much time apart really had dissolved his brain.

Sighing to herself, she picked up her books and headed out the door and to her afternoon class.

---------------------------

Rai arrived early, after how badly he'd behaved with her the last time; he really didn't want to exacerbate things by making her wait this time around. He checked his watch again. 6:14, it read. It seemed arriving early wasn't an issue, she was back to arriving late. If she showed up at all. He heaved a sigh. He wouldn't blame her if she skipped out, but their little talk earlier in the day had been promising, or so he'd thought at the time. It was weird, but he really didn't want her upset at him. After all, it really was thanks to her that he'd seen Ren in the first place; even it was in a roundabout way.

Casually, he put his hands into his pockets. Just a little bit longer. It was OK to wait just a little bit longer.

Right as he was thinking this, he heard the staccato clack-clack-clack of quickly approaching feet. Looking up, he saw Kaoru once again running, nearly breathless, and he could feel a weight lifted from his shoulders.

"Sorry I'm late!" She called to him as she waved her hand, a purse flying crazily in the other. Stopping the moment she reached him, she put her hand to her chest trying to catch her breath and explained, "Parents." As if that said it all.

Of course, "parents" was often a valid excuse whether you were five or fifty-five, and he accepted it, uncaring of the full reason. He was only glad she didn't seem angry with him. Gesturing with his head he walked inside, holding the door open for the girl who followed shortly after.

After settling at the table that Kaoru had picked (apparently she was fussy about where she sat), the two shortly placed their orders and began their meal. Rai felt himself falling into a comfortable conversation with the girl, relieved that she really didn't seem upset, but not regretting that he'd taken the time to make it up to her. Little gestures now were better than giant amends later. He kept catching her giving him a curious look, her lips parting slightly as if there was a question in the tip of her tongue. But when she opened her mouth to voice it, she swallowed it back down, saying something simple and relatively pointless instead. It was beginning to make him a bit nervous.

Even so, their dinner was enjoyable and once the last of the dishes were cleared away, Kaoru rose, excusing herself to the "powder room", leaving Rai to muse over the fact that a girl her age used such an out-dated term. He sat quietly by himself, slowly nursing his drink with the melted down ice cubes when he felt it. Actually, as strange as it sounds, particularly in the middle of a packed restaurant, he _smelled_ it.

A familiar scent, gentle and cool like a breeze, and somewhat intoxicating. He knew that scent. From somewhere deep down in his memories, from dreams that always seemed real, he knew that scent. Jumping up like a classless idiot, he desperately looked around, disregarding the curious looks he was getting, and ignoring the dark stare he was receiving from the man whom he assumed was the owner.

His second chance! It had come so much sooner than he had expected, but he was determined not to waste it. His eyes scanned the room quickly as he tried to pinpoint the direction the scent emanated from. And his eyes alighted on him. Dressed up nicely, in black pants and bow tie and crisply pressed white shirt, the blond boy with the golden brown eyes leaned over a table, piling dishes carefully into a tall stack.

_He worked here!_

How lucky was that? Nana was right; bless her twice-born soul! Without the frozen idiocy he displayed last time, he forced his feet to move, heading straight for the other teen. Ren didn't even notice the brunette's approach as he continued with the stacking of dishes. That is, he didn't until Rai came within approximately five feet of him, at which point Ren's hands fell to the edge of the table, gripping it tight, trying to steady his suddenly churning stomach. His breath quickened as he tried to calm himself, furious and wondering at what kept making him feel so ill so suddenly. Maybe he should see a doctor.

Yeah, and maybe he should rob a bank so he'd have the money to pay . . .

"Excuse me," Said a somewhat tentative, but definitely masculine voice from behind him. Steeling himself as best he could with years of practiced care, Ren turned around, a small smile to his face. And his mouth fell open.

It was him.

That guy from the fair, of all people. Damn his luck and the way fate essentially wanted to screw with him. He so did not need this, not with everything else. He did not need another complication in his already complicated life. Especially after he'd decided to forget the strange thoughts that he'd had about this boy he didn't know. Clearing his throat noisily, he pretended it didn't bother him and made his voice as steady as possible.

"Can I help you?"

Rai's mouth went dry. After all this time, these last few weeks (and eighteen years apparently, which was about how long it felt right now), his voice decided to leave him. He saw the blond across from him become more and more nervous, his brow furrowing a bit . . cutely. Rai cursed at himself. _That's it!_ He swallowed hard and said the only thing that came to his mind. "Ren?"

The blond's eyes turned scared and his voice shook when he spoke, a breath above a whisper. "What?"

But nothing more was said. The two separated souls just stared at each other, Rai's face sad and confused, Ren becoming more frightened by the minute. Slowly, tentatively, Ren took a step back. Something about this just seemed different, strange, just . .unrecognizable. Or too much so. He didn't know which and he wasn't prepared to deal with it. He took another step back.

"Wait." Rai said suddenly, making them both jump. Ren tensed and the other knew it was now or never, Ren was ready to run so stop him. And Rai reached out his hand and took the other boy by the arm, the contact seeming to be about so much more.

And the dam broke.

Memories poured into them both with such force that it was dizzying. Ren's mind was filled with a myriad of images familiar and strange, of a childhood he didn't remember and a past filled with the face of the boy standing across from him. It was too much, too unknown, just too goddamn weird. And it terrified him. He wasn't ready for this, whatever it was. Pulling strength from somewhere he didn't even know he had, he yanked his arm free, stopping the flow of images and stared at Rai a moment more with blatant fear in his eyes. Without further warning, he turned and bolted into the kitchen, the door swinging widely behind him.

Falling against the kitchen wall and breaking into a cold sweat, Ren wiped the moisture from his forehead, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. Ignoring the stares he was getting from the staff, he banged the back of his head on the wall behind him, only one thought going through it.

_What the fuck was that?!_

The same relative thing was going through Rai's mind as well, only slightly more polite. He found himself frozen once again, but this time with good reason. His brain was desperately trying to sort out the huge amount of information it was so suddenly and violently bombarded with. He remembered times from his childhood, times from his adolescence. He remembered his time as the shield and his time as a devil. But most of all, he remembered Ren. He remembered Ren and what he'd meant to him. Both the first time they met as children and the second time he'd saved him as teenagers. He remembered what he'd seen, how they'd lived, what he'd tried to do to him.

Oh, dear God in heaven, he remembered the end.

_He remembered everything. _And it instantly put him at a loss at what to do. It was not exactly what he'd been expecting and now all that he'd thought he knew was twisted into something else.

But did Ren remember too? How Rai had betrayed him, how he'd tried to kill him? Did he even understand back then just how much he'd regretted what had happened?

Did he remember how he'd hated him?

Or more . . . how he'd loved him?

Things just took a dark and complicated turn. He blinked and looked over to the direction Ren had escaped to. He should go, he should find out. He moved a foot forward.

But a soft voice stopped him.

"You really like him, don't you?"

And it seemed he was about to do the same thing he'd done last time to the girl and abandon her without reason or warning. Unfortunately, he felt he owed her an explanation; she deserved that much. Slowly, he turned to face Kaoru and saw her standing there, pretty and petite, her hands holding her purse delicately in front of her, a gentle smile on her face. Unable to face that expression, he shifted his gaze to the ground and continued in his silence.

But Kaoru's smile only stretched. "I thought as much." Rai lifted his head, confused. "I'm not so stupid or blind as people think. I saw who you were chasing that day. It was that same boy."

"Yeah," uttered Rai, barely heard above the constant chatter of customers as guilt and embarrassment filled him.

Kaoru shook her head, dismissing his unspoken apology. "Don't worry about it. You can't help what you feel, can you?" She shrugged her shoulders. "It's just how things are. From the beginning, we were only just friends and it's always best to follow your heart, _even_ if it means making someone else stand alone." She sighed heavily. "And it kinda makes things easier, you know? To know that's it's nothing about me, or at least nothing I could control anyway. Well, not without a lot of money and a whole lot of surgery, that is." The girl laughed just a little.

Rai's smile deepened, thankful for her understanding. His eyes gazed back to the kitchen door as it swung again, this time from a waiter who'd just walked through. He was still debating chasing after Ren when he felt the small pressure of a kind hand on his arm, gently holding him back.

"Drive me home." The girl said in a tender demand. "I know you want to follow, but he ran out of here pretty fast. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say he needs a little time." She inclined towards Rai and murmured to him secretively. "Don't scare him off. You know where he works now. Best to come back at another time, no?"

Rai looked at her and, seeing the confident smile on her face, he nodded an assent. Thinking about it, he realized she was right; it seemed the situation and Ren himself would have to be handled with great care. And now that he knew where to find him, they'd have time. So for just right now, he'd give him that time.

And he was going to need it too, to process all the information he'd so suddenly and cruelly been given. If he were to just jump in now, he might say or do the wrong thing and ruin it all before it had the chance to start. He'd calm down and think, and then he'd make his move, whatever that may be.

At any rate he'd gotten some of the clarification he'd sought.

He now knew without a doubt that he wanted Ren back in his life.


	11. 11: Moths

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

Moths

It had been nearly a week since the "incident" as he chose to call it. And he'd been able to avoid a lot of things in that time, giving him the chance to reflect, for better or worse. He hadn't had to go through the bad section of town in a while, and by now most of his bruises and cuts were healed, all except for the particularly bad or persistent ones. His mother had been one of her better, more lucid moods where she was angry and defiant, but not altogether screwed up. She'd remained in a sate of relative sobriety since the liquor had run out along with most of Ren's hard-earned savings. All of this meant that she was at last partially aware of the fact that she was his mother and behaved at least somewhat accordingly. He wondered sometimes if she even knew the things she did when she was completely drunk. He'd heard that people who were severely alcoholic would have "black-outs" and not remember what they had done. It would fit with the way she acted both then and now, seemingly unaware of how she behaved. He fervently hoped that was the case, especially since it did seem plausible. Because when she was sober, none of it seemed to bother her. And that would be worse.

But that was not the point.

The point was, in the time between then and now, he'd found time to think, and moreover to worry. The "incident" plagued at his mind every chance it got. It had been so bizarre, so scary, and so inexplicably familiar that he just didn't like it. There was something about that boy, the one with the long black hair and jade colored eyes, something that went far beyond his passing resemblance to Kei. He unnerved him. Ren kept trying to convince himself that his preoccupation with the strange boy was based on his similarity to Kei and nothing more, but that never did quite wash. _He wasn't that similar_. Not really. They had the same relative coloring and that was all. But even that was different. Kei's eyes were a shade darker, her hair in curls and not pin straight, and the boy, whoever he was, wore glasses and was considerably taller. And of course there was the whole issue of being of two genders. No, they weren't alike at all. So that couldn't be why he'd spent so much time thinking about a boy who, as it turned out, bore little resemblance to anyone he knew.

And now, to compound everything else there was the little matter of the dreams. Dreams, visions, delusions, whatever you wanted to call them. Ever since those first ones hit him when the boy touched his arm, he had had disturbingly familiar and yet foreign dreams. Not many, but enough to bother him. Always the same, always he and this nameless boy, usually as children, fighting or playing, and always the same few images he'd seen that first day. And nothing more. It made absolutely no sense. Maybe he'd led a completely different life before everything happened, a life that till now he'd conveniently blocked out. It was possible. He'd actually made a great effort to forget most of his life in the time before his father left. He didn't want to remember happier times; it made the later ones that much harder to bear. It was easier if he didn't have to think about it.

But what if these visions were telling him just that? That there was a better life waiting for him somewhere? He was torn between wanting to find out and terrified that it really was a delusion.

He carefully stacked the porcelain dishes onto the tray, his eyes in a vacant stare. On the edge of his unfocused vision, an elderly couple smiled at him and he automatically smiled back, revealing none of the turmoil inside. He'd long since learned to become a good actor. Balancing the tray with well-practiced care, he walked into the kitchen, not paying any real attention to what he was doing. Even the noises of anxious clattering and the shouting of angry chefs only registered in the furthermost corners of his mind.

On auto pilot, he removed the dishes from the tray and piled them into the stacks ready for washing. As he stood up straight, he caught sight of a dark-haired blur that looked at him curiously before disappearing through the swinging doors.

Kei. He'd been avoiding her all week. She kept throwing him questioning glances, silently asking him for an explanation, but not pressing the point more than was necessary. Every time he looked at her, she reminded Ren of _him,_ and he got an extra dose of guilt with his already heavy confusion. It just accentuated the fact that he was bothered and that he wasn't the only one affected.

It used to be that Kei was his escape. Like his books, she allowed him to forget his problems and pretend he was just an ordinary high-school kid and not a dropout working two jobs to support his alcoholic, disturbed mother. No, he could ignore the rest of the world and imagine his life was very different when he was with Kei. Because she didn't know. Well, she knew about the bullies, knew that he'd dropped out of school, but that was the extent of her knowledge. And she never mentioned it, never made it seem like what he'd been forced to do was unfair or wrong. If anything, she deemed his sacrifices for his mother to be noble and the beatings to be unfair but easily avoided if given the chance. No, Kei thought well of him, saw him as troubled but a stellar example of rising above it. She was his escape, simple and sweet. But not anymore.

Now, as he walked back into the dining hall, he was reminded of the sudden curve in the straight road that was his life, one that made no sense and yet seemed to dip down into his memory. Not to mention, he couldn't let her know how much he'd been distracted of late by someone else, not after she'd been so patient with him. How could he look at her and say, "There's this guy I met and I've been thinking about him a lot and I think we might have some connection. Oh, and he looked a little like you." No, that's just not something you say, is it?

But she was good and patient and accustomed to his bouts of anti-social behavior. So although she watched him, she let him be. It wasn't fair to her, Ren was aware of this. But he couldn't stop it either. Some part of him didn't want her to know about the boy. And certainly less that he's been on his mind more than she had been. A little voice in his mind told him the two should be kept separate. He didn't quite understand where it stemmed from, but he heeded it nonetheless.

The fading colors of day shone harshly through the front window, temporarily blinding Ren and causing him to glance outside. The sun was just beginning to set, casting the sky into hues of pink, purple and orange as it disappeared behind the horizon. It was a beautiful sight and he found himself staring with certain regret in his eyes. Most people would welcome the view, not just for its beauty, but for its indicator that the day was coming to a close and soon they'd be able to head home to their loved ones. But not Ren. As pretty as it was, he hated the sunset. He hated going home. But his mother had been doing well these past few days. Perhaps, if he were lucky, she'd be in a good mood today. Perhaps he'd be able to broach the subject of her getting help. One day he hoped she'd finally listen.

"REN! I don't pay you to stare at the scenery! Get back to work!"

His boss's harsh, loud voice broke violently through his musings. Ducking unconsciously as if that would somehow make him less culpable, Ren grabbed his newest stack of dishes and hurried back into the kitchen, his mind clear of anything save work.

He didn't want to spend any more time stressing over pointless things. His life was what it was; there was no changing it now. Some people just got dealt a better hand than others. And he had his established escape from reality. And that was more than many people could claim.

It was meaningless to spend time imaging a life that didn't exist and a boy that could offer nothing better.

Dismissing all things from his mind, he went back to work and waited for the day to end as the sun slowly sunk below the buildings, casting the world into another night.

---------------------------------------------------------

The streets were well past dark and empty by the time the restaurant closed down and Ren was allowed to leave. Not bothering to bid farewell to the boss who had little inclination for niceties, and expertly avoiding a certain dark-haired girl, the boy exited the building and entered the unwelcoming outside. At least on his way home he generally had little cause for concern or reason to worry over the path he took. First off, he rarely if ever passed anyone else. It seemed odd, but maybe at night the gangs and whatnot rabble sought each other rather than hapless victims since the latter was few and far between. More importantly, at night he had, as a rule, no real need to get home quickly thus allowing him to take his time and go the long way around and avoid any foreseeable problems.

Although now he had just been given the additional task of trying to clear a mind that very obviously did not want to do so.

Kei had looked at him with that hurt understanding that she did when he went, as she said, into one of his moods. The girl probably thought Venus was in retrograde or some such other nonsense he didn't understand. If he was entirely honest with himself, her absolute belief in superstition and myth was terribly annoying. At most times he tolerated it, but it just seemed so odd. She was smart, so how could she believe in anything so clearly made-up? He didn't put any credence into such things.

Of course at the moment that belief of hers was particularly annoying because of what had happened the other day and how well it fit into that set of rules.

Again: that boy.

Goddamn him and the strange doubt he brought with him. Ren's mind still felt confused, at odds with itself, the last bits of that incident still bubbling to the surface. A simple, pointless thing as that should not have been preoccupying him as much as it did. Those images were an accident, the cause of too much stress, too much holding everything in. Even _he_ knew that wasn't healthy.

It was just that the opposite seemed worse.

And despite his telling himself that those images were nothing more than an overactive stressed mind letting loose, deep down he didn't believe it. He was thinking more like Kei than he was like himself. Maybe he'd been spending too much time with her and her weird habits were rubbing off.

It was the only logical explanation.

A sharp breeze whistled through the street as he walked and he pulled his coat tightly around himself for warmth. The weather report hadn't said anything about the temperature dipping this low, but he'd long since learned not to trust them anyway. They were about as reliable as the horoscopes Kei was so fond of.

His jacket whipped about him, letting the air in and billowing out the folds like a balloon, making him colder than he was before he'd wrapped the cloth around himself. He stopped in his tracks a moment, letting the sudden wind pass, hoping for the air to still before he moved forward. The lamp that stood next to him sputtered and crackled, its light flickering out before being restored to a much dimmer glow. As if it were calling him, Ren looked up to it, noticing almost absently the bugs orbiting it like a tiny, life-giving sun. But it was just like the real sun, dangerous if you got too close, harsh and warm and everything contradictory all at the same time. His eyes glazed over as he watched the strange interplay of the insects, flying unthinking around their little god, and Ren wished that he was one of them. How easy would it be to just be a bug! To fly and feed and procreate without any other care in the world. They didn't have to worry about mothers or fathers or friends or girlfriends or paying the bills or keeping secrets. Their lives may be devoid of love and joy, but they had no sorrow or hate either. He thought that would be a fine life. He envied them.

One of the little bugs flew to close to the sun and fell, a fiery falling star.

He silently watched it flutter to the earth.

He still wished he was one of them.

Sighing, he clutched the fabric of his jacket around his belly once more and headed off towards home. Sometimes his way was lighted by man-made electric lamps and sometimes by the less obtrusive glow of stars and moon. But there was always light of some kind, he made sure of that. He hated the dark, had hated it for a long time now.

The wind gradually died down as he continued on, and he hoped that it had finally decided to cease, at least until he reached home. It wasn't much warmer there, but still, it was warmer. Checking the empty road pointlessly before crossing, he shifted the shabby bag that rested against his back and turned onto the next familiar street. One thing he hated about the long way was that there was no quickness about it. The buses didn't take the route he went, nor did they get close enough for him to maneuver a clever way to use them to his advantage. Not that it mattered, this late at night, they didn't run much anyway. Why was it the things he really needed were never convenient when he actually needed them?

The world was plotting against him.

He was just thinking this, in fact, when a strange sort of warning prickle crept up his spine, interrupting his random thoughts.

Somebody was following him. He didn't know how he knew this, but he did, with absolute certainty. It was not a pleasant feeling. It was like a portent of evil to come, like a very bad omen. Now he felt like he might be outright channeling Kei.

A gesture born of nervousness, he adjusted his pack needlessly and quickened his pace. The presence did the same. Attempting to shake it, he took an odd turn, away from the path he'd normally take, but whoever it was paying close attention and wasn't fooled. He took another sharp turn, ending up in an abandoned alley, and another onto a neon-lit street, but still the presence was there. In a sheer panic, he let go of any pretensions and began sprinting, taking turn after turn, not even knowing where he was going, backing up the way he came, desperate to free himself of his unexpected guest.

Stumbling clumsily out of an alleyway, he took a quick, frantic glance around him, hoping to see some sign of whoever it was. But the streets were empty, save for an old gnarled man who reached out his hand in supplication like the branch of a forgotten tree, begging for change. But Ren didn't have the time nor the change and ended up almost tripping over him as he walked backwards, trying to catch the person when they stepped into the light. But there was no one. He turned to walk forward again and bumped straight into yet another someone he didn't know and was certain he didn't wish to become better acquainted with.

"Are you lost, little boy? Need your mommy?"

Ren felt ire rise up in him, realizing he'd managed to get himself into a worse situation than the one he'd started in. Looking up to what he knew was already there, he saw a beefy brown-haired boy with pockmarks, glassy bloodshot eyes and yellow teeth. He was staring down at Ren through thick layers of slick hair that fell messily over his face. Even at this distance, Ren could smell the cloyingly sweet scent of alcohol, and put a hand over his nose and mouth to avoid breathing it in. He backed up uneasily, noticing there was only one lackey, and that the follower seemed about as wobbly as his leader. If Ren was quick enough, he should be able to outrun them. He feinted to the left, disregarding the protest of his empty stomach and went to go around, but the leader turned out to be pretty damn fast, especially for a drunk. He grabbed Ren's wrist sharply, wrenched it to one side and threw the smaller boy against a neighboring wall with ease and Ren felt the wind knocked out of him as he hit the wall hard. Ren struggled to get up, letting the cumbersome bag fall uselessly down beside him and prepared himself to fight. But again, the drunk was faster than he should have been and caught the flat of Ren's chest with a splayed hand, forcing him back against the wall. Poising his other arm back for a punch, he uttered some unintelligible insult through his alcoholic haze.

Ren felt the air breeze by him and braced for an attack that never came.

"What do we have here?"

All three boys' attention turned simultaneously to the intruder who so rudely interrupted. Ren inwardly groaned and turned his head away. It was that boy; the one whom he been trying to forget all day. At this moment in time, he was uncertain which was worse: having to participate in yet another unwanted fight or dealing with some late-come enigma.

Rai stood there in the light of the fading street lamp, calm and composed with his hands in his pockets and a pleasant grin on his face. He was at least as tall as the head bully, but leaner and with an appearance seemingly far more innocent. Perhaps that's why the bully didn't take the intruder seriously. Instead the pock-marked boy sneered in amusement and with a jerk of his head indicated to his lackey to take care of their problem. The second boy, slightly shorter than the first and with a shock of chaotic red hair, advanced on Rai, cracking his knuckles in a way he no doubt deemed menacing.

Rai continued to smile just as innocently as before, but with an innocence that was dangerous.

The punch came quicker than anyone had expected; most of all to the one who did it. With his fist firmly lodged in the redhead's gut, Rai blinked in confusion, amazed at the speed and ferocity of his action. He'd gone completely on instinct; he didn't really even know what he was doing. But following through with the natural flow, he pulled his arm away and gracefully leveled a kick at the same spot, causing the boy to stumble back, crash into his partner and take them down both down, Ren falling along with them. The blond coughed a little, trying to clear his throat and ease the breathing that had recently been hindered as he watched the humorous play the bullies put on.

Still drunk and reeling, the two clumsily got to their feet and stared at Rai, considering, their initial victim forgotten. The leader took a challenging step forward but from a barely perceptible tilt of Rai's head, thought better of it. Of course, it was no fun beating on someone who could actually fight back. Even in their drunken daze, the two understood that. Trying to make themselves seem the better of the group, the lead bully mumbled something to the effect of "not worth it" and stumbled off into the night, seeking more passive prey.

Rai watched them go, that same dangerous smile upon his lips until they disappeared from sight. Then he turned to face Ren as he sat stunned on the cold pavement, Rai's smile becoming genuine as golden brown eyes met his. The blond looked away quickly and distractedly gathered his things, collecting his bag back to himself. As he did this, Rai squatted down beside him to put them on an equal playing field. Rai looked him over a second and then reached out his hand, carefully taking hold of a red, swollen wrist. Ren violently jerked his hand away, wincing from the pain and glared up at his would-be savior.

Rai's smile widened and he stared at Ren a moment more before standing. "You should put something on that."

Ren continued to glare up at Rai. Then he looked to his wrist and flexing it a bit, bit back the pain. No kidding. It felt like it had been sprained, but he'd be damned if he'd admit it. He didn't like how this stranger came up and "saved" him. It probably made him feel superior to come to the aid of someone weaker. He didn't like it at all. He crossed his arms, ignoring the silent protest of his wrist and pouted like a little kid.

Rai had to stifle a laugh. How cute was that? And about as he'd expected. This Ren was different from the one of his memories, but he also very much the same. Despite his age and experience, the old Ren was always somehow a little kid. But laughing at him certainly wouldn't help matters. Rai cleared his throat noisily and turned away, careful not to let Ren see him show any amusement. "It looks sprained. I've got stuff at my house. Come on, we'll get you fixed up." He faced Ren once more, a reassuring smile on his face to meet the bewildered expression that looked up at him. Then he turned back the way he came, hoping that Ren would follow. It was risky either way, but he'd have to trust to luck.

Ren watched as the other boy walked off, weighing the options in his mind. His wrist really did hurt and if anyone decided to come back and finish the job (though he seriously doubted this) he'd be ill-equipped to handle it. He screwed his face in disgust, more at himself than anything else, and shouldering his pack, followed in the other boy's steps. For some reason his mind told him to trust this boy. Besides, he wasn't helpless despite what people thought. If something happened, he'd handle it as it came. Still, he kept a good distance between the two of them.

As he heard the quiet sound of feet trailing behind him, Rai smiled, unable to fully contain his feeling of triumph.


	12. 12: A Mother's Love

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

A Mother's Love

Through the course of their journey to Rai's house, Ren had somehow inched his way forward until they walked side by side instead of one in front of the other. Even so, he still refused to look at Rai, decidedly aiming his eyes in any direction other than at the tall brunette. Rai, on the other hand, kept sneaking little sidelong glances at the blond when he wasn't paying attention and when he realized Ren was determined to pretend he wasn't there, Rai stared outright. His green eyes followed the curve of his nose, his cheekbone, his chin, down his neck and to his chest and then traveling back up again. He appeared exactly the same as he did in Rai's past life memories. The brunette pursed his mouth thoughtfully, wondering if they could ever be as close as they were back then. There was a deep longing for that in the center of his soul. But this time without struggling to survive while trying to save the world. He was curious how much different their relationship would be without all those greater things to get in their way.

Rai watched with interest and amusement as the expression on Ren's face changed perceptibly in tune with their surroundings. For a while, he determinedly held onto that look of defiance he'd had when they first started, walking through his familiar neighborhood of crime and crumbling stone. But as they moved further away from that area and into better ones, he face grew into confusion, but also an honest curiosity. And when eventually they entered into the wealthy section of town, the boyish face changed to reflect downright boyish wonder. Completely forgetting that he was supposed to be angry, Ren found himself looking around at the houses as they grew bigger and more beautiful; houses that he'd only ever seen in pictures.

Ren turned his head around to take it all in, the large, expansive lawns dotted with beds of flowers and towering leaf and bloom filled trees, and the bright winking of lights through tall glass windows acting like beacons to lonely, forlorn travelers. And as he turned, he ended up looking straight at Rai, catching the expression of utter amusement there, an expression that irked Ren to no end. Realizing that he was gaping openly, with his mouth open like a reeled-in fish, Ren quickly shut it and screwed his face into one of indifference before whipping his head to the opposite direction.

Rai's expression softened, he knew that if he wanted to get to know the other boy better, he had to at the very least not insult him. He shoved his hands in his pockets and directed his own gaze straight ahead, trying to look disinterested in his new companion. They'd been walking now for quite some time and Rai alternated between wishing he brought his car to make things easier and being glad that he hadn't and was able to spend more time with Ren. The aforementioned boy snuck a glance his way, which Rai caught in the corner of his eye, but with an inexplicable scowl, once again looked away.

Rai sighed. At least he hadn't run off yet.

Sometime later, after what seemed like an eternity, they finally arrived at their destination. Ren forgot to act cool as he stared blatantly at the giant house to which he'd been brought. As Rai unlocked the door and led him in, his golden brown eyes grew even wider. It was like nothing he'd ever seen or even imagined. For Ren, even Chiaki's economically but nicely furnished apartment was wondrous. So it was understandable that a nicer place would silence him. But this was much more than nice. This was in a class all its own.

Ren craned his neck up to gaze at the crystal chandelier that hung from the high vaulted ceiling. With its bulbs lit, it cast sparks of light and rainbow onto the ceiling and wall, which were both a perfect, pristine white. The floor was polished hardwood, parquet with an intricately woven rug displayed in the center with patterns of red, gold and green. The entry hall was sparsely furnished, only a hall tree, a coat rack, and a half-oval table that sported a giant bouquet of multi-colored flowers sat in its generous space. And yet it didn't seem empty at all, it felt just right. There were doorways on either side, showing off even more finely crafted furniture. On one side, Ren could see a large, rose couch and a coffee table with a fireplace settled behind, but the rest of the room was hidden by the wall. The other room showed off shelves upon shelves of books, with a desk situated oddly in the center of the room and a large globe nestled right beside it.

Ren couldn't help but blink repeatedly at it all; he'd never known that anyone actually lived like this, outside of emperors and kings and perhaps some celebrities. Yes, he'd read all about it in books and seen it in movies so he knew people did, but it had always seemed distant, like some made-up fantasy tale.

And while Ren was staring at everything around him, Rai was staring at him. Ren looked to Rai like a starving child in a candy store for the very first time. There was something undeniably sweet but sad about that too. Without being told, Rai could tell that Ren had never seen anything quite like this place and must lead a very different type of life from his own. Rai couldn't help but think how unfair that was.

As if in a dream, Ren gravitated without conscious thought towards the library and the stacks of books, pulled by some unseen force. Rai watched him curiously as he quietly trailed after, wondering what this strange behavior was about. Once inside the book-lined room, Ren stood for a moment in awe. Cautiously, he approached the books like one would a stray animal and gently ran his fingers down the spine of one of the hardbacks arbitrarily. They were just books, like many he'd seen before, like many he'd read and yet they were somehow completely different. All the ones he'd ever borrowed had individual histories of their own, with scribbling and broken spines, torn pages and mysterious stains. And while he sometimes mused over the travels those books had taken: who had held them, where they had gone, but there was something about a well-taken care of book that spoke volumes of its own.

They were special.

They were cared for and loved, a condition purely alien to him.

His fingers ran across their various colored spines as he walked beside the wall, thinking how nice it must be to have such crisp, clean newness in your hand. He picked one out at random and opened it, flipping through the stiff pages with near reverence.

"You can borrow that if you like," Rai said softly after spending this time staring. He too sensed the strange hush that had fallen over the room. "Any of them." He tilted his head inquisitively. This was a completely different and unexpected side of Ren. He'd never been one to do much reading or studying of any kind, he had been much more of an action-oriented person. Rai had always been the thoughtful one and now he wasn't exactly sure how to handle this change of personality. "So, I guess you really like to read?"

Ren nodded, but it was an automatic reaction only; it was clear he wasn't listening. Partly averse to interrupting this strange display, Rai stayed silent a moment. But Ren really needed to attend to his wrist. So Rai reached forward and touched the blond's arm gently to remind him he was there and smiled reassuringly. Ren started at the contact and scowled, more at himself for getting caught than at Rai for interrupting. But he looked Rai's way and wordlessly followed as he was led out of the room and through a swinging door under the balcony that faced the front entranceway. On the other side of this swinging door was the kitchen, beautifully clean and sparkling, even the professional one down at 'The Porcelain Bowl' never looked this good. Ren wondered absently if anyone ever came in here and actually cooked. The counter tops were a shiny, deep black, as were the appliances, and the floor a tiled white and black pattern with touches of red.

Rai walked straight to the freezer, pulled out some ice, put it in a plastic bag and wrapped that altogether in a clean dish towel. "Here," he said, taking Ren's injured wrist into his hand and carefully laying the cold compress onto it. "Come on, I'll get you a bandage for that."

Ren didn't yank his hand away this time and instead held the ice on his wrist, slowly letting the cold numb his pain. He was thankful for it, but also suddenly irritated too, now that he'd been given the chance to really think about the situation. "I'm not helpless, you know."

Rai turned at the acidity in the boy's voice, and gave a sheepish smile. "I'm well aware of that."

"Then stop treating me like I am. I can take care of myself and I certainly don't need some _boy_ looking after me." He accentuated the word 'boy' as if it were some kind of insult.

"I would say you do need someone to look after you, since it doesn't seem like you're bothering to do so yourself." Rai crossed his arms as he chastised Ren. If he was going to act like a child, then he was going to be treated like one. It was hard to figure out whether he should be nicer or meaner with Ren, to know which one would less likely insult him. "Nice" had only worked partially so far, so he was now gambling on "stern".

But maybe treating him like a kid wasn't the best choice either.

With a petulant scowl on his face, Ren said not a word, only turned to storm out and leave this place. He didn't need to put up with this! He wasn't a child and he could take care of himself; he took care of himself and his mother every damn day, thank you very much. About the last thing he needed was a lecture from some pampered jerk who had no idea what it meant to be responsible. He slammed the ice down on the counter and headed to the door.

"So you don't want that bandage?" Rai called out, a hint of desperation in his voice. Ren paused. "And do you really want to walk all the way home by yourself? I've got a car; I can give you a ride there."

Ren considered a moment. It was true he could use the help, it would be hard to put the bandage on one-handed, and he'd have to stop someplace first to get one since there were none at home. And that ride sounded awfully tempting after such a long and tiring day. He heaved a sigh and turned around, frowning at Rai, but gave his reluctant consent. He didn't want the boy getting any funny ideas about him _wanting_ help. He was just choosing it because it was more convenient.

"Good." The brunette replied, his grin growing as he sidestepped Ren and headed upstairs. His heart was beating fast as he heard Ren follow him, thankful that he hadn't totally messed everything up. This new Ren was just as skittish as the old one was at first. It was going to take some time and effort to gain his trust, or so it would seem. But if things followed through as they had they last time, Ren would come around completely, eventually.

Right now, he was scared and hiding, anyone could see that. But Rai wasn't about to say so.

At the top of the stairs, Rai open to a nondescript door and motioned for Ren to go in. The blond entered the room and flopped himself gracelessly onto the bed, letting his bag fall down by his feet. He heard a quick "wait here" and then he was left alone to gaze at his new surroundings. The bed he was perched on was soft and inviting and he suspected he could enjoy a nice long rest here. The decor was simple and fit in well with the rest of the house: neat, tidy, sparse, yet homey and warm. It was weird that a place like this could feel so comfortable. That wasn't the only thing weird.

He let himself fall backward and lay on the bed, his legs dangling over the side. He couldn't figure out why he'd come here, or better yet why he was _still _here. And certainly not why he trusted this guy. He barely knew him, and yet he seemed familiar. Safe. And he'd always had the choice. He never had to follow, he could leave at any minute, but he remained. As he stared blankly up at the ceiling, he also came to the realization that he didn't feel sick anymore. Contrary to popular belief, he wasn't stupid, not when it came to most people, although he had to admit this black-haired boy had him a little puzzled. It had not gone unnoticed to him that every other time he'd seen the boy he'd become overcome with dizzying nausea. But this time was different. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he did notice that the nagging feeling that tugged at the back of his mind was relatively silent. Whatever it was, it seemed to be connected with this boy somehow. Perhaps now that he'd accepted that, it had stopped trying to attack him. Ren growled at that nonsensical thought. How could all those things be related?

Footsteps padded closer on the carpeted floor and suddenly Ren was looking up into a kind face instead of the blank ceiling. Rai waved the roll of bandages in front of him, making Ren scowl again. Why in the hell should he feel comfortable with someone he'd only just met?! There was no way he was giving this boy the satisfaction of knowing this.

He sat up and continued to glower at Rai, pretending to be tougher and calmer than he really felt. Without a word, Rai pulled his desk chair over so that he was sitting right in front of Ren, his long legs straddling the blond's shorter ones.

"I can't put this on if I don't have your wrist." Rai teased. Creasing his forehead, Ren took the icepack off and extended his hand forward. Rai took the wrist into his hand, the heat of Rai's touch more extreme to Ren by the chill of his iced skin. Gently, Rai tested the joint with his fingers and Ren winced at the slight pain.

"Yeah, it still hurts," the blond said sardonically.

Rai looked up and smiled. "I was just checking."

"So are you going to help me here or not? Because if you're not, then I'd rather just go home."

Rai snatched the roll up with his free hand, trying to keep the panic from his voice. "Don't be impatient." He rested Ren's hand down on his knee as he used both his own hands to find the start of the bandage and began unwinding. Ren tried to ignore the fact that his hand was presently resting on some strange guy's knee and turned his head purposely in the other direction, an impatient scowl on his face. Having found the end of the bandage, Rai carefully lifted Ren's wrist again and began to wrap it slowly. His fingertips occasionally touched Ren's skin, still cool from the ice but quickly warming from the heat of the room and the contact of Rai's hands. As he worked, Rai studied the roughness of the blond's hand, calloused and hard from work and how the little hairs that grew up his arm still held some old baby softness as if to defy him; remind him of his still tender age. Without thinking, Rai brushed the pads of his thumbs along the top of Ren's forearm, sensing the well-toned muscles that lay beneath the tanned skin. He only then noticed that his breathing had grown heavy and clapped his mouth shut, trying to get it under control. He'd been concentrating too much, getting lost in his thoughts and the sensation of his skin against Ren's. He calmed down his breathing and focused his mind.

Even so, Rai kept sneaking little touches of his fingers on Ren's as he methodically wrapped the bandage. It was strange to him to only be able to touch the other boy in passing when once he would comfort him when he was unhappy, lean on him when he slept. Little shows of affection were not uncommon or unwanted, nor read as anything to be wary of. But now Ren was like a beaten dog, afraid that any contact would be an unwelcome one.

Rai hated it; he wanted things back to where they were; back to their other life.

Despite the fact that he could feel the warm, soft touches of Rai fingertips, Ren refused to turn that way. However, he did notice that the brunette's skin was a bit smooth, perhaps not as petal-soft as Kei's, but then it shouldn't be. He was a boy after all. The manner in which Rai moved his hands over the injured wrist was gentle though, careful and done with grace. Ren thought it very odd that someone who'd essentially just beaten someone up should have such soft, gentle hands. It didn't seem quite right, but Ren didn't really question it. Rai's fingers felt like little touches of flame against Ren's cold skin, tingling slightly at each point that the two made contact. Subconsciously, Ren turned his head and stared at the movement of Rai's hands as they circled around his own, mesmerized by the rhythm.

He suddenly realized his hand was shaking.

All the same, he didn't pull away.

But then Rai was finished, cut the end of the bandage, held Ren's wrist in his hands briefly and then pulled away, leaning back and smiling. Angry at his stupid trembling, Ren made a fist, ignoring the slight strain, steadied his hand and placed it down beside him on the bed. Not wanting to look at the other boy, he stared down at his bandaged wrist as if fascinated. The silence that had permeated the room that had once seemed inconsequential was now oppressive.

Somewhere far away, a door opened and closed.

The spell now broken, Ren mumbled out a half-hearted "thank you". He wasn't used to anyone really taking care of him, except Kei. And she was always flighty and talkative, nothing like this boy. It was completely different, like if this quiet scene were actually screaming something at him.

"Anytime, Ren." Rai answered truthfully and made it sound as reassuring as he could. "If you ever need anything, come to me. I want to be there for you, I want to spend more time with you. Like we used to."

The blond head shot up, boiling with a strange frustration and anger. "Stop saying such crazy things, Rai! And what do you mean, 'like we used to'? We only just met!"

But Rai's heart just leapt in his chest. "Then how come you just called me by name?"

"Huh?"

"My name. How did you know it if we've only just met?" Rai resisted the urge to lean forward, to touch Ren in some way to calm him like he would have before. But he stayed motionless as Ren scowled fiercely and leaned back.

He _had_ used his name. But how had he known it? Ren continued to glare at Rai, trying to squelch the confusion bubbling up in him. His mind sputtered out the only logical explanation. "You told me. You must have told me when we got here or when we first met or . . ." But his mind was coming up blank and his stomach was slowly beginning to knot up.

Rai shook his head. "I didn't tell you."

Ren's expression turned lost as he frantically tried to sort this out while Rai stared, green meeting golden brown. The silence turned heavy, broken only by Ren's harsh breathing and the slight shuffling of his feet against the floor.

There was a rap on the bedroom door and a kindly woman's voice filtered through. "Rai, are you in there, honey?"

"Yeah, Mom." Rai replied, turning his head, but not his eyes, which remained fixated on Ren.

A woman's head peeked into the room, a warm smile much like her son's on her face. "Did you already eat? I could try and whip something . . . Oh! You have a guest!"

The woman bustled herself inside and immediately approached the stranger, who now seemed to hold a look of abject terror on his face. Instinctively, Ren inched backward on the bed, hunching his back in a purely defensive position. Rai's eyes become confused as he asked a silent question, but Ren wasn't looking at him, his shaking eyes completely focused on the woman in front of him.

She seemed oblivious as she walked into the room and straight towards the blond. Kneeling at his feet, she looked up at him with friendliness. "Hello. I'm Rai's mother. I'm so glad to meet you. Rai almost never brings anyone over to visit except for Nana and Rei."

Ren's mouth went dry as he told himself to stay calm. He felt he should say something, but the words wouldn't come. His breathing became labored as his bottom lip trembled and a touch of fear was hidden in the back of his eyes. Rai, who was watching him acutely, noticed all of this.

When the lost boy remained silent, Rai decided to save him by speaking up in his stead. "This is Ren."

"Ren." The woman repeated, testing out the name. She continued to smile as she began to turn her head to face her son, but she stopped suddenly once she noticed the bandage on Ren's wrist. "Oh my! What happened?"

She reached out and tenderly took the wrist into her hands, holding it carefully and examining the damage. After a moment, she seemed to approve of the wrappings and nodded her head, looking once more up to the blond's face. "You be careful with that. You don't want it getting any worse."

Ren nodded dumbly, but jerked his hand away, confusing the woman. His other hand gripped the fluffy comforter on the bed, knuckle-white, as if it were some sort of lifeline. Rai furrowed his brow in concern and continued to stare.

"Well," Rai's mother went on, ignoring the obvious strangeness and standing up. "Are you two hungry? You know, I've got some cookies downstairs. How about I bring some up to you, hmm?" She grinned down at Ren and extended out a gentle hand to rest on his shoulder.

Rai was ready to answer his mother in the affirmative, but right then Ren violently yanked away from the woman's touch, the suddenness of the movement startling everyone in the room. In a panic, he fumbled for his pack and clumsily eased his way out from behind the woman, careful not to make contact. "I-I've got to go." He stammered out, his nerves having completely failed him.

Without further explanation, he bolted out the door as if escaping a rampaging fire. The mother and son were left staring after him, hearing a loud pounding that indicated a tumble down the stairs, quickly followed by a slamming door. The woman stood blinking, her lips pursed while Rai gazed at the vacant doorway, a sad concern etching his eyes.

Outside, in the dark of the night, Ren ran as fast as he could; trying to get away. From what he wasn't quite sure, but he felt stupid and scared and confused all except for one thing.

He really didn't want to go home.


	13. 13: Unlikely Allies

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

Unlikely Allies

The school was strangely quiet today, but as Nana quickly reminded herself, vacation was rapidly approaching, and most students (and teachers alike) were anxiously awaiting their time off. Attention to everyday work details was no longer exactly high on anyone's list.

As she walked briskly through the school her brother followed behind, a little shadow with apparently nowhere else to go. Nana didn't mind; he was probably just as curious about the apparent absence of Rai as she was. He just wasn't outwardly showing it.

Since telling her the big news that he'd seen Ren, Nana had seen very little of her friend, catching only random glimpses as he raced around like a chicken with his head cu off, looking as if he were trying to avoid them. But then, maybe that's exactly what he was doing. He was distracted and flighty, a thing Rai never is, and the girl couldn't help but wonder why. Because really, who wouldn't?

She suspected Rei had noticed the same strange behavior, but was, for whatever reason, choosing to keep silent. Most likely it was because he's always silent. She looked behind her to see if he was still there and he stopped, blinking up at her innocently. She gave an apologetic smile, for what she didn't know, but it wasn't important. Rei just smiled back. And as she was looking his way Nana caught sight of another familiar figure lazily strolling the hall at a time when she ought to have been in class. Yes, so should Nana and Rei, but that's highly irrelevant. Remembering that this girl was the last person to have seen Rai before he began acting weird, at least as far as the short-haired brunette knew, she decided it was best to go straight to the source. Taking a deep breath, she strode up to Kaoru. Nana somehow felt like she needed to prepare herself whenever she spoke to her, though she could never figure out quite the reason why. Though she figured it probably had something to do with the fact that the girl kept insisting on getting in the way.

Big blue eyes looked up at the sound of footsteps drawing near and Kaoru gave a strained smile. "Hello."

"Yeah, sure." Nana said, waving off the polite greeting. "Have ya seen Rai anywhere?"

Rei peeked out from behind his sister, making Kaoru cough uncomfortably. "No, not since last week. Well, not for any real length of time, anyway." She amended.

"Yeah." Nana considered for a moment. Then staring at the girl who shifted nervously under the heavy gaze, Nana decided to go ahead and ask. "What _did_ happen when ya were with him?"

"Oh." Kaoru said, surprised, but also seemingly relieved at what was perceived as an innocent question. "We went to dinner."

Nana put a hand to her forehead in exasperation. "Ah know that. But somethin' else happened, Ah'm sure of it. What was it?"

Rei continued to peek around his sister like a little child.

"Well, we ran into a blond boy," Kaoru replied as if it were obvious. "Rai started acting strange, tried to chase him down. But I think he ended up scaring him because that boy ran out of there in a hurry."

That certainly caught Nana's attention. Sensing his sister's sudden interest, Rei moved out from behind her and stood, watching the play between the two girls as if he were watching an invisible tennis match. "And then what?" Nana prodded impatiently.

"And then nothing. Rai took me home." Kaoru looked at Nana, her forehead creased in bewilderment.

"Ya didn't get in the way, did ya?" Nana took a threatening step forward, venom dripping from her words. Rei yelped and backed off as the look in Kaoru's eyes turned from surprise to a tinge of fear.

"I don't know what you're talking about. What kind of girl do you think I am? I didn't do anything."

Nana sneered at the girl. She didn't know why she was so angry; it didn't make sense. But she had stepped aside to lend her support to the reunion of Rai and Ren and she'd be damned if some other, completely random girl ruined it all. Kaoru had nothing to do with it and Nana certainly felt it should stay that way. "What did ya say to him?" Nana accentuated each word as if she were explaining things to a small child.

Kaoru pouted, letting her fear turn to anger as she appeared to finally get it. "I advised him to give the boy some time. Obviously, something scared him and I didn't think Rai would be able to talk with him if he pushed too hard." The girl narrowed her blue eyes. "Why? Did you think I'm such a pathetic little girl that I'd try to get in their way?"

It was Nana's turn to be shocked. She hadn't expected that answer and even less the vehemence behind it. Perhaps she had misjudged the girl. She'd thought she was like the others, obsessed with Rai and willing to do anything to get him, like some crazed, rabid fan. It seemed, however, that this girl was at least smart enough to see when she had lost. And she was maybe even smart enough to know when to lend her support for something more important. Maybe, just maybe, Nana would find an ally in Kaoru to get those two together. The taller girl sighed heavily, realizing an apology was most likely in order, the one thing she hated above all else. There was a small tug on the hem of her sleeve and she looked down to see Rei gazing up her with a playful smile in his eyes as he gave a slight nod in Kaoru's direction. Nana smirked back in defeat.

She turned to once again face the other girl, who now stood defiantly with her arms crossed. Taking a deep breath, Nana bowed slightly, just as much as her pride would allow and muttered a half-hearted apology. She felt a gentle kick at her shins, a silent admonishment from Rei.

But Kaoru did not seem insulted. She blinked and looked at the bowed head and allowed out a quiet "It's alright". Then Nana lifted her head to stare straight at the black-haired girl, making yet another fateful decision.

"Look, Rai's not exactly the best when it comes to things like this. He'll need all the help he can get, so . ." she left the sentence dangling, not sure how to put it. But Kaoru seemed to understand and nodded in agreement. Nana was about to go on, but she felt another small tug on her sleeve. She wanted to hit Rei for interrupting yet again and even more so for doing it in such a childish way, but when she looked to the direction he was silently pointing to, she stopped herself. All other things forgotten, Kaoru included, she saw Rai awkwardly fumbling with a stack of books and looking for all intents and purposes like an absent-minded professor. She immediately headed over, unconsciously dragging her little brother with her and leaving Kaoru alone in the hallway, abandoned but satisfied.

As Nana came nearer, she heard some odd quiet mumblings coming from her friend as the entire bundle of books slipped from his hands and tumbled to the floor. All of them, Rai, Nana and Rei alike watched the books scatter in mute awe, staring for a moment as if waiting for them to get up and walk to their intended destination on their own free will. Still not noticing his two friends since he was evidently lost in his thoughts, Rai squatted down and began to collect the fallen books into one pile. He wasn't thinking about what was going on now, rather he was remembering this morning when he'd been caught rifling through his father's books.

His father hadn't been mad, not at all, just curious. Rai had always been studious, did all his homework on time and got good grades, but he'd never been one to read on his own. So when his father walked into his study to find his son pulling out book after book, he was pleased but puzzled. Already having been caught red-handed, Rai saw no more point in tying to hide it. So, instead he asked the older man's advice on which books were most interesting.

The man was delighted and chatted away as he began sifting through the shelves, pulling out the ones he thought were especially good. Once done, he patted his son heartily on the back and sent him off, never knowing the books were for someone else. Rai felt strange about it. It was a little like lying, but there was also no reason for it. Was there? His father wouldn't possibly deny him the books simply because they were for Ren. So why had Rai been so quietly adamant about not revealing this little tidbit of information?

He shook his head as he continued to gather the books, trying to clear his mind. He had yet to notice the girl kneeling across from him.

And then there had been his mother. When he'd finally waltzed into the kitchen, precariously carrying an armload of books, she eyed him in a way he would've called "suspicious" if she were anyone else. But she was not that kind of person; she was trusting and upbeat to a fault. But she'd stared at him and then asked conversationally with the air of indifference. "How's your friend?"

At the time, Rai had answered simply that he hadn't seen him and thought nothing more of it. But his mother's eyes had switched to concern after that small admission, as if she knew something he didn't. Did she? But she'd only pursed her lips and sadly shook her head, saying nothing more. It had been weighing on his mind since. There was something more going on, or at least she thought there was. Why then had she stayed silent?

He was over-thinking things. Everything that had happened lately had made him overly suspicious with no real cause.

"Hey."

Rai nearly jumped out of his skin at the soft voice that invaded his preoccupied mind. Finally, he looked up and saw both Nana and Rei staring at him. The girl was kneeling, a couple of books stacked neatly in front of her while the boy sat with his legs crossed, as if he were sitting in on "story time". Just behind them he saw a tiny pair of feet and when he followed them up, he saw Kaoru there, too, holding her notebook tightly to her chest and staring down at him with blatant concern. "Are you alright?" she asked.

Rai forced a smile and felt very much like a monkey on display in a zoo. "I'm fine. Just dropped some things."

Nana growled in disbelief and pushed her small stack towards him before deftly getting to her feet. She stood beside Kaoru now, in much the same position and Rai felt very much like he'd been pulled from his cage and been promptly put on trial. "That's just the problem, ain't it?" Nana said harshly.

"What?" Rai lowered his gaze and pooled the books into one, neat pile.

"You're never all clumsy and distracted like this. Ah've seen ya balance twice this much stuff in one hand while holdin' a conversation and signin' a paper. Something ain't right about this."

The brunette boy groaned, picked up his things and stood in one fluid movement. On the way he caught a glimpse of Rei who still sat, hands in his lap and smiling at Rai. The black-haired boy took this as silent support and smiled back.

"It's nothing." He said to Nana, feeling a little bit more in control now that he had his considerable height advantage to rely on. But Nana, of all people, was not intimidated and Kaoru just stood mutely, her eyes flitting curiously between boy and girl. When no further words were forthcoming, she opened her mouth to break the awkward silence. "This is about the boy, isn't it? The one from the restaurant." It was more of a statement than a question.

Rai let his emotions show for just a second before schooling them behind a mask. "I have to go." He turned on his heel and attempted to walk away. He just really didn't feel like discussing this right now, especially with two girls, one of which was his best friend, the other, one of his would-be girlfriends.

"Those for him?" Nana called out, not letting him go.

Rai sighed in defeat and slumped his shoulders. "Yes."

"Really?" She said incredulously. "Wouldn' have thought that."

Kaoru screwed her face into a silent 'what the hell does that mean?' and stared at Nana, but Rai understood perfectly. Even to the casual observer, the old Ren didn't exactly seem like the book type. "Yeah, well, things are different now."

"Ah . . . and how did ya know that? Somethin's happened, hasn't it?" Despite her accusatory tone, Nana had a glint of mischief in her eye. Rai was about to refute this claim, but instead found himself being suddenly and inexplicably hauled rather unceremoniously away from the hall by one very determined Nana. It took all his strength and balance to prevent his great pile of books from toppling onto the floor once again.

Nana ignored every word of protest that left his lips and just continued to pull, a devious expression on her face.

Just then, the bell rang indicating the end of classes and students poured out into the hallway en masse, causing the two left behind to lose Nana and Rai in the throng of people. Staring after them stupidly, Kaoru raised her eyebrows, wondering what the girl was now up to. Feeling the weight of a stare, she looked down to see Rei still sitting there, looking up at her as students skirted their strange two-person show in the hall as if there were nothing more than misplaced furniture. Rei grinned up at her sweetly, causing Kaoru to curl her lip at him. Turning away from the unsettling kid, she gazed back to where the others had disappeared to and hoped everything was going well.

----------------------------

After being dragged around a corner and thrown harshly out the door into the waiting courtyard, Rai was not exactly in the mood for a conversation. But Nana had other ideas, and pinning him to the wall, she leaned in close, that damned devious grin still on her face.

"What happened?" She asked a bit playfully.

Rai eyed her with a mix of annoyance and acquiescence. If he really wanted to, he could have freed himself from her grasp and gotten away easily; he was after all much bigger than she. But he didn't do this. No, he just looked down at her instead, giving in. Maybe a part of him really did want to talk to someone. He'd thought he wanted to figure things out for himself, and he did, but maybe he didn't at the same time.

And now he just plain wasn't making sense.

Maybe it was just because Nana was so overbearing that he knew resistance was futile. Maybe too, he was afraid that if were to actually voice it, he'd find out it was nothing more than another dream, that he'd never found Ren, that he hadn't made contact. That everything that had happened was an illusion, ready to dissipate into smoke and float away.

He realized then that Nana was still staring at him expectantly. He averted his gaze. "Nothing happened."

"Aw, yer a terrible liar." The girl punched his shoulder for emphasis. "Ah already know that ya met Ren. But what's with the books? What else happened?"

"I told you: nothing. I was just following him and he got a little beat up, and I ended up taking him to my place to take care of him. That's it." He tried to win her over with a beautiful smile. But Nana had known him too long and wasn't so easily won over. "Stop making it sound like more than it is."

"Uh-huh." She put a hand to her chin thoughtfully. "So you beat him up, did you?" Rai blinked at her as she shook her head disapprovingly. "Ah didn't know you had it in ya."

"What?!" The boy stammered out. "I didn't beat him up, someone else did! Why would you even say that?"

"But ya _were_ stalking him." Nana said, not looking at him.

"Uh. . ."

"Uh-huh. And what about after ya got him in your room. Then what?"

"I already told you. I took care of him, I wrapped his wrist. It was sprained." Why did he feel like he was in a tiny room with a bright light shining in his face, an ominous figure looming over him?

"And that's it?" Nana asked coyly.

"What else did you expect?" _What exactly was she getting at?_

"Ya didn't jump him or nothing?" She tried to look serious, and she halfway was, but she was also teasing a bit too.

"Why would I do that?"

Nana sighed. "Well, ya like him, don't ya?"

"Of course, he was my best friend and I . . ."

But the girl, irritated, cut him off mid-sentence. "That's not what Ah meant."

Rai stared at her stupidly. But he couldn't really be that stupid, could he? Thought Nana. It was either that, or he was a much better actor than she'd ever suspected. If so, he was putting in an award-winning performance right now and the drama club should be clamoring for his membership. After not getting an answer, Nana continued. "Ah mean, you _like_ him."

Rai's face fell. He knew it was coming to this, but had tried to avoid it. He was suddenly not ready to discuss this just yet. "I don't know."

"Ya don't know?" She hadn't been expecting that. "But this is Ren, right? What's not to know?"

"It's a little much to deal with, don't you think?" He gave her a crooked grin. The more he thought about it, the more he didn't really want to talk right now.

"No, it's not. Either ya like him or ya don't. But if ya say ya don't, yer a big liar. Ah remember from before. Lookin' back at it now, there was somethin' there besides just friendship, wasn't there?"

The boy shrugged noncommittally. "I guess . . . there might have been."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I'm not sure." Rai leaned his head back against the wall and looked up to the sky. "I just don't know what to do. It was nice, that night, taking care of Ren like I used to, but it was a little scary too. Because I don't know what he's thinking or feeling. And you know I've never done anything like this before. What if I mess everything up and we end up not even as friends anymore? In our previous life, I just wanted to always be with Ren. And that's all. I guess it's the same now too. I don't want to ruin it before I even get to know him. What if I do something wrong? What if I scare him away? What if I don't even know what this really is? It could all just be a big mistake. I mean, what exactly am I supposed to do?" It sounded strange, even to himself, to say this, especially when he'd been so sure. And the way he'd felt the other night when he was with Ren: new, different, exciting, it made him want to be near the other boy as much as possible just for the chance to feel that again. But other than that, he was at a loss. He was sure, but also utterly out of his element. He had no idea what he was doing.

Nana looked intently at Rai, searching his face for answers, wondering what had caused this sudden change. "Ah don't understand ya. Ya were all giddy last time, after only a glimpse of him. And now after spendin' some actual time with him, yer sayin' 'Ah don't know, Ah don't know'. How can you not know?!_ Even Ah know and Ah wasn't there!_"

"He's different." Rai closed his eyes and lowered his head. That was it, wasn't it? After all this time, all this change, he couldn't expect to find the same Ren he had before, could he? Rai wasn't the same either. And as he'd watched Ren, he saw it. So much the same, so very different. And Ren only had a vague recollection of ever having known Rai. At the time, it had just seemed right, but in retrospect Rai questioned what it had really been all about. There was no way to know what Ren had been thinking. And then the way he bolted out of there . . .

"So what if he's different?" Nana cut in harshly, stating the issue that he himself had struggled with. "Are ya tellin' me it really makes a difference? Ah think that no matter what, Rai is Rai and Ren is Ren. And, really, ain't that enough?"

Rai looked down at the comforting hand that rested on his arm, trailing his gaze upward to the supportive set of eyes that stared back at him. He let his worries ease and smiled. "I guess maybe you're right."

"There's no 'guessin' about it. Ya oughta know that by now." She hit his in a friendly manner. "Ah'm always right."

Rai smirked slightly down at the girl and the two stood there together, silently staring up to the sky. What a simple thing, a simple answer. And maybe that's all that it took. Someone to tell him it was OK to have doubts, to be unsure, but also to follow his heart, wherever it may lead. And he knew, for better or worse and for whatever reason, it was leading him to Ren.

That was enough. The rest would come as it did.

There was gentle kick on his shin and as he turned, he saw the little tilt of Nana's head. "Come on, let's go in. I'll help ya carry those books. And whatever else you might need." She began walking inside, but then shot over shoulder, as an afterthought, "Stalker."

Rai let out a small laugh. A stalker? Well, maybe he was. And a stalker he would remain for as long as need be.

-----------------------------------------

"No."

"Awww, come on. I'm already late!" The blond teen stood in the doorway, somewhat bedraggled and rumpled, and trying to look as pathetic as possible to drum up some sympathy.

"I know you're late, but you're not coming in." The girl barring the way had one hand on her hip, the other waving in front of her. "And don't worry. I clocked you in fifteen minutes ago."

"But I'm half an hour late!" He pouted like a little kid. Why did she have to difficult, today of all days?! Well, there wasn't anything special about today, now that he thought about it, but that wasn't the point. He still didn't want to deal with it. He needed to get to work! Why was she blocking him?

"I know, but I was hoping you'd show up, but when you didn't I had to clock you in. You know, I'm taking a chance even doing that. If the boss finds out, we'll both lose our jobs." Without warning, she put her waving hand over her mouth and backed up father into the kitchen. "Ugh. Didn't you forget something?" She muttered through her hand.

"Kei . . ." the boy whined, reaching forward. Bu his hand was batted away angrily and the back door slammed in his face. From behind the steel barrier he heard a muffled cry from the offended girl. "Great! Now I have to wash my hands! I stink like dog!"

Stink like . . . oh. Ren cursed to himself. No wonder Kei wouldn't let him in, he lost all track of time trying to herd the pups back into their respective pens that he'd lost track of time and ended up sprinting the entire way. Cleaning up like he usually did in between his two jobs had completely slipped his mind. And as he was getting later by the minute, he'd have to work fast. He ran to the front end of the restaurant and scanned the area as quickly as possible. Across the street was a small department store, a little old and not exactly ideal, but it would do. As quickly and safely as he could, he raced inside and sought out the nearest restroom, ignoring any strange looks that were sent his way. Once inside the bathroom, he stripped down to his waist, another action that world insure strange looks, but he didn't have time to worry and didn't especially care what these people thought anyway.

Letting the water run in the sink, he cupped a fairly large amount into his hand, splashed it over his face and threaded it through his hair. As he did so, he looked at himself in the mirror and his eyes caught on his bandage wrist, stark white against his slightly tanned skin. He paused, slowly lowering his arms, following the movement of white with his eyes. He flexed the fingers of his injured wrist experimentally. The pain still tugged through to the sprain but the bandage held it mostly in place, so it didn't really hurt that bad.

His other hand came over to hold that wrist, his thumb absently massaging it much the way Rai did the other night. He stopped, feeling the rush of heat through his body. Staring blankly at the running water, his mind turned over the events, trying to sort them out. He'd never felt that way before; perfectly trusting of another person. Something vaguely similar with Kei, but even she caused him to start every time she touched him. But when it was Rai, it didn't frighten him; at least not in any way he was used to. He hadn't thought that the brunette would hurt him, try to hit him or break his wrist. And he certainly could have if he chose to, but it never occurred to Ren that he would. Why else would he follow him all the way to his house?

_Why_ had_ he done that?_

He still remembered the feel of the boy's hands on his skin, strong and gentle, and completely, utterly safe. It was an alien feeling to him and wasn't entirely sure how to handle it. But even at the time, while he was confused and scared in a way, he hadn't felt the need to run. That didn't make sense.

Who was this boy and how the hell did he know his name?

Ren raised his eyes to his image in the mirror again and smirked. He was dripping wet and not a whole lot cleaner than when he started, but hopefully his small effort would be enough to at least erase some of the offensive dog smell. Too many things were on his mind lately, he couldn't seem to concentrate. He sighed heavily and rested his hands on the sink. Sometimes, it felt like he was going crazy.

But there was no time for that. He tried shoving all his thoughts into the back of his mind where they could sit and mingle with each other and leave him alone.

H slipped the shirt over his head and looked at himself in the mirror appraisingly. Fairly pathetic, truth be told. His clothes were all wrinkled and he looked the part of a beaten down dog. But at least now, hopefully, he didn't carry the odor of one. He grabbed the rest of his things and raced back to the restaurant, trying for the second time to ring the bell and be let in. This time, one of the burly dishwashers answered the door and glaring at him for no apparent reason, gave Ren a small jerk of the head and let him inside. Ren smiled brightly at the man and received a scowl in return.

OK, it seemed everyone was having a bad day.

He put his things away and immediately headed out into the dining hall, praying that no one besides Kei had really noticed that he hadn't been here until now. He stole a quick glance at his boss who was busy trying to convince one of his long-standing customers to hold their work banquet here. Ren rolled his eyes. The man was such a faker. He treated his employees like shit, sucked up to the customers and then talked behind their backs. Ren was sure the man would have something disparaging to say about this current guy when he got back to the kitchen.

But that wasn't Ren's problem, as long as the boss didn't chew him out, he could do whatever else he wanted to anyone else.

The blond teen stacked his pile of dirty dishes in the sink by the washers and quickly turned to head back out, as if trying to make up for lost time. And since he wasn't paying attention, he slammed right into a familiar figure as he turned.

"Sorry!" He shouted automatically.

"Don't worry about it. But I'd pay closer attention if I were you; you're going to end up breaking something at this rate. It's not a race, Ren."

The boy looked up sheepishly at Kei who gazed at him with a half-smile. She leaned in and Ren's eyes grew wide, darting around to see if anyone was watching, but she didn't touch him, only sniffed. Ren quirked an eyebrow. "Well," the girl said. "It's better, but I can sill smell the undertone of dog. Really, Ren, what's wrong with you lately? I swear, you've been so distracted, it's like you're in a whole other world. What is going on in your head? I mean, I can't remember the last time you forgot to wash up before . . what happened to your wrist?"

Ren thought he might get whiplash from the sudden turn Kei's speech had taken. He looked back down at the bandage and immediately regretted it. All the thoughts he'd pushed aside came bubbling forth as if the twist of the bandage were some sort of trigger. He squeezed his eyes shut and forced them back again. "It's nothing. I just hurt it, is all."

"Oh?" The girl reached forward and took the hand gently in her own. Ren instantly jerked it away; he didn't want her touching it. Kei stared at him with her wide green eyes, confused and maybe a little hurt. She pursed her lips, and then, shrugging it off, leaned over the counter and began putting her order onto her tray.

Ren watched wordlessly, absently massaging his wrist. He wasn't sure what to do. Kei was so kind, and he knew he shouldn't keep secrets from her, not this type anyway. He knew it wasn't any big deal, so why did he feel the need to keep it to himself? His stomach rolled over and he swallowed hard. He really didn't want to think about that. Instead, he pooled his meager nerve and spoke up. "I met someone."

Kei stilled in her motions for a second before continuing on. "Oh?"

"Some guy the other day helped me." Ren eyed Kei curiously as she seemed very determined to place the dishes on her tray just right.

"Some guy?"

"Uh, yeah. He's the one who helped me, put the bandage on."

"I see." Kei appeared to relax a bit at the news and started to pick up the tray and balance it on her shoulder. "Well, that's nice. Though I don't know why you seem all nervous about it."

"Oh, well. See, I think I know him. How can I say this?" Ren was mumbling half to himself. "I didn't know who he was, but I felt like I did, and then I knew his name, but I shouldn't have known it. And when he touched me, all these weird images went through my head in flashes. But I'm sure I never knew him before yesterday. It was like I was living the memories of somebody else, only it was also me. Aw, it doesn't make any sense! Shit! Now you're gonna think I'm crazy or something. But I'm not; at least I don't think so. But I think maybe I want to see him again, or maybe I want to avoid him altogether, I don't know . . ." He was babbling.

Very slowly, more slowly than Ren would have thought possible, Kei replaced the tray and turned to look at him. Her eyes were wide in shock and Ren was sure was going to start yelling, but then he spotted the broad grin on her face. "That. Is. So. Cool!"

His eyebrows shot up in confusion. "Huh?"

Kei shook her head vigorously from side to side, her face still joyful. She clasped both his hands and he immediately jerked away. The girl didn't seem to notice as she began jumping up and down like a child, clapping excitedly. "What the hell?" Ren asked with a sneer.

"Oh, don't you see?" Kei sighed. "I knew it. I knew it! My horoscope today said 'a friend will join you on a journey'. Oh I knew it! Well, you're not exactly a friend, but now I'm sure it was referring to you!"

"What are you talking about?!"

Kei stopped jumping and took a deep breath. "You know what this is? Those are repressed memories, that's what those are. We should go see Tetsu; he'll find them for you. Oh, this is so cool! Maybe it's like a past life or an alternate universe or something." She continued to clap her hand wildly in excitement.

"That doesn't even make any sense. I don't know why I told you. I knew you'd go of in some crazy direction." Ren sighed and began to walk away. "And I don't want to see Tetsu. The guy creeps me out."

"Oh, you don't know him." The girl slapped his arm affectionately, still riding her bizarre high.

"I _do_ know him. Remember you dragged me over there a long time ago? Then he tried to do some stupid, pointless mumbo-jumbo that didn't do anything but make me sick. And he was a jerk, glaring at me the whole time. And he's our age! What the hell would he know about any of this anyway?"

"Don't be stupid! He comes from a long line of fortune tellers and hypnotists. This is what he does." She carefully lifted the heavy tray again and rested it expertly on her shoulder. Then she stopped a moment and tilted her thought in consideration a moment before nodding her head. "You should go see him"

"I already told you, I don't want to see that creep Tetsu." Ren crossed his arms petulantly and allowed his boyish pout to resurface.

"No, no, no, you silly! I wasn't talking abut Tetsu. Though you should go see him. I'm telling you, he works miracles, could regress you, help you unlock those sealed memories. But no, I was talking about that guy, what's his name?"

"Rai," The blond boy replied without thinking, his eyes turning a touch glassy in remembrance.

"Yeah, that's it, you should go see him."

"What? Why? _You_ don't want to meet him, do you?" _Uh, I didn't just say it like that, did I?_

"No, I don't think so. Not yet." She turned and gave him a soft smile. "I think you two should get to know each other by yourselves first. Better that way. But maybe later." Her face crinkled up in joy. "Oh, this is so exciting! Who knows what kind of memories you might have locked away in that head of yours! Besides, you could use a male friend, you know too many girls. I might start to get jealous."

That said, she gave him a flirty little smirk and whisked herself away and out into the dining hall.

Ren sneered at the very idea of going to see that spooky Tetsu guy; to say he was less than a fan was the understatement of the century. He shook his head at Kei and her crazy notions and headed back out, accidentally using the wrong hand to push the door open. He winced and pulled it back fast. Looking at the stark white bandages, his mind brought him back to that night, back to that boy. Perhaps it was not such a bad idea, after all.

Deep down in the recesses of his soul somewhere, there was an unmistakable tie that bound him to that other teen, that Rai. What it meant and where it came from he didn't know.

But that didn't change the fact that there was a definite part of him that wanted to see Rai again. Maybe and hour or two with a creep would be well worth it.

He let this thought roll round his head as he went out into the restaurant and back to work.

Outside, in the big front window, the sun was setting, far behind a veil of murky clouds.

A storm was approaching.


	14. 14: And A Little Rain Will Fall

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

And A Little Rain Will Fall

It was only after a little more teasing and much encouragement that Rai and Nana left the courtyard and went back inside the school to collect their things and head home. Neither had any club activities this day, so they had time to spare and they took advantage of it. By the time they returned to the hallway it was mostly empty and Kaoru was nowhere to be seen. Rei, however still sat exactly where they had left him, now making nonsense little circles with his finger in the dirty floor. Nana walked up and grinned down at her brother who finally looked up at her, screwing his face into a huge smile.

"Come on, let's go." The girl said tiredly, but amused.

"'Kay," her brother said, standing up sand brushing off the dirt subconsciously.

Nana faced Rai one final time, nodding her head. "Stop worryin' so much and just go for it."

Rai smirked at her, feeling a little ill-at-ease under all her fussing even though he was indeed indebted to her for her advice and support. Nana waved to him and pulled Rei gently by the shoulder, guiding him away. But even as he was allowing himself to be led, the small blond glanced back over his shoulder and said flatly, "You should probably try being friends with him first."

The hallway fell suddenly still as a frigid wind seemed to blow through. Both other members of the little party stared wide-eyed at the third, their shock evident. Rei simply smiled and said nothing more.

It seemed silence did not necessarily equal ignorance, at least in Rei's case.

But that was all hours ago and Rai now waited outside "The Porcelain Bowl" patiently biding his time until the restaurant finally closed down for the night. The sun had already set and in its absence the night extended a cold and lonely mood that gradually seeped into Rai's bones and tried to take over. A gathering of angry storm clouds hovered overhead, threatening at any moment to let loose a barrage of pelting rain, but had yet to follow through. Rai hugged his arms around his torso. He really hadn't thought this through. He should have brought a jacket, a plan, and a lot more courage would be helpful now that he thought about it. He couldn't even begin to imagine how difficult this would be without his friends behind him, especially when it was something so new and a bit frightening.

It was scary enough to even decide to pursue Ren (he'd faced his intentions and decided that yes, that's what he'd call it), but to have had to deal with it alone would have been a bit too much.

After all the solitary agonizing, it was nice to have a confidant.

Several people passed by, distracting him for a moment and he nodded a mute greeting which they returned before continuing on their way. The sky darkened ominously as Rai checked his watch for the hundredth time and leaned over to glance quickly at the large front window.

It was late now; coming on to the eleventh hour and the interior lights of the restaurant had been closed nearly half an hour ago, leading Rai to believe that soon the employees would be exiting. But he'd yet to see his intended target.

Ren had to pass to the front after leaving just like he did every other day. Not that there was any reason Rai should know this, but the fact of the matter was he _had _been watching him.

Rai crossed his arms to keep them from shaking as the hour he'd been waiting for ticked painfully closer.

The anxious anticipation he'd felt stirring earlier in the day had grown steadily until his nerves had finally worn raw.

The effect Nana's little pep-talk had had on his waning spirits was wearing off; enough time had passed since then for the little butterflies that took up residence in his stomach to take flight and tickle his insides nervously. He'd made up his mind, he was resolute, but things looked different under a darkening sky. But still, slow and steady wins the race, or so they say.

He snorted to himself.

What a stupid, pointless thing to be thinking at a time like this.

And the butterflies were having a field day though he wasn't quite sure whether it was his desire to see Ren or his lack of experience that made them so flighty. He took a deep, calming breath and ordered them to settle down.

They obeyed for about 2.5 seconds.

To further help in relaxing overactive nerves, he closed his eyes and leaned forward, a little like a standing meditation. Focusing inward, he told himself to stay composed, that this was no big deal, that he could do this. It was only two old friends (a fact unknown to one, but let's ignore that for now) meeting for a chat after work. That's all. Nothing to worry about. Nothing at all.

"What are you doing just standing there?"

Rai almost fell over, all his attempts at composure instantly destroyed. He opened his eyes to see the shorter boy looking up at him with a little bit of ire, but much more confusion, most of which appeared to be directed at himself.

The blond's hair was tousled and his shirt hung halfway out of his pants, the top two buttons of which were unbuttoned, exposing a strongly defined collarbone covered by skin only a shade darker than Rai's own. The remains of his undone tie hung precariously draped precariously around his neck. The warm light from the street lamp glowed behind him, bathed him in a heavenly aura, and made him look like an unruly angel who'd just woken up from a troubled sleep.

All in all, Rai thought the image both apt and perfectly pleasant.

He forced the smile he wore to show a friendly demeanor meant to convey trust and nothing more. Ren eyed him warily.

"Waiting for you." Rai finally said, replying to the question that had been hanging in the air between them.

"What the hell does that mean? You make it sound like I'm your girlfriend or something. And I'm not, you know." Ren crossed his arms and pouted defiantly, but did not move.

Rai took this as a good sign.

"I'm well aware of this." _Oh yes, quite well aware. _The soft expression remained on his face, desperately trying to prove there was no reason to be suspicious. Ren's mouth quirked up on one side, giving him a half friendly look. A chilled wind blew just then, a portent of the oncoming storm. Ren's messy hair ruffled in the breeze and his anger instantly switched from the boy across from him to the strands that decided to get in his way. In vain he tried to keep it from his face, becoming adorably annoyed as his fingers got stuck within the hair, a tangle of knots barring their way.

"Shit!" He barked, trying to work the knot free, clearly forgetting that Rai was even there.

"Here. Let me." As if it were an everyday occurrence, Rai lifted his hand to Ren's temple and threaded long fingers through blond locks, undoing the tangle with apparent ease. Ren narrowed his eyes as his breathing quickened minutely and he promptly batted the offending hand away.

There was a pregnant pause as he regarded Rai intently, weighing his options and attempting to figure out the wisest course action while also trying to make sense of the other boy. Rai had obviously been waiting here today just as he'd been following him the other. That meant that Rai knew where Ren worked, which meant that he'd been watching him, which meant . . .

"You're a stalker," Ren stated his conclusion flatly out loud.

Rai swallowed hard and began choking uncontrollably on his own spittle.

Ren raised an eyebrow as Rai desperately tried to get his coughing fit under control. Rai finally managed to suppress his hacking and with one last cough, took a deep breath and lifted his eyes to look at the other teen that stood staring at him skeptically.

This was followed by a long awkward silence so tense you could drown in it.

But still Ren did not leave, though he appeared to grow increasingly uncomfortable with each passing second. His arms fell to his sides and he began to shift from foot to foot, itching to turn tail and run. But there was that inexplicable thread that stretched between the two boys, tugging at his insides and keeping him rooted to the spot.

The blond's stomach lurched a bit and it took all his effort to quash it back down. Trying to put a stop to the slow spiral that his body had decided to send him on, he looked downward and away from Rai, spotting the large bag that rested at the brunette's feet.

As he followed Ren's gaze, Rai remembered with a short sound of surprise the excuse he'd concocted for being here. He'd been so wrapped up in watching Ren, memorizing each little move and reaction, that he'd forgotten all about it. He quickly bent down, letting his bangs fall forward to hide his embarrassment, his long tail flipping over his shoulder. Straightening back up, he handed the collection of books out to Ren, neatly packed in a sturdy tote bag.

"These are for you." Rai tried to sound nonchalant.

Still cautious, though now honestly curious, Ren reached forward and took hold of the handles, noticing once again the gentle warmth of Rai's hand as they accidentally came into contact. He held his hand there a moment, even as it trembled slightly from the feel of skin on skin and sent a slow heat that threaded up his arms and settled in the center of his self. Panicked and confused, Ren yanked his hand away, nearly stumbling backward from the sheer force.

He really needed to stop acting so ridiculous.

In an attempt to cover up his unreasonable reaction, Ren peered inside the bag to give the impression that that was all he was anxious about. His brow furrowed in interest while he genuinely wondered what this stranger would possibly have to give him.

Glancing inside the bag, his irritation, his confusion, his curiosity, all of it suddenly ceased. Seeming to forget where he was, he squatted to the sidewalk and placing the bag to the cement, carefully lifted one of the items out. He flipped it over, side to side, examining it from every angle in quiet reverent awe. Then, delicately, he opened it up and casually thumbed through a couple pages.

Rai watched Ren, letting the gentle smile deepen at the way the blond boy responded to his "gift". And while he was distracted with perusing said gift, Rai took in every little detail of the boy kneeling in front of him. He noticed how the hair blended from a blond so light it was almost white to a shade just shy of brown, all the colors in between mingling together in an entrancing display of light and shadow. Then there were the dusty ash-colored lashes, hovering over golden eyes and soft cheeks, almost feminine in their length and lushness, but the contrast to Ren's more boyish features making it that much more attractive. Rai was certain Ren had no idea how he looked, a charming mix of messy rumple and soft angelic perfection. He bit the inside of his cheek lightly, fighting off the urge to get a closer, a much closer, look and instead return to the more practical task at hand.

And it was all going better than he'd hoped. Latching on to this one thing he'd noticed the other day was a stroke of pure genius.

The shorter boy splayed his hand on the cover of his book and lifted his head to Rai, his eyes wide-eyed with mixed joy. Rai looked into those golden irises that held such innocence and trust that he'd seen so many times before. There was a strain on his heart when he saw that look directed at him with no real recognition.

"I've read this one," Ren then said, letting no inflection of his thoughts creep into his words.

"Oh. Well." Rai said nervously, fighting the tightness across his chest. "I can take it back if you don't want it. I'm sure I can find another one that you haven't read."

"No, it's fine." Ren replaced the book, a bit in a daze.

Thunder rumbled overhead in a welcome diversion, causing both boys to look up to the angry clouds.

Pursing his lips, Ren stood up and said, "We better get under cover before the storm hits."

Without a glance back, he picked up his things and began walking down the street. Rai watched him go, only belatedly registering the "we" and as his heart lodged in his throat, he rushed to join him.

He had a devil of a time trying to figure out where to put his hands, in his pockets, out of his pockets, behind his back, crossed over his chest. No matter where he put them, they felt in the way. He glanced at Ren who was blissfully unaware of the turmoil roiling around in the boy beside him as Ren darted his eyes this way and that, looking for cover, even if only temporary. Rai clenched his fists which presently hung limp and obvious at his sides. How could something so familiar be so uncomfortable? Were all things like this supposed to be so painfully awkward?

Sadly, he had no idea.

A little cry of triumph and a growl of frustration escaped the blond as he spotted a protected place at the exact same time the sky decided to break. Through the rain, he gave a quick, subconscious glance to check that Rai was still there and rushed to a bus stop that thankfully had a rare protective overhang. Taken aback just a moment at the unexpected gesture from Ren, Rai hurried after and slipped easily under the eave. Gracefully, just as he did everything, he ran his fingers through hair that had been made blacker by the rain, pulling out the excess water to pool on the sidewalk below.

Ren took a much more straightforward approach and after sliding onto the bus stop bench, he bent his head forward and shook, the water spraying everywhere. With a sigh, he raised his head, leaning his elbows on his knees and staring through the sheets of rain out into the empty street. Despite his efforts he remained thoroughly drenched, his hair hanging heavily from the extra weight and the raindrops on his shirt soaking through, merging to create spots of transparency in the crisp whiteness.

Rai swallowed and gripped the side of the overhang he was leaning on. He really needed to sit down.

Ren began mumbling something about the damn rain always coming at the worst fucking time and Rai didn't even have the presence of mind to be shocked at all the colorful language. All his reserves were put to the task of bringing himself over to the bench without looking like a fool. He inched his way slowly closer, trying to make it look deliberate. He was just about there when Ren turned his head and snapped at him.

"What the hell are you doing? Sit down."

Rai's knees buckled and he flopped down, all attempts at grace thrown out the window. He gave Ren a smile that said "I meant to do that" which made the blond raise his eyebrows skeptically.

Now that he was sitting and in spite of his new proximity to Ren, Rai felt a bit more relaxed. Still not knowing what to do with his hands, he opted to rest his elbows casually on the back of the bench.

Appraising both the brunette and the situation, Ren rolled over the options in his head, which was currently craned somewhat uncomfortably over his shoulder. He took his lower lip into his mouth and gnawed on it thoughtfully. He was lucky that Rai wasn't actually watching him, what with him looking so unbearably adorable worrying that lip between his teeth. But he was utterly clueless as to the effect his actions would likely have on the other teen. It was lucky for Rai as well, he was already having a hard time dealing as it was.

"So . . ." Ren began, returning to face front. "Have you ever heard of repressed memories?"

Rai forcibly contained his shock and made himself sound nonchalant. "Yeah. Why?"

"Well." Slightly tan fingers began to tangle with each other, a motion Rai _did _notice and which immediately mesmerized him. "See, we haven't met before, have we?"

"Not exactly." Rai answered ambiguously.

Ren hunched his shoulders in dismay, causing the still wet fabric to stretch and cling to his skin, revealing strong shoulder blades and the long delicate curve of his spine. His hair, still damp from the rain, twisted into little curlicues at the base of his neck, the strands there darker than at the top of his head.

Rai's vision began to fog over.

There was a sharp slap against his knee, which caused him to return to himself and refocus. Ren was more directly facing him now, an annoyed frown on his face.

"Huh?" Rai asked rather intelligently.

"I said," the blond gritted out, angry to have to repeat something he hadn't wanted to say to begin with and fighting off his visible embarrassment. "The first time we met, you grabbed my wrist and all these strange images of the two of us went through my head. Did anything like that happen to you?"

"I saw some things." The brunette hedged, purposely vague, and seriously tried to ignore the attractive blush of pink that spread over the bridge of Ren's nose and onto his cheeks.

"Ah." Ren sat up, quelling the unwelcome blush as he let his head loll back, exposing a great length of smooth throat, the muscles standing out in silent invitation. He moved his hands so that they now lay uselessly in his lap.

Meanwhile, Rai's twitched nervously at his sides.

"You ever heard of past lives?" Thankfully, it was a rhetorical question as Rai would be hard-pressed to make a coherent reply at the moment; he was too busy watching the movement of Ren's throat as he spoke. "I've been thinking maybe I should see someone about it. There's this guy who could help me 'regress' until I find out what I used to be. Or something like that. Sounds pretty sketchy to me. But I don't know, maybe it's not so bad. This guy is supposed to really know what he's doing."

Unknown to Ren however, he was talking mostly to himself. Especially when Ren raised a hand to pull his fingers through his hair, brush it from his face and shake a persistent water droplet free. Rai became entranced by that droplet as it slid down the blond's face, skirting close to his ear, over the edge of his jawbone until finally reaching that long expanse of exposed neck. It continued its path downward, so tortuously slow, trailing down a collarbone and roaming insistently through the space of Ren's unbuttoned collar and disappearing from sight. That was one persistent drop of water.

Rai envied it.

"That's nice." He murmured a little lower and huskier than he'd intended.

"You think?" Ren asked, oblivious to the attractive display he was presenting his companion. "So you think it's a good idea?"

"Yeah." Was the breathy reply, though whether actually it was an answer to the question is highly debatable. Rai's heartbeat thrilled to the same rhythm of the pitter-pat of the rain on the overhang, his jade eyes locked onto the small patch of flesh that peeked through that open collar, imaging the continued path of that water into places unseen.

"Hmm." Ren stared up through the clear roof that shielded them. His mouth parted open and a tiny tip of pink tongue darted out to lick dry lips, all the while his chest rising and falling visibly with the gentle tempo of his breathing.

One of Rai's hands slipped off the edge of the bench and slammed self-consciously to the seat, making the boy fall forward a little, though still careful not to loose his balance entirely.

Ren's eyes shifted to the side, seeking the source of the sudden interruption, catching Rai just as he was slipping forward. The black-haired boy turned to him with that same placating smile, though his eyes clearly showed anxiety, even to Ren's untrained ones. But even if he hadn't recognized that, he would have seen the trembling of those pale hands just before they clenched tightly into fists. Ren said nothing, merely crinkled his forehead and turned his gaze back to the ceiling.

Rai held his hands together and faced the other way. His breathing was much more heavy and ragged than he'd even realized, his heart hammering against his ribcage so hard he was surprised it didn't leap straight out. While he was watching Ren, he had to really fight the urge not to, as Nana so eloquently put it earlier, "jump him". When had it gotten this bad? What was wrong with him?!

The rain continued to fall, adding more water to the small river that flowed down the side of the street and down through the gutter grates. Thunder roared in the far distance and there was a soft flash as lightning stuck somewhere far away. The two boys now sat silent, held by the music of drumming rain as the minutes stretched before them, the tension between them palpable but somehow not entirely uncomfortable. Rai took this time to settle down and try to sort out the sudden influx of intense feelings. The sky by now had gone completely dark; the great masses of rain-heavy clouds obscuring any sign of stars or moon. The only light the boys had came from a lamp that glowed dimly in the night and cast its reflection in the puddles which broke into sparks each time another drop of rain fell.

It seemed the rain wouldn't stop until it covered the ground with a deep ocean, flooding the world over. And all that would remain would be the two boys who sat side by side on a bus stop bench, as they alone would somehow be taken by the tide and carried away. Rai closed his eyes and let the cadence of the falling rain slowly lull him into a state of relaxation.

The air grew still and quiet, a feat done so slowly that Rai didn't notice it. Of course, he was also preoccupied with trying to not be distracted by the boy sitting so close to him, a thing much easier to do in theory than in practice. His "relaxed" mind kept going off into unsafe tangents when he thought of blond hair and brown eyes, slightly tanned skin wrapping around sinewy muscle, a dusting of soft hairs that would flutter subtly under his fingers, the gentle rise and fall of a chest that could be made to go so much faster . . .

Only faintly did he notice when Ren eased off the bench with the ending of the storm.

Rai felt eyes on him and opened his own, catching a pair of beautiful golden brown staring back, the light of the lamp illuminating them with an ethereal light. The pressure of the gaze made Rai's mouth go dry as he lost the ability to speak.

Ren stared back, trapped by an intensity he'd never seen before, an intensity in jade eyes coupled with the slight blurriness that accompanied the newly woken. Not liking the way that gaze affected him, he turned on his heel. Taking a deep breath, he took up his two bags and stood, looking off into the empty distance that he knew would eventually lead home.

Something had changed with the falling of the rain, some small unseen force leaving a lasting effect he couldn't quite put his finger on. Nor did he want to.

He tightened the grip he had on his bags.

"I'll see you later." He whispered, barely audible. Gritting his teeth and steeling his nerves, he ran off, blending quickly into the blackness of the night.

Rai stood there for long minutes, alone in the street, staring into that same black night. He took a step forward, splashing into a puddle and breaking the water to a series of outward waves. But he barely noticed as the water seeped through his shoe, only smiling serenely as the last words he'd heard echoed through his mind like a promise.


	15. 15: Tetsu

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

Tetsu

It was well past morning by the time Ren woke and went outside. It was a nice day, but not a great one; the sky was overcast and there was the whiff of rain you can sometimes smell in the air before a storm hits. But it didn't look bad enough for a storm, just enough for a drizzle, if that, but then one never can tell with the weather.

He shut the door with a distinct lack of care; it didn't matter, no one else was home. His mother went missing two days ago. He'd enjoyed those two days, as much as he ever could, and even despite the constant uneasiness and itching of guilt. She was probably passed out somewhere, drunk as usual, cast aside in some unknown back alley or random guy's apartment. But he'd been able to sleep in, not something he was able to do on a regular basis, especially these days.

Two days.

Exactly two days since his mother disappeared, exactly two days since the storm.

He couldn't stop thinking about it. He should have thought it weird at the very least, if not outright suspect, the way that the other boy just seemed to ease into the situation. And after tailing him no less! But it hadn't been _only_ awkward. It was so easy to fall into conversation with him, the boy who was supposed to be a stranger. And it was strange to Ren, who was rarely comfortable with anyone, especially after only meeting once.

But there was that tug of familiarity. And Kei had been so excited about it, freak that she is, he thought affectionately. What could it really hurt to humor her? She deserved it, didn't she?

But even saying so, there was a nagging doubt, a fear of _knowing. _Of what, he couldn't say, just that it was there, swirling in his gut and making his heartbeat just slightly irregular.

He turned to walk down the stairs.

"Good Morning Ren!"

It was such a loud, cheery, vibrant hello that Ren nearly jumped out of his skin. Chiaki veritably beamed at him and he shook his head. Girls were weird little creatures, weren't they? The whole lot of them one more twisted than the last.

"Hello, Chiaki." She rushed up to him, arms outstretched and without warning or reason, latched onto him. "What's this?" He asked, almost bored. He was getting just a little too used to this.

"I'm just happy to see you!" The blond-headed girl leaned back to appraise him. "I've been worried. But you look better."

He did? His face must have clearly shown his thoughts because Chiaki instantly changed her mind. "What's still wrong?"

Ren screwed up his face in concentration, curious how he could have looked even remotely at ease when all this confusion was tumbling through his mind. He stared right through Chiaki as he tried to decide what to do, because even though he was going to go see Kei he still hadn't really come to a decision about the whole Tetsu thing. It sounded fishy to him, even after mulling over it most of the night. And even after mulling over it, he couldn't deny the fact that part of him was curious.

"Speak up! I can't hear you thinking!" The blond girl said playfully, shaking his shoulders just slightly. Waking up, Ren looked down at her and smiled sheepishly.

"Well . . ."

"Yes?" Chiaki prodded after he remained silent.

Ren continued to stare at her, debating what to tell and what not to. He opened his mouth to speak when Chiaki cut him off. "It's about your mother, isn't it?"

The boy almost choked on his shock. _His mother? _Well that was true, but not what was bothering him at the moment. Chiaki chewed on her lip, trying to make a decision, but this time Ren was the one to speak up first. "She hasn't been home in two days."

The girl was suddenly taken aback. And then she immediately felt ashamed, because she hadn't even noticed this little fact. She accidentally bit her lip, tasting the slight copper flavor of blood. He still had no clue, or was pretending that he didn't know of Chiaki's suspicions. The silence that stretched between them was awkward, particularly as Chiaki was still draped over Ren. Belatedly, she backed up and put her hands delicately behind her back, smiling at her friend to cover up her near error.

"Kei wants me to see a hypnotist." Ren said out of the middle of nowhere.

"Oh?" Chiaki could think of nothing else to say.

"She thinks it'll be good for me."

"Maybe it will be. Something's clearly bothering you. And if you're not going to talk about it, the least you can do is try to get some answers." She shrugged her shoulders. "What harm can it really do?"

Golden brown eyes stared at her blankly. It was somewhat infuriating that all these girls seemed to know exactly what he was thinking. Was he really that transparent? But she was right. _What harm could it do?_ And she'd given him that little boost of support he'd needed to get him back on the path he'd really already decided upon. Chiaki giggled and took another step back.

"You'd better go. I don't want Kei thinking I'm stealing you or anything." She teased.

Ren smirked and headed to the top of the stairs. "Thanks." And then he bounded down them, hearing the door of Chiaki's front door as she went back inside.

He pushed his doubts and fears and guilt aside and stuck to his decision, going to pick up Kei on what promised to be a very interesting day.

--------------------------------------

He pressed his finger to the buzzer, a coil of sudden anxiety knotting in his stomach. No one answered. He buzzed again, unable to hear the telltale ring and thinking maybe the thing was broken.

Then there was static and harsh man's voice filtered through the intercom.

"Yes, what is it?"

He pressed the button again and spoke into the speaker. "Hi, uh, is Kei there?"

"Hello! Who is it?!" Came the angry reply.

He pushed the button again and spoke, trying to drum up some authority to his voice. "Yes, is Kei there please?"

"Stop pushing the doorbell, stupid!"

Ren immediately yanked his hand away and stared at the intercom as if it had bit him. He could still hear the static through the speaker, a background to the man's angry voice, now joined by a girl as well, sounding flustered but attempting to appease.

"Oh, daddy, stop being so mean! It's for me. I'll just go downstairs."

"For you?!" The man seemed to grow, if possible, angrier. "For you? Don't tell me it's that Ren kid!"

"Daddy . . ."

"Don't 'daddy' me!" In his mind's eye, Ren could picture a finger wagging in a strictly paternal gesture. "How many times have I told you not to see him? I don't want to have to go through this again."

"That's so unfair!" There was a girlish sigh. "You don't even know him . . ."

"I don't have to. I know his kind. Dropout, troublemaker, he'll just amount to nothing . . ."

He was suddenly cut off mid-tirade by his daughter. "Daddy! You're finger's still on the . . ." And the sound was abruptly shut off, leaving Ren alone to drown in its wake. It was one thing to know someone hated you, it was quite another to hear it firsthand. He sighed and leaned back on the cool brick of the building, trying to ignore what he'd just heard. It didn't really matter that much, not really. It was just that it was unfair. But he already knew that's just how life was. So he pushed it from his mind and closed his eyes as he patiently waited for his date to appear.

It seemed like forever before he heard the opening of the front door to the apartment building. How was it that "I'll be right down" translated into twenty minutes later with girls? Of course, in this case it could be forgiven, likely having more to do with an unexpected fight with her father than with her unpreparedness.

He opened his eyes at the sound and saw Kei standing there, a vision in pink. Her hair was done up with a massive pink bow and she wore a pink gingham dress with a ruffled skirt, dark pink socks with flowers on them and little white shoes. Ren smiled at her. Her outfit was a little uncommon, but it fit her personality well, what with all her strange beliefs and practices and flighty behavior. Speaking of which, his stomach twisted a bit and his smile turned almost instantly into a wince.

"What's wrong?" The girls asked, leaning in and placing a gentle hand on his arm.

He looked at the arm and immediately felt a little bit better. She had that effect on him. A little uncomfortable at first, as he was with all girls, but she quickly brushed over his anxieties with ease. He was so grateful to her. So grateful . . .

"I'm fine." He squeezed her hand affectionately.

She smiled and shook her head. "You're nervous." She said plainly and handed him a bottle he only just saw she was holding. "But don't worry about it. It will be fine. Fun, even! Just imagine what you might learn. At the very least, it will distract you for a while."

He looked at her, brow furrowing slightly, wondering at the last statement. He unscrewed the cap and took a drink. Any distraction was welcome. He tried to put on a smiling face as he looked at her. Taking that as an affirmative that he was ready to go, Kei leaned in quickly and gave Ren's cheek a short, gentle peck. Then, laughing, she grabbed his hand and began to drag him half willingly down the street.

The blond let himself be dragged, a bit reluctant, but nonetheless agreeing to go see creepy Tetsu. He couldn't help but admit that was a very definite part of him that was plain and simply interested in what Tetsu had to show him.

------------------------------------------------------

The apartment was just as Ren remembered it: dark, creepy and disconcerting. Just like the boy who lived there. Tetsu stared down on Ren, and even though he was maybe an inch taller, he seemed to tower over the blond boy. His face held nothing but superiority and disdain, which Ren thought to be very counterproductive for someone whose living relied on how his customers were treated. He wasn't going to get too many clients looking at them like that.

No one else lived in the apartment as far as Ren knew and he wondered how the guy could possibly afford it on his own if this present gig was his only source of income. The blond suspected there was some secret influx of cash that Tetsu got somewhere to help provide for his everyday living. Not that it was much, he had a studio apartment, with a small kitchenette and a bathroom and that was it. Even as Ren was being led inside his "office", he could see the signs of a bed hiding just behind the heavy drapes that were hung haphazardly from the ceiling. He had tried to create the illusion of a carnival tent, the place you might otherwise find someone of his trade. Or so Ren guessed. He didn't ask. He didn't care enough to actually start a conversation with the guy.

As Ren looked over the apartment, Tetsu sneered at him in that condescending attitude of his. "So, Kei tells me you have a little problem with your memories."

Ren didn't like the tone of his voice, but when he felt Kei behind him nearly vibrating out of her skin with excitement, he thought better of saying anything about it. "Yeah, I guess."

Tetsu smirked wryly and angled his head back so he could look down even further at him. "Are you sure you want to know what they are?"

Ren fisted his hands at his sides. "Yes," he gritted through his teeth.

For an instant, the creepy guy looked halfway torn between shock and satisfaction, and Ren would have questioned why if the boy hadn't suddenly turned on his heel. "Then come in"

It took a little nudge from Kei to make Ren take that fateful first step. When he placed his foot across the doorway and into the spooky "office", he almost instantly felt an odd change.

It was only about two steps to reach the place that Tetsu indicated with a wave of his hand. Ren took a seat at a small round table, Tetsu on the opposite side in a much grander, what Ren could only term, throne. Kei took up a place standing behind Ren.

Tetsu smoothed out nonexistent folds in the top of the tablecloth as he spoke with silken ease. "You understand, of course, that I make no guarantees. First off, that this will even work. Everyone has a different reaction and sometimes they may be trying to grab memories that simply aren't there."

Ren nodded in understanding and Tetsu continued with his bland recitation. "And I furthermore take no responsibility what those memories may be, even if you have them. They may not be anything you want to know. They could end up doing more harm than good."

Ren hesitated a moment, but with an encouraging squeeze on his shoulder from Kei, finally assented.

The somewhat grin that took over Tetsu's face held an air of malicious delight. Ren felt a shiver speed up his spine and did his best to ignore it. With that disturbingly sick smile still in place, Tetsu placed his palms down flat on the table. He deepened his smirk at Ren, but then his eyes flitted upward and it instantly faded.

"You really shouldn't be here."

Ren turned his head backward and caught the cute little disappointed pout on his girlfriend's face. Her grip on his shoulder tightened. "This is hard for him. He'll need my support."

Ren wasn't sure whether he was annoyed that she'd revealed that little detail about him (not that it wasn't obvious), or touched that she was worried. He turned back to face Tetsu, but was ignored, the other boy's eyes concentrated solely on the girl. Ren backed up a bit in his seat, feeling the tension of the silent battle of wills going on between the two supposed friends.

"We've been through this already," Tetsu said, breaking the silence. Ren started from this little bit of information. His eyes returned to Kei for any indication of what was going on. But for the moment, it was as if he wasn't even in the room and he felt oddly like an intruder.

"Yes, and I told you I need to be here." Kei narrowed her eyes dangerously in a way Ren had never seen before. "He'll need me here with him."

"Your presence will only interfere with his reclaiming of his memories."

"And yours won't?" Kei spat back.

Tetsu gave the girl a menacing glare. The tablecloth under Ren's hands jerked suddenly and he noticed the heretofore calm boy's fists gripping it tightly, pulling it up into an angry bunch. Unconsciously, Ren pushed his chair away form the verbal battle.

"Don't be stupid." Then Tetsu leaned back, closing his eyes, letting out a long breath and waving his hand dismissively in front of him. "That doesn't even make any sense. This is my job. If I weren't here, exactly how would you expect him to get memories back at all?" Then his eyes open so very slowly, capturing Ren with their intense stare, though the effect it had on Kei was uncertain. "Remember, girl, that this is a favor. It's not like I'm getting paid for it. Where's_ my_ compensation? Any more from you and I'll call the whole thing off."

"You can't," Kei replied resolutely, thought there was a touch of doubt in her eyes. The two glared each other down for endless minutes, Ren, who was really the topic of their discussion, rendered irrelevant.

Then slowly, Kei's stance eased and she seemed to back down. Heaving a sigh, she turned her face to Ren, a rueful smile on her lips as she asked apologetically, "Do you mind?"

Ren blinked to himself, utterly perplexed at what had just happened. What the hell were those two talking about and so intensely to boot. But when he looked at the sweet expression on Kei's face, his interest seemed to crumble. "Mind . . . what?"

"If I have to leave you alone?"

"Oh." Ren looked anxiously from Tetsu to Kei, knowing only vaguely that they had been fighting . . . over him. It was odd, and he didn't see the big deal. However, it didn't seem right that Kei should be there, after all, who knows what might pop up. So, he gave her a little smile. "I think I might be better if I'm by myself."

There was a moment of surprise in her eyes, before it returned to the expression it had before. Then she gave his shoulder a little reassuring shake and brushed her hand lightly through his hair. "OK." She kissed the top of his head and shot a warning glare in Tetsu's direction, then turned and walked out. The look on Tetsu's face was disturbingly smug.

Ren swallowed hard, growing steadily nervous under the stare of his would-be helper and shifted a bit uneasily in his chair.

"Now then." Tetsu grinned that unnerving grin again. "Shall we begin?"

Ren did nothing, only stared at the other boy, giving a silent consent. The creepy guy laid his hands on the table, smoothing out real wrinkles this time. "I want you to concentrate. Now imagine a box, a plain metal box. Take all your thoughts, all your worries and start putting them in that box. That's it, that's right. Empty your mind of everything but the sound of my voice."

Tetsu's voice began to grow oddly soothing, or maybe it had always been and Ren had been too distracted by the overall creepiness of him to notice. He did as he was told, taking everything and locking it away in that imagined box. It felt freeing, even though it was something to a certain extent that he did everyday. It took a while, under the constant tranquil drone of Tetsu, but eventually Ren felt his mind go blank, free of all but the here and now.

"Good, good . . . " Tetsu continued. "Now start to relax completely. Start with your head. Make your eyes become relaxed. Slowly, slowly, now your mouth. . ."

This went on, Tetsu displaying a depth of patience Ren would have found extraordinary had he not been "occupied" with becoming a feeling lump of clay. It was about then, when every muscle seemed to turn to jelly, and all he could do was sense that things were going on around him that he became entirely disoriented. His mind grew confused, the room flipped upside down and sideways, twirling in strange meshes of color. Then his stomach began to turn in the other direction, causing a wave of nausea to wash over him, blurring his vision and making him dizzy. There were other things there now, too, in his vision. Tetsu was still there, his ugly draped room, but there was also Rai, as a young boy, a playground, a mother that looked like his mother even though he was sure it wasn't. And there was a girl, young, delicate, pretty, that looked a lot like him only lighter, with pale sickly skin, light blond hair and pale eyes.

And then the pain came.

It shot through his body searing his spine, sending white-hot fire ripping through his insides. There was a battle being waged inside him, one he didn't understand, but was trying to tear him in two, the past and present colliding in a wrench of wracking pain.

He thought he screamed, but he was never really sure.

Everything went black.

When he came back to his senses, it was only in part, his head still throbbing, his brain seeming to have swelled too big for his skull. He listened to a far-off conversation as if under water.

"I told you to be careful." It sounded like Kei, but lower and harsher than she should be.

"And I told you this could happen." It had to be Tetsu.

"I shouldn't have heard him screaming from outside. They probably heard him throughout the whole building!"

"He'll be fine. It was just a bit more than he was ready to handle right now. Besides, I thought this is what you wanted."

"Don't be an idiot. Why would I want him in pain, screaming? How does that help me?"

"Do you want him to move too fast? Because that's what was happening, you stupid girl. This was your idea." Ren could sense more than see Tetsu cross his arms over his chest.

With an excruciating effort, the blond boy on the floor peeled his eyes open and tried to look around him. Just as it felt as if he was under water, that's very much how it looked to his pain-weary eyes. The overdone messy room oscillated before him, the two figures undulating like seaweed. It was all making him feel a little seasick. He blinked again, but nothing changed. So, dragging a tired arm over, he rubbed his eye, trying to wipe out whatever effects forced unconsciousness had had on them.

The two people loomed over him and while he'd known he was on the floor, it only just registered in his numbed mind.

"Don't let him see him yet. He's not ready, the boy will open his big mouth and tell your precious Ren before it's time."

"I think he _should_ see him. It can only help. I think it will be perfect for those two to have contact."

The two stared each other down, obviously on opposite ends of the spectrum on an issue Ren couldn't quite grasp. The stillness that overtook the room weighed heavy on him like an unwanted blanket in summer, anger permeating the air. It felt like forever before the two broke glares with each other. Huffing with aggravation, Kei turned her head and finally noticed hat Ren was awake. Her face made a complete transformation, strange and amazing to behold, had Ren enough sense to notice.

The dark-haired girl knelt down suddenly in front of him and placed a hand on his curled shoulder and as is if there was some magic in her touch, his vision instantly cleared.

It unfortunately did nothing for the aching aftermath that took over his body as he slowly eased himself up to a sitting position.

"Ren, are you OK?" Green irises looked on worriedly and all images of a different Kei instantly fled his mind like so much dream stuff.

Unable to speak since his tongue felt like cotton, he nodded even though it wasn't entirely true.

"Come on." Kei put an arm under his armpit and around his waist and heaved him up to his feet. It took several seconds for him to regain his equilibrium. Without another word, the girl led him out of the torture chamber and into the hallway. She didn't even give Tetsu a second glance, all her attention now focused on Ren.

And he couldn't be sure, but as they left the apartment, Ren thought he saw a look of grim satisfaction flicker over Tetsu's face.

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By the time he'd walked with Kei back to her place, he was feeling a little bit better physically. He could now walk without assistance but his mind was just as jumbled as before, if not more. Kei apologized profusely about what had happened with Tetsu as well as the fact that she couldn't ask him up on account of her parents. Ren didn't mind, he needed some time alone.

With a last assurance that she would talk to him again soon, to sort all this out, she disappeared behind the building's door, the polished metal frame the last thing Ren saw.

It was a while before he finally arrived home and still he had not come to any satisfactory conclusions. Some nagging feeling tickled at the back of his mind, demanding to be heard, but he couldn't quite get hold of it. He figured instead that it would better to let the images settle down and try to sort them out later when they were in some semblance of order. Right now they were a jumbled mess that made him dizzy and sick to his stomach.

When his foot hit the top landing of the staircase, the bottom of his stomach completely fell out.

There, propped up against his apartment door, hair wet and stringy, and legs akimbo, sat his mother. He couldn't help the sigh of defeat that escaped his lips and quickly felt the guilt assault him right after. He'd been hoping, even against his better side, that maybe this time she wouldn't come home, that she was gone for good.

Hands shaking, he approached her and much as Kei had done not long ago, hoisted her arm over his shoulder. Searching through his pocket for his key, he fished it out, turned the lock and dragged the woman inside. She mumbled something incoherent and her bloodshot eyes fluttered open as she lifted her head to look at him.

Her lips snarled into a repulsive grin and when she opened her mouth, Ren inhaled that old familiar stench of booze and bile. She reached a skeletal, papery hand upward and curled it around the back of his neck. "Hello, Ren," she drawled. "I've been waiting for you."

Ren said nothing as she leaned her head forward, her breath slipping out of her mouth and teasing his nose, renewing the nausea that had only recently been abated.

He squinted his eyes shut as she came closer, fisting his hands. Oh God, of all the things he didn't need, especially not now.

A single tear squeezed out from behind his eyelid and trickled down the side of his cheek.

His mother stopped a breath away, lowered her head, and promptly purged her stomach all over Ren's shoes. She passed out immediately after, making a horrible splooshing sound when her head hit her vomit.

Ren opened his eyes, relief spilling over him at the same time the acrid stench of regurgitated half-eaten food and alcohol assaulted his nose. He felt like throwing up himself.

He tilted his head down and saw his mother sleeping soundly in the small pool she'd just emptied from her stomach. Pulling his wet sneakered feet out from under the comatose woman, he let her head fall to the floor with a thump. He took his sneakers off, trying as best he could to avoid touching most of the vomit and opened the front door to drop them on the porch. Then he went back in, stepping over his mother and filled a bowl with water from the kitchen sink. Then he reopened the door and casually dumped it over the tainted shoes, diluting the stain and letting it wash away. He left them there to dry.

Stepping over his mother again, he went into the bathroom, undressed and gave a good wash to both his clothes and his self, leaving his mother to wallow in her own vomit until she woke in the morning with it caked to her face and hair.

Then Ren went into his room, flopped into his bed and allowed himself some well-earned rest. He knew he'd receive a double dose of guilt tomorrow for his actions today, but for once, he couldn't bring himself to care.


	16. 16: In Sickness and Fatigue

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

In Sickness and Fatigue

The ceiling looked the same as it always had. Off-white, swirled all over with a simple textured pattern and that annoying large light hanging from the center. Rai knew this ceiling well, he could probably make an exact replica of it, had he ever had the inclination to do so. Which he never would. He was sick to death of this ceiling. It felt as he was perpetually staring at it, asking for answers it couldn't possibly give.

He tried to close his eyes, but even then, there it was, pale swirl after swirl, like some strange hypnotic spinning wheel.

With a groan, he pushed himself upright, hearing the slight creak of the bed as he eased himself off of it. He lumbered over to the bathroom and turned on the sink, splashing water on his face in an attempt to wake himself up. But it was no use, he'd been dragging himself around like some kind of zombie, overworked and overwrought. And he hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in what felt like forever.

He raised his head to look at his image in the mirror and was met with a pair of red-rimmed, sunken green eyes looking back. Even with his untrained eyes, he could see he was paler than usual, recent events beginning to take their toll. The fact that he'd been sick the past few days was not exactly helping. With a sigh, he reached over and grabbed a towel, sluggishly drying off his face.

Then, as if a robot, he put a brush through his knotted, unruly hair. Lucky for him, he had good genes and even when feeling less than perfect, you'd be hard-pressed to tell. Unless you really knew him.

After running the brush through his hair and working out the tangles, he let out a great yawn that cracked his jaw and walked out of the bathroom and into his own room. Still half-asleep, filled with too many thoughts, he absently collected his clothes and went to take a shower. He let the water run slightly to the cold side, hoping that it would wake him up a bit more. It was but a temporary fix and Rai found himself yawning only moments later.

He let his wet hair cascade down his back and make his uniform shirt damp with the water. He took another quick glance at himself in the bathroom mirror, his long dark hair framing his face in long, wet strings. Such a strange thing, but even _he_ thought he looked completely different with his hair down. And he never liked it, but he still kept his hair long. Nana had once told him that when his hair was untied, he looked a little like a girl. She'd really only been teasing and he knew that, but it still bothered him to hear it, making him self-conscious. So he tied it back.

Carelessly, he picked up his bag and tumbled down the stairs, almost tripping in his haste and foggy mind.  
Stumbling into the kitchen, he was somewhat surprised to find it empty. But he didn't over-think it either, instead just grabbing a bowl and pouring out some cereal for his breakfast.

Rai ate half-heartedly, still a little uncomfortable from his recent sickness as well as everything that had been happening. He let his mind wander, off to nonsense things, clearing it of all the deeper issues that had been troubling him.

Still in a distracted state, he probably would have missed the entrance of his mother, if only she hadn't been even more flighty and anxious than usual. The boy watched her for a few minutes as she bustled haphazardly about the room, muttering little trifling things to herself. His brow creased and there was a slight, sudden lurch of his heart. The woman had lines around her eyes she didn't have before and there was the tiniest of shake to her hands as she poured out some water to make instant coffee. Rai had never seen her like this before. Sure, she was always a bit fluttery, that was his mother's nature, but that small upturn of her eyebrows, the almost invisible line between them, the shadowed, distant look to her eyes; those were new.

The teen continued to follow the woman's movements, and felt himself release his breath when she stopped abruptly, setting her mug down with a soft click. He heard her let out a sigh herself, the heaviness of it like a weight in the air.

"Mom?" Rai ventured quietly.

There was no answer.

The boy cleared his throat and tried again, a little louder this time. "Mom, is something wrong?"

The woman started a bit and turned, seemingly surprised at hearing another's voice. Just how out of it was she that her son's presence had gone completely unnoticed? He felt his chest tighten just slightly in worry, the creases in his forehead becoming deeper as he let his concern show on his face.

His mother faced him, the tightness in her smile obvious. "It's nothing, dear," she said unconvincingly.

"Mooom," the boy whined uncharacteristically.

She waved her hands in front of her in a rather girlish manner. "No, no, no, honey. It's really nothing for you to worry about. I'm just on edge." She shook her head and the smile became at least a tiny bit more relaxed. "It's just coming to the end of term and getting everything in order this year had become a bit more difficult than in the past."

"Oh?" Rai raised an eyebrow in silent question, still not entirely buying that explanation. But she offered nothing further and her son chose not to press the subject. He hoped that if it really were something important, he'd know. If he were less stressed, he might have been able to devote more attention to this, but as it was, his brain already hurt. He looked around and realized none of his normally late father's things were anywhere to be seen. He must have left already. It wasn't like his father to be at work yet, he was really more the type to run out at the last minute, eating on the way.

"Your father went to the school early." Apparently, becoming overworked and preoccupied also made his mother psychic. She pulled out a chair across from Rai and seemed a bit calmer as she delicately sipped some coffee, holding the mug with the fingertips of both hands. The boy spooned some cereal into his mouth and chewed loudly while he stared at his mother. "I haven't seen the twins in a while," She said.

Rai nodded silently at the change of subject. "Things have been busy."

"So I see." The woman glanced over at her son, who clearly had not been sleeping well. "You should take better care of yourself, dear. High school isn't all there is." The boy nodded again. His mother took anther gentle sip from her cup. "So, how's that other friend of yours?"

Rai jerked at the question that seemed to come out of nowhere. "You mean Ren?" He heard his voice squeak a little, but to her credit, his mother said nothing about it, only nodded her assent.

He shrugged. He honestly had no idea. The woman pursed her lips at him in that curious ways all mothers had.

"You know," she said, putting the cup down and facing her son intently. "You should really watch out for him."

"Why?" Not that he was arguing, just that it all was a little strange to hear this. Did she know something?

The woman hummed a bit, then resumed the conversation. "I've seen kids like him before. Just be there for him, OK honey? I could be wrong, but . . ."

Rai felt a tremor shoot through his body. "What do you mean?"

She smiled somewhat sadly and reached out an arm to rub comfortingly on her son's arm. "I don't want to, as they say, tell tales out of school. But I've got a bad feeling. And, unfortunately it's not my place; I don't even know the boy. But please, talk to him, ask him about his school, his home, find out if there's anything else going on there . . ."

She left the statement hanging awkwardly between them.

Rai dropped his spoon into his half-eaten bowl of cereal, having lost his appetite. It made a hollow clanging noise that echoed through the silence. "Well, I know he gets beat up sometimes, but other than that, I don't know."

"No, I don't t think that's it." She stood up and walked to the sink to rinse out her now empty coffee cup. "I hope that's all, but it just feels wrong. Now, I don't want to pry where I don't belong." Rai's mother stepped toward him and lifted the boy's chin with her small thin fingers. "So I'll leave it to you for now." She gave him a half apologetic smile and then without another word, turned, grabbed a briefcase and went through the archway.

Rai sat nervously bewildered as he stared deeply into the mix of corn flakes and milk, now transformed to a soggy mess. His mother's words struck an unwelcome chord in him, reminding him of Ren's life in the before. His fist clenched tightly beside his breakfast bowl, his heart twisting in his chest at the thought that it might be happening again. Of all the people who didn't deserve it, Ren had to be at the top of the list, at least in Rai's estimation.

But he didn't truly know, and that only made him feel guilty. He wanted to be there for Ren, needed to be for him, and moreover needed Ren to need him, but he'd failed so far.

He hadn't seen the other boy in the past two weeks.

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It was the day before the last day of school, and most of the students had been going through that long phase of uncaring that starts somewhere a month or two earlier when the summer begins and the thoughts of free days begin to fill their heads. Which is of course rudely interrupted by class and the sudden cramming for unexpected finals that they were informed of months before. But those tests were mostly over now and the school held that strange buzz of anticipation and excitement that hums through it when those last days finally wind down.

Nana wandered into the lazy classroom, giving an acknowledging wave to the bored teacher, and approached her unlikely target. Plopping herself into the vacant seat beside her, she piped up, "Have ya seen Rai lately?"

The black head lifted itself groggily from where it had been resting face down on folded arms. The blue eyes were half open, glazed over with what could be boredom or sleepiness and perhaps a little irritation. It was hard to tell. Kaoru took her time to adjust her eyes to the sudden brightness while her mind tried to wrap itself around the fact that someone had just spoken to her. Reluctantly she sat up straight and arched her back, stretching out the stiffness and hearing the little pops it gave. "Not today, why?"

Nana smirked and looked off to the side. She'd been more worried than usual about him lately, what with the extra interruptions and lack of focus, he'd been falling behind in his work. A fact that was well known to just about everyone in the school, thanks mostly in part to an overly talkative Mako. A Mako who had the uncanny and annoying ability of always being in the wrong place at the wrong time. At least for everyone else involved.

Nana could remember it clearly, that day two weeks ago when Rai got the "summons."

_It was a day much like any other in the day-to-day drudgery of a high school student. Rai had seemed especially distracted, however, though Nana never had the chance to ask why. Not that it took much a genius to make a pretty good stab at it. _

"_He's thinking too much about that boy." Nana whipped her head around to look at her unusually chatty little brother. But when she did, he gave no indication of knowing anything, or even that he had spoken. The girl shrugged, fairly well used to her brother's strange actions by now._

_All the same, she agreed. Rai was far to preoccupied. She went to go and talk to him, little male shadow in tow, when a teacher beat her to it. She hadn't quite heard what Ohashi-sensei had said, but it had been uttered with some urgency and concern and Rai had quickly followed her into her office. Exchanging curious glances with her brother, Nana snuck over and pressed an ear to the door, hoping to hear something._

_The fact that this was a little underhanded and rude seemed to be of little or no concern._

_But she heard nothing through the heavy door and instead opted to peek as well as she could through the tiny window. The two inside were engaged in a conversation that seemed filled with disappointment and apology. Nana looked once more to Rei, who only stared up at her blankly. She shook her head and continued to look through the window._

_Not long after, Rai took his leave and went to the door that his two friends were so unabashedly leaning against. Frantically, Nana hopped the side to feign innocence while Rei simply stepped away, looking the same as he ever did. The door opened and Rai looked over to the girl, unsurprised or uncaring that she was there._

"_Hey, Nana." He said flatly._

_Se scowled at him and put her hands to her hips. "What was that about?"_

"_Nothing." Rai sighed and headed to the front doors. The twins fell into silent step beside him, the girl anxiously awaiting the rest of the story. She was ready to shake it out of him when Rai spoke up. "I'm falling behind."_

_Nan stopped in her tracks instantly, Rei doing the same in a much more leisurely fashion. "What?" The girl asked._

_A little ways ahead, Rai also stopped and without turning, answered her. "I'm falling behind. In basically all my classes. Except maybe chemistry, but that's always been easy for me."_

"_Oh." It was all she could think of to say._

"_Ohashi-sensei says if I don't do well on the final exams, my grade point average could drop suddenly."_

"_Oh." Again, all that she could think of to say._

_Rai sighed, his shoulders slumped forward. Nana could only guess what was going on his head right now, with only a 50-50 chance of being right. "I haven't been paying attention to my studies like I used to. I've been way too distracted with this whole 'past lives' thing and the dreams and. . ."_

"_Ren." Nana finished for him, finally thinking of what to say._

_The brunette turned to glance over his shoulder at her, a pleasant but sad smile on his face. "Yeah."_

_There was silence for a few moments, the only sound Rei's rhythmic scuffing of his shoe against the floor._

"_So, anyway." Rai continued. "I've got a lot to catch up on. When she pointed it out to me, I realized just how far behind I did fall." He put a hand to his forehead. "And with all my other responsibilities, I don't think there'll be time for much else_ but_ studying."_

"_Oh." She had to have more than that to say. "Well, Ah'm sure it will be fine. You've always learned fast, Ah'm sure ya'll bounce back. And in two weeks, it will be over and ya won' t have to worry again until next year. Ya'll have the whole summer free for . . . whatever." _

_He glanced over again and gave her a last sheepish smile. "Thanks."_

It was only later, after Rai had left, that Nana had turned to see Mako standing there with that sickening and annoying grin plastered to her face. She'd heard everything, or at least enough. And as pathetic as Mako is, Nana knew she'd be spreading the news around, as if it were of any great significance.

There was nothing she could do.

But she figured Rai would be alright, when it came down to it, he never did much care what other people thought of him. Even so, she watched as he wore himself out with studying and stress and lack of sleep over the past two weeks and she couldn't help but be worried. He had the unfortunate schedule of having two more tests to go, and his hardest subjects to boot. When she saw him yesterday, he'd looked like the walking dead.

Nana looked over to Kaoru, who oddly enough had become a friend over this same time even if it was still a bit strained. "Why don't you get something for him?"

"Eh?"

Nana rolled her eyes. "Ya know, a little 'pick-me-up' or somethin'."

The dark-haired girl sat up straighter in the chair she'd been previously slumped in and stared over at her. "Exactly what are you talking about?"

"Ya know... well, your father's a doctor, ain't he? Get somethin' from him."

It was Koaru's turn to roll her eyes as she lazily rested her head back on her crossed arms. "Tch! First off, my father's not a doctor, he works for a pharmaceutical company. And second, what am I supposed to do, walk up and say, 'hey dad, wanna break the law and give me some drugs for this friend of mine?' It's not like he just keeps all that stuff hanging around. And not that I'd give you anything if he did. That stuff's dangerous."

Nana pouted at her and Kaoru curled her lip, barely perceptible over her forearm. "Why don't you just give him a double-shot of espresso if you're that worried. That would probably keep _him _wired for hours."

Nana knew the answer before she asked it and was half-kidding anyway. She wouldn't have exactly trusted the effects on him either. She just wished she could do something other than watch her best friend slowly disappear from overwrought exhaustion.

"Just one more day, Rai." She whispered softly to herself. "Just one more day and then ya can see him."

---------------------------------------------

There was yet again that angry, important click-click-click of little shoes as the school's number one diva strode through the hall. It was a wonder that anyone ever graduated, with all the walking around going on when students were supposed to be in class. The door to the computer room flew open and the aisles of students with their heads lowered all looked up at once. The proctor looked over to the rudely opened door and was about to chastise the student who stormed in, but the glare cast his way was enough to cow a much better man. So he shut his mouth and went back to staring at the softly glowing screen.

Mako walked over to the back corner where the ever-present Yuu resided, currently joined by Shino who absently danced a coin between his fingers. The girl pulled up an empty chair from a nearby computer, one that always seemed vacant when Yuu was in the room. Apparently no one wanted to sit near the eerie, sickly pale boy.

She threw herself into the chair with the same flair in which she did everything and glared at Yuu, her arms crossed. The boy at the computer ignored her, or more likely, hadn't noticed her, having been too drawn into the flurry of typing he was presently in the middle of.

Shino reached out a hand and soothingly rubbed circles on the girl's back to calm down her unreasonable ire. He felt her anger slowly abate and pulled his hand away. She graced her boyfriend with a rare, not entirely feral smile, before turning her attention back to Yuu.

"Useless." Was all she said.

Yuu more than likely _did_ consciously ignore her this time.

Mako's eyes narrowed. "I told you to find this boy," she said, waving her hand as if a picture would appear before her if she did. "But noooo. You're off playing games with other cyber-geeks on your computer."

"I'm not playing." Yuu did not bother looking at her, only continued with his incessant typing.

The girl huffed and looked to the side, threading a finger through her hair. "Doesn't matter. I did it myself. Found out some very interesting things, too." She pushed her long index nail between her teeth. "Saw something interesting, anyway."

Shino glanced at her the coin still flipping idly through his fingers. He watched as her momentary joy turned back to irritation.

"What have _you_ been doing? Huh?" She asked, glaring at the pasty thin boy at the computer. "Nothing."

Remaining silent with one hand still on the keyboard, Yuu picked up a paper from his table and handed it to Shino, who in turn handed it to Mako. She sneered at him and snatched the paper from his hand. She glanced it over with disinterest at first, but then with growing interest as her eyes roamed downward.

Beside her, Shino reached into his back pocket, pulled out a wallet and from that pulled a large wad of cash which he then handed to his girlfriend. She raised an eyebrow, replacing the paper on the table.

"What the hell's that for?"

But Shino simply smiled that enigmatic smile of his and wrested one of her hands free, shoving the bills into it. "Your cut."

Instantly, Mako's face changed from wariness to devilish joy as she lifted the money close to her face. With her thumb, she rippled through the stack, feeling the small breeze they created and the dirty, inky smell they gave off. Then she shoved the wad into her bra, where no one would ever dare look.

"Well then, my work here is done." She pushed herself from chair abruptly and tilted her head. Then, without another word, she stalked from the room, letting the door slam behind her and leaving the remaining people on edge in the wake of her sudden absence.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, somewhere in another part of the school, Rai sat quietly at his desk, pouring over his notes, having no idea that he was the topic of a very strange conversation amongst his friends only a few classrooms away. He was desperately trying to cram every last bit of information he could into his head for his tests tomorrow. Only one more day and he could finally get some rest.

This day was probably the worst he'd had in the last weeks. His insomnia was really wearing him down and all the studying hurt his brain. Then there was the sickness and the weird conversation with his mother, so now he was even more worried about Ren. About the last thing he needed was a visit from Mako, the resident bane of his existence and his day would just perfectly horrible.

Which is precisely what happened when the bell rang.

His feet were quite literally dragging when he left the classroom, the heavy bag laden with textbooks cutting an angry red line into his shoulder. He was so exhausted and his head ached so much that he wasn't paying attention to where he was going until it was too late.

He was suddenly woken up form his dazed state when he accidentally bumped into someone who was just standing stupidly in the hallway. "Sorry." He mumbled, but upon looking up, realized he wasn't sorry at all. Instead, he wished he'd just plowed ahead and trampled the obstacle under his feet.

Taking a deep breath, he let his gaze slip to the other side and tried to walk away, but Mako would not have it.

"I saw you."

Rai let out a heavy sigh, wondering why it was that she couldn't seem to just leave him alone. "And?"

Mako smirked behind him. "With him. The other day. In the rain."

Rai stopped short, feeling his muscles tense, but trying to fight it off. There was something definitely suspect about all of it. That made twice that Mako had "caught" him with Ren at a time she shouldn't even have been near him. It made an uneasiness settle in his stomach like a rock. Deliberately slow, to hide his worry, he turned to the girl and leveled the same accusation he'd heard too many times lately. "What are you? A stalker?"

The sting from her hand was sharper than he'd expected.

Mako glared at him, her hand still held in the air from where she'd slapped him, her chest heaving with anger. "How dare you." She spat through her teeth, unwilling to admit that this was in some sense true. But how else was she to know her enemy! Let's just ignore the fact that she's the one that started this whole "enemy" mess to begin with. But then she got herself back under control; she was an expert at it. "Maybe it's you who should be more careful where you decide to leer at people. Especially ones you know nothing about." She smiled at him, lowering her hand which throbbed slightly from the force of her slap. "You never know who could be watching."

Whether she had nothing more to say or forgot why she'd bothered him to begin with is unsure, but she turned suddenly and stormed away. Rai watched her go, unconcerned with most of what she said. Except for the one thing that struck a little to close for comfort: "ones you know nothing about."

Lowering his head to stare at the ground, he trudged away, feeling that there was no way this day could possibly get worse. Though perhaps it's better not to tempt fate.

Then again, sometimes it is.

As he raised his head once he got outside, the bright light hitting him painfully, he spied something off in the distance. He swallowed hard and walked forward, and his heart nearly leapt out of his chest at what he saw.

Leaning against the school gate, hair obscuring his face and thumbs hooked into his pockets, stood a figure appearing to be waiting for someone. Rai stopped where he was, held his breath and watched.

Then Ren raised his head, looked straight at him, took his hands from his pockets and pushed off the gate wall.


	17. 17: Cream and Peaches

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

Cream and Peaches

Ren's head was still throbbing when he woke up. It was still throbbing days later. He'd been avoiding Kei for the past few days, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Slowly, and with extra care, he began to put the disparate pieces of his memory back together.

He remembered a little bit more: the day he met Rai and the days they spent together as children. And he recalled the girl Mio, his frail little cousin, and how he and Rai had spent so much time later searching for her. But that was about it. He did think the girl Mio was important somehow, beyond their search for her. But he hadn't the foggiest idea what it was. That part was still a black empty space.

There were other nagging thoughts at the back of his head, one of which was about that particular day in Tetsu's apartment that he couldn't quite put his finger on. It was as if his mind was slowly deteriorating. Or his present memories were being supplanted by past ones, and soon he wouldn't even be able to remember where he lived anymore.

And then there was that other problem. The one that made him feel funny and self-conscious. It was not just memory that flooded into him that day, or on those other days before when past images had hit him. With those memories came also feelings, of a past Ren different from who he was now. Only it didn't feel different. If anything, t felt more right, like some sort of cage had been built around his true emotions and they were only now given the proper key. They were not what he expected and all they did was confuse his already confused mind.

He really wanted to sort things out and without any other recourse, he found himself standing in front of his neighbor's door.

He raised a hand to the frame and hesitated a second before knocking. He waited, rocking back on his heels idly, wondering (and a little hoping) if maybe no one was home. After one try Ren was ready to give up since he wasn't entirely resolute in this solution to begin with. Then the door opened.

Chiaki stood there, hair astray, hand on the door jamb as she yawned hugely. Then she blinked, smacking her lips and looking up, slowly focusing on the person in front of her. She went through a fleeting stage of embarrassment and shock before settling on cheer. "Hello, Ren. This is a surprise."

The boy looked her up and down and instantly changed his mind. "Sorry. I shouldn't have come." He turned to go, but a sudden grip on his elbow stopped him.

"You came for a reason." Chiaki smiled. "Come in."

The girl moved out of the way, keeping the door open and giving extra room for Ren to get inside. There was a click as the door closed softly behind Chiaki while Ren scuffed into the living room, nervously looking around and seriously rethinking his decision. But the blonde girl ignored his apparent discomfort and waddled alongside him before taking a detour into the kitchen to search through the cabinets. She opened door after door as Ren stood conspicuously in the center of the room.

"Sit down, I'll bring something over." Chiaki called form the kitchen, swinging another door open.

Ren shuffled over and threw himself down onto a plush couch, easing himself in the big, fluffy pillows, realizing that despite the sleep he'd been getting, he was still exhausted. Too much on your mind can do that to you. Drowsily, he closed his eyes and leaned his head back, thinking about his visit with Tetsu, and listening to the slight rhythm of crinkling bags and and shuffling boxes. The day with Tetsu was scary and painful, and yet quite enlightening. Everything he saw he also felt, so real like he was really there and despite everything, the questions and the searing pain, he was intrigued. And frightened.

He was jolted from his thoughts when Chiaki suddenly dropped down beside him, a bag of chips in her lap. He cracked open his eyes and looked over at the girl who was happily chomping and smiling at him. Despite himself, he smiled back, wondering where she got all this energy from. It was pretty ridiculous.

His eyes wandered downward, settling on her distended belly, noticing for perhaps the first time just how large she was. He jutted his chin at her. "When's it due?"

Chiaki looked down at her stomach, exposing it more as she leaned back into the couch. "About two months. God! I can't wait, I'm about ready to pop right now."

Ren hedged a bit more, still not quite ready to talk. "Boy or girl?"

"Boy, I think." Ren raised an eyebrow. "I didn't ask." She explained. "It's not important."

"Did you think of a name yet?"

"Noooo. Hm. Maybe Ren?" The boy looked at her skeptically. She just giggled and batted his arm and stuffed another chip into her mouth. She chewed and swallowed quickly and quietly and looked at Ren intently. "But that's not why you're here."

Ren wrinkled his nose. "Who says?"

"Now you're just being stubborn." The girl looked interestedly into the bag of chips. "Does this have something to do with that regression session the other day?"

No point in hiding it. "Yeah."

After some more silence, the girl rolled her eyes. "Very enlightening."

Ren heaved a deep sigh.

"Well, it sounds crazy, but I think this whole 'past life' thing might be true. When Tetsu put me under it just felt so real. But it also hurt like hell. It still does." He put one hand to his head and stuck the other into the bag. "That's not all. I mean I really_ felt_ something. I mean, uh, Chiaki?" He cleared his throat awkwardly. "How do you know when you're . . ."

He stopped right then and turned his head away, shoving the chip he'd found into his mouth, all to hide his blush. To no avail, of course, Chiaki had been watching Ren too long to be fooled. A side of her mouth quirked. "I assume you're talking of feelings for a 'certain someone'?"

If possible, Ren blushed further and sunk lower into the couch, desperately hoping it might swallow him up. It wasn't being agreeable today. For someone so flighty, Chiaki was astute. He suddenly decided he wasn't ready just yet to tackle the sensitive subject and quickly changed it to another thing that was, in all rights, also bothering him. Chiaki noticed his behavior and carefully stored it away for more in depth consideration later.

"And something weird happened afterward between Kei and Tetsu." Ren said, as if there were no break from his original thought. "I was half-asleep, so maybe I dreamed it, but they sounded like they were fighting over something to do with me."

Chiaki watched him for a while, creasing her brow. "And did you talk with her about it yet?"

"No. Haven't felt like it. My head still hurts." He closed his eyes and eased yet farther back into the couch.

"Well, I'm sure it's nothing." The girl searched the bag for any remaining whole chips, preferring them to the crumbs that mostly filled it. Finding one, she popped it immediately into her mouth and then stared again at her guest. Ren sat, wrestling internally with the issue that he'd backed off from almost as soon as he brought it up. He was way too closed off, but she knew there was no changing that now. "But that's s_till _not the point, is it?"

"The point?" He asked, dumbfounded.

"The point, my dear Ren, is was it worth it?"

Ren opened his eyes and turned to gaze at the girl, blinking a few times, rolling over the query in his mind. Good memories of a different, better life, a best friend closer and more important to him that anyone ever could be and a worthy cause to live for. Yeah, it was worth it. He looked at Chiaki and grinned meekly. And there was her answer. She slapped him affectionately on the arm. "That was easy. Stop being so scared and stupid and just go for it. I don't even know why you bothered coming over."

Ren stood up and popped another chip into his mouth quickly before heading for the door. "Thanks." He said, not yet realizing that he'd already made Rai more significant than anyone else.

-------------------------------------------

Kei's flowered blue skirt swayed gently as she walked over, placing a cup in front of the boy, a teakettle in the center of the table and taking her own seat across from him. Ren was staring dazedly out the window, chin in hand, oblivious to everything around him. He wanted to address the "return to Tetsu" issue, but there were a few other things about that day that still nagged at him that he wanted to clear up first. The dark-haired girl dumped a spoon of sugar into his tea, followed quickly by a dose of cream and stirred. She took a sip from her own mug and kicked the boy gently under the table.

Ren jerked awake and adjusted his position to face her, looking down into the cup, curling his lip as he saw it. "I don't like cream in my tea."

"Sure you do." Kei said blandly, taking another sip. "Now why did you call me out? Not that I'm complaining . . ."

Ren saw the slightly apologetic tilt to her head and smiled. He looked down into his cup, wrapping both hands around it for support and took a quick sip. "I want to see Tetsu again."

There was a small clink as she set her cup down. "Really? After last time, I was sure you'd stay clear."

Ren nodded wordlessly, then wrinkled his forehead. He thought there was something else, but shook his head, nothing coming to mind. He must be imagining things. "Not like I enjoyed it or anything. But it was . . . interesting." He wasn't about to share how increasingly intrigued he'd become by the dark-haired boy who had featured in most of his resurfaced memories. But the interest was there and something he'd only recently admitted to himself, an admission which made him alternately curious and uneasy. Looking at Kei and the sweet smile that graced her face, he just couldn't share it. He didn't know why exactly, but he didn't want the two to be connected. That made no sense and he quickly dismissed it. It was all irrelevant at the moment anyway.

Kei gave the boy a broad grin. "Well, that's good. You should get as many of those memories as you can." She paused a moment to cover-up her anxiousness. "If you want to."

"I do." Ren took another sip and his eyes became glassy in remembrance. "There was a girl there too. Mio . . .I wonder where she is."

"Oh, is she important?" The dark-haired girl asked nonchalantly. "Are you going to look for her? I don't think that's really necessary. Wasn't it the boy that really interested you? The one you already met?"

She poured a little more tea for him, adding the sugar and the cream he'd already said he didn't want. He drank it without thinking, his mind too far off. "Really? I feel like she's really important. Like everything that happened was somehow about her. . . " He shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe, maybe not." Kei lowered her eyes and stared into her cup. "But I think it's more about the boy, don't you? He _is_ the one you met, after all. The one who started it all. And he was your best friend, didn't you say? Don't you want to be friends with him again?" She looked up over her eyes at him, watching carefully as he stirred his tea absently with a spoon. The space between his eyes held a little wrinkle from worry. "Well, you do, don't you?" She pressed.

Of course he did, but what about Mio? It was normal for Kei to be supportive like this, but still. If she knew the conflicts going on inside him, that strange, inexplicable pull he felt to the boy and the confusion it aroused, he doubted she'd really back this so much. He felt like this should be bothering him more. There was that little itch in the back of his mind again, trying to tell him something, but hitting that brick wall. He felt his stomach twist and not feeling like getting sick yet one more time, he let go of his attempt to capture it and almost instantly the pain washed away.

He let his mind wander back to Rai, and all he felt was this pleasant anticipation, a warm feeling that made him want to stand up and go find him right away. Even so, he was always worried about getting hurt. It had happened too many times to him before. But, it would be nice to have a friend who didn't know anything about his life or his past.

Reading the concern etched on Ren's face, Kei reached a hand over and placed it gently on one of Ren's. In a panic, he snatched it away. Kei 's lips formed a thin line which she quickly erased before going on. "There's no reason to worry, I'm sure. He was your_ best friend." _She made a point to emphasize the last two words. "Best friends don't hurt each other. They protect each other, take care of each other. Like Chiaki and I. I'm sure he'd never do anything to cause you pain. He'd never betray you."

Ren blinked at her odd choice of words and looked up. But her smile was all sweetness and innocence. Taking another sip of his tea, he felt almost lulled into complacency by the soothing nature of Kei's voice. Not that it was hard to agree with her, she was only saying what he already believed. So she'd take him to Tetsu, he'd gain his memories and everything would be clear and settled.

And he could see Rai.

His heart did a little flip at that that he didn't care to analyze.

"We'll go tomorrow." Kei said. It was more of a command than a suggestion, but Ren only nodded, readily agreeing.

----------------------------------------------------

Two weeks passed somewhere between light speed and an excruciating eternity. He'd gone to see Tetsu three more times, Kei always in tow, and had managed to retrieve a substantial amount of his memory. Even after the three additional sessions, however, his mind was still littered with gaps as if some malevolent devil had come and had a little too much fun with a hole punch. But they seemed small, none especially concerning him and Tetsu assured him, as assuring as the creep could be, that if he didn't remember it, it was likely unimportant.

Ren was also under strict orders by Tetsu not to seek answers elsewhere. It would mess up all his work, or something like that. It made no difference to Ren, he figured he had most of it anyway and with each new memory he found, his soul felt oddly at peace.

Even the bad ones made him feel strangely better. Like the fact that his mother in his past life was much like his mother now. Only not as bad. He remembered being alone, starving for days at a time, lying cold and shivering in the big outside with only the stars as his blanket. Though the truly darker parts of his past remained a blank. The last days leading up to his death were completely missing, as were most of the finer details of the dealings with Diabolo. He knew only that there was blood and pain and death, but he didn't know the exact reasons why. And he wasn't sure he wanted to.

But he also remembered Rai. And that was the most important part. It made everything else worth it. Always by his side, looking out for him, taking care of him, protecting him. He knew with Rai he'd always be alright. He found himself longing for the kind of safe comfort he would find there that he found nowhere else. Something similar with Kei, but also different. He couldn't quite figure it out, but thinking on it made his head hurt and he quickly gave up.

And that's how he spent those weeks, hovering between the pain of remembering, the suffering of his present life and the comfort of the memories themselves.

And remembering the good times, he thought he'd like to take the chance.

Though when he mentioned this to Tetsu in a weak moment, he was immediately chastised, the other teen angrily telling him he should _not _see Rai. Not yet. He wasn't ready. But ready for what, Ren didn't know.

There was that gnawing at the back of his mind again, but he'd learned to ignore it.

So he'd agreed to stay away from Rai on Tetsu's orders, even after Kei had given the creepy boy a pointed look when she didn't think Ren wasn't looking. Ren would have thought to wonder about that if he hadn't forgotten it moments later.

So he'd endured day after day of pain and hazy mornings instead, staying away from any connection to his past, just as he was told.

But that was then. Today was different.

As he leaned outside on the school gates, he wasn't quite sure what guided him. Well, he knew, but he couldn't quite wrap his mind around it. It would have made more sense to see Kei. Or even Chiaki. Kusunoki-san would have made the most sense, but he just couldn't do it. Or didn't want to. Instead, something inside him made him search for Rai, tracing the uniform he'd seen him in and waiting at the corresponding school.

But why? Why someone who didn't know him? Who would just look at him like he was crazy or stupid?

It didn't make sense.

But for some reason, he felt like Rai was exactly the person who would understand. Then again, maybe he was relying too much on what his memories told him and not reality.

Yet here he was anyway, thumbs hooked into his pockets, staring off to nothing, waiting for a dark-haired, green-eyed boy to show up.

His mind wandered, clutching to snippets of things long since gone, anything to keep himself calm. He didn't even know why he was so upset. It was no big deal really.

But it was.

Almost on instinct, he looked up and saw him. The brunette stood still in the center of the courtyard, other students passing him by in droves. Ren pushed off the gate wall and walked up to him, stopping just a couple feet away. He raised his eyes to look at him, and saw the mix of curiosity and was that fear? The two boys stared at each other for a while, neither saying anything, as if sizing each other up. For Ren, there was still so much he was wary about. Seventeen years of conditioned distrust didn't just go away overnight.

But then he spoke, feeling a bit silly. "I don't know why I'm here."

Rai took a deep breath, unsure himself what to say, finally opting for the truth. "I'm glad you are."

The blond was taken slightly aback, but considered the situation as calmly as possible. Yes, he still wanted to be here. It was still Rai he wanted to be with right now, for whatever reason that might be. He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot and then turned his head to look off to the side somewhere. Rai watched every movement intently, waiting patiently for what was to come.

Ren raked a hand through his messy hair. "I'm hungry."

Rai just about choked. That was certainly not what he'd expected. But Ren casually looked over and after a minute, gestured with his head and walked silently out of the courtyard. Not one to question good luck, Rai caught up and fell into step beside his once-friend. As they walked, Ren remained oddly quiet, closed off, and Rai watched him with growing concern from the corner of his eye. Yet despite his worry, he was happy, a small excitement growing inside him, which he desperately tried to quash with no success.

He couldn't help it, having Ren come to seek him out was like a little unexpected gift.

They ended up at some random fast food restaurant, but it couldn't possibly be of less importance to Rai. They took a pair of seats by the window and the silence, as they say, becoming deafening. Ren had bought a whole meal, while Rai had opted for only a drink, as he wasn't really hungry. And though he'd bought himself the full lunch, Ren took a couple of bites and then put it back down, relatively untouched. He sighed, leaving one hand on the table and putting his chin in the other as he gazed out the window and watched the people pass by. Rai fiddled with the straw of his drink, his attention drawn to the obviously preoccupied teen.

Rai followed every little change, every line of Ren's face and posture. To an ordinary observer, he looked simply tired or bored. But if his familiarity with the old Ren was any indication, Rai could tell something was bothering the blond. All of which made Rai conflicted. He worried about Ren because that's what he does. But at the same time, he felt a little thrill course through him knowing that Ren had come to him. For comfort, for escape, for whatever. It didn't matter. _He came to him._

It suddenly occurred to Rai that he didn't want to settle for "friends". He wanted something more, that depth of feeling he'd been lacking all his life. Just like before, it was Ren that stirred up the intensity of his emotions. No one else. Only, always Ren.

He heard a small sniffle and refocused his attention to the boy that filled his mind.

"Peaches died." Barely a whisper, Rai wasn't sure what he'd heard.

"What was that?" He asked gently.

"Peaches died." Ren repeated, lowering his head to look at his uneaten food.

No, he'd heard correctly. He just had no idea what it meant. "Who's Peaches?"

Ren sniffled again and cleared his throat. "Just a dog. That's all. Just a dog." His voice trailed away as he felt tears well up. He fought them back, determined to not to cry over something so stupid. It was stupid, wasn't it? She was just a dog, and an old one, one that had been dying for a long time. Still . . .

"I'm sorry." Unsure what to do, it was all Rai could say. But it was so much like the old Ren. He was always sensitive, everything affecting him. The old Ren would have cried over the death of a dog as well, even one he didn't know. Rai reached over and cautiously placed his hand over Ren's. He sensed the small, sudden twitch, but then Ren relaxed, accepting the warm comfort.

Rai rubbed his thumb in little circles over the back of Ren's hand; he really had no idea what was expected of him. Then slowly, tentatively, Ren shifted his hand over until they were palm to palm, holding Rai back. Golden brown eyes stared at the linking of the two hands and wondered how it didn't bother him. No, if anything, it felt right. He sniffed again and saw more than felt when a tear dropped from his eye to make a tiny pool on the crisp whiteness of the table.

"Shit." He muttered under his breath and wiped the tears with his free hand. He felt like a complete and total idiot. Why was he sitting here, in the middle of the day, in the middle of the city, with a veritable stranger, crying over an old dog?

Then there was a soft, kind hand on his cheek, wiping away the tears that settled there. And that somehow broke a little dam inside him, making him alternately hiccup and choke, fighting off those same tears. But it was about so much more than Peaches. It was about the death of a constant in his life, an old friend. Somewhere along the line, with the influx of new memories and unexpected feelings, he'd lost the ability to compartmentalize. His life stood out to him in sharp contrast to what it once was, a lifetime ago. He'd never seen so clearly as when he had too much to see. Peaches had become an outlet somehow for everything else, as if the death of one old dog was the trigger for everything he'd been holding in all this time. And here was Rai, a curious choice to Ren's mind, to comfort him.

And yet he welcomed it, the tender hands that touched him made him feel grounded, like for once in his life he wasn't really alone.

The rest of the restaurant fell away, Ren no longer cared, only held onto the hands of the boy beside him.

He didn't think about why, he couldn't, didn't want to. Too many questions would be raised by one simple question for one simple act. But it was only with Rai that he felt he could really let go.

Rai watched as Ren let small tears fall, knowing that it wasn't entirely about the dog. His mother was right, just as he'd feared. Something else was wrong, something slowly eating at Ren and threatening to swallow him up in his own private sorrow. Just like the old Ren. And just like the old times, Rai silently vowed to be the one to take that sadness away.

As he continued to gently soothe the blond, it was all he could do to not lean forward and just reach over, hold him tightly, run his fingers through his hair, and pull that sorrow into himself, replacing it with something sweeter. He wished Ren would say what was really wrong, but he knew it was far too soon.

So he just did what he could, rubbing the back of his hand, smoothing the skin of his cheek, letting the water of his tears trickle down.

The way Ren leaned into his hand, looking to him for some sort of solace was making it really hard for Rai right now.

Really, really hard.

Which is perhaps what led to what happened next.

Rai snaked his hand upward, over arm, over shoulder until it too rested on a smooth, tear-streaked cheek. Now cupping Ren's face with his hands, he leaned in, so that their foreheads met in a strange support.

Ren had yet to pull away, only sat silently as salty fat tears slipped from his eyes. He felt like an utter fool, knowing the other boy had no idea why he was really crying, that just being here with him reminded him of a different kind of life.

As he watched Ren, Rai felt his own heart quicken, his breathing grow difficult, and his mouth go oddly dry. He heard the little catches in Ren's breath, felt it flutter warmly against his face, scant inches separating them. He drank in the scent that was distinctly Ren, innocent and wild all at once, fresh like sunshine or a summer breeze. Not that you could smell sunshine or a breeze, but that's still what Rai thought to describe it. He felt light-headed and a little drunk. And maybe that's what did it.

He raised his eyes to look at Ren, as best he could from such an awkward vantage point. From this close, he could clearly see Ren's long, delicate lashes laden with salty tears, small trails left on the curve of his cheeks. And maybe that's what did it.

Or maybe it was the way that pouty pink lower lip trembled just so.

Later, he'd wonder whether it was boldness or plain stupidity that moved him.

But to have him so close, so sad, so . . in need, it was something that couldn't be helped. Rai licked his over-dry lips and took a small tentative swallow as he gently rubbed the pads of his thumbs against smooth cheeks, wiping away the tears.

Then, he titled his head and leaned in, softly pressing his lips to Ren's.


	18. 18: Precious Gift

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

Precious Gift

_Golden-brown eyes, half dazed, stare down at him, the long lashes shadowing over and making them more beautiful. Soft blond hair threads through his fingers like silk and his hands bring him closer and closer with each increasing pulse of his heart. Small, gentle breaths against his mouth flow through pliant lips, wetly eager and willing. Then a tongue, insistent yet tentative, brushes against his own and that taste, like innocence and so much restrained desire, addictive and intoxicating, fills his mouth and makes him beg for more. Heated skin, burning to the touch, is exposed to cold night air but it does nothing to cool it off. Strong limbs move sensuously, caressing here, gripping there while a rough hand glides surprisingly gentle down his side and leaves tingling goosebumps in its wake. The scent of slicked skin infuses the air and the slight tan of it now glows in the moonlight. Calloused fingers massage chest and stomach and trail down to feel muscles tensing and arching under his hesitant, inexperienced hands. A heartbeat, his own, deafening in his ears, is cut off only by the sound of a small moan that forms the sound of his name . . ._

Rai woke with a start.

Very uncomfortably so.

He shifted in his bed and threw off the covers, realizing that he was burning up in the sufficiently air-conditioned room. He felt at this moment anything but rested, his heart still beating erratically, his breath coming in short ragged bursts. This was not an entirely good thing, to feel so tired with really no payoff. So much frustration could probably kill a person. He'd been frustrated a long time. And it looked like it might remain that way for some time to come.

Groaning as his shifted again, he lay on his back, staring up at the same infuriating ceiling, smirking to himself.

But still, all in all and all things considered, things had gone much better than he would have expected.

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He'd been half-prepared for a wide variety of outcomes. He couldn't say he was totally prepared for anything since the day had not gone according to any sort of plan. He hadn't planned on Ren coming to see him, hadn't planned on being the proverbial shoulder for him to cry on. And he certainly hadn't planned on stealing a kiss.

But sometimes things just happened. And really, Ren should have known better, coming to him all sad and needy; what else did he expect? Actually, the boy probably hadn't been expecting to be kissed.

But then again, maybe he had.

Because Rai would have expected Ren to push him off, to hit him, yell at him, or maybe even run away. But Ren had done none of these things. When Rai leaned in and pressed their lips together, the blond had done nothing, almost as if he didn't even notice it. At first. But as Rai timidly moved his lips against Ren's - he was new at this after all - slowly and just as hesitantly, Ren began to respond. His hands rose to quickly touch Rai's as if to keep them there, to keep them as close as possible, needing some form of human contact. Then they carefully made their way to the nape of Rai's neck, one combing through his long dark hair, the other laid solidly on the back of his head to keep him in place. And he returned the kiss, just barely, still mostly innocent. That is, until he slipped his tongue out, sliding it along Rai's lower lip, shocking the brunette and making him jerk minutely. But it was just enough to wake Ren up, bring him back to reality and make him realize just what it was he was doing. And more importantly, with whom. Mentally kicking himself, Rai tried to get it back, but it was too late. With deliberate slowness, Ren let his hands fall, releasing his hold. He lifted his head to look at Rai with a frustratingly blank expression.

Rai had looked back, heedless of the near panic in his eyes, mutely begging Ren not to pull away. They stared at each other, saying nothing, until Ren forcibly removed Rai's hands from his cheeks to place them flat on the table.

Rai was helpless to stop what was happening. "Ren . ."

It was the sound of his name from a distinctly male voice, or at least a voice he didn't equate with kissing that did it. A touch of anger flickered across Ren's face and he pushed from the table, casting one final glare at Rai. Then he turned and stalked out of the restaurant, not saying a word one way or the other.

All Rai could do was watch him go, feeling lost in Ren's absence. Some clear indication would have, in its way, been easier; at least then he'd know precisely where he stood. Because, truthfully, he was getting some mixed signals.

Of course, he really shouldn't have made his move, as it were, in the middle of a restaurant. One boy kissing another is not always accepted in public. Though much more to the point, it's probably not best to have kissed a boy who is clearly unsure of how he feels.

Even knowing this though, didn't stop the small smile from creeping across Rai's face.

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It was the last day of school thankfully, and regardless of his apparent lack of restful sleep last night, Rai was feeling rather upbeat about how his final tests went. He was still on a bit of a high from the day before and the little negative voice in the back of his brain was told repeatedly and vehemently to "shut up". After all, he hadn't been _entirely_ rejected. Or he hoped not anyway. Again he couldn't be sure, but he felt that if there was no hope, he would've gotten either no response at all or else a more violent one.

It was with this final bit of optimism that he was once again accosted by none other than his own personal stalker.

It was as if she were awaiting his appearance, leg propped up on the front door frame, casually examining her nails, and one arm crossed over her waist as it held a large manila envelope. Rai fully intended to bypass her, perhaps his current least favorite person, and head on home. He even entertained the idea of stopping by a certain restaurant to see a certain blond haired boy. If he was feeling brave enough. But instead of being allowed to go on his way, Mako decided at that second to step away from the wall and block his exit.

Rai scowled at her before speaking. "Out of the way, Mako."

She raised an eyebrow and nearly purred. "In a hurry?"

"I don't have to be in a hurry to want to get away from you."

Mako's eyes narrowed, but she didn't budge, so Rai just pushed his way past. "Anxious to see your boyfriend?"

Rai stopped in his tracks and sighed. "What is your sudden fascination with my love life?"

Mako twitched at that. She wasn't interested, per se; she just simply hated the boy. New money and privileged, thought he was so special, everyone liked him, thinking he was so great. Well, she hated him. It's not that she jealous of his popularity; she just didn't think he deserved it, that's all. She strolled up saucily and shoved the manila envelope she'd been holding into his face.

"What's this?" Rai backed away as if it were some detestable slimy creature.

"I told you, you shouldn't go around lusting after people you don't know. Let alone kiss them." She hissed out the last part like some strange serpentine accusation. Rai didn't give her the satisfaction of seeing how he was slightly disturbed to know she knew about yesterday and just eyed the envelope warily. The girl's smirk deepened as she waved the parcel expectantly in his face. "You can't tell me you're not curious. It's amazing the information a little money will buy you."

Rai outwardly glared at the girl. She looked at him darkly. Still smirking with some hidden delight, she bent her knees in ladylike fashion and placed the envelope down on the steps as an offering. "Well, if you change your mind . . . I'll just leave it here." Then she straightened and gave him a smile as if she'd won something and sauntered off. Though in her twisted mind, she probably thought she had won in some strange little manner. There was no point in trying to understand how the girl's mind worked; he'd give himself an aneurysm trying. And he especially didn't like the way she'd simply left the envelope on the cement, as if she knew he'd take it.

Muttering to himself and against his better judgment, he picked it up; it wouldn't do for some random person to find it. His fingers twitched at the seal, debating whether or not to open it. He couldn't help but be curious as to what she'd found. But the other part of him chastised himself, telling him it wasn't really his business and it could turn Ren against him for taking a peek into his personal life uninvited.

Erring on the side of caution, Rai sighed and tucked the parcel into his bag alongside his other textbooks, pretending not to think about it.

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As it turned out, Rai didn't have to seek Ren out. Once again, the blond was standing at the edge of the school gate, this time with a familiar bag in his hands and a pout on his face. Slapping a big grin onto his own, not that it was particularly difficult given the circumstances, Rai walked up, determined to pick up where they left off.

"Hello."

Ren pouted more. "Hey." He twitched nervously. "About yesterday . ."

Rai felt his heart rise slightly in his throat, trying to shove it back down so he could speak. But Ren cut him off. "I have a girlfriend." And Rai's stomach instantly dropped. His eyes narrowed dangerously, but he fought it off as best he could. It wouldn't do for Ren to see that extremely jealous side of him until things were made perfectly clear. Mako had suddenly been replaced; Rai now had a new least favorite person in this nameless girlfriend. Because _how dare she?!_ Ren was his, that's just how it was, no one else should even think about being with the blond in that way. That was Rai's place and no one else's. He felt the possessive outrage rising in him and it took all his effort to squash it back down.

Ren watched the little play of emotions that flickered over the other boy's face. And part of him felt bad about it, the guilt stirring just below the surface. When Ren had spoken the word "girlfriend", it had tasted bitter in his mouth. Unlike Rai's kiss, which felt so sweet and charmingly unsure and just so damn enticing he almost lost himself to it. He stopped his mind abruptly from going down that path. He had Kei. She's the one he's supposed to be with. Isn't she? He looked up and saw those green eyes, piercing in their intensity, and his resolve quavered just a bit. That simple kiss from yesterday was seriously screwing with his mind. He watched Rai as the boy got his emotions under control. All calm and collected like that, he looked strong and, well, attractive. _Desirable . . . _Oh, Ren did not just think that! No, think girls. Think Kei. Kei, who was always there for him, gave him that little escape, showing him what girls were supposed to be, soft and sensitive and gentle. Just never mind that the awkward kiss he'd gotten from this boy yesterday had lit a fire deep down in him he never knew existed.

Yes, he'll just forget that for now.

Because that wasn't right.

He cleared his throat, which had gone inexplicably dry. "I brought your books back." He handed the tote bag over.

Schooling his face back to the winning smile he knew he had, Rai took the bag from Ren's hand, sure to once again make contact. He was pleasantly, though not entirely, surprised when Ren didn't pull away immediately. Who cares if he had a girlfriend? He's not supposed to. _Ren belonged to him. _Rai honestly didn't know where this absolute conviction came from, but he didn't much care. Facts were facts. And by that confused look in his eyes and his instinctual reaction yesterday, Ren knew it too, on some level. Besides, Rai knew Ren and he was always like that. Just so innocent that he didn't even know his own feelings. Well, Rai would just have to do something about that.

"Thanks. I've got plenty more, if you'd like any." Ren just shook his head, boyishly, releasing his hold on the bag.

"So, I guess we really did know each other, huh? In some other life?"

"Hn." Rai smiled at the blond, thrilled that Ren had accepted their joint history at last. But regardless of his happiness at this, all he could really hear was the annoying mantra of_ girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend_ echoing through his head. Curiosity got the better of him. Without the consent of his brain, his mouth opened. "Is it that blonde girl? Your girlfriend?"

Ren blinked. "Blonde girl?" His mind processed the information painfully slowly. You could almost see the light bulb turn on over his head. His nose scrunched up cutely. "You mean Chiaki? No." He paused, mind still working. "How did you know about Chiaki?"

The relief that Rai felt overwhelmed any recognition of the fact that he should also know Chiaki from his other life. He was just glad because it meant he didn't have to know the face of this "girlfriend". In some strange twisted part of his own mind, he felt that if he didn't know the girl, then she didn't exist. And it would be easier to steal Ren away.

Rai only smiled and nodded his head to indicate outside the school gates. "Want to walk with me?"

Ren chewed on his lower lip, lost in thought. Rai kind of wished he stop doing that, it was making things just a little bit more difficult than they ought to be.

Ren silently agreed to the offer and fell into step beside the dark-haired boy. It was strange, Ren thought, or more accurately, it wasn't strange. Which is why it was strange. Though they were a good foot apart, he could feel the heat radiating off the other boy and it was starting to make him feel just a touch dizzy. Not wanting to examine this, he simply stretched the distance between them and continued on in silence. And as they walked, Ren felt his mind fading, his body moving of its own accord and old memories floated to the surface.

Now, Rai had suggested the walk, but he didn't really know where they were going. He just let his feet carry him wherever they chose to go.

His eyes nearly popped out when he realized just where they'd ended up. He hadn't even realized until just this moment that this park was so nearby. He spotted a bench and smirked to himself, taking a quick glance to the side to check that Ren was still there. He sat down without a word and waited for Ren to do the same. Whether by instinct or something else, Ren took a seat fairly close to Rai so that only a small space separated the two.

Ren stared off into the distance, becoming reflective. He knew this place vaguely; it had about it the sting of recollection. Then it came to him: his nights here with this boy, warm and protected. Ren's eyes fell to half-mast and he found himself leaning into a welcoming figure beside him, losing himself to memory. Somewhat startled, Rai started just a bit, but then couldn't hide the smile that snuck over his lips when he felt the pleasant weight that melded against him. Perhaps turning Ren to him, as it were, would not be as difficult as he first thought.

"Do you remember this place?"

He felt the nod of Ren's head, the soft dirty-blond hairs tickling his shoulder through his thin cotton shirt. His heart thumped wildly in his chest, and his hand shook as he secretly eased it over, towards Ren's thigh that rested neatly tucked alongside Rai's. Rai took a small breath for courage and inched closer and closer . . .

"We were here when we were looking for Mio."

Leave it to Ren to ruin the mood by bringing that girl up. Rai's hand fell uselessly where it was, flat against his own leg. As much as he wanted Ren to remember, it was nothing but utterly frustrating at the moment. "Yes. Mio."

Getting lost in memory, Ren snuggled just a bit closer, thoughts of little Mio filtering through his head. But there was something missing, some shadowy bit lurking in the back of his mind. He tried chasing it down, but as soon as he did, a surging pain and nausea shot through him. His body doubled over, wrenching straight into Rai.

"What? What is it?" Rai wound his arms protectively around Ren, holding him tight, the boy's tremors panicking Rai. He began rocking Ren back and forth like a child, rubbing his hand down his back in a soothing manner. Slowly, after what seemed like way too long and with Rai's constant attention, Ren appeared to improve somewhat. His trembling lessened and his breathing eased up a bit. But he still seemed shaken; his eyes squeezed shut against the pain in his head. Rai kept his arms around the boy, his own heart racing at the pain Ren was clearly in. There was a sharp bite of short nails into his forearm and only then did Rai realize just how tightly Ren had been holding him back.

"What is it? Ren?" He ventured the question quietly. Afraid to lose him, he pulled Ren closer, reveling in the weight and warmth of the boy nestled into him, even though he was only there because of the inexplicable pain that had wracked the smaller boy's body.

"I don't know." Ren rasped out, still clinging to the taller boy. "I was just trying to remember."

"Does this always happen?" Rai asked gently, running his fingers through Ren's hair, massaging his scalp.

Ren only nodded again. He took a deep breath and peeled his eyes open, which only served for him to realize just where he was. Sitting up as suddenly as he did was a bit of a mistake since it just made him dizzy again. When Rai caught the small blond in his arms Ren allowed it by necessity, a little more awake this time. Rai furrowed his brow, bothered by this odd revelation. Rai had had a very similar problem at first, but he'd only gotten dizzy and passed out; he wasn't assaulted by bouts of agonizing pain. He didn't know exactly what it meant, but it worried him.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

Not really thinking, Ren silently agreed and let Rai heft him to his feet. The blond lurched to one side before finding his feet with a large dose of assistance from Rai. The brunette slid his hand around Ren's waist and with extra care, and instructions from Ren, began to lead the boy home.

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By the time they reached the first steps leading to Ren's sad apartment, he was walking on his own. The churning in his stomach was still there, and a small throbbing persisted in his head, but for the most part he was feeling infinitely better. And yet Rai remained by his side.

After all this, one really couldn't expect him to just leave.

But once Ren reached the front door of his home and pulled out his keys, reality hit him with the force of a tornado. The metal jangled bell-like in his hand as it hovered near the lock. His ears carefully attuned to any sort of noise, he caught the almost silent shuffle and moan that emanated from behind the locked door. Panic gripped him like a vice.

His eyes grew saucer-wide as he stared blankly at the closed door.

No way in hell was he letting Rai in.

His hunched over back began to shake as he tried to ascertain exactly why he'd brought the boy here to begin with. Why the hell wasn't he paying attention?!

"Something wrong?"

Ren whipped around, unsuccessfully hiding the fear in his eyes. He didn't like the way Rai asked that. Like he was expecting the answer to be "yes", like he already knew something. And the way he looked at him with care, concern, and understanding. All it did was make Ren angry and annoyed. He ignored the unwelcome comfort that laced itself through his other emotions.

Ren's mouth felt like a desert and he closed it, wetting it with an obvious swallow before opening it again, hoping the right words would magically come out.

"There you are, Ren!"

He suddenly felt like he could fall in love with Chiaki right then and there. The exceptionally pregnant girl nearly leapt through her apartment door, a cute little pout on her face and her hands on her hips.

She stormed up to the flustered blond boy and latched onto his arm. "You're late!"

"Uh . ." Ren blinked at her, mind processing at breakneck speed, yet not fast enough.

"You said you'd help me fix that table before daddy got home. Remember?" She raised her eyebrows, eyes wide and nodded her head at him, trying to jumpstart his reflexes.

Finally, he caught on.

"Oh, y-yeah. That's right. I'm sorry, I forgot."

The relief in her smile was a little too obvious, but she tried to pass it off as something other than what it was. "Well, that's OK, you're here now. Just get in there; I'll be there in a second." Then without further ado, she pushed him forcibly into her open door, receiving a shy, grateful smile for her efforts. Wringing her hands, she took a peek inside and once Ren was out of earshot, she pounced onto Rai as he watched the display with both confusion and interest.

"There's not much time," the blond girl said in an earnest whisper.

At a loss, Rai looked at her questioningly. "For what?"

Chiaki waved her hands furiously at him to shush him and took another quick glance over her shoulder before speaking again. "I need your help."

"My help?"

"Quiet! Let me finish!" Rai clamped his mouth shut. "I'm worried about Ren. You have to get him to open up. I've tried, but he just won't. And there's no way he'd ever say _anything_ to Kei."

A part of Rai's mind secretly locked away the name Kei in barely suppressed hatred. The rest of him remained focused on the girl in front of him. He'd recognized her almost immediately, although she clearly did not remember _him_, so he kept his mouth shut about that too. "About what?" He asked, reluctant to get to the bottom of things, but knowing he had to.

Chiaki looked up at him with sympathy. "The walls here are very thin. I hear things. But I'm not sure, so if I say anything without his permission, wrong or right, it'll just end up hurting him. But he's got to tell somebody. Please . . ."

The pleading in her voice was evident and it touched Rai, his heart twisting with the suspicion of just what it was about. He paused, knowing he'd take her request (he'd have done so without her asking) but wondering just the same. "Why me?"

Chiaki gave him a sad, sheepish smile.

"Because you're the first person he's ever brought home."

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Bolstered by the little information Chiaki had granted him, and despite the severity of the reasons behind it, Rai felt a little spring in his step. As if the words of the concerned girl had given him an added incentive to get closer to Ren. Though, in a way they had. And he was glad that Chiaki was there for Ren. If the girl she had once been was anything to go by, she would be good for him. Just so long as she was a friend and left it at that. Anything more simply wouldn't do. Of course, if she knew this "Kei", the hairs at the back of his neck stood up angrily at the name, then that wouldn't be an issue. Only this mysterious girl Kei was in the way.

Unfortunately, the girl was not really his greatest worry at the moment. It was the underlying problem to which Chiaki had alluded, the same one that caused Ren's sudden switch in behavior, that demanded his attention. He reluctantly admitted that he didn't want to think about it. Ren didn't deserve it. Such a pure and sweet boy only deserved all the happiness the world could give him. The irony that their lives had been somehow switched this time around did not go unnoticed. But Rai was determined to fix this, to give Ren the life he truly deserved. One filled with joy and smiles and love.

One with him.

For no particular reason, or maybe one specific one if he thought about it, Rai remembered the envelope that was safely tucked away amongst his other things. He stopped there, in the middle of the sidewalk and placed his bag down, rifling through it with an almost frantic need. Once he found the manila package, however, his certainty ceased.

Was it really his right to sneak a peek into Ren's life?

But then again, what information could Mako possibly have that was that sensitive? It was probably nothing. The girl likely blew everything out of proportion like she always did.

Using this as an excuse, Rai undid the clasp with shaking hands and pulled the papers out.

They looked surprisingly official, a mix of internal memos and records that Mako should never have gotten her hands on. Neither should Rai, but he shoved his guilt into the back of his mind, deeming it unnecessary. He scanned the papers quickly, sifting through the irrelevant information and latching onto the words that jumped out at him insistently. Domestic abuse, drug possession, juvenile detention, suicide watch . . .

It was all there, in black and white, though he suspected there was yet some missing.

He took a calming breath and read it more thoroughly.

According to the papers, at six years old, Ren, along with his mother, had been hospitalized for suspected domestic abuse. Ren had sustained numerous cuts and bruises, a broken wrist and leg, and a concussion. His mother hadn't fared much better. But the man suspected of the attack, Ren's father, had disappeared with no indication of his whereabouts. No charges were filed.

At thirteen, Ren was arrested for drug possession on several occasions and after everything else failed, he was eventually put into juvenile detention. It was there that he was put under a "suicide watch" when he was caught trying to slice his arm open with an illegally obtained razor. Only a few months later, due to overcrowding and a supposed "cure", he was released into his mother's custody. Clearly, there were flaws in the system.

The last was a record of Ren dropping out of school, the least damning, and a fact Rai could have easily surmised on his own.

It was a lot to take in. He knew Ren's life had been less than perfect, but this? This was downright cruel. Life was so much more unfair to Ren than it had ever been to Rai. Especially since, if Chiaki (and Ren's mother) was right, there was still more horror the boy had had to endure. It was like Ren couldn't even steal a break.

Rai looked at the papers as he put them back into the envelope reverently as if they were precious. They were.

Rai wasn't sure how Ren would take him knowing all this and he didn't want to chance him finding out. But it did solidify Rai's resolve.

Tucking the envelope back into his pack, Rai couldn't help but wonder how Mako could've gotten her hands on these documents. These records should have been sealed! Her father was a high-powered judge, but still. He was a man known to be fair and just, unlike his daughter, so it made no sense. Unless of course she had rooted through his things or paid some lawyer with less integrity to investigate for her. That's something a person like her would do, thinking she's not subject to the same laws as everyone else.

But truly it was ironic.

She'd probably thought that by giving him this information he'd be devastated, that he'd break from Ren and grow depressed or disillusioned.

But in reality, she'd given him a valuable gift.


	19. 19: Closer

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles 

Closer

After the day at the park, things changed.

Over the next few weeks, Rai and Ren spent more and more time together, though Rai had yet to meet the elusive "Kei." Not that he wanted to; he'd prefer that she just didn't exist. Still, it struck him as odd and on the one occasion he asked Ren about it, the blond skirted the issue, claiming she was never available or some such nonsense.

But the delicate blush that crept over Ren's cheeks alluded to something different.

Which was of course the case and Rai was keen enough to see it, though he wasn't entirely sure of the reason.

Plain and simply, Ren did not want them meeting. Chalk it up to his resurgence of compartmentalizing or his need to keep things separate or to the little itch at the back of his mind that told him not to let those two meet. Or perhaps it was that he didn't, on some level, want to share Rai now that closeness was steadily growing between them. At least, he did not want to share him with Kei.

It felt like cheating.

On both Kei and Rai somehow.

Not that he was about to analyze the indications of such a feeling, he just accepted it. He didn't want to think about that or the fact that he hadn't minded Chiaki meeting Rai. He hadn't even minded Kusunoki-san meeting him when he'd brought Rai to meet his surrogate family.

The collection of furry bundles, in their way, is what started this whole new exciting "whatever-it-was" with Rai.

On the day they'd visited the kennel, Rai had become entranced almost immediately when he watched Ren play with the litter of puppies that were not so little anymore. They were the same, still adorable, and four were finally up for adoption. Ren was charmingly worried over the fate of the fifth, as yet homeless one.

Kusunoki-san, delighted over the appearance of Rai as Ren's friend, had allowed the new boy into the backyard with Ren and the little ones. She knew her ever-faithful employee would ensure that both the puppies and Rai would be well looked after.

Rai could not possibly hide the smile at the image of Ren surrounded by a set of happy, frolicking puppies. That is how Ren should be, worry-free, happy, playing, pure . . .Rai's heart stopped. He stood, gently petting the smallest puppy in his arms, and looked down at the other boy with an almost wistful expression. He felt he could be just about perfectly happy like this. Ren sat on the ground, two of the puppies jumping in his lap, the bright sunlight shining down and glinting off his golden hair. Then he turned up to Rai and smiled, free of life's troubles, the epitome of absolute innocence.

It was the most beautiful thing Rai had ever laid his eyes on.

Ren really was an angel.

And that was it. If he hadn't already, Rai lost his heart, whole and willing to Ren at right that moment.

Other times besides this were spent together too: just sitting and talking, grabbing a bite to eat, or sometimes taking a walk down memory lane both literally and figuratively. Once, they even went to a bookstore, which seemed odd and boring to Rai at first, until he saw that joyful look on Ren's face again. He would do anything to see that look, regretting that it wasn't a permanent fixture on the boy's face.

Every now and then, for no reason Rai could name, Ren's eyes would light onto something and he'd get quiet and closed off. One time, when they were sitting n the park eating some ice cream that Ren, like a little kid, had begged and pleaded for, the blond caught sight of a mother and child walking by. The little boy was anxiously yanking on his mother's hand, whining with a big grin for some of the same ice cream Rai and Ren were currently enjoying. The mother wore a sweet smile on her face, telling the boy "no", even though it was obvious she would soon relent. She finally did and allowed herself to be pulled in the direction of the ice cream cart, shaking her head, although clearly not upset.

Ren had watched them intently from the moment they had entered the park. At first, his face was blank, simply watching the two as if they were nothing more than clouds in the sky. But as he continued to observe them, his face fell until the edges of his eyes held the threat of tears. But in lieu of crying, he dropped his glance to the ground, the ice cream melting and forgotten and dripping a sticky sweet line down his hand.

It was times like those when Rai tried to broach the subject. Or subjects. Delicately, he'd ask Ren about his family, feigning ignorance, hoping to get something out of the boy. But Ren would instantly clam up, slap on a smile and change the subject. Rai tried every way he could think of to get to the issue, taking the long and winding road to get there. He'd ask Rai about school, about his past, what did he like to do, why did he work, anything and everything. But Ren either gave the simplest answer, a vague one such as "I have to pay the bills because my mom is sick", or none at all. It was frustrating beyond reckoning, but also understandable.

Rai decided to reign in his attempts, hoping that Ren would open up on his own. Then Rai figured he could press further when the opportunity presented itself. If it took too long, he'd just be forced to break his self-made promise and reveal what he knew, damn the consequences.

But he devoutly prayed it never came to that.

Instead he took a somewhat different tack. Relying on the fact that part of Ren's life was repeating itself, all the bad parts anyway, he tried pulling out the information by discussing their shared past. But again, once they got to unwelcome territory, Ren would back off. He was more than willing to discuss their time together, when they fought side by side, or the times they were just trying to survive. But come one step near his time before that, the time when Rai saved him form his mother and Ren would become suddenly mute. And the one time Rai approached the subject of Mio, Ren would refuse to talk altogether, complaining of a headache which Rai took for the truth. Ren, for whatever reason, just couldn't seem to remember. And the pain didn't make it worth trying.

It was both perplexing and worrisome, this strange correlation, so Rai sought out Nana and her advice. She simply reiterated what she had originally advised in terms of Rai himself. "It's better for him to discover it his own," she'd said, though she did agree that something seemed odd. But if Ren would not listen, whatever the reason, then Rai would have to be patient. A gentle nudge and that was all he could really do. "Perhaps it's just too painful for him to face," she said with a shrug. "It was traumatic to say the least. It might be a good idea not to push too hard. You might end up pushing him away."

It was the best she could do and very little at that, but what else could she really say?

Rai, very reluctantly, agreed with her, but was still determined to force the truth onto Ren if it came to that. But in all honesty, he wasn't overly enthusiastic about Ren knowing all the facts. They didn't exactly put Rai in the best light, despite that fact that Ren had forgiven him, even at the very end. But Rai would rather remember the good times and build up from there, letting Ren know just how important he was. It might, in fact, make the shock of their deaths a bit easier to bear.

Or not.

There was really no way to know.

But since Ren didn't seem to want to know, or at least not enough to withstand the pain, perhaps it really was best to let things return in their own good time. Besides, it was Ren's life _now _that needed to be addressed more than anything else.

Although Rai wasn't having any luck with that either.

Ren was having his own conflicted feelings on the subject of his hidden past. When he asked Tetsu about it, actually taking the time to go and talk with the creep, all he got was yelled at.

"How many times do I have to tell you? If you get your 'memories' elsewhere, you'll mess everything up! You can't trust other people to tell you the truth."

That is what Tetsu said.

Ren scowled at him for this because he absolutely trusted Rai. With his life. A strange thing considering how little they'd known each other, but then again perhaps not. With all this talk of past lives and memories, shouldn't he trust those memories? And they were telling him that Rai was just that: trustworthy. He didn't like hearing the accusatory words directed at Rai from anyone, least of all some jerk he didn't much like.

Recognizing the glare, Tetsu rolled his eyes. "I don't mean they do it on purpose. But memories are not always reliable. Certainly not someone else's view of your life. They will always be colored by personal opinion."

Ren snorted at this, but was somewhat obliged to accept it anyway. Tetsu, however, had no satisfactory answer to why certain memories caused such _physical _pain. He only jerked his head disgustedly, saying that Ren must be blocking them. They'd simply have to work on unblocking them. Ren was not looking forward to it.

Kei was an altogether different and more complicated matter. For her part, she was very supportive of his friendship with Rai, saying he knew too many girls anyway, and that this way at least she didn't have to worry about getting jealous. A statement which made Ren blush reflexively. He didn't like his own reaction. His body never seemed to listen to his commands as if it had a will of its own. He immediately looked away to hide his embarrassment from his girlfriend. She wouldn't understand.

And she didn't deserve it. She'd always been by his side. But at the same time, he couldn't help it. Ren's mind was in a jumble, so much so that he was unable to sort it out. He felt, odd as it was, like some sort of two-timer. Regardless the reason, he felt that, really, he could be more open with Rai. He still held a lot back, but in comparison, Rai knew more about Ren as _Ren_. Kei knew only the Ren that he allowed her to see.

The whole situation confounded him.

It wasn't fair to any of them, him included.

As fate would have it though, knowing this and knowing what to do about it are two entirely separate things.

He was in approximately this state of mind when next he saw Rai. Ren had the night off and when Rai found out he nearly pounced on the opportunity to spend the whole evening together. The blond wasn't exactly sure what he thought about this, especially since he felt a little flutter of anticipation at the prospect. It was just lucky for him that Kei actually had to work that night.

The boys had agreed to meet at a restaurant on the complete other side of town. Ren had suggested they go someplace far away since about the last thing he wanted was to be anywhere near the "Porcelain Bowl" this night. At the appointed time, he walked up to the meeting place and felt a blush course over his cheeks as soon as he saw Rai. The brunette was dressed quite neatly, wearing a pressed button-down shirt in a green shade that matched his jade-colored eyes and a pair of high-quality black slacks. Rai looked very much like he was dressed for a date.

And he looked rather nice.

This made Ren feel rather awkward.

As well as severely under-dressed in his jeans and blue-striped polo shirt. But Rai only smiled, one of those smiles that just hit Ren and made his breath catch in his throat. Ren felt his cheeks go even redder and bowed his head to hide it, cursing himself and his stupid traitorous blush.

But Rai caught the failed attempt and grinned wider. Apparently all that agonizing over the proper outfit was time well spent. He decided to conveniently forget Ren had a girlfriend; that was just wrong anyway. Rai eased himself off the wall he was leaning on and ambled over. Ren shuffled uncomfortably where he stood, still fighting down the persistent reddening of his cheeks.

"You look nice."

It was Rai that spoke, trying to put Ren at ease.

But the truth was that Ren really did look nice. Simple, basic attire suited him, perfectly accenting that charming boyish quality he possessed. The jeans he wore hung temptingly low on his hips and the blue of both them and the shirt made the color of Ren's hair seem even more golden. If he'd ever lift his head, Rai suspected that his eyes would stand out startlingly from his face, with the blue acting as contrast.

He wasn't disappointed. And the slight pink to the blond's cheeks only served to make him that much more attractive.

The thing with Ren was, he had no idea just how good looking he really was.

"I feel stupid," the object of acute observation muttered.

Rai's expression softened. "You look perfect." His voice was just a breath above a whisper. Ren's eyes grew wide in disbelief not so much at what was said, but _how_ it was said. Sultry. He closed his gaping mouth. Then Rai spoke more normally, acting as if he had done nothing out of the ordinary. "Let's go."

Rai waited for Ren to properly join him before leading the way.

They arrived at the restaurant at about 6 pm. It was a nice place, but not too nice. Rai had thought carefully ahead, choosing a place he thought appropriate that was dimly lit enough for, let us say mood, as well as for hiding them from prying eyes. Of which there were apparently a great many, inexplicably fascinated by their as-yet-nonexistent love life.

They got a table in the corner along with a sly wink from the waitress which Rai appreciated more for the fact that Ren did not catch it. They had a simple meal, mostly in silence, every effort Rai made for conversation was met with awkward resistance from Ren who sat squirming in his seat rather cutely. Rai resorted to only smiling; he had nothing against silence, especially if it was spent with Ren.

The meal itself was fairly simple, but extravagant to Ren's eyes, who was used to eating fast food or scant basics. He'd seen fancy dishes many times before, he was a bus boy at one of the top restaurants in the city, but they were never laid out in front of _him._ He ordered a steak with a baked potato and steamed vegetables, a dish he wasn't used to having, so it was sort of a special deal for him. He wolfed down every bite hungrily, letting the delicious juices dribble down his chin, catching much of it with a strategic swipe of his tongue, wiping the bits he couldn't reach with his napkin.

Rai, on the other hand, forgot how to eat.

He picked at his food at little intervals, but mostly he just watched Ren. It was pure bliss to see the blond enjoying things so fully, particularly when Rai got a glimpse of the little pink tongue when it darted out. Rai's eyes stopped on it, letting his mind wander to what else that tongue could do . . .

"Aren't you hungry?"

He was jolted back to reality and looked down at his plate. It was almost entirely uneaten. Looking back up at Ren, who wore an overly concerned look, Rai ate a little bit more, receiving a happy smile as reward. But he wasn't really that hungry and ended up leaving most of the food still on the plate.

He didn't much care, either way it was worth the price of admission.

Rai paid the bill in full, receiving another wink form the waitress, and not a peep from Ren, who was so delirious from his meal that he didn't stop to think about it. And when Rai dragged him to a movie and paid again, Ren still didn't think to say anything about the fact that the evening was growing ever closer to a bonafide "date". He was still too sated from his unexpectedly tasty dinner to notice.

The film was a drama of some sort; Rai was barely paying attention since he continued to be too distracted by the boy sitting next to him. Watching Ren's reactions was infinitely more entertaining. Ren was so engrossed in the movie that Rai thought it might be the opportune time to make some kind of move, even if a small one. Dismissing thought of an unwanted girlfriend from his mind, one that as far as he was concerned didn't exist since he'd never met her, Rai eased his hand slowly over. There was an especially dramatic scene playing out on the screen and Ren had gripped the arm of the seat tightly in invested interest. Rai decided that, for now, it would be his target. With Ren, things were sometimes almost too easy.

Rai pushed his hand palm up underneath Ren's and fed his fingers through the other boy's, effectively linking them together. He was pleased to get an affectionate squeeze in return. Of course, that had more to with Ren's present concentration on the movie, but it was a start.

As the film progressed, Rai edged closer to the blond until the entire length of their arms from shoulder to hand touched with heat flowing through met skin. He moved his leg over for good measure. Rai began to feel an odd tingle wherever there was contact and grew increasingly light-headed. He closed his eyes and just felt. Absently, he began to rub his fingers back and forth over Ren's hot skin. So simple, yet so exhilarating.

Then there was a shot of pain, not severe, but enough to make him take notice. First he looked at the source and though he couldn't see it clearly through the dark, he was sure Ren's knuckles were white with as tight as he was clenching them. Rai lifted his face to Ren and saw one of the saddest, most forlorn looks he had ever seen. It tugged at his heart. Previously cheery brown eyes were watery with unshed tears and Rai shook his head, remembering that Ren had always been too sensitive for his own good.

But it wasn't as simple as that. There was more to the look, something deeper and hidden, and with a noise from the screen, he looked over.

He should have picked his movies better.

In the flickering light, Rai saw the image of a child, what he supposed was the protagonist in his younger days, being coaxed by his father to undress and get down on his knees. It wasn't the same but it was a little too close to home. Rai turned to Ren worriedly and tried to pull his hand free, but the blond refused to let go. Rai raised his other hand and grasped Ren's chin, made the blond face him and with a few urgent whispers, forced Ren to look him in the eye.

Ren was a trifle dazed when first he saw those startling green eyes, but upon seeing that look of concern, of confusion, of a question not asked, his golden eyes grew wide with fear.

_He knew_. _Rai knew_.

Ren didn't know what exactly, but it was something. And that alone was more than he wanted him to know. As if Rai's hand had bit him, Ren yanked away. Though instead of bolting like Rai feared, Ren slowly maneuvered himself out of reach and snuck calmly out the back of the theater. On impulse, Rai did the same, hoping that he hadn't completely scared the boy off.

Once outside, Rai spotted Ren standing still, bathed in the glow of neon lights.

Rai approached cautiously, as if Ren was a wounded animal. "That wasn't a very good movie, was it?" He tried breaking the ice while simultaneously changing the unspoken subject.

Silence was his only answer.

He stepped nearer and laid a hand on Ren's arm, extraordinarily relieved when the boy didn't pull away. "Is something wrong?" Still silence. "If there is, you can always talk about it. Don't keep everything locked up. I want to help you. Please, Ren. Talk to me."

Ren heard the gentle plea, but he couldn't comply. He'd never spoken the words, as if by not saying them, everything could be rendered unreal.

Rai pressed further, hoping that this could be a turning point. "You can tell me anything, you know. About your life, or your past, or your home . . ."

But perhaps pressing the point was a bad idea.

Ren finally looked up, but his eyes were on fire with rage. All Ren could think was: _he knew._ And he shouldn't. "I don't want to talk to you about anything."

The words were cold and sharp as ice.

"You may think you know me, but you don't. Don't presume that you do. Whatever you think you know, you don't!"

"Ren, I . . ." Rai pleaded, trying to get him back. He was losing him, he knew it. He'd overstepped his bounds.

"No." Ren took a step back and narrowed his eyes in anger. But Rai saw fear and sorrow there, too. "Don't you dare try to talk to me about my life. You don't know _anything_ about my life!"

He stood glaring at Rai, the anger coming off him in waves and acting like a shield to protect him. Something uncertain and unknown leaked into his face for the briefest of seconds and then, shoving his hands into his pockets, Ren turned on his heel and stalked away.

Desperation took hold of Rai, wrenching through his chest. "Wait. Ren! I'm sorry! I didn't mean . . ."

"Leave me alone."

The finality, the steeliness of Ren's voice struck Rai to the bone, cementing him to where he stood to watch the boy's figure dissolve silently into the night.

Ren never looked back.

-------------------------------------------

It was a lie.

Ren knew it the moment he said it, but fear had gripped like it never had before. Rai _did _know him, he _did_ understand, more than anyone else ever had. That's exactly why he had to get away. He'd been hiding within himself for so long that for someone to just waltz up and put a mirror up to his face, well, it scared the fucking hell out of him.

He didn't know what to do or where to go; his mind had somehow become an overcrowded void.

And it might be because he wasn't thinking that he wound up doing the same thing he always did, like he was on automatic pilot.

He went home.

The apartment was dark and empty when he entered and when he flicked on the light, the bulb immediately burst and sent him back into darkness. He cursed uselessly and wandered into the kitchen. Searching every drawer and cabinet, he didn't even know what he was looking for until he found it.

Tucked behind a box of cereal and some empty containers was a bottle, one of the many of his mother's impressive stash. Not caring what kind it was, Ren pulled the cork and downed a hefty amount straight from it, choking on the result. He wasn't exactly new to alcohol, but he wasn't used to downing large gulps of it either. That was his mother's department.

It tasted horrible and didn't make him feel any better. If anything, he felt worse. He couldn't understand how his mother could love it so much. He needed something different.

He placed the bottle back on the counter, staring at the hypnotic sway of the liquid inside. Back and forth like a metronome, it slowly began to put Ren to sleep and his eyes began to droop. Then, with a start, his mind snapped and he flung the bottle at the wall with all the force he could muster, the glass shattering into a thousand pieces and staining the wall like the evidence of a crime.

Without doing anything, everything was falling apart.

Because of Rai.

Ren's carefully laid mask and his well-organized psyche were both crumbling because of a certain dark-haired boy. And the real problem was it wasn't Rai's fault. Up until tonight, he'd let Ren keep his secrets behind his well-built walls. The one who was slowly letting them tumble down was Ren himself.

As he stood thinking, a gentle click of metal sounded, followed by the hollow thump of the door hitting the wall. Ren closed his eyes, breathing deeply and barely registering when the totter and fall of a skeletal weight fell against his back. Because he couldn't care. He couldn't _allow_ himself to care.

She needed him.

She needed him, and wasn't that what was important? Ren kept his eyes shut as cold bony hands turned him around and began to work at the button of his jeans. His body, gone lax with disassociation, swayed lightly as a struggle to free him of his clothing ensued. The sound of knees hitting linoleum echoed strangely in his ears, the small vibrations pulsing up his feet. There was a hot, unwelcome breath against his stomach, growing closer and more sickening as it traveled downward.

He squeezed his eyes shut and gave a short, strangled whimper when she took him into her mouth, unconcerned that he was clearly unreceptive. She just kept working her tongue, her teeth, her saliva-slick lips, knowing, just as he did, that eventually his body would betray him.

Somewhere normal, a place far outside the disturbed little kitchen, thunder rumbled. The lightning that followed it briefly lit up the grisly scene.

Ren leaned one hand on the counter behind him and the other on her dirty matted hair, trying to keep them both steady. A choked sob caught in his throat, making a childish hiccup echo hollowly in the empty room, heard even above the waterfall of heavy rain outside. Without his consent, a single hot tear escaped his eye as his own drop of rain trickled down his cheek.

It wasn't supposed to be like this!

His eyes popped open.

_It wasn't supposed to be like this._

Wrenching his hand from filthy, stringy hair, he shoved the drunken woman to the linoleum floor with little effort. Then, through her muffled pleas, he stumbled as he hiked up his pants, quickly refastened the fly and shot out the front door and into the stormy night.

-------------------------------------------------------------

He didn't know where he going. He just ran. And ran and ran and ran, the rain pelting down on him, trying to clean his dirt-ridden soul. But it was too late.

He'd known long ago that it was wrong. But it was his life. So he made reason after reason, excuse after excuse just to make it alright. But it wasn't alright. It was never alright. Between memory and new-found friend and everything unknown and unclear, his upside down world had been turned right side up.

And he had no idea what to do.

No matter the reason, this was not how things were meant to be. Once, long ago, a lifetime's reckoning, he'd led something different. He couldn't remember it clearly, but he knew that somehow that it had to have been better.

Because in his old life he'd had Rai, a person who'd loved him unconditionally. In his old life, he had smiled. All on his own, free of masks, free of hidden secrets, free of weights he simply couldn't carry.

In whatever measure, once, long ago, he'd been happy.

And so now he ran. To run from something or to something, or possibly both. He didn't know. He just ran.

It seemed like forever, like minutes stretched to hours, hours to days, days into an unending circle. And the rain continued to fall, driving at him and tearing straight to his bones. When at last he looked up, he realized he'd stopped, knowing neither why he was there, nor how. He took a step up and got under the shelter of the porch roof, not that it made any difference now. So long a time spent in the rain had soaked him to the bone.

And then he stood staring at the doorway, mute and unmoving, waiting for an answer that would never come.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Rai would never be able to say just what made him get out of bed and head downstairs in the middle of the night. It could be because his sleep had been fitful at best, the images of everything he'd done wrong glaring at him every time he closed his eyes. He had been so troubled when he came home that he'd just thrown himself into bed without bothering to change his clothes. But that wasn't the reason.

He went to the door because he felt compelled to do so.

His hand reached for the lock instinctively and he opened it, expecting to see the empty night and the sheets of rain that still poured down.

What he saw on the other side of the door was quite different indeed.

Also clad in the same clothes he'd worn earlier stood Ren, motionless, glassy-eyed, and silent.

"Ren?" Rai asked, a soft undemanding question.

There was absolutely no response, no noise, and no shift in stance, not even a flicker of recognition. Ren simply stood there, his wet, thready hair plastered to his face and the water-weight of his shirt pulling down and sticking it to him. The rain had punished him, drenched him through and still dripped off him to pool at his feet like a shadow.

Altogether, he looked like a drowned puppy, lost and abandoned and lingering at Rai's door.


	20. 20: Misunderstood

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

A/N: This chapter is still the most difficult to write, even on the fiftieth try. It has changed _a lot_ from the last time.

* * *

Imperfect Circles

Misunderstood

Not a word was spoken as Rai ushered a wet and dripping Ren through his front door. With a supportive arm around him, Rai brought the drenched boy upstairs very careful so as not to wake his sleeping parents. It was somewhere between two and three in the morning and the last thing he needed was to do some quick thinking to explain the strange situation.

Thankfully, yet in a deeply troubling way, Ren was quite compliant and allowed Rai to lead him wherever he may. His movements were lethargic and his face frighteningly devoid of any expression and while Ren's mood certainly helped the need for secrecy; it did nothing for the worry that wrapped around Rai's heart. Never in all the time that he'd known Ren, both now and in the time before, had he seen the boy like this. Sad, yes. Depressed, yes. Lost, distraught, any and all manner of darker emotions, yes. But to be completely absent of any, like some sort of doll? He'd never seen that.

He wasn't exactly sure how to handle it or the way it pulled inside his chest.

With a worried glance to his friend, Rai continued to lead him like the little lost child he seemed to be, hoping that in time Ren would "wake up" and return to his normal self.

He wrapped an arm protectively around the smaller boy's waist and began to almost literally drag him up the stairs, leaving behind a telltale trail of rainwater as sign of their passing. The blond simply allowed this, moving his feet step by tiresome step as if it were some mechanical reaction. His head was dipped low making his long soggy bangs hang forward and hide his blank face. Rai wasn't sure whether it was a good or a bad thing that he couldn't see it.

The strange silence that took hold of the house was beginning to unnerve him, mostly because it_ wasn't_ quiet. No, if anything, because of the absence of speech, every raindrop against the window, every distant low rumble of thunder, every mournful creak of the stairs seemed that much more pronounced. And it made the softly labored breathing of the otherwise mute boy disturb Rai deeply.

They finally reached the second floor and Rai gave an irritable hushing sound to his bedroom door as it chose to squeak for the very first time in its life at just that moment. Gingerly, he set his precious cargo down upon the bed, mindless of the definite water spot that would be left as evidence. But still the blond said nothing, giving no movement past what was necessary. He sat on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees and his blond head tipped listlessly forward.

Rai knelt in front of Ren and looked up to see nothing and everything in that poor little boyish face. Reaching his hand forward, he gently brushed away the bangs that stuck insistently to Ren's forehead, getting a view of downcast eyes and long dusty lashes. The pale hand lingered at Ren's temple, keeping the hair tucked up, as Rai searched for any indication of life.

"Ren . .?" He ventured; the first word he'd spoken since bringing the boy inside.

And nothing.

With his finger, Rai coaxed Ren to lift his head and look him in the eye, hoping to receive some sort of acknowledgement, but the golden brown irises that looked back were dull and lifeless. Their owner had retreated into some unattainable elsewhere. Rai slid his hands down onto Ren's arms, soaking wet and now ice-cold from the rain. If the blond stayed in these clothes much longer, he'd probably get sick; Rai could already see goose bumps rise on the skin exposed by the hem of the sleeve. The troubled teen needed to get cleaned up, changed, and then get a good night's rest. It was about all that Rai could offer right now.

And about as much as he thought Ren could accept.

The brunette stood, letting his hands follow their natural paths up Ren's arms and finally settled them on the sides of his face.

He stared at Ren a moment, weighing the options in his head.

"Come on." With a great deal of graceless effort, he hefted Ren to his feet. Immediately, the blond slumped forward until his weight rested against Rai's chest, his head turned to the side so that his cheek lay lightly on the taller boy's strong shoulder. Slowly, shakily, Ren's hands rose up to fist Rai's rumpled shirt; the first movement he made of his own volition since he'd appeared on the doorstep. Unsure, the brunette glanced around the room as if something there would give him the answers that should have been easy.

Then Ren began to tremble in a way that made it clear that he was trying hard not to cry. So Rai did the only thing he could. He wrapped his arms around the frightened teen and held him, running his fingers through soft blond hair and leaning over to whisper soothing nonsense into his ear.

It was a passing moment, gone quickly.

Soon Ren's trembling ceased, although his death-grip on Rai's shirt remained. Looking down, Rai saw that he would have to actually drag Ren in order for him to wash and warm up in a freshly drawn shower. Still clinging to that green shirt, Ren suffered himself to be pulled into the large pristine bathroom, the white tiles sparkling in the cool electric light. Gently prying the clenched fingers from his shirt, Rai set the boy onto the lidded toilet.

"You need to warm up, Ren." The blond made no response so Rai took matters into his own hands, turned on the tub's faucet, and waited for it to reach the right temperature. He knew it would be odd for his parents to hear the shower at this time of night, but he hoped they'd think it was just their son getting up early or unable to sleep, both of which were essentially true. At least he could hope they hadn't heard the front door open or the shuffling up the stairs. That would have been harder to explain. The dark-haired boy turned around and saw that his companion still hadn't moved, even though Ren now shivered outwardly since his body finally recognized the fact that the rainwater had cooled off. With a sigh of resignation (and a little restraint), Rai grabbed the hem of Ren's clinging shirt and pulled it easily up and off, casting it to the side. The blond flinched minutely; then went back to his catatonic state.

"Stand up." Rai spoke authoritatively while fighting off his inappropriate blush. Oddly enough, Ren complied. The pathetic sight presented to Rai made the blush on his face almost instantly disappear.

This was not the time for that.

"Ren . ." The plea was whispered as Rai used his index finger to hook into and tug slightly on the waistband of Ren's jeans, asking the silent question as to who should deal with what was next. Suddenly, and with unexpected force, Ren moved. His hands darted out and shoved Rai so hard that the brunette slammed up against the wall with a bang, almost knocking the breath out of him. Only it was Ren who was panting, his arms crossed protectively around his waist and a look of fear swimming in his eyes. Not exactly the reaction Rai was going for, but at least it was something. Collecting himself, Rai stood away from the wall and looked straight into Ren's face. It was the face of someone who would not be letting anyone near him again, at least not yet.

Rai took a deep breath.

"Well, if you're awake enough for that, you should be fine by yourself." Golden brown eyes shifted to the side and Rai thought he caught a flicker of guilt pass briefly over them, but he couldn't be sure. There was, however, a slight lessening in the tension of Ren's muscles and Rai took that as acceptance. "Good then. I'll find something for you to wear while you get cleaned up. OK?"

Ren continued to stare at a very interesting spot on the tile floor, but the tiny tilt to his head indicated that he understood. Rai sighed again and headed out, closing the door quietly behind him. He leaned his forehead on it and listened for movements inside. He heard the rustle of clothes, the slap of bare feet on tile, and finally the familiar spray of the shower. He let out the breath he was holding and returned to his room.

There, he searched through his dresser for an extra pair of pajamas, finding none. Figuring they must have been washed, he headed downstairs, cursing the creak he'd be hard-pressed to explain with the shower still going. He wordlessly prayed his parents remained fast asleep.

In the dryer downstairs he found a full load of his laundry ready to be folded and put away. Grateful for something to occupy his wandering mind, he piled his things into a basket and carried them back upstairs. Pushing the door open with his foot, he flipped the basket onto his bed and began his self-appointed task.

The shower was still going.

In a short while, all his laundry was complete. A newly clean and warmed set of light blue pajamas and a fresh pair of boxers rested on the bed with Rai beside them. That was about the time he noticed the dark spot on the bedspread from where rainwater had soaked in. His nerves on edge, he leapt up, yanked the fabric free and rushed down the stairs. It was the only bedspread he had and while he didn't think they'd need it, he decided to take care of it now rather than later. Plus, the small distraction was welcome. He threw it into the dryer and after turning it on, decided to simply leave it. It wasn't really all that important. Not when there was Ren to worry over. He rushed back up the stairs.

On the way he came to a sudden halt, catching the sound of the continuing spray of water through the near wall. He checked his watch. With everything he'd been doing, nearly an hour had passed since he'd left Ren alone in the bathroom.

With a concerned wrinkle to his brow, he hurried into his room, snatched up the pajamas and went to stand outside the bathroom door, listening intently.

The water had been running for far too long and Rai came to the uncomfortable conclusion that he had no choice but to investigate. He threw open the door, heedless of any propriety, and steam spilled out of the opening like the heat of a sauna.

"Ren?" he called softly, but received no reply besides the incessant stream of water. He crept cautiously forward, seeing the shadow of a figure behind the translucent curtain. Setting the pajamas on the counter, he swallowed down his anxiety and called again.

And again no answer.

Perking his ears, he thought he heard a harsh, rough noise like scouring and decided that he'd have to take the chance.

Still anxious, he swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and carefully pulled back the curtain. And there stood Ren, desperately scrubbing at his arms, now red and raw from the effort and showing signs of wanting to bleed. Panic shot through Rai and when he looked up to Ren's face, he saw the regrettable return of the dull, vacant stare. Without speaking, Rai tipped forward and snuck his hand around Ren, careful not to touch him, and shut off the water. The blond boy either didn't notice or didn't care and only continued with his fervent cleansing. His concern mounting, Rai reached back to the rack alongside the shower and plucked up a clean towel. Gently, he pried the washcloth from Ren's oddly limp fingers and tossed it away like the offensive weapon it was. Then he leaned in and protectively wrapped the towel around Ren's ruddy, water-logged skin and guided him out of the exhausted shower. Ren followed him like a child, not even protesting the arms that encircled him.

Once his feet were firmly on the bathroom rug, Ren stood there impassively with his body slumped, seemingly unaware of where he was. His eyes still held that same glassy expression.

"Ren?" Rai tried again, taking tentative hold of a wet, raw shoulder. The boy made no response, not even a flinch, which seemed strange, and simply remained in his half-catatonic state. Worry etched his green eyes, but Rai took a deep breath and began to dry Ren off in the same way a parent would for a small child. The fact that Ren was naked at the moment was irrelevant. This was about taking care of someone who needed it, a purely innocent act for someone who couldn't do it for himself. Rai dropped to his knees and rubbed the towel over Ren's soaked body, making little massaging circles in a calming, comforting way, trying to ease a little of the tension that seemed to swell just below the blond's surface.

When his skin was all dry, Rai dropped another towel over Ren's head; the other one hung up to dry, and rubbed it into Ren's still dripping hair. Again, he gingerly massaged the scalp, trying to put the boy at ease. When Rai pulled away, he saw blond strands sticking out in every direction and had to suppress the smile that he knew was inappropriate.

Then he felt a twinge of shame at finding any amusement in the situation at all.

To disguise it, he combed his hands through that errant hair, intending to straighten it out. Then he took a step back and made a valiant attempt not to stare. He felt the blush rise again and coughed to clear his throat. Ren looked so adorable, so helpless, and standing there with nothing on, Rai found it extremely difficult not to throw him against the wall and shower him with kisses much in the same way he'd just been showered with water.

Unfortunately, that would be a very bad idea.

So Rai picked up the clothes he'd set aside for Ren, starting with the boxers and handed them over the boy. But Ren refused to move and did not reach for them. He only stood there with shoulders bent and stared off to a nowhere mark embedded deep within the floor. So Rai did what he had to. Easing each foot up and into the boxers, he pulled them up, careful to be professional and only dress Ren as quickly and simply as possible. And that is exactly what he did, to the extent that other boy hardly noticed his presence. Once dressed, Rai put an arm around Ren's shoulder, led him back to his room and sat him down on the bed.

Rai was a little uncertain even now whether he should leave Ren here or settle him into one of the guest rooms; if he should stay here or leave the boy alone. But he had to admit that Ren had him worried. Seriously worried. The anxious clench around Rai's chest had yet to dissipate. He just didn't trust Ren on his own at the moment and finally reasoned that it would be best to keep as close an eye on the boy as possible.

For now.

The blond sat patiently as Rai unabashedly changed in front of him. Ren merely stared at his hands, still speechless, still motionless, after all this time. Turning to face him again, Rai felt his heart lurch at how lost and sad the boy looked. Kneeling down in front of him once more so that he could look up into that sweet face, he brushed his hand gently through some of the damp hair. Only then did Ren finally look at him, his eyes guarded, trying so hard not to cry. Rai couldn't help it; he hated seeing Ren like this. So he reached up and embraced the small frame, pulling the boy down just a little and trying to draw all the sorrow and pain of two lifetimes into himself. Ren did not deserve this.

He should never have cause to wear such a miserable expression.

Ren sagged into him and Rai said nothing as the blond head nestled into the crook of his neck. The brunette felt a few short shuddering breaths and then his shoulder slowly began to dampen with Ren's muffled tears. Rai held on a little tighter.

It was all he could do.

He ran his fingers soothingly through blond hair, waiting for the tears to stop before he reluctantly pulled away. Gazing once more into Ren's face, he slid his hand forward, cupped a soft cheek in his palm and wiped away the last traces of tears with the pad of his thumb. Then he bent Ren's head down so that he could lay a momentary kiss on the forehead before standing back up. Ren watched Rai wordlessly, his eyes grown wide and confused.

The air was heavy with all the things left unsaid.

Then Ren slowly and with apparent deliberation, turned around, pulled back the sheets of Rai's bed and scooted underneath, curling up into a ball as he faced the wall with his hands nestled near his face.

Ren closed his eyes tight to shut out the harsh light that filled the room and hoped that the softness, the clean newness of the sheets would take him safely off to sleep. He heard a soft padding of feet move away and the almost imperceptible click when Rai turned off the light. Opening his eyes to the darkness, Ren stared studiously at the blank wall while he opened his other senses deeper. There was the soft padding again, this time coming closer and stopping just short of the bed's edge. Ren fought back his nervous, uneven breathing as he listened closely to the silence that surrounded him. Then there was a gentle shift to the mattress as Rai sat down behind him.

Ren fidgeted uncomfortably, still staring at the wall.

Another moment of tension and then a quick breeze of cool night air hit him when the top sheet was briefly lifted.

Rai had lain down on the bed as well.

Ren pulled his hands closer to his mouth and curled up more, waiting for what was next.

He knew that dip of the mattress too well not to know what was coming.

From behind, Rai stared at the golden hair and the defensive posture, wondering just what he should do. He shifted slightly, nervously, trying to jostle the bed as little as possible.

_I should have slept on the floor_, he berated himself. That would have been easy and more logical, but something told him not to do that. He didn't know which section of his brain spoke those words to him, but it was insistent. So he had heeded its advice.

He wanted to hold Ren so badly that it was like an ache drilling deep into his gut. He thought it was what the boy needed, but he was also afraid of the reaction. His hand reached out to the huddled form and he made a fist to calm himself when he noticed it shaking. Then, taking a deep breath for courage, he slid his hand over Ren's waist so that it rested gently on the boy's stomach.

A simple gesture, a friendly hold; that was all he intended.

But heat instantly flushed up Rai's neck when his palm met with bare skin. The pajama top must have been inadvertently pushed up when Ren burrowed himself into position. Holding his breath, Rai marveled at how different the skin there felt compared to Ren's hands. It was soft, smooth, and in some strange way unspoiled. He glided his hand over, enjoying the velvety feel and the twitch of abdominal muscles. His finger laboriously traced the small indentation of Ren's navel before settling down against that taut, muscular stomach. He was so lost to the wonderful feel of Ren's exposed skin that he almost missed the frightened flinch in Ren's back.

_Almost._

He needed to gain Ren's trust.

He _needed_ to.

Rai didn't want to frighten the boy, only comfort him. And he realized that what he needed most of all right now was to regain control over himself. So, with care, he lifted his hand off the bare skin and found the hem of the shirt. Discreetly, he pulled it down and replaced his hand, letting the fabric act as a barrier and hoped that it would be enough. Rai shifted again, daring to move himself closer so that his chest was almost flush with the smaller boy's back. His breath met the back of Ren's head and made the hair flutter as if by a breeze.

The feel of warm air against his sensitive neck sent goose bumps racing over Ren's skin. His lower lip began to tremble and he gripped his fists tighter, letting the pain of nail biting into palm calm him.

He could still feel the heat of Rai's hand through the thin cotton of his shirt. The fabric offered little protection. But the touch was not unpleasant. Even the way the dark-haired boy had delicately massaged his belly had not been _entirely_ unpleasant. But that made it worse. Because no matter how much it hadn't been unpleasant, it still reminded him of _her _and the way she would sneak up, reach over and cradle him from behind.

He knew the next step. He'd been here many times before.

But the hand now was nothing like that old familiar one. This one was protective, affectionate, and careful. Ren had never experienced anything like it, not even from Kei. It was altogether different and it made him feel odd; a little fluttery sensation welled up where Rai touched him and spread to the ends of his body.

However, that did not change the situation. He knew what was expected of him, what was demanded if not freely given. He would not let himself be fooled by gentleness. So he did the only thing he could think of: he changed his position. And by doing so, in some curious way, he changed his outlook.

Rolling over to face Rai, he edged minutely closer and let his head nuzzle up into the taller boy's collarbone, tucking nicely just under the jut of Rai's chin. Tentatively, he raised his hand to grip the cloth of the shirt. In this different position, he knew it could not be_ her_. By the touch, the smell, the heart he could feel beating steady and fast, he knew it could not be her.

But in truth that changed nothing. His body had already accepted the inevitable, even if his mind did not.

The dip of the mattress could only ever mean one thing.

The nauseating nervousness was still there.

But if forced to do this yet again, he wanted to make sure that for once, _he_ would be the one in control.

He pulled himself closer.

Rai wasn't sure quite how to respond. His hand now lay near the small of Ren's back. The shirt was bunched up there as well, probably from the movement, but Rai tried his best to keep his hand away from that enticingly bare skin.

He didn't want to frighten Ren any more than he already was or push him before he was ready.

And Rai knew, much as he hated it, he absolutely _knew_ Ren was not ready.

The blond had the smell of soap and innocence, a combination which somehow made him more alluring. Ren dug his head further into Rai's chest, sending a tantalizing waft of that scent into Rai's nose.

The overall conditions made Rai a little stupid and certainly bold, as he swiftly forgot his promise and moved his hand to that tempting spot of naked flesh on Ren's back. It was soft like his stomach and the heat Rai felt through the boy's skin caused his heartbeat to spike.

Ren didn't pull away.

But then, how could he? Such a thing wasn't allowed; it was utterly unthinkable.

He only tensed slightly in surprise.

It was then that Rai felt the rhythmic puffing of Ren's breath against his collarbone. Warm and slightly wet, it made a shudder run down the brunette's spine and he was forced to shift his hips a bit so that Ren wouldn't feel the reaction caused by such a simple, necessary act.

Ren's nose was tucked up tight to Rai's neck and the blond breathed in a scent that was comforting, musky and deep. He felt his mind go slowly numb with unrecognized nostalgia. It was a new sensation and yet it seemed so familiar, like a memory from a long ago childhood.

Ren kept trying to convince himself that this was a person who would never hurt or take advantage of him. It was only Rai, who to Ren was the epitome of safe and protective.

His ploy didn't entirely work. Like every other time, his body didn't listen. His body knew better than his mind when duty was demanded.

But for once in his short life, Ren wanted to be the one to make the choice. He wanted to be the one to say "yes" or "no".

Nerve-wracked by putting off the inevitable, he slipped his tongue delicately through his teeth and touched pale skin in only the hint of connection.

Ren felt his stomach begin to stir from the onslaught of mixed emotions: fear and excitement and disgust. He couldn't recognize them all, not the new ones that were somewhat nice. Forcefully, he shoved all the feelings aside and steadied his nerves, repeating in his mind the mantra that he was alright and in control.

But he couldn't control the situation if he couldn't control his own body. His anxiety was obvious. Breath escaped his mouth in short harsh gasps, bouncing off Rai's neck and hitting Ren back in the face like a slap.

His heartbeat was quick and erratic.

The hand that held Rai's shirt was trembling.

But he swallowed back his fears and continued on.

Rai's eyes shot open to search the un-answering darkness. He was far too surprised by the turn of events to think straight. Because he could not have just felt that. There was no possible way. His mind had to be playing tricks on him even as his heart beat faster.

But there it was again, still hesitant and whisper-soft, but no denying it this time.

Ren had licked him.

Rai did his utmost to keep himself calm and not startle the boy, his better judgment warring with his overactive hormones. Excruciatingly slow, he lifted his head and tilted it back, exposing more of his neck and he waited, half-patient, half-anxious, for Ren to continue. But all he felt was the tickling of warm breath against his moist skin.

It was more than enough to make him lose his common sense.

Given the circumstances, he risked moving his hand, just a little, to caress the baby softness of Ren's back.

The blond straightened in shock, making Rai stop. The brunette waited a moment, and when Ren didn't shy away, he dared to venture a little bit more.

Slowly, he slid his hand downward, touching the hem of Ren's pants and stroking the top of the waistband. When he sensed Ren's breath quicken, he convinced himself it was in anticipation. He pulled the blond closer, their hips almost coming into contact. Suddenly Rai felt way too hot, the proximity of unfulfilled desire clouding his senses.

But Ren panicked. Repulsed and afraid of what was happening and the way it was beginning to make him feel, he flattened his hand on Rai's chest and pushed against it, stretching the distance between them and denying that intimate touch.

Because he could still say "no".

Couldn't he?

Even though his body seemed to have other ideas.

Rai couldn't fight the frown that formed instinctively on his face. He was torn between wanting Ren's trust and simply wanting Ren.

And Ren wanted this too, didn't he?

He was the one who started it.

However, no matter how much Rai wanted it or how needy he was, he knew he had to let Ren take the lead. Otherwise, he'd find himself waking in the morning with nothing but regrets he couldn't take back.

So he waited, his fingertips gliding over smooth skin, encouraging and calming Ren to the best of his meager ability.

After a few moments and a quick swallow, Ren drew his tongue along that neck again, his squeamishness starting to disappear.

After all, he had done such things and far worse countless times before.

This was nothing new. Not really. The sweet fluttery feeling in his stomach was purely a figment of his imagination. The musky sharpness that lingered in his nose was _not_ pleasant. Or so he told himself.

And he had long ago become a professional at separating himself from an unwelcome reality, whatever that reality may be.

Even so, he was almost sickened to discover that he did not dislike Rai's taste or the bob of muscle and tendon he felt as Rai took in fast gulps of air. Without meaning to, Ren chased their movements with his tongue and teeth, taking little nips every now and then and savoring the way it made Rai's voice hitch into the darkness.

This may have made him seem confident, but he wasn't. He didn't know what to think. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to be doing this, much less enjoying it. He only knew that he had to, so he may as well take the initiative and make the decision himself.

Rai had no inkling of the conflicting thoughts tumbling through the other boy's mind as he gripped the back of Ren's nightshirt in a vain attempt to keep grounded. He felt his eyes roll into the back of his head with each increasingly confident swipe of that warm, wet, textured tongue against his throat. He had long since stopped thinking and had silenced the annoying little voice in the back of his mind that questioned this. The voice that insisted that by letting this happen he _was_ in fact taking advantage of Ren.

But it felt too good and the only thing he could concentrate on was the sweet stroking of Ren's tongue. And with each lick, Rai felt his resolve crumble until a low moan reverberated roughly through his chest and up his throat.

Ren felt the vibration of Rai's voice against his mouth and stopped. The sound brought him startlingly back to reality in a way wholly unforeseen. It was a distinctly _male_ voice. He looked at that expanse of neck intently, sensing the strong pulse throb in the veins below the pale skin. His own heart was beating irregularly.

Everything about the situation suddenly shifted.

This was not his mother.

And he wasn't being forced in any way; he was doing this on his own like some sort of cheap corner whore. There was no way to convince himself otherwise, not now.

Still though, he couldn't deny the far hidden, revolting parts of himself that actually, somewhat, liked this.

His stomach twisted.

Ren felt the hand against his back begin to move upward and he tried not to be sick as Rai fed it under the thin shirt and settled it between Ren's tense shoulder blades.

Why was Ren letting this happen? Why was he taking an active part?

It didn't make any sense, if the churning of his insides was any indication.

He didn't understand.

Rai moved his body closer, silently demanding.

And like Pavlov's ringing bell, it all came back to him. It didn't matter who it was or how nice they seemed. A demand was a demand, and a payment for shelter was an obligation. Every moment of Ren's life had ingrained into him this one simple truth: no matter how he pretended or what he told himself, _he didn't have a choice_.

Rai probably should have been able to guess all this but Ren was impossible to read within Rai's lust-clouded mind. Yet even in that dreamy state, Rai was surprised when calloused fingers shyly stole between the undone buttons of his shirt to caress his naked chest. Rai stilled in anticipation, nearly ripping the hair he held between his thin fingers. Then the hand moved feather-light to his side, traveling over ribcage and snaking down to the waistband of his shorts, just barely missing a hipbone before tracing back up again.

And when Ren latched onto Rai's throat and began to suck, drawing color to the surface, Rai bit his lip so hard to keep from making noise that he tasted blood. But he didn't care. He held Ren's head close, pushing it to his neck and letting out a moan when a tongue traced shakily upward to stop just under his jaw line. Ren began to delicately nip at the skin there too, oddly tentative considering his actions thus far, but Rai could hardly be expected to notice. No, instead Rai ran his fingers through golden strands of hair, clutching them tight as his other hand slid down and dipped under the waistband of Ren's pajamas. Bravely or recklessly, dependent on one's point of view, he gently nudged his leg between Ren's and with the hand at the boy's lower back, pushed Ren's hips towards his own, brushing them together and making momentary contact. A harsh groan slipped through his lips. He pushed against Ren harder, the movement sending white hot desire surging through his veins. He sucked his breath in through his teeth with an audible hiss.

He thought he could die right now and be perfectly happy.

But Ren had jerked away from him like a cornered animal, his fingers digging sharply into Rai's ribcage in a strange combination of push and pull, and bumped his nose awkwardly into Rai's chin.

The room went still and the warm air seemed to press in on all directions.

Rai swallowed thickly and looked down. The small tremor that traveled the length of the blond's body was finally recognized for what it was.

Ren was terrified.

In his desire and need, Rai had completely missed the very obvious detail that although Ren started this, he did not truly want it.

But of course not. Ren was acting on instinct; he had known no other life. In exchange for a place to sleep, he thought he had to do this. How could Rai be so stupid and selfish to forget it?

Or did he simply ignore that inconvenient little fact?

He really didn't know the answer to that himself.

The hand on the back of Ren's head eased a little and Ren blinked his watery eyes clear to look at what he'd done. Rai was most certainly marked; there was a dark suggestive oval where shoulder met neck and a smaller, less noticeable one just below his jaw.

Ren's face flushed scarlet. He hadn't meant to do that, to lose such control. To . . what?

Let his unknown desires surface, let himself be used and pretend he was in control and now. . .

His eyes shot wide open. And now there was a leg between his own, pressed up against him. And his damned traitorous body began its betrayal, same as it always did. Meekly, but with unmistakable force, he pushed the leg away with one of his own.

He didn't want Rai, of all people, to look at him and see nothing more than a dirty, used-up thing who whored itself to anyone who came near.

He couldn't bear that.

He never wanted that feeling of hopelessness, of inevitability, of having no will of his own. Especially not with Rai.

He couldn't think straight right now.

He just wanted to sleep, safe and sound and uncomplicated.

Rai hissed slightly as Ren dragged his hand back out from under the shirt, carelessly brushing over a sensitive nipple, and watched as the little form huddled itself within sheets and blankets, as close to the wall as it could get.

Confused and guilt-ridden, Rai looked over to the barricaded boy and did his best to will away an arousal that was in desperate need of a release it wouldn't get.

He was deeply ashamed.

He was no better than Ren's mother, maybe even worse.

Regardless of his lofty declarations, he was a deplorable person, taking advantage of Ren's fragile state.

He had to make things right.

Rai maneuvered himself more comfortably, at least much as was possible, and watched the small tremble of the blond head. Cautiously, he reached over and ran shaky fingers over Ren's smooth cheek, hoping the boy wouldn't shrink back.

'_Forgive me'_ the gesture said without words. '_Forgive me.'_

A miracle occurred and Ren didn't move away.

And as Rai's fingers brushed over Ren's face, it was the first time either of the boys noticed that it was covered in tears. Rai couldn't possibly feel worse than he did at that moment. But Ren made no accusation, only burrowed his head in deeper, his back pressed against the security of the unyielding wall.

In the morning, things would have to be better. In the morning, this would all be as a bad dream, less damning when seen in the light of day.

An uneasy agreement was made between the two boys as they finally drifted off to sleep, Ren on one side of the bed and Rai on the other, the unrelenting rain giving them no peace as is pattered mercilessly against the long stretch of the shingled roof.


	21. 21: Confusion

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles

Confusion

The gentle continuous drumming of rain fell like a dirge against the dark window. It was quickly dying out until it was no longer a torrent, no longer a storm.

And Rai was no longer sleeping. Sometime shortly after finally drifting off he had awoken to find himself comfortably wrapped around Ren. Which should have made him happy, and on some level it did, but it also bothered him. He didn't know what exactly had happened between them or, more importantly, what it would lead to. He'd gone from uncommunicative and afraid to nearly seductive and lastly to being, for lack of a better word, cuddly. And then abruptly back again to the beginning.

It just wasn't normal.

Rai had noticed the peculiarity at the time, but distracted by other things, had dismissed it. Because in all honesty, with Ren's habit for denial and nervousness, Rai didn't know when, or even if, he'd get the chance again. And despite Ren being the one that started it, Rai couldn't help but feel his handling of the situation might have been a little wrong.

He knew that if the blond woke up to find them in this position, all of Ra's work would unravel. So he got out of the bed and walked over to his chair, sat down and put his chin in his hands. It was so hard to look at Ren and not think about the night before and just how far they'd _almost _gone. The thought made Rai blush right to the roots of his hair. He had tried to be gentle, show his interest, but also hold back, letting Ren take the lead.

But he should have done better.

It was a good thing he'd not pushed more; he could see that now. Let alone that he would probably have felt a little bad about this "Kei" girl, he certainly would have felt guilty about Ren. It would have been a disastrous misstep to take advantage of the boy's vulnerable state, no matter how frustrated that made him. That was achingly clear as he gazed at Ren sleeping in childlike innocence. The morning sun rose, casting soft shadows upon the folds in the bed and over the blond's peacefully dreaming face. Rai wanted to kick himself for compromising that.

He didn't know how long he had waited for Ren to wake; it could have been minutes or it could have been days. But by the time the little blond finally opened his eyes, Rai's intense stare hadn't wavered.

Ren blinked a bit, then squinted and put an arm over his eyes to block the sudden glare of sunshine that flooded the room. He yawned, and letting go the pillow he'd been clutching, stretched languorously on the bed. Rai raised his hands slightly in an attempt to hide the reddening of his cheeks. There was a tiny, soft smile on Ren's lips as he stretched, clearly enjoying the pull on newly awakened muscles. Then he put his hands behind his head and looked up contentedly at the ceiling, the same one Rai had grown to hate. Ren seemed to be lost still in some pleasant dream.

Even though he hated to do it, Rai broke into the silence. "We need to talk."

The blond started almost violently, whipping around to face Rai and sitting up hurriedly. He must have forgotten where he was and why. And the events of the previous night. A small blush crept up his neck as he cleared his throat and looked down at the floor, avoiding Rai's eyes. "There's nothing to talk about."

Rai let his hands fall, still gripping them together tightly. "Yes, there is." He paused, hoping for a reaction. None came. "Why did you come here last night?"

Ren shifted uncomfortably, not liking the question. "I needed a place to sleep." Not a lie, but not the whole truth either, though whether or not he was aware of this is debatable.

"Then why did you come _here_, all the way across town? There had to be some place closer you could have stayed." Rai pressed.

A noncommittal shrug was his only answer. Sighing, Rai gave up on that for the moment and took a different course, deciding that that issue could be dealt with later.

"Fine, then. You had no place else to go." He said it with a bit of a sneer. He doubted that was true, but if he couldn't get Ren to reveal anything, there was no point in continuing. "Then why did you need a place to sleep?"

"I lost my keys." Ren said flatly, still looking at the floor.

Rai pursed his lips as he scowled at Ren. He could understand why he wouldn't want to talk. But he also knew Ren needed to face it and that someone would have to make him do so. Rai pushed further, knowing that even if it made hate grow between them, Ren needed to face this. "_That is a lie_."

The blond head snapped up, furious glower in place, with just the trace of fear behind it. "I'm not a liar." Ren didn't wanted to deal with this; he'd really just rather ignore it. Avoidance had been his good friend for a long time and he saw no reason to change it.

Rai shook his head. "Not normally, I wouldn't think so. No, you're more the 'if I don't talk about it, it isn't true' variety. But I've had enough. And right now, _yes you are lying_." Rai locked eyes with Ren, resolutely refusing to back down.

Brown eyes narrowed and Rai's frown deepened as Ren tried to intimidate him away from these questions. It was getting too close to things Ren didn't want to talk about, to things he didn't want to deal with. But his meager attempt at bravery still couldn't hide the small shake to his frame nor the way he gripped the sheets tight.

"What happened last night?" Rai asked. His vagueness could have referred to either before Ren showed up at his home or after.

"Nothing happened."

The blond was still insistently in denial mode. Rai took a deep, calming breath. This was getting tiresome. "And I already said that was a lie. I don't like repeating myself. Something happened before you came here. Something that made you unable to speak or move, or even _think_ apparently. Now, what was it?"

Defiantly, Ren turned his head to the side, closing his eyes and refused to meet Rai's stare.

Several moments passed in tense silence.

"It's your mother, isn't it?"

Ren's eyes popped back open. His trembling was obvious now, and the look he wore could only be termed horror. But he swallowed hard and tried to screw his expression into one of annoyance, even as he stuttered. "Th-this has nothing to do with my m-mother."

Rai thinned his eyes.

"Yes it does. I'm sure of it. I only suspected before. But now . . ." The brunette moved over and sat beside Ren, leaning into, but not touching him. "You can tell me, Ren. It's O.K. It's not your fault. There's nothing for you to be afraid of. Or ashamed of."

"I'm not afraid." The boy spat out petulantly, spinning around to glare back at Rai. Rai ignored it.

"What does she do to you Ren? And don't say 'nothing' because I know that's another lie. You need to tell me so we can get you out of there. You could stay here. If we explain to my parents, I'm sure they wouldn't mind. They've known other kids like you . . ."

Ren shot up off the bed and stalked to the other side of the room, anger rolling off of him. "I'm not 'some kid' whose cause you can take up like a charity case. I can take care of myself. _I don't need your damn help!_"

Rai winced at the force of the words, but went on anyway. "Obviously you _do_ need my help or you wouldn't have come here to begin with." He jumped to his feet, mustered his courage, and glared Ren down. "You think I don't know what _this_ was all about?" He waved his hands around indicating without words the events of the previous night. " It's pretty obvious." He ignored that fact that it was only really obvious in hindsight. "_You were using me._ Or thought I was using you. You keep saying not to treat you like a kid? Then stop acting like one!"

"Shut up!" Ren clamped his hands over his ears to shut out all the words he didn't want to hear. But Rai was having none of it. He stormed over and grabbed the blond's wrists, forcefully pulling them away to make him listen.

"I won't! Why should I? Are you going to go tell someone else? If you are, then fine. But if you were going to do that, then why haven't you already? Why did you come here instead? To_ me_? Have you even bothered to think about that? Or are you afraid of that too?!"

Ren's eyes were wide, wobbling in their sockets, his hands shaking uncontrollably. He wasn't ready to face this, none of this. Not his mother, not Rai, not this strange something between them. He wanted to just put an end to it, right here, right now, in the simplest way possible.

"You have no right to lecture me. What about you? I didn't hear any complaints from you last night! What the hell's_ your _excuse?!" Rai's grasp on the small wrists tightened so much it must have hurt, but Ren was too distracted to take notice. "I have a girlfriend!" He shouted.

As if that solved everything.

The brunet felt his own anger rising. It was yet another delaying tactic of Ren's, his way of diverting to conversation to one he could handle. "Then why aren't you with her?!" Rai yelled back, exasperation making him take the bait.

"Be-because she can't!" Ren was sputtering, grasping at straws. "Her parents don't like me . .!"

"So what! She could've snuck you in like I did. If she really waned to, she could have. If _you_ really wanted to, _you_ could have. That's a pathetic excuse and you know it."

Ren went suddenly limp in Rai's hands, which slowly fell away, allowing blood to flow back through Ren's veins.

"It's not." The blond whispered quietly, not convincing anyone, himself included. He was so confused and he didn't know why. He could have gone to Kei. "Her parents don't like me"_ was_ a pathetic excuse, just as Rai said. But why then? Did he not want to go to Kei? Maybe, but that wasn't all. There was something else, something that itched at the back of his mind, but couldn't place. He shook his head clear.

Rai sighed. He'd been doing that a lot lately. "You could've tried if all you needed was a place to sleep. You could've stayed at Chiaki's, at Kusonoki-san's, at Kei's. But you didn't. No. You came _here_, whether you were conscious of it or not." He paused dramatically to let it sink in. "Do you really think that means nothing?"

The silence in the room was punctuated only by the harsh breathing of the two boys. Everything else was still. The sunlight broke through the window and shining down on them in a harsh, happy contrast to the atmosphere inside. Rai watched Ren intently as the blond lifted his head and glared at him, a mockery of his own sweeter disposition.

"I just want to help," Rai whispered.

Then he watched a hand pull back and even watched when without further warning, that hand flew forward and hit him square in the jaw so hard that it caused him to stumble backward.

"I was fine before you. And I'll be fine after. I don't need your help." The blond asserted, low like a growl.

Then Ren pushed Rai so violently that he fell back onto the bed and cleared a path straight to the door.

A path out of which Ren bolted quite suddenly and without any apparently logical thought. Rai glared at the open doorway and at the vacant room, knowing he was too angry right then to follow.

"You're anything but 'fine'." He said to no one in particular.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Ren stumbled headlong down the stairs and out the front door, not bothering to close it behind him.

And again he ran. Ran and ran, to someplace, from someplace, here or there, knowing that it wouldn't make a bit of difference.

No matter how far or how fast he ran, he still couldn't run away.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

"Oh my God, Ren! Where have you been? I've been so worried! And why are you wearing _that_? Is that even yours?" The light-haired girl paused and examined him up and down, her eyes stopping at his feet. "Don't tell me you walked here like that?! Where are your shoes?"

Ren blinked stupidly and slowly lifted his head up to face the concerned girl, seeming as if he was still at least half asleep. Chiaki grabbed him by the shoulders and shook, perhaps a bit more forcefully than was necessary, but the boy was rather out of it. He blinked a few more times and finally came back to his senses, which made his eyes go saucer-wide. A deep red blush grew up his neck the moment he looked down and realized what he was wearing. As well as what he was _not _wearing. In his haste to get away, he was still dressed in Rai's pajamas and indeed shoe-less. His bare feet were covered in dust and dirt, the soles bruised and bloody from where he'd walked over cement and gravel. Now that he saw what he'd done, his feet began to hurt, throbbing in pain where they hadn't before. But regardless of that, he was more ashamed than anything else. And he wasn't sure what, of the many things, he should be most embarrassed about.

"Uh . . ." He uttered.

Chiaki put a protective arm around him and guided him to her apartment. "You'd better get inside. I'm sure I can find something you could borrow."

Ren nodded and once again let himself be led by someone he trusted. He felt a little remorse when he thought about how he'd treated Rai earlier. Rai had taken care of him, taken him in, and Ren had thrown it back in his face like an ungrateful little brat. He knew that. But he couldn't help the way he'd reacted; it was his nature to protect himself.

Chiaki deposited him promptly onto her couch as she hurried off as briskly as she could to one of the back rooms. Returning quickly with some sweat pants and a t-shirt, she waited patiently as Ren silently went into the bathroom and changed.

"Be sure to clean up you feet!" Chiaki called, apparently practicing for motherhood. She clucked her tongue and hunted for some first-aid ointment and bandages. Upon finding them, she settled back to the couch and waited as patiently as she could.

Back in the bathroom, Ren pulled on the extra set of clothes. They were about three sizes too big and made him look very much like a little kid playing dress-up. When he returned, Chiaki made no mention of this. She just sat him back down and seated herself by his feet.

"What are you doing?!" Ren sputtered nervously, backing into the fluffiness of the couch.

"Bandaging you up," the girl replied, applying the ointment to his feet. Ren looked supremely uncomfortable and turned away.

Once she was done and wrapped the injuries as well as she could, Chiaki heaved herself back to the couch, with a heavy dose of Ren's help.

The boy glanced around the room and said awkwardly, "You didn't have to do that."

"Don't be stupid," Chiaki answered and simply leaned forward to pick up a glass of juice she'd brought for herself.

Ren took up a glass that she'd gotten for him and the two sipped quietly as they sat side by side. Chiaki took a sidelong glance at her friend and saw that the furious red blush had faded into a more subdued rosy tint.

"So . ." she began, waving her hand up and down. "How exactly did this happen?"

Ren carefully put his glass back on the coffee table and took a deep breath. "I slept over a friend's house last night. And . ."

He paused, staring off into space.

Chiaki quirked an eyebrow with great interest. "And what?"

"Well, things got weird." The boy rubbed the back of his neck nervously, clenching the other into the over-sized sweat pants. "I mean, I guess it was my fault, but still, in the morning. . . I don't know. It was all wrong. I don't know why I did that; it was some strange sort of reaction to . . . I don't know why I even went there. Shit! Everything's all messed up!"  
The girl pursed her lips with a knowing expression. "This is about Rai, isn't it?" She'd been watching Ren too closely for too long for the change in his attitude and personality to go unnoticed.

He whipped around to face her, at first in shock and annoyance, but then realizing that she was right, he settled back down. _He_ was the one jumping to conclusions over ordinary words, and what did that indicate? Nothing he wanted to think about, that's for sure, so he ignored it "Uh, yeah. I had to get away." He said vaguely, then turned away and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "And I ended up there somehow. I don't even remember going there. I just looked up and suddenly he was standing in front of me. And then . . . well, he took care of me and let me sleep there - those clothes were his - and, and then . ." The blush returned full force and he anxiously fidgeted in place. "This morning, when I woke up, he was watching me. It was kinda creepy, but . . And then we fought. He kept saying all this stuff about me and then he said that there were all these reasons I came to him and I just got so mad that I, I hit him and ran out of there as fast as I could." He took a glance down at himself, now drowning in Chiaki's father's clothes and grinned shyly. "And that's how I ended up like this."

The girl stared at him curiously, noticing how much he'd said by exclusion, and how his voice had increasingly wavered. He was putting on a brave face, but behind the little smile there was sadness, confusion and a little bit of fear. She reached out and, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, pulled him into a strong, but comforting hug. Ren winced as he always did when someone touched him, then allowed himself to relax softly into her embrace.

He could feel tears once again hovering at the edges of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. No, he was sick of being some sad, pathetic, sniveling little kid. The thought only made him angrier. It would mean that after everything, Rai was right and he _was_ acting a childish. But that didn't mean he forgave Rai exactly, even though he was fully aware there was nothing really to forgive. He lifted his arms to hold Chiaki back and felt the gentle smile she made against his shoulder. She massaged her hand up and down his spine in an attempt to ease his worries, knowing it would take much more than that.

Ren let his anger fade, replaced instead by embarrassment and guilt, though he wasn't sure if that was any better. After all that Rai had done for him, not just last night, but all the time they'd spent together, Ren knew he shouldn't have treated him that way. They'd only known each other a short time, but somehow it was more meaningful than any other relationship he'd had. It was such a strange, confusing thing. He knew all this, and perhaps that's precisely what bothered him. Because somewhere along the way, something had changed and was different now.

Frankly, it scared him.

It was safe and sweet, but also exciting, nerve-wracking and completely new. It made his heart pound and his body tremble and his stomach twist into little knots. He didn't know when it started, but at some point he'd begun thinking of Rai almost all the time. At work, he'd wonder where Rai was, what he was doing. When he wanted to talk or go someplace, his first thought was of Rai. He didn't understand how this dark-haired stranger had wheedled his way into his thoughts so completely.

And yet last night, Rai had transformed into a nameless somebody while at the same time a person whom Ren knew intimately.

He went into automatic, but he also wanted to be with someone he knew he could trust and would never hurt him. He wanted, for once in his damn life, to be in control. That didn't however explain why it was Rai. Shouldn't he want to do that with a girl, like say, his girlfriend?

Why then had Rai's scent clouded his senses, his warmth numbed his brain? Quite simply, _why Rai_? The answer should be easy.

But it wasn't.

Rai was a friend, a boy with a shared past and that was all he was supposed to be. Ren was lost and vulnerable, and Rai just happened to be there when he needed a little solace.

Ren couldn't see it as anything more than that.

Because it couldn't be any more that that. Could it?

Chiaki felt the boy tense in her arms and thought to a large extent that she knew just what was going through his head. She'd done a lot of thinking of her own. Pulling away, she braced her hands on Ren's shoulders, making him face her. Looking straight in his eye, she said, "_Is_ there a reason you went to Rai?"

For a moment, Ren had the unfounded fear that the girl could read minds.

"I probably shouldn't be saying this, being Kei's best friend and all." Chiaki went on. "But isn't there a reason you went to Rai and not someone else? Beside some silly excuse you'd like to give?" She sighed and tilted her head. "I know you and I both see how different you are with him. More open, more giving, more everything. I see that little glint in your eye when his name is mentioned. Do you think that means nothing? And despite who I'm friends with or not, I want you to be happy. _You deserve happiness._ In whatever way it may be. I'm not even sure why you're fighting this. Well, maybe I do. Is it because he's a boy? Because that's really not a big deal. Or is it because of Kei? Because even if it hurts her, the truth would be better for you both in the end."

Ren was nothing short of dumbfounded. His eyebrows arched and he gaped at Chiaki, hearing essentially the same words that had come out of Rai's mouth come out of hers, only nicer and more logically framed. And somehow, as much as he didn't like it, it made sense. As much as he hated to admit it, he _did_ like it. He liked the new, scary and somehow familiar road his life seemed to be heading lately. He liked Rai. And he liked that feeling of being excited and scared and sick and happy and everything all at once that made him dizzy in such an addictive way.

Chiaki smiled at him, nearly hearing the gears turning and locking into place.

It was unfamiliar and yet not, like a habit a person doesn't realize they have.

Then a strange sort of warning pinched at the back of her mind. She scrunched up her face, trying to remember. Remember something lost that she only now noticed was missing. But it was just beyond her reach, teasing and annoying. Chiaki turned her eyes to Ren and saw that he held a similar far-off look, but for very different reasons. "Ren, when did you meet Kei?'

"Huh?" It took Ren a second to catch up to the whiplash change of topic. "You introduced us. At a picnic for your father's work. He couldn't go, so you took me. And she was there with her family . . .no . . . wait, that isn't right." He stumbled through his thoughts, unable to grasp the memory.

"Didn't you meet her at work?" The girl asked, her forehead creased in thought.

"I don't think so . . didn't I know her before then? Wait, no. Argh!" He shook his head violently. "I don't know. That doesn't seem right either. Why can't I remember?"

"Isn't that odd?" Chiaki said wistfully, putting a finger to her lips. "You know, I can't seem to place the first time I saw her either. Must have been through our dads, but . . .huh. That's strange."

The two sat together, equally confused, equally perplexed in what felt like an eternity of tense silence. Not liking the uneasy feeling one bit, Ren awkwardly excused himself as quickly as possible and left Chiaki alone in her apartment and alone with her thoughts.

He had a lot of things to think over and he needed to do that by himself.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

"So, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?" Kei twitched her lips up sweetly as she took an obligatory sip of her tea.

Chiaki stared blankly into her own cup, the cream swirling and melding with the darker liquid, her hands held primly in her lap.

"Have some tea, Chiaki." Kei urged soothingly.

The blonde jerked awake and quickly took a sip as ordered. It was good, sharp and savory with just a touch of sweetness, the cream mellowing out the slightly bitter flavor.

"And why again did you come to see me?"

Chiaki raised her head and squinted at her friend, still trying to place just when and where they first met. There was nothing. Disgusted with her poor memory, she finally dismissed it as inconsequential and set her mind back on her original purpose. She cleared her throat nervously.

"Have you met Rai yet? Ren's friend?" Daintily, she took another sip.

"No. I haven't yet had the . . .pleasure." Kei stared at her friend intently, smiling when the blonde fought back a yawn. After the first sip, Kei's cup remained untouched, the dark liquid quickly losing its heat.

Chiaki shook her head. Why was she so tired all of a sudden? It was probably the baby; it had been keeping her up the past few nights with kicks and cravings. "Well, I think you should know. There's something else between those two than just friendship."

"Oh, you're being silly." The dark-haired girl giggled girlishly, though the gleam in her eye was anything but innocent. "I don't even know what you mean by that."

Another yawn and the blond took a bigger gulp, wishing it wasn't decaf so that maybe it would keep her awake. "I think you do. You had to have noticed. It's plain to _everyone_ but Ren. Those two, I don't know, they fit. They belong." She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I really am." Chiaki placed the cup down with a soft clink. "But this is for both of you. And I really mean that. I think Ren's already made his decision, whether he realizes it or not. But you know how he is. He'll deny it, he'll hold back. Especially . . if you're still in the picture." Chiaki ducked her head in shame, unable to look her friend in the face. "You should let him go. I mean, you don't want to be with someone like that, do you? Who's confused, who's lying to himself? Who really wants to be with someone else?"

The clicking of Kei's spoon against her cup was hypnotic, balanced off by the ticking of the one clock in the room that sat upon the mantelpiece. Taking a deep breath for bravery, Chiaki lifted her eyes.

"Who's that?" She asked, taken aback, her eyes grown wide at the sight of an intruder.

"Oh, he's just a friend of mine." Kei's smile turned just the tiniest bit sour as she delicately took another sip of tea.

Chiaki pushed her chair back, but in her condition and with an unexpected wave of exhaustion, she fell instantly back into her seat. A firm hand descended on her shoulder and she tried to push it off, but she was suddenly so tired. So damn tired that she could barely keep her eyes open. "What . .?" She breathed, trying to stay awake.

"Don't worry now," said a low, vaguely familiar voice. "It's OK to close your eyes. You're getting very sleepy. Very sleepy . . ."

--

Ren was still conflicted days later and Chiaki's sudden, unexplained turnaround was not helping in the least. He'd left her apartment with the distinct impression that she didn't just support the idea of he and Rai (an idea he was still a little frightened by), but approved of it. Hell, she practically pushed him towards the other boy in words, if not in action. Then she came back the next day, banging insistently on his door to tell him the exact opposite. And at the same time telling him that she had introduced him to Kei at a company picnic and that she'd simply forgotten.

It felt like a switch of reality, the Chiaki of yesterday replaced with a different one today.

It made his head hurt trying to figure girls out. Why were they such flippant, changeable creatures? Stacking another plate onto his already teetering tower, he caught a glimpse of long dark hair and emerald green eyes and thought for a delusional instant that it was Rai. His heart leapt into his throat, in a mix of emotions, of wanting and denying and fearing and everything in between. Then the figure smiled at him cheerfully and transformed into Kei. His cheeks burned and he quickly turned away. He was looking straight at her and thinking of someone else! It was almost like cheating. He was two-timing her in the weirdest and worst way possible and she didn't even know it. He was just like his mother.

The thought sickened him.

The last time he'd seen _her_, she was sleeping in a pool of her own vomit, only this time there was the pungent stench of urine as well. She'd apparently not had the decency or concern, or hell, the presence of mind to drag herself to the bathroom. And he'd had to hold his breath, clench his stomach, and clean it all up, both her and the floor. Then he dragged her into her room and tossed her lifelessly to the unmade dirty bed where she'd been, as far as he could tell, ever since. A small part of him wondered how it was that she, this inebriated useless excuse of a mother, could have any hold over him.

The rest of him immediately flogged himself, chastising him for the stupid, selfish question.

His mother needed him and he shouldn't even be thinking such awful things.

Nevertheless, he still knew he didn't want to be anything like her. Not ever. Not in even the most minuscule of ways.

There was a tap on his shoulder and he just about dropped his entire stack of dishes. With the catastrophe averted, he readjusted his hold and shifted his eyes away. "What?"

"You've been a million miles away. What are you thinking about?" The girl batted her eyelashes at him flirtatiously.

Ren hefted the pile and headed to the kitchen, basically pretending he didn't hear her. He couldn't face her now, not with the current idea of leaving her floating through his head. He felt like traitor.

Kei held the kitchen door open for him as he walked through. "Nothing." He lied, when it was clear she wasn't going to let it go.

He placed the stack by the dishwashers and turned to face an angry Kei. "Well that's a lie if I ever heard one," she said.

Hanging his head, Ren sped toward the door, skirting the girl in his way quite effectively. "It's not." The blond hurried out into the dining room, trying to avoid her, but Kei was persistent and hot on his heels. Ren tried to ignore her as he reached over another table and once again began piling dishes. Kei leaned into him and said a bit critically, "You should tell me if something's bothering you. I _am_ your girlfriend, after all. Remember?"

Ren twitched unconsciously at the word "girlfriend" and the shame it instilled and then simply went back to work. Kei searched his face while she stared.

Her head popped up suddenly, facing the window, a small look of shock in her eyes. Then she recklessly began to sift through her pockets. Ren looked up at her, raising his eyebrows at her odd behavior. She yanked out a cell phone and looked at it. "Sorry. Call. But we'll talk about this later."

She flipped the phone open and rushed into the kitchen, a loud warning whisper following her. "You're not supposed have your phone on!"

But she only waved at him dismissively and all he could do was shake his head. He picked up the new pile of dishes, turned and almost dropped them for the second time in as many minutes.

Just now turning to face him and standing right outside the large main window was the black-haired, green-eyed boy that had been disturbing his concentration. He stood there watching and looking altogether unhappy.


	22. 22: Broken Promise

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles

Broken Promise

Ren took his stupidly hanging open mouth and closed it. With careful, deliberate movements he picked up the dishes, brought them to the kitchen and placed them by the dishwashers in what seemed like slow motion. Setting his hands flat on the edge of the sink, he looked down and took a deep breath to steady himself.

Was he ready for this?

He'd been thinking about Rai and that night almost constantly for the past few days but had yet to reach any clarity. He raised his eyes to stare at the cream colored stone wall as his hands clenched into weak little fists.

He had to know. He had to find out just what he wanted, just what he felt and the only way that would happen was if he faced Rai.

Like it or not, he had to.

He ran a hand messily through his hair, a nervous habit he seemed to have recently acquired. Then with a lift to his chin, he turned and walked straight up to his boss, telling him in no uncertain terms that he was taking his break _now_. Normally, he would have gotten an earful for that. But Ren was never one to stand up and the fact that he had seemed to fluster the owner beyond rebukes. Without waiting for an answer, Ren stalked out, leaving the man sputtering incoherently in his wake.

Brazenly, Ren walked out the front door full of courage and determination. That is, until he saw Rai. The black-haired boy stood with a half glare on his face, staring straight at Ren in a way that was nerve-wracking. Ren's "courage" fled him. He found he couldn't even look Rai in the face and sheepishly turned away. The tension in the air was palpable and even the random people walking the street gave them a wide berth.

But Ren had to do this. He needed some answers. Anxiously looking around, he spotted an unoccupied alley, and deciding it was better to talk there then in the open, he looked Rai straight in the eye and gestured with his head. He took a bold step and waited for Rai to follow, somehow knowing that he would.

Rai, meanwhile, raised his eyebrows curiously at Ren's behavior. He wasn't sure what to expect, a fight, some sort of resistance, or maybe even the fidgety nervousness Ren was almost _known_ for. But instead he got a Ren on a mission. The blonde boy was a bit ill at ease, but there was also a certainty in his walk and in his expression that startled Rai. It both encouraged him and scared him because he couldn't read it and didn't know whether he was in for another argument, a constructive discussion, or an outright refusal. He frowned. He was disappointed and guilt-ridden at the way things went last time. Partially his fault, he knew, but that only made it worse.

They reached the alley, darker than the rest of the street, which was quickly coloring with the red and gold of sunset, as the air took a dip to the cooler side.

Ren paced in front of Rai, biting his lip delicately between his teeth. Rai waited, hoping they wouldn't have a repeat of every other time, where he had to pull things out of Ren to get him to talk. But as the seconds ticked by and no words were forthcoming, he felt that irritation rise again, angry with Ren and furious at himself. The situation was becoming painfully awkward.

Rai frowned as he watched Ren's continual path back and forth in front of the brick wall.

"You've been avoiding me," Rai said suddenly, breaking the silence.

Ren stopped in his tracks. For a moment, he was silent, his face blank as he stared at the ground. But then he nodded to himself and lifted his head to glare up at Rai. "I could say the same about you." he wore a cute little scowl.

"What?" Rai asked, a bit surprised. This strong Ren was a welcome change, but an unexpected one. Rai blinked at the other boy.

Ren narrowed his eyes. Rai was blaming _him_? His nails dug into the palms of his hands and the pain gave him strength to speak. "You're one to talk," he said. "It's not as you've been by in the past couple days. I haven't come to see you, but you haven't come to see me either. Don't try and blame all this on me. If that's the criteria, then you're just as much at fault. Or even more so." His hands clenched at his sides. He needed to talk, but he sure as hell wasn't taking the blame. Not this time. "_I work. I have responsibilities. _I have a lot of things that I have to do. It's not like I've got all kinds of spare time to go traipsing around town. But what about you? Huh? You've got all the time in the world. But you haven't used any of it to come see me. So just get off your high horse and come down here with the rest of us. You're not so special that you can't bear any of the responsibility." Ren's gaze didn't waver and the accusatory tone of his voice came through loud and clear, as did the slight trembling of his body. "Don't you even think about putting it all on me."

Rai stared dumbly at Ren. Any anger he may have felt quickly disappeared. Ren was absolutely right and more importantly, had found the courage to stand up for himself. Rai was blaming him because it was easier than accepting the fact that he'd been afraid to see Ren after what had happened. Now, on top of everything, he felt even guiltier than he had before. He shifted clumsily on his feet. He didn't like being in this position, the one trying to make up for poor behavior. Something had changed in Ren in their short time apart. He had grown stronger, more determined, more confident. It was a nice change.

Rai just wished the brunt of it wasn't directed at him.

His hands shook nervously, reminding him of the package he held in his hands. Pushing his shoulders back, he walked straight for Ren and held out the bag to him. Ren eyed it suspiciously.

"These are yours," Rai said with a steady voice, waving the bag.

Warily, Ren took it and looked inside. There were the clothes he was wearing when he'd last seen Rai, the clothes he'd left in the boy's house when he'd run out of there like a bat out of hell. His cheeks turned a feverish pink.

Rai had succeeded in making the situation universally uncomfortable, putting them both back on a level playing field. Perhaps not a very nice thing to do, but it would hopefully make things a bit easier. He studied Ren as the boy continued to simply look down into the open bag. Rai gave a big sigh.

"Look," he started in a calmer tone. "I don't want to fight. Especially about something so silly. I'm sick of it. Aren't you?"

Ren slowly closed the bag and let it hang down by his side. He nodded his headed mutely. Rai allowed a small smile to grace his lips. He took a step forward, wondering what would happen. It turned out to be nothing; Ren simply stood there.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. It wasn't fair." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Forgive me?"

After a second, there was another small, shy nod. Ren still wasn't looking at him.

Rai examined the boy, now timid again, but Rai swore he could still see that determination lurking beneath the surface. He took a deep breath. "Have you thought about what I said?"

The blush on Ren's face turned even redder. "About what?"

Here was the tough part. Rai licked his lips and swallowed his nervousness. "About coming to stay with me."

Rai had expected Ren to lash out, to back up, to cry or scream or something, but he didn't do any of these things. Instead, he just stood there as his arms very protectively wrapped around his waist and continued to stare at the ground.

"She needs me."

The dark-haired teen paused in shock. "What?"

Ren backed up to the wall as if that would somehow protect him, hugging his arms closer around his body. "She can't do anything by herself. She doesn't eat or sleep or clean herself up. Nothing. Unless I do it for her. She'll _die_ without me."

A bit dumbstruck, Rai moved forward trapping the smaller teen between his body and the brick wall. He leaned in, inches from Ren's face and whispered in some confusion. "And that's a good reason to let her do those things to you?"

The blonde didn't flinch or move away; only let his head hang lower, trying to curl into the wall. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Rai walked up until only a breath separated them and gently slid his hand under Ren's crossed arms and over the band of his pants, resting it on his waist. The blonde boy let out a sad pathetic little squeak.

"I think you do." Said softly, reassuringly, Rai hoped that taking it slow might get Ren to admit the truth. Because he still hadn't, probably not even to himself.

A single tear slipped free of Ren's eye and trickled slowly down his blushing cheek. With a hushed swear, he angrily wiped it away with the heel of his hand, the other hand hanging limply at his side holding the bag of clothes.

He refused to talk about it. Talking about it would make it real.

And he didn't want it to be real.

"Ren." Rai implored when the boy turned to the side, bracing his free hand on the alley wall and blocking his face defensively. Rai raised his hands and placed them on either side of Ren's head, keeping him where he stood with a metaphorical fence. Ren simply shook his head fiercely, refusing to look the other boy in the eye.

Rai let out a breath, the warm air dancing across Ren's face. "How long has it been going on?" He had to get Ren to face it somehow and he thought that if he got him to admit how long it was going on, it would be a subtle admission something was indeed wrong. "One year? Two?"

Ren took his bottom lip between his teeth and after a pause, shook his head.

"Three?" Rai asked quietly, his mind beginning to spin.

Ren leaned his head into the forearm that hid his face, the arm pressed to the wall. Another small shake.

"Not five?" Rai felt his own hands shake as the leaned against the rough solidity of brick. There was no response. This couldn't be right. He thought it was a recent thing, started since Ren had grown old enough to be partially considered an adult. But five years? That was too long; Ren was too young. And they hadn't yet reached the truth. Rai clenched his jaw. "How long Ren? Tell me. Please . . ."

Ren lifted his head up from his arm so that his eyes peaked over it, and his long lashes were wet with unshed tears. Rai leaned in closer, his bangs tickling against Ren's ear, his black hair mixing with Ren's dirty blonde. "Please, Ren, you have to tell me."

He stared at light brown eyes looking off into space, off into memory and seeing only sadness and fear. He probably looked just as he did when he was that little child whose mother had walked in and took his innocence.

There was a tiny whisper that sounded like only the exhalation of air, but which Rai knew was the answer he couldn't make out.

"What?"

Ren's throat bobbed and he raised his head even more, his mouth clearing the muffle of his forearm. "Ten." He said.

"Ten years old?" Rai asked, clenching his hands against the wall to fight their trembling. Anger and fear swelled within him. It couldn't be. That was too much.

Ren's hair waved slightly as he shook his head.

"Ten years."

The answer, barely spoken, rocked Rai to the core. He almost lost his grasp on the alley wall, certainly lost his grasp on reality as the world he though he knew spun out from under him.

"But that would make you . . ." His voice cracked. Seven. Seven years old. It took all his strength and presence of mind for Rai not to let his knees buckle and send him tumbling to the ground. All his strength not to run over and strangle that bitch for doing something so unbelievably reprehensible. Seven years old was just a kid! A complete innocent dependent on one's parents for everything, but most of all for love and protection. And while Rai was outside happily picnicking with his parents with not a care in the world, Ren sat alone on his bed, huddled and afraid as the person he trusted the most and relied on for everything betrayed him.

It was too horrible.

Tears slipped silently from Rai's green eyes as he lost his balance and leaned his forehead against the wall behind Ren's head. "Oh my god . . ."

He tried to imagine what it was like, to lose everything and to have to live with it so long, the abuse, the secret, the shame. But there's no real way to understand. He tried to imagine how you could possibly stay in a situation like that, no matter the effect on whom you left behind. How could Ren care about her? How could he not hate her?

"You have to leave." He said suddenly with conviction.

Ren let his hand fall to his side and looked up and over Rai's arm as it blocked his way. "I can't."

"How can you stay?!" Rai spat it out through grit teeth, gripping the wall.

"She's my mother," was Ren's simple answer.

Rai raised his head to stare at the other boy. "That's exactly right. She _is_ your mother. She's not supposed to do things like that, Ren. You have to know that. No amount of rationale, no matter how important you think it is, can excuse it. You have to leave her. Let her take care of her own mess. Or better yet, press charges! She should pay for what she's done."

Ren slowly turned around to face Rai. He knew he wouldn't understand. He couldn't possibly understand how much she needed him, how he was responsible for her. How no one could ever know. How it had to be kept secret for _both_ their sakes.

"I can't." Ren said quietly. "She's my responsibility."

Rai backed up a little so that the two of them were directly opposite and he could look Ren in the face. "How can you say that?" He blinked his disbelief.

Ren's response was a shy, guilt-ridden grin and water filled eyes. "It's my fault." He shrugged helplessly. "If I didn't exist, then my dad wouldn't have left. And then my mom would be happy and she wouldn't have to drink so much and she wouldn't have to . . ." He closed his eyes and shook his head. "It doesn't matter. It's my fault. It's all because of me."

"Stop saying that!" Rai slammed his hand hard against the brick. He wanted to grab Ren by the shoulders and shake him until he made sense. "That still makes it her fault! Stop trying to take the blame for her!"

"I'm not taking the blame," Ren replied. "She needs me."

Rai stared wide-eyed at the boy in front of him. There was sorrow in Ren's expression, but conviction, too. He truly believed what he said and it would take more than Rai's insistence to convince him otherwise. Sadly, Rai understood that there was little he could do about that right now. Acceptance would take time. Ren told himself those little lies because they were easier to bear than the truth. This was not something the Rai could change in a few scant minutes. But he _could_ take Ren away from the situation.

That he could do.

"You have to get out of that place," Rai reiterated. Ren pouted at him, the look of "we've already been through this" firmly in place.

Rai heaved a very weary sigh. "You're worried about your mother?" He pursed his lips, thinking. "Then how about we get her into a rehab clinic." Ren shook his head vehemently. "I've tried . . ." he started, but Rai cut him off.

"We make sure she goes, and she stays, to a place that won't let her out so easily. We can get people to drag her kicking and screaming if we have to. Have an 'intervention', as they say." He waited a moment, mutely pleading with Ren before going on. "You don't have to do it alone. Despite what you think, staying isn't helping either of you. Don't throw your life away because she did hers."

There was no answer as the two boys stared at each other, so close that their breath mingled into one. Ren's face still held the attractive little blush that colored his cheeks and passed over the bridge of his nose. Tears welled in his eyes and when he blinked, the action forced some of it out, but he didn't move to brush it away. He was looking too intently at Rai, trying to figure out the truth and the validity of his words. To see if he really could trust him.

And figure out why he wanted so much to trust this boy he barely knew.

Could it all be true?

Could he really start a new life? Could his mother finally get the help she so desperately needed? Could he be allowed to live for himself, to go to school, to just be a normal, everyday kid like everyone else? Because that had long since been his dream: to be ordinary. Not perhaps an exciting dream, not lofty or ambitious. But it's all he wanted. That and to feel something good without the guilt and shame that clouded his life now.

He wanted to trust Rai.

He really did.

He wanted to be able to rely on Rai, to believe him, to sleep safe and warm in his bed like the other night. He blanched. "How can you even look at me after . . ."

"It's forgotten," Rai answered, instinctually knowing what Ren meant. He had intended to reassure with those two words, but he also needed to forget his own mistakes. And for Ren to forgive them.

Ren glanced away, disbelieving that his sins could be absolved so easily. But he wanted them to be. So much so right now that it emboldened him.

He wanted to believe in Rai.

A scary, strange admission, but true nonetheless. No one else made him feel that way. No one else stirred up such longing for the life he never had. But the idea also terrified the hell out of him.

Rai carefully brushed away the tears on Ren's cheek with the knuckles of his hand, gently running his thumb over the rim of the blondee's ear before returning his hand to the wall. He leaned in closer until the two almost touched, feeling the warm puffs of air against his lips, the heat of Ren's small frame, and the sweetness of his individual scent. _Please, Ren, _he thought. _Please say yes._ His heartbeat pounded in his chest at the nearness of Ren and at the fear of his answer.

He had to get Ren out of there. It was almost "too little, too late", but he had to make himself believe that it wasn't yet.

Ren stared at Rai as he wiped away those tears, his breath catching in his throat with a tiny, audible gasp. The feel of Rai's fingers against his cheek had sparked something in him. So gentle, so caring, it made him feel a mix of things he couldn't yet sort out. The same emotions that had confused him before were back. Amidst everything else, he felt them in that night too. He saw no lie in Rai's concerned face, only that same honest worry and affection. Ren's insides twisted anxiously.

And he had to know.

Once he understood, he could make the decision whether or not to hand his future over to Rai's care.

He felt somehow that all his answers would be there.

Shakily, he raised his hands to Rai's face, holding it in place. Rai twitched just slightly, not expecting it, but adjusted quickly. His hands clutched solidly to the brick of the wall.

He still had not received his answer.

Ren tilted his head to the side and moved closer so that only a hair's breadth seemed to separate his lips from Rai's. He whispered, and the words were more felt by Rai than heard. "I just want to know . . ."

Rai stared at him, confused by the cryptic words and the sudden change. What was it he wanted to know?

Rai's heart was beating so fast and loud he was certain that Ren could hear it and that soon it would burst straight out of his chest. The boy's breath tickled his mouth and regardless the situation, the temptation was too much. But then again, could this possibly be what Ren wanted to know?

Rai leaned forward and cut off the distance between them, pressing their lips together and pushing Ren back against the wall, almost crushing the smaller body with his own. He wasn't sure it was the right decision, though it felt right to him. There was, after all, that unanswered question still looming before them.

But Ren needed to figure out just what he was feeling; this strange attraction. That was where his answer lay.

So there was no hesitation this time as their lips moved against each other. And when Ren hesitantly traced his tongue over the seam of Rai's mouth, the teen readily complied by parting his lips and granting the blonde boy entrance.

Rai could almost feel the question in Ren's tentative tongue as it tasted and explored, running along the inside of his cheek and the roof of his mouth. Rai let Ren take the lead since he seemed to be searching for something.

And it's not like he minded.

Ren slid his tongue along Rai's, teasing it and carefully luring it into his own mouth where Rai did his best to mimic Ren's movements. Rai's hands had still not moved from their place on either side of Ren's head, now pushing roughly at the brick, the coarse rock making them bleed, but he didn't care. He only cared about Ren as he savored the unique flavor that was his and his alone.

It was intoxicating.

Ren's hands moved from Rai's face to the back of his neck, the fingers digging into his pale flesh and forcing him somehow closer, as if he could disappear inside him.

Their bodies were flush against one another, making Ren let out a little startled squeak and Rai moan low in his throat. Ren dug his ragged nails into the other boy's neck painfully, tremblingly. His answers were not answers to anything he could name.

But the pain wasn't bad; it only added to the overall sensation, accentuating the difference between it and the overwhelming pleasure.

Everything else fell away and vanished. It was just he and Ren, alone, lost in each other's embrace; the fit so perfect, Rai wondered how he ever had lived without it. He didn't know how to explain it, but then how does one describe a kiss anyway?

They don't.

It's about more than just lips and teeth and tongue, more than simple physical sensation. It's about losing oneself, not being able to think or see or feel anything but the person with you. It's about the numbing of the brain and the drowning in emotion.

But that didn't stop the need to breathe and there was an audible smack as the boys were forced to detach themselves. The real world tumbled back when they both took in great gulps of air, their hearts beating in syncopated rhythm as they stared wordlessly into each other's eyes.

A smile spread rather stupidly across Rai's face as he looked at Ren, flushed and pink and out of breath, his lips parted delicately and eyes with a glassy sheen. Rai leaned in and rested his forehead against the other boy's, trying to catch his breath, his silly grin still firmly in place.

"Come with me." He repeated quietly, more a statement than a request, still waiting for the response to his question.

Ren looked up at Rai, his eyes half-mast and licked his lips in a way that turned out to be sultry, though likely not on purpose. He tightened his grip on Rai's neck and with a gentle nudge of his finger, righted the angle of the taller teen's head and rubbed the edges of their foreheads together.

It was affectionate and simple.

And yet it made Rai's heart race even faster.

Rai had never known such a simple gesture could feel so good, could affect his whole self so completely. He smiled even as he knew they had to part. Unfortunately, the nagging voice in the back of his head reminded him that Ren still had work to do. Reluctantly, Rai pulled away and put a small space between them so he could look at Ren. The blondee's eyes were closed, his cheeks attractively pink and his lips slightly swollen.

"Is that a yes?" Rai asked teasingly.

He felt the pull in his hair when Ren clenched his fingers into his long tail. Lowering his head until his head lay on Rai's shoulder, Ren stayed unnervingly silent, causing Rai's stomach to wrench uncomfortably in fear. Could it possibly be "no"?

His hands, which hadn't yet moved from their spot beside Ren's head, now took the blondee's chin and raised it slowly. Ren's eyes remained closed, his mouth parted, the short, quick puffs of air coming out in erratic intervals. Rai caressed the skin of Ren's cheek lovingly, coaxing out a response.

"Ren . . ."

The blonde closed his lips briefly to take a swallow, and then without making another noise and without opening his eyes, nodded almost imperceptibly.

The wide goofy grin was back as Rai wrapped his arms around the other teen, yanking him into a fierce hug. Ren was remained tense and rigid in Rai's arms.

But he didn't push away.

"You come to my place, tomorrow, OK?" Rai whispered into Ren's ear. "And then we'll find a way to get your mother help." He hugged the blonde so close that nothing could separate them. "Everything will be alright, I promise."

Ren did nothing but allow himself that little bit of hope he'd denied himself for so long. Rai could do anything, Ren believed that. He could save his mother, he could give him a new life, he could make everything all right again, and back to the way it should be. No one else could make him believe, not ever before.

But he believed Rai.

Because he wanted to so badly, he did.

So he opened his eyes.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

A slow, devilish smirk spread across the face of that girl who nearly everyone hates, the girl who had the uncanny knack of somehow always being where she's least wanted. She closed the phone she'd just used to take a picture, surprised at how handy that silly little thing had become.

Then she tapped her ghastly painted nail on the front of her teeth, thinking over what to do with this newly obtained evidence. Something like this was just too good to pass up.

Flipping the phone open again, she quickly dialed.

Putting it to her ear, she wrapped her other arm around her waist in her typical haughty posture, which she apparently needed whether someone was there to see it or not. She heard a ring. Once, twice, three times. She'd huffed angrily into the receiver. What was wrong with people these days anyway? Doesn't anyone pick up the phone? Or were they just too drunk?

Finally, there was a voice on the other end of the line and Mako's sneer twisted into an evil smirk.

"I just saw something interesting . . " she began, trying to peak the other person's interest.

"Eh?" A slurred bit of nonsense was her only answer.

She growled and gritted her teeth and took a deep breath. Then she proceeded to relate the events she'd just witnessed as if she were a TV reporter somehow privy to the crime of the century. She heard muffled breathing on the other end of the line, a sign she assumed that meant they were listening. Once finished with her sordid tale, which didn't take long as there wasn't much to tell, she waited for the appropriate response.

All she heard was that same heavy breathing.

She was starting to get angry

"Did you hear me?!" she shouted into the phone, thoroughly exasperated.

A mumbled reply that sounded somewhat like "heard you" was all that she got. Irritated that her information had seemingly not solicited a better result, she slammed the phone shut and shoved it in her purse. Raising her head, she saw the two boys embrace and tried to squelch her gag reflex. It was just so . . . _sweet _that it made her nauseous.

_Oh how cute_, she thought to herself sarcastically. Well, let them have their little moment of happiness. It won't last for long.

Her self-proclaimed job done, she spun around, ready to head home, when her eyes caught sight of something curious. There was a certain dark-haired girl standing outside the restaurant door, a phone to her ear and with a perfect view of the same scene that Mako had just been a party to.

Mako raised an eyebrow. _Now, wasn't that interesting . . ._

Plastering a false smile to her face, she raised her hand and gave a little condescending wave to the girl across the street.

She got a ferocious scowl in return, complete with narrowed eyes and crinkled brow.

Mako just let her smile grow even more sickly sweet before turning and walking away, a triumphant swish to her step.

Very interesting indeed.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Ren was still on his hopeful high when he returned home, the dizzy thoughts of Rai and his kiss and his recklessly made promise making his mind a little off-balance. He knew it wouldn't be easy, there was too much to deal with yet, though he put all the emotional overflow on the back burner. He needed to pack, check on his mother, and he should probably let Chiaki know. Then he'd have to tell Kei.

A sharp pain shot through his chest.

Kei.

She hadn't done anything to deserve this, this betrayal; she'd been nothing but supportive of him since the day they met. She'd been there when he needed it, been kind and helpful and sweet and how did he repay her? By cheating. That is exactly what he'd done; there was no way other way to spin it. Even amidst his euphoria, he felt the pang of guilt over Kei creep in. It was unfair to her. But it would be even more unfair if he let it go on, wouldn't it? Not now that he knew.

And what exactly was it that he knew?

Kei just didn't spark the depth of emotion, the need, and the trust that he felt with Rai.

He felt almost giddy thinking about the events from earlier that night and his mind grew crowded with awkward, pleasant memories, the promise of the future and all the things that he'd have to do to prepare for it.

But the first and toughest item on his agenda was dealing with his mother. He knew from experience that she was what could kindly be called "resistant" to rehab. But then, he'd only ever tried to get her into AA meetings and the like. Nothing as drastic as a full-on lock-and-key situation. But then, he'd also never had help before. He smiled, and then bit his lip nervously.

He just hoped it would work.

With so many things in his head, the uppermost one being the devising of a plan to lure out his mother so she could be forcibly taken where she needed to go (a complicated thought), the rest of his senses must have become dull.

It wasn't until after he'd walked inside, closed the door behind him and dropped his bag to the floor that he noticed it.

The living room had an eerie darkness to it, an uncomfortable silence, as if the apartment itself was holding its breath waiting for him. But that wasn't all. He sniffed the air and caught of a whiff of a pungent, unpleasant odor. He flicked the light switch, but nothing happened. If anything, the room seemed even darker.

He was getting a very bad feeling.

"Mom?" He called out quietly.

Cautiously, he moved further into the room, the smell growing stronger and his stomach clenched when only unnerving silence answered him. Where was she? She _had _to be here. As his eyes adjusted, he spied a shadowy figure sitting in the far corner of the floor. He gulped back his fear and took another step.

"Mom?" He said a little louder, his voice cracking.

There was the soft rustle of cloth from the shadowed corner. Ren moved forward and bumped into a table, tipping over a lamp that he anxiously grabbed for and precariously placed back. He stared at the thing for a moment as though to collect himself. It wasn't the one connected to the switch so it might still work. He put his fingers to the chain, his hand shaking. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. Suddenly, it seemed like the heavy scent permeated the room and attacked his lungs, choking him. He felt like he was suffocating under the weight.

He turned on the light.

The glow it made was creepy, the figure in the corner standing out in stark relief against the blackness behind it. She sat hunched, her legs akimbo, her arms hanging unnaturally In one hand rested the receiver of a phone like a dead weight while her other hand tucked between her and the wall. Ren blinked at her, staring at the phone and then raised his head to her face, opening his mouth to speak.

He never got the chance.

"I got a call." Her voice was ragged and hoarse, but clear. There was no slur to it, no mumbled drunkenness. And her eyes held both understanding and misery. She looked different than she had for a long time. She looked like she did right after her husband left, sad and lost and unkempt, but still, in some way like a mother. She looked like the mother Ren thought he'd lost long ago, a depressed version perhaps, but still her.

And she was sober.

Ren couldn't bring himself to move, aside from placing his trembling hand squarely on a table to steady himself. His mouth still hung open, but his voice refused to work.

"It was a girl," the woman said, shifting a little, showing her tucked away hand clutching a small object. "She said she saw you. My son . . ." She choked on the word then cleared her throat to continue. "With another boy. In an alley. Kissing." She raised her head, her eyes distressed. "Is that true?"

Ren looked away. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't even remember the last time she'd said this many words to him. Not this many coherent words to him. And now she wanted the answer to that awkward question? He said nothing, but the woman silently nodded her head.

Neither said anything for a while Ren gripped his hand on the table and tried not to breathe in the stench that was starting to make his head fuzzy.

"You're my son, aren't you?" Ren looked at her, confused and worried by the question and would have answered, but she didn't seem to be talking to him. "And I'm your mother, right?" She paused. "I'm supposed to be, aren't I. But I'm not. I know I'm not." She wiped a tear from her eye pathetically. "I don't know what's wrong with me . . ." Her words pieces of glass splintering.

Ren looked over at her while her gaze stared into the far-off nowhere.

Ren swallowed his discomfort. "You need help. I can get it for you, mom."

The woman winced, but otherwise made no indication she even knew he was there. "I'm not a mother. I don't know what I am. But it's not a mother." It was said flatly, without emotion, as if she were simply discussing the weather. "I think I forgot. That you're my son. That you really exist and live and breathe and I guess you have your own life. And someone you love . . ." For the first time, she looked up at him, tears slipping unnoticed down her face, a strained smile on her lips. "I'm so sorry Ren." She said with pain in her voice. Ren jerked forward, sending the lamp crashing to the floor, though neither mother nor son took notice. "I forgot you were a person. I thought you were just some thing created for me to use or . . . I don't know. And I wish I could blame something, but I can't. It's my fault." She hesitated. "I'm so sorry."

Ren was crying now too, but it didn't register. The room was once again bathed in unsettling darkness, but it made no difference. "No, mom. You just need help. It will be all right. I promise it will. It's my fault too. If not for me, dad wouldn't have left and you would be happy again. Please . . ."

But the woman shook her head and smiled that eerily sad smile, lifting her hand from beside her, holding the tiny object. Ren gaped at her, unable to move for a moment as he watched the terrible events unfold in sharply perfected detail.

She flicked her thumb and instantly her face was cast into a ghastly red light that guttered in front of her. Like a dream, her hand opened and the fingers spread wide, letting free the item it had contained. The lighter fell down in cruel step-by-step slow motion, tumbling over and over itself, the light like the condemning spinning wheel of the Fates.

It was a tiny, insignificant judgment that would settle it all.

And Ren just stood there, as if trapped by some magnetic force.

His mother still wore that smile when the flame hit the floor, immediately igniting the gasoline and shooting up like a wall around her. The heat was quick and intense and even as Ren raised his arms to his face, his cheeks were hit with it. The skin of his arms blistered and he was forced to take several steps back, the waves of heat rolling through the air and pushing him backwards like a physical presence.

"MOM!" Ren peeked through the space of his arms, but saw only the vicious gold and red, blazing bright and hot and angry, and the faint outline of someone behind. "MOM!" He cried again, pitching his voice as loud as he could, the desperation seeping through every pore of his body.

He fell to his knees, the fire working its way toward him, slightly slower as it ate up the clean, unstained carpet. He wanted to help, wanted so much to save her, but in his heart he knew it was already too late. His eyes watered under the oppressive air that weighed down on him in incendiary damnation. But he turned himself around, away from his mother, bit his tongue hard and tried to crawl his way to the door.

It was his final farewell.

The room had turned black and orange, a swirl of two colors that blocked his view. Dirty smoke filled his lungs and choked him. He pulled his shirt over his face, hoping to keep some of the smoke out, but he collapsed in the midst of coughing, the air itself trying to suffocate him. His eyes were a teary mess making everything in front of him an indistinguishable blur. He knew the front door was there - it was right fucking there! - but he couldn't find it. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't move, his skin felt like it was being ripped right off his muscles. Hacking wrenched through his already pain-seared body as his lungs filled with smoke and he fell. He rolled over onto his back and looked up at the ceiling, the paint bubbling and peeling away from its original whiteness into a charred black imitation of itself. The flames licked up the walls and over the floor, making their way towards him in serpentine fashion, like a predator seeking out its prey.

And he had nothing left to move with. His energy was gone, sucked out by the last fiery judgment of his mother until there was nothing left of him.

He should have known it was all too good to be true.

Miracles don't happen for people like him. He closed his eyes and let the tears fall as his mind went blissfully blank to a place where he could no longer feel the pain.

The last thing he thought was that he heard his name being called in the distance, a million kilometers away.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Chiaki awoke in the middle of the night with an unsettling feeling. At first, she thought it was the baby again, demanding attention or food or pressing down on her bladder as it often did, but it was none of these things. She could have sworn she'd heard something, loud and terrible and desperate that broke into her dreams. Slowly, she hefted herself to a sitting position and looked around her room.

Something was wrong. She was certain of it.

She just didn't know what.

Stepping from the bed, she reached over to grab her robe when she realized she didn't need it. Nervously, she walked out into the hallway and it hit her. It was far too hot. Clutching her arms over her swelled belly, she walked further, closer to the center of the apartment, afraid of what she'd find.

A strange noise resonated in her ears, a roar that sounded like crying and a smell like burning and oil and without conscious thought, she turned to face the wall connecting her apartment with Ren's. As if she could see straight through it, she stared, her every sense becoming more acute. She heard the crackle, felt the heat, and smelled the ash and gasoline. She could almost swear she saw Ren fighting his way to the door through the solid white of the wall.

She took a step back, tightened her hold on her stomach and bolted for her father's room.

Her fists pounded furiously against the wood, as she shouted as loud as her awkward state would allow. "Dad! DAD! There's a fire! Get up! We have to help him!"

She heard muffled rambling behind the door and didn't wait for the proper answer. She ran to the kitchen, looking for who knows what and picked up a marble rolling pin, forgetting the fire extinguisher below the sink.

Then she raced out the door, still yelling at the top of her lungs for anyone to hear, "FIRE! FIRE!" over and over like some unholy litany.

The girl immediately ran to Ren's door and forgetting herself, grabbed the metal handle. She yanked it back, the brief contact burning her palm, turning it red and making it tingle and throb painfully. But she was a girl of action and she had no time to worry about that now. It was a minor inconvenience.

She was sure Ren was inside.

Bunching up a wad of her nightgown and took hold f the handle again. But it wouldn't open. It had been sealed shut as effectively as a deadbolt. Swinging her rolling pin like a weapon, she began to attack the doorknob, hoping to break it down.

"Ren!" She called, coughing as smoke began to spill out from under the door. "Ren! Are you in there? Answer me please!"

The other occupants of the building started emerging from their homes and gazing around in sleepy bewilderment at the commotion. One of the women noticed Chiaki desperately attacking a door obscured by billows of smoke. The woman frantically ran to her neighbors, pounding on doors to wake them, moving to each one in turn.

Chiaki's strength was failing, but she continued, even though tears clouded her vision. Then strong arms wrapped around her and pulled her away, clumsily pushing her so that she fell into the balcony railing. She heard the hammering of something against the door, horrible and loud, increasing in power each time. She was crying as she heard the wood start to splinter and crying when it broke altogether. Tremendous heat and blackness spilled forth from the now destroyed doorway, and she could no longer see as darkness like no other descended on her.

She felt terribly alone on the balcony, as she watched random residents run past her and down the stairs, shouting something she couldn't understand.

It felt like a lifetime passed by, but it was probably only a few minutes since she'd woken up.

Then out of the smoke a figure emerged, large and bulky with a smaller one in his arms. And she knew it was her father and Ren. Throwing the boy over his shoulder, the man roughly grabbed a sobbing Chiaki by the arm and, forcing her to her feet, dragged her tripping down the stairs.

Moments later, the deafening wail of sirens echoed through the night, and the stomping of booted feet on cement announced the arrival of the firefighters.

As the dark smoke engulfed her, the fire leaping out the door onto the balcony above her, the first sight of her rescuers crested the stairway.

And Chiaki was still crying.


	23. 23: Elders

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles

Elders

Her feet ached horribly from standing all day (and all night) long. Upon entering her apartment she toed off her shoes, finally releasing her feet from their confines, and kicked them carelessly into a corner. They rolled and bounced and finally gave up their journey when the wall got in their way and stopped them from continuing on their intended path. She shut the door loudly behind her, an announcement of her arrival. Though she shouted out the familiar "I'm home!" purely out of habit.

As she made her way inside the apartment, she pulled the pins and rubber band from her hair, letting the long black tresses fall free. Then, without ceremony, she dropped herself into a soft living room chair and slid halfway down, her legs spread and not much caring about proper behavior at the moment.

She was exhausted.

Any day is long when there is too much to do and so many people giving you a hard time. But today was worse. She had just gotten off a double shift, the day added to her regular night, and with a different routine besides! _That's the last time I agree to take over for someone else_, she thought resolutely to herself. It just wasn't worth it. She threw her arm over her face and closed her eyes, but it did not help. Instead, unwelcome thoughts from the day came racing to her traitorous mind.

There had been far more wrong than just work overload. There were too many thoughts, too many questions. Too many damned remnants of the past she'd left behind coming back to greet her.

But on the other hand, maybe taking that extra shift today wasn't an entirely bad thing. She had come across something, or rather someone, quite interesting. Unexpected and confusing and she couldn't be sure if what she thought was right. Was she remembering correctly, or was she just going out of her mind? A double shift can have that effect. She'd been too overworked to start with and her mind may very well have been playing some twisted trick on her. Yet it had seemed so real. And he had seemed so familiar . . .

She sighed and, if possible, crumpled even further into the cushy chair.

She really wished her husband were home. Talking with him would at least help her sort all this mess out. He could assure her she wasn't crazy; that what she thought she saw today was nothing to fret about. He was the only one who'd understand. The only one left who remembered and knew.

"Welcome back!" Cried a voice in what seemed like the far-off distance.

_How long did it take them to realize I'm here,_ she wondered idly. Maybe her sense of time was screwed up, along with everything else today.

She felt a small familiar weight, smelling of powder and jasmine, crawl gently into her lap and settle itself there. She smiled softly to herself and wrapped her arms around the fragrant bundle, the little creature's warmth and softness helping to ease her out of uncomfortable memories.

She kissed the downy head and finally opened her eyes.

Standing in the hallway before her, looking at her with a warm smile was a young girl with bright red hair pulled up into pigtails.

"Hello, Hitomi," Tsukiko said lazily. The little bundle in her lap played absently with the lace edging of her dress

"Hello, ma'am." answered the girl brightly. "How was your day?"

Tsukiko shrugged indifferently, doing her best to hide her anxiety.

"I thought as much." The girl scrunched up her nose. "I'm very sorry to hear that." Tsukiko nodded in appreciation and the girl went on. "Anyway, Yukina's already had dinner and done her homework, so she's ready for bed whenever you are. Well," the girl hedged a bit." I really should get home now."

"Of course."

Hitomi walked over and picked up a bag overflowing with books and slung it over her shoulder. She stared at the woman and child a moment, cleared her throat and then somewhat nervously went to the door. "Uh, well. I, uh, guess I'll be going now. I'll be back same time tomorrow."

The dark-haired woman nodded and stared at the girl who fidgeted uncomfortably in the doorway. Then the girl smiled sheepishly, reached out her hand to the door handle and swung the door open. Then Tsukiko finally remembered as a horrifying blush rushed up her face as if she were still a schoolgirl.

"Oh! Hitomi! I'm so sorry. I was supposed to pay you today! I don't know where my head is. The hospital was so busy and I got distracted and . . . Oh, that's no excuse!"

The redhead turned and smiled, shaking her head, the relief evident on her face. "No, no, no, no. Don't worry about it. You can pay me tomorrow. It's not a problem, really. Have a good night!" And with a quick wave, Hitomi spun around and ran out the door.

Tsukiko blinked a few times with dawning comprehension and then sunk back into the chair. How could she forget? She always paid Hitomi on time, always had all her affairs in order. In one simple day, all her time-consuming hard work and organization flew out the window. Or so it seemed. She sighed, leaned her head back onto the chair, and closed her eyes again.

It was too much of a shock, that's what. And it couldn't be right; it just made no sense.

At least that's what she kept telling herself.

But it was a game she played, trying to make herself believe things she knew were not the truth because the truth was plain and simply unacceptable. Even if it did all fit into place perfectly. Seventeen years old would be just about right by her calculations, assuming they were reborn right afterward. Tsukiko wondered with growing trepidation how many of them had come back. Were they the same as they were before? Would they be called up once again to serve Diabolo's bidding? Would she and Kyouya be forced to join or would they left out of the whole deal, now far too old to have any significant role? She really didn't want any part of it, not the resurgence of Diabolo, if that was where this was heading. But if she was truly honest, she didn't want to be excluded either. Even if she had no effect, even if it was the end of the world anyway, she'd prefer _knowing_ to pretending everything was fine when she knew damn well it wasn't. She'd had enough of pretending, of leading a double life. She worked long and hard to move past that obstacle and she had no intention of going back.

Her hands trembled, even as they held each other tight.

"Mama?"

Tsukiko blinked her eyes clear and looked down at the little girl poised prettily in her lap. Her beautiful, unearthly daughter. Light wavy hair tied up in a bow. Pale eyes always open wide. Her tiny curious, grasping hands. Her pert little nose.

She looked not a thing like either of her parents.

"Yes, sweetie?" Tsukiko asked, combing her fingers through the child's soft hair.

"I'm hungry," answered little Yukina matter-of-factly.

Her mother smiled. "Didn't you already have dinner?" She continued brushing the girl's hair as if petting a favorite cat.

"But I want something sweet." The little girl's voice was high-pitched, but neither squeaky nor whiny. It was always at the same level, cute, but also somehow disturbingly emotionless. The child blinked her big eyes with the long full lashes at her mother.

"You're sweet enough as it is." Tsukiko chided, grabbed the girl's head in her hands, leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on the powder-scented crown.

The child turned down her mouth in an adorable, if solely imitated, pout.

Tsukiko let out a little laugh. "Alright, alright." She shuttled the girl off her lap and walked into the cramped kitchen, with the little bundle following obediently at her heels. The woman reached up and sifted through the cupboards, looking for anything that might do. Tsukiko always kept sweets on hand; at least once she discovered that her daughter had a wicked appetite for them. She knew she couldn't indulge the girl all the time, cavities and hyperactivity and all, but she also couldn't resist doling out the treats on occasion. Searching among the containers, she found a half-eaten box of shortbread cookies tucked behind some cereal and pulled it out. Taking two cookies out of the package, she placed them into the two dutifully waiting hands. The toe-headed child smiled appropriately and seated herself at the kitchen table.

Her mother then went to the refrigerator, poured a glass of milk and put it down in front of the girl. Yukina smiled at her, took the glass in her little hands and took a gulp.

Taking the seat opposite, Tsukiko watched her daughter with an odd sort of detachment. She loved the girl, of course she did, but sometimes she was unnerved by her, too. This child, seven years old, walked through life placid and blank, all the while having this glint to her eye as if she held some great and important secret. She had always been like that. Perfectly behaved and acting far older than her scant years. Even as a baby Yukina never cried, never fussed, always slept and stuck perfectly to her schedule. Tsukiko should be grateful to have such a daughter, and she was, but she couldn't help but be a little afraid too.

Afraid of her own child.

There was something a little too distant about the girl, a little too smart. A little too distinctly not childlike.

And then there was the hair and eyes and skin and everything that was nothing like her mother or father. Light and ethereal, she looked almost like . . .

Tsukiko really wished Kyouya would come home soon. She didn't like thinking things like this and he always admonished her and said she was silly for letting such ridiculous notions enter her mind. She needed that reassurance, especially after today.

After today, her daughter was looking more and more like someone else.

"I'm finished." Yukina politely placed her hands in her lap.

Tsukiko bolted her head up from the hand it had been resting in, shocked free from her train of thoughts. She recovered quickly. "Good girl," she smiled and stood, taking the empty glass to the sink.

She ran the glass under the water again as if she could wash away unwanted ideas, and grew hypnotized by the repetitive kick of Yukina's heel against the wooden leg of the chair.

A few minutes passed in this way and then there was the sound of a door swinging open. "I'm home!"

Tsukiko almost dropped the glass.

Kyouya poked his head into the kitchen, hair typically disheveled and suit typically rumpled. Tsukiko smiled at him. "Welcome back," she said, wondering when exactly it was that they stopped being devils and became so ordinary.

Kyouya put two fingers behind the knot of his tie, loosening it as he leaned over and kissed his wife.

"Hi, daddy." Came a tiny voice from the back of the kitchen.

Kyouya turned his attention to his daughter and ambled over to the little girl. He knelt down so that the two of them saw evenly eye to eye. "And how was your day, my little pumpkin?"

The girl scrunched up her nose. "It's not 'pumpkin', dad. It's 'Yukina'. Yu-ki-na." She emphasized each syllable as if teaching her own father what her name was.

"Yes, yes, I know. 'Yukina'." He patted her gently on the knee. "But you'll always be 'little pumpkin' to me."

Yukina pouted at her father.

"Did you want anything?" Tsukiko cut in, interrupting the father-daughter moment.

"What? No." Kyouya answered, momentarily distracted. He looked to his wife and grinned, and for the first time since his arrival, she saw that it didn't reach his eyes. Those dark recesses told a different story. One that made Tsukiko crease her brow in curiosity. And not just a little bit of fear.

The two adults locked gazes for a second, causing the third small party to look interestedly from one to the other as though watching a closely battled tennis match.

"Daddy?"

Kyouya quickly turned back to his daughter. Assured of her father's attention, the girl piped up. "Will you read me a story?"

He turned his head to the side with a quizzical tilt. Yukina didn't ask to be read stories anymore, not since she turned seven and decided she was "too old". Which of course for any ordinary child she wouldn't be. At any rate, it was an unexpected, but to Kyouya a delightful surprise. He thought perhaps it was her way to make up for her "pumpkin" denial.

"Sure thing. Why don't you go in and change for bed and I'll be there in a second."

The girl only nodded, hopped off her chair and walked quietly out the door and down the hall. The entire time, Kyouya and Tsukiko stared at each other, she standing at the sink, he still kneeling by the table, not speaking until they heard he gentle sound of a door close.

Kyouya smiled softly, a little sad, and stood up. His wife knew just by looking at him that something was wrong. She couldn't help the panicked clench that took her heart.

"What is it?" She asked, far more timidly than was her nature.

The man rubbed his hand gently over her arm, his expression staying unnervingly the same. "We need to talk."

Tsukiko agreed, dumbstruck. "Yes. We do."

His hand slipped suddenly from her arm as he quirked an eyebrow. It sounded to him as if she had something to tell, too. He hoped it wasn't bad news, but by the blanched tone of her skin, he figured that that was a false hope. But he said nothing more, instead simply heading down the hall to knock softly on his daughter's bedroom door.

Tsukiko stared blankly ahead at nothing, the now clean glass still in her hand. She heard the soft click of the door as it shut behind Kyouya, worlds away just down the hall.

Well, he might not want something, but she sure as hell did. Carrying the glass she went into the living room, opened the liquor cabinet and, after pouring a stiff drink, sat down on the couch and waited.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

By the time her husband finally joined her, Tsukiko was on her second glass, having downed the firstly one rather recklessly. Scotch neat. Her body was slumped forward, with her forearms leaning on her knees in a very unladylike manner. She didn't much care. And although she could feel the alcohol flooding her system, it did nothing to ease her discomfort.

Kyouya sat down in the chair next to her and took the non-alcoholic drink set out for him. Resting his elbow on the chair's arm, he swirled the liquid in the glass in an automatic and lazy gesture. Looking over to his wife, he noticed the frazzled nature of her hair and clothes and the worried position of her head. Her knees were parted in the short skirt, darkening the white of her nylons as it reached her thighs and tucked beneath the paleness of cloth. Her toes, free from shoes, curled tightly in on themselves and gripped the rug. Her straight black hair stuck out in different directions now that it was free of the tightly wound bun and her eyes looked glazed with a dull gray underlining them from where her mascara and eyeliner had smudged. She stared dazedly at the half empty drink her hands, her mouth slack and her tongue running nervously against her teeth.

God, she was beautiful.

Even after more than eighteen years, fourteen of them in marriage, Kyouya couldn't help but look at her and think she was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Damaged and tainted to be sure. Remorseful. Aged.

All the more beautiful for it.

Eighteen years . . .

It brought unpleasant, but unfortunately important thoughts to his mind. How could he tell her? How would she take it? He regretted all at once ever letting that paper pass through his line of vision.

He continued to twirl the drink in his hand, contemplating just what he should do.

Tsukiko had observed him carefully all this time, first in apprehension then curiosity, but as the minutes threatened to turn into hours, with growing irritation. He just sat there, spinning and spinning the glass as if would speak for him and release the secret he was holding. He had yet to take a sip from it and didn't seem likely to happen anytime soon. Nor did it seem he was ready to tell her his "important news", whatever it was. She already had her own set of worries, ones that had eaten away at her most of the day and now gnawed on the last bit of her courage as she sat waiting for him. She could not wait any longer. Kyouya lifted the glass to his lips at the precise moment that Tsukiko decided to break the exasperating silence.

"I think I saw Ren today."

The sip the man had taken spewed from his lips as he choked, the tiny droplets misting into the air, then gone. He coughed, pounding himself on the chest, trying to get his lungs and throat and brain to work properly. "Wh-what?" He somehow managed to sputter out.

Tsukiko threw her head back and downed the rest of her drink in one large swig. Then she leaned back into the seat and put the glass down on the side table with a sharp clank. "I can't be sure . . ." she shook her head defiantly. "No, I am sure. It's him. Damn it." Her small hand came up to cover her forehead as she stared blankly at the ceiling. "See, I took over a shift for Rina today. But her rounds differ slightly from mine, in a different section. And there he was. Lying so peacefully, completely unconscious, looking like an angel or some ghost who refused to move on. And he looks exactly the same! I mean, exactly! And his name is even 'Ren' again! Damn it! How can this be happening? He's in my ward, just a few doors down from my regular section. Apparently, he's been there over a month. Over a month and I didn't know! If I hadn't done a friend a favor, I probably_ still _wouldn't know. I wish I'd never done that favor . . . I should have let Rina just rot and let her deal with her problems on her own. I mean, why here, why now, why like this?" Tsukiko paused, dropping her hand to her lap and then added with off-handed blandness. "Different last name, though."

Kyouya just stared at his wife, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, letting what she'd just said sink in. He couldn't help it. Her revelation left something cold in him as well, a sharp spike of fear that threatened to take over. He took a deep breath and gazed sadly at the remaining liquid sloshing around in his glass. "Eighteen years, eh?"

Tsukiko turned her eyes to him. At first suspiciously, but then her eyes widened as the morbid realization dawned on her, one she hadn't allowed to take full hold, instead letting it hover half-harmlessly at the edge of her senses. She shot forward. "You can't think . . .you can't think that it's happening again, can you?"

Her long, manicured nails dug into the palms of her hands painfully, but she hardly noticed it. It was just about the right time. If something were to happen, as she feared it would, it would be soon. If the vicious cycle of Diabolo were to occur again, they were already at the final arc, racing toward its malicious end with each passing moment. But it couldn't; it just wouldn't be fair. They'd come too far, changed too much for life to suddenly turn on them so completely. She knew full well that made not the least bit of difference. She watched with strange fascination as Kyouya put his drink down, stood up quietly, and walked over towards her. He picked up her glass. Without a word or explanation, he took the empty container and filled it almost to the top with a nearby bottle. The bottle in one hand, glass in the other, he handed the drink to Tsukiko as she sat anxiously on the couch. For a minute she simply stared at it, debating whether or not she should take the glass. Maybe if she never did, she would never have to know why it was offered. But she was not a foolish little girl with foolish little dreams; she never was. So she reached forward and, with a shaking hand, took hold of the drink, trying desperately not to let any of the amber liquid spill over and stain her perfectly white uniform. With a quick, nervous glance to her husband, she took a deep breath and swallowed the alcohol down with desperation, some small part of her hoping that it might be enough to knock her out senseless and take her away from this unwanted reality. But when all of it was gone, traveling roughly down her throat, the cruel world was still there just the same as it had been moments before.

Kyouya only looked at her stoically and returned to the chair opposite her, pulling it up so that he could place his hands on her knees. He rubbed his thumbs over the bones affectionately and tried to smile, though it looked a more like a grimace. All it accomplished was to make Tsukiko even more on edge.

She raised an eyebrow in silent question, not trusting her own voice.

"Maybe it was fate," was all Kyouya said, rather cryptically. He looked straight into her face and somehow not at her at all. Closing his eyes and inhaling slowly for courage, he continued. "Today, I think I stumbled on Rai."

The glass slipped from Tsukiko's fingers and tumbled dully to the carpeted floor, rolling in a circle and leaving a thin line of liquid she hadn't been able to drag from the bottom. Her mouth fell open and her lazy eyes opened wide.

Kyouya quirked up one side of his mouth and let out a mirthless laugh. "Yeah. I wasn't looking or anything, I promise. I was just walking through the station when I saw a file opened on some guy's desk. I don't even know the guy working the case, but I just happened to look down and see a photo that looked an awful lot like Rai. Exactly like him as if he hadn't aged a day. But I didn't get a chance to get a better look because the chief called me over and when I went back, everything was gone." He ran his fingers distractedly through his hair. "And it's been on my mind all day. I've been trying to figure out how I'm gonna strike up a conversation with this guy I've never once talked to, let alone consider a friend, and try to ask a favor. It's been driving me crazy since I first saw that picture. And now this . . " He sighed heavily and leaned back into his chair. "I don't know. I seems awful coincidental, don't you think? Of all things, of all people, of all days, for both of us to suddenly come across the two of them by accident? I'm not sure I really believe in accidents, anyway. Especially not when it comes to something like this."

Tsukiko made no answer, only gazed forlornly out the darkened window. The sun had set and night had taken over, sending a chill up her spine. Kyouya cracked an eye open to sneak a peek of her as she sat cast in the sickly yellow glow of the lamplight. She rested her chin in her hand, curling her fingers over her face and sucked one finger between her teeth. Nothing more was said for what felt like forever. Silence filled the room as Tsukiko stared out the window and Kyouya stared at her staring out the window.

"What do you think is going to happen?" She whispered at long last.

Kyouya shrugged, though he knew she couldn't see it. But then, he also knew the question was rhetorical.

"I don't want to be dragged into that again. I left that life, that mistake, years ago. I have no intention of going back. But somehow I get the feeling that fate, destiny, whatever it is, won't let us. Maybe we still need to make amends for that time all that time ago." She shook her head, not looking at her husband. "But what are we supposed to do? Reunite them? Help them? Keep them apart? Maybe we're not supposed to do anything at all. Diabolo should be gone, sealed. But then again, if that was true, then how could they even be here? None of this makes sense. How are we to know what to do if no one tells us?!" She shouted, wailing up to the ceiling and farther. Up to those damned unseen forces once more guiding their lives.

Kyouya waited patiently for her to finish her confused tirade before finally taking the time to collect his own thoughts. He heaved a great sigh, keeping his eyes on his wife.

"I think we should do whatever we can to help them. Whatever that ends up being." He held his breath as Tsukiko turned to face him, still not speaking a word. Kyouya grinned a bit crookedly and gazed up into an empty corner of the ceiling. "Remember how we used to be back then?" He either ignored or didn't notice Tsukiko's involuntary wince. "We thought we knew everything, what we wanted; that we had it all under control. Or maybe we just didn't care. We were wrong. But those two? They always knew what they wanted, what was most important. Even when Rai had gone crazy, possessed by Diabolo, he knew."

There air went strangely still. Then Tsukiko maneuvered over to her husband and sat with needy insistence into his lap. Protectively, Kyouya wrapped his arms around her and squeezed tight. She settled back into his warmth as he placed a soft, light kiss to the back of her neck. She smiled gently and closed her eyes, letting the heat from his body envelope her. She let herself remember that she had long ago stopped being Fleurety or a victimized girl or a shadow of a person and finally became Tsukiko.

"I'm scared," she said quietly.

Kyouya held tighter, both reassuring and sympathizing. He understood, as no one else ever would. "But maybe you're right," she continued. "We can't just sit idly by and let it happen again." She twisted her neck slightly so she could look at him from the corner of her eye. "But before we make any real decisions we have to know. Everything that we can about them. They may not even know of each other's existence. And maybe it should stay that way. After all, they're the ones that had a hand in starting this all the first time. Without them . . " She let her thought trail off. Kyouya remained silent as she sorted through her feelings. But he couldn't help being taken aback by the blame Tsukiko was casting at the boys. As if they were any less innocent than she was when snared. He'd thought she'd dealt with it all; her own responsibility in what had happened. But maybe . . .

"I can get to Ren easily, you work on Rai." She patted his hand affectionately, changing moods suddenly as if the past few moments had never occurred. "It shouldn't be too hard. Ren doesn't have anyone, from what I can tell."

Kyouya shook his head clear of unfounded suspicions and grinned broadly at her. "Well, that's not really true, eh?"

With a half-hearted smile, Tsukiko agreed.

"So then, I'll tell you what I know about Ren and you tell me what you know about Rai."

Kyouya readjusted the woman's weight in his lap and sighed. "It's going to be a long night."

Tsukiko just smiled.


	24. 24: Mako's Money

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles

Mako's Money

_Several months earlier_

Nana rolled her eyes in disgust for what had to be at least the hundredth time that day. She'd been with Rai since she'd received his half-panicked, half-ecstatic phone call woke her at what she considered to be an ungodly hour for summertime. Yet she'd joined him, wiping the sleep from her eyes and yawning, her little shadow as always in tow, going from place to place to place for not even god knew what.

They were on what she estimated was the fiftieth stop, this one a book-slash-gift store, and Rai had yet another unknown book in his hands. Meanwhile, Nana stood with her arms crossed as she watched her friend with amusement. Her brother followed obediently a few steps behind, fully absorbed in a book on Hokusai. Apparently she was the one who felt like they were wasting their time on a pointless mystery goose chase. Despite her aggravation however, she couldn't help but be entertained.

"Nooo," Rai whined uncharacteristically, putting the latest book back and picking up another one.

Nana released an exhausted huff. Her best friend was acting like a complete and total idiot. No, scratch that. Like a lovesick fool. No, scratch_ that_. The two were really one and the same. She smiled even through the painful tug in her heart and shook her head. Losing something she never had apparently hurt just the same. More than she would have thought.

But still, she was happy for him.

And for Ren.

If Rai was to be believed, it seemed things were finally, _finally_ going their way. It was the way they should have been going to begin with.

Rai sighed and replaced the book back in defeat. Nana's short giggly snort caught the dark-haired boy's attention, causing him to turn and glare at her. She smirked at him, tilting her head. "Ah really don' think it will make any difference what you get 'im. As long as it's from you."

The boy twisted his mouth into a disbelieving frown and perused the shelves again, still not finding the perfect thing.

"So when exactly is he supposed to be comin'?" Nana asked.

"Nine o'clock. Right after he finishes work." Rai couldn't disguise the small smile that crept onto his face. Nor did he really want to. He hadn't felt like this since, well, he couldn't remember ever feeling like this.

The look did not escape Nana's notice as she continued to follow his fruitless search through the store, aisle by endless aisle. She felt caught in the middle of some pair of inexplicable, breathing bookends. The one in front was overly and abnormally giddy, the other, well the other was Rei and that really said it all.

"Why ya gettin' him anythin' anyway?" Nana asked, halting suddenly. Ever connected to his sister's actions, Rei stopped too, flipping nonchalantly to the next page of his book. His eyebrows rose in interest, whether to the contents of the book or the turn of the conversation is anyone's guess. "He's comin' to stay with ya, ain't he? Isn't that enough?"

"I don't know . ." Rai said noncommittally. "I just feel like I should get him something make him feel a little bit more welcome, not uncomfortable. I don't know, something." He turned to his friend, a concerned little crease to his brow. "Do you think I shouldn't?"

The girl curled the edges of her lips up. "I wouldn' say that. It just seems unnecessary. 'Specially considerin' all this work you've, or rather we've, been putting in."

"It's not work at all." Came the soft response. "Though I am sorry for dragging you along. I didn't need to and you've got to be bored to tears. Sorry."

"Don't worry 'bout it." She rubbed his shoulder in comfort. "But you shouldn't worry so much either. 'Sides, don't you have to do somethin' about his mother?"

"Well, I talked to some people that my parents know. They've had to deal with this type of thing before. They said they're ready to come over and take her away by force, if it comes to that. Hopefully it won't. " Rai's gaze took on a far-off look. He reached over and picked up another book, scanned the cover and held it out for Nana to see. "How about this one?"

"I'm sure it's perfect." Nana replied, never glancing at it.

Rai pursed his lips and crinkled his forehead. His best friend wasn't being much help. Or maybe she was. He turned he book over and reexamined the cover. Maybe it wouldn't make any difference, and this looked like it could be interesting, a story of adventure and intrigue. He was just about ready to make his decision when he was interrupted from somewhere behind him. It would seem that someone had it in for him because there was no possible way such a thing could be a coincidence.

NO possible way.

It wasn't.

"Well, well, well. Look what we have here."

Nana's lips tightened in disbelieving disgust and Rai closed his eyes, trying to summon patience he didn't possess. Rei simply licked his thumb and turned the page of his book in a blatant display of unconcern. Finally, gathering what tiny bit of composure he could find, Rai turned to face once more, _improbably once more,_ that horrible girl and her equally horrible boyfriend. She stood looking at him with the patented sneer on her face, Shino poised behind her with his arm wrapped around her waist as if she was under his control. Which of course she was not.

Mako, for all her flaws, was always the one in control.

"Why are you here?" Rai spat out, barely containing his irritation.

Mako made a big display of looking around curiously. "It is a store isn't it?" she responded with false innocence before turning to him with an equally fake smile. "I'm shopping of course."

Lazily quirking an eyebrow, Rai didn't believe a word of it. But he also knew he couldn't contradict her without sounding self-centered. So instead he did his best to ignore her. With Nana and Rei in a perfect line behind him, he squeezed by Mako to get to the door. Mako watched him as she leaned over the cash counter somewhat provocatively, pulling something from her over-packed blouse.

"Are you sure you can afford to be here?" She draped herself further over the counter, he backside pushing back into her boyfriend in a way far too obvious to be called suggestive. It was crass and crude, but the expressions it caused in the Nana and Rai were priceless. And she thought that was something well worth it.

Rei, as usual, paid no attention.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Rai asked, trying to sound disinterested. But a nervous tingle shot up his spine, even if he couldn't explain it.

"Well, you know what they say about 'new money'." She continued coyly. Teasing him was just too much fun.

She just hated him so much.

Nana intervened then, sidling up to Rai and taking hold of his arm and trying to forestall any further argument. "Whatever nonsense yer gonna say, just say it so we can get outta here and stop wastin' our time wi' the likes of you."

For the briefest of moments, annoyance rippled like water across the snobby girl's face before she replaced it again with her common haughtiness. "Nothing." She shrugged. "It's just that when you get money so fast, sometimes you lose it just as quickly." She ran her tongue along her teeth. "Right this very moment, in fact. I could've sworn I heard sirens going in the direction of your itty bitty fancy house."

The tingling in Rai's spine was suddenly a shard of ice piercing into his nerves. Somehow he knew something was wrong. And somehow Mako knew about it, though there was no reason that she should. But what she had said, and how, had made him believe it. And perhaps just as importantly, that she had a hand in. Panic gripped him, his eyes growing wide, regardless how hard he fought to remain calm. "What are you talking about?" He desperately tried to stop his voice from stuttering.

But Mako said nothing. She just turned to the cashier and made a very obvious display of ruffling the wad of bills in her hand, while watching Rai with a vicious glint in her eye.

He couldn't say exactly what did it. But Rai spun and tore out the door and down the street without so much as a wave to his two friends. Mako smiled even more maliciously, Shino mimicking her look pathetically as he stood behind. Nana glanced rapidly from the ruthless pair to the still swinging door, struck dumb for a minute. She waited only a moment more before sharing a knowing look with her brother and heading out the door, following as best she could in Rai's rapidly disappearing tracks. The sorry excuse for a girl named Mako just watched the play unfold, not really paying attention to what happened anywhere else around her. Which is precisely how Rei placed his book on the counter and when told the price, was able to deftly pull the correct amount right out of her hands and pay for it. He took the paper bag and thanked the cashier even as Mako whirled around, dumbfounded as she was at what had just happened. She continued to watch the boy mutely as he opened the door and took his first step outside.

She finally found her voice. "That's my money, you brat!"

Eerily slow, Rei raised his head to look blandly at her and her self-righteous, unfounded indignation.

"No, it's not," he said quietly and gave her the most deviously innocent smile she had ever seen.

The he walked out the door and followed the same path as his friend and his sister, though at a much more reasonable pace. There was no reason for him to run. He knew where they were going.

Back in the shop, the door closed on a girl and her boyfriend, struck still at the unexpected turn.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Rai vainly tried to reassure himself that nothing was wrong as he raced headlong over the sidewalk. And yet somehow he knew that something terrible was happening back at home; though he couldn't say how or why, he knew. His heart pounded in his chest and his breath came in ragged struggled gasps with anxiety, which was not helped by the physical push he was forcing on his body. Even as he ducked and dodged the crowds of people, his mind worked at a furious pace, trying to figure out what could have happened and how in the world Mako could have had anything to do with it. Because he was absolutely certain she had a hand in it. An orchestrating hand. That idiot girl wasn't smart enough, that was certain, but she had the malice to come up with something. And that was just it. _She_ wasn't smart enough, but Yuu was.

And he was equally as bad.

_What in God's name had she done?_

Was it not enough that she tormented him on a daily basis, that she teased him relentlessly about everything?! Whatever this was, it was going too far. This was going after his parents who had nothing to do with her! At least not in anything other than her sick and disillusioned mind!

And why the hell did he park so far away?! He just hadn't expected to have been threatened and have to rush home. This was supposed to be a simple trip. His legs ached from running, feeling more like lead weights than actual working parts of his body. So focused was he on getting to his car that he didn't even notice when Nana caught up with him. It was no surprise that she had, she was an athlete after all and in better shape than Rai was. At first, she fell into an easy stride beside him but after a short while she grabbed him by the arm to slow him down. For a brief moment, he put up a futile struggle to gain freedom, but again, she was stronger of the two and he was forced to give up. Gasping for much needed air, he leaned over and put his hands on his knees, his heart pounding angrily against his ribcage as if it wanted freedom from this madness. In a much better condition was Nana, since she was barely winded as she rubbed her hand up and down Rai's back in a soothing motion.

"I can't, I can't," Rai panted out, not even knowing what it was he "couldn't".

Nana bit her lip, searching for the right words to say. "It'll be alright. Ya just need to calm down. Ah'm sure whatever Mako was talking about, if it's even real, isn't happening at this exact moment. Ya don't need to wear yourself out getting home." Internally, she kicked herself for only being able to come up with the most trite, overused words that could have possibly come to her.

Rai shook his head. "No, no, no. I need to be there." He didn't know why, but as soon as Mako flashed those bills in his face and made her grandiose insinuations, fear gripped his heart with unrelenting force. All the pieces seemed to fall impossibly, but determinedly, into place. All the taunts, her sudden interest in the computer lab, her convenient "friendship" with Yuu, his mother's anxiety, the feeling that she wasn't tell him the whole truth, his father's frequent overtime at work. Now that he really thought about it, this had been going on for a while. He should have just let his questions go. He shouldn't have simply accepted his mother's flimsy explanation. The late nights, the anxious pall that hovered over their home for how long now? He was stupid, stupid, stupid. He should have been paying better attention to what was going on in his family rather than accepting that everything would be all right. As if nothing could touch them.

He should have known better.

He did know better.

And now, oh God, what about Ren? What was he going to do about him? Ren was supposed to be coming over today and Rai didn't know what to do and how was it his life became so complicated all of a sudden? With shock, Rai realized he wasn't quite sure how to get in touch with him. They'd always just arranged times to meet. Ren had always kept him at arm's length, only giving him little bits of information about his life and never letting him get too close. He never gave Rai his phone number! For all Rai knew, he didn't even have a phone. Now, on top of everything, he'd have to go to the restaurant or the kennel or his home and talk with the blond in person. Unfortunately, he had little time to spare to think about that. He had to get home first. He hated making Ren wait, disappointing him, but right now he had to find out what was happening.

He hoped he was being foolish. He'd much prefer to be seen as an irrational idiot than for something to be truly wrong. He raised his head, chest still heaving, fighting for air, and looked blankly forward. He swallowed.

"Let's just get ya home, hm?" His head whipped over to look at Nana. He'd completely forgotten she was even there! "You're too worried 'bout your parents to worry 'bout Ren right now." He was taken slightly aback. Was he that obvious?

Nana smiled at him. "Don't worry. Ah can't read your mind or nothin'. Ah just know how ya are."

Even so, Rai found it a little creepy.

Nana gestured with her head. "What say we walk _calmly_ to the car and get home in a normal amount of time?"

Rai smirked at her assumed parenting, but agreed with a nod of his head and straightened up. The two then walked side by side, briskly, and reached the parked car in a short time. They both got inside, buckled up and just as Rai turned the key in the ignition, the back door opened and without ceremony, Rei got in with a paper bag clutched protectively at his chest. With arched brow Rai glanced back, but only got an enigmatic smile in return.

A little confused, Rai faced the front, turned the ignition and pulled out of the space.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

"Kei! Hey Kei! _Little missy_, just what do you think you're doing?" After shouting at the impertinent girl for what seemed like forever, the notoriously short-tempered owner of the Porcelain Bowl ambled his self over to his unresponsive employee. With his arms crossed angrily over his large stomach he loomed over the girl and she had yet to answer.

Kei was perched over an empty table, staring with more than normal curiosity out the front window. Her tray of half filled glasses was balanced between her fingers and resting only halfway on the table, as she had stopped in the middle of her task of removing them. She stood very much like a bird on one tiptoe foot, with the other bent up behind her. Her mouth was open just slightly and her forehead creased as her attention was completely absorbed by something outside.

The owner followed her gaze but saw nothing of special interest. All he saw were some cars idling at the stoplight just a few feet down from the restaurant. A white one with a woman driving and a child in the backseat, another white one driven by a man and a black one, with three teenagers inside, a boy with long black hair at the wheel. Glancing once more at Kei, he saw her eyes were locked on that particular car. Well, of course, he thought to himself. Teenagers and their overactive hormones!

But he didn't have time for trivial things when he had a business to run, especially when it was packed for the lunchtime crowd.

"Hey, hello? Earth to Kei?" Still no response. He grit his teeth in frustration and slammed his hand down on the table, making the glasses jump and clank against one another. "Kei! I do not have time for this! Either get back to work or get out!"

Then, ever so slowly, the girl turned to face him, her blank expression curling up into a smile that seemed dubious in intent. Then, with the same look on her face, she reached back, untied her apron and dropped it at the boss's feet.

"Sorry," she said, not sounding like she meant it one bit. "I've got to go."

And as she rushed out the door, the cars at the light finally got the green and took off. The owner of the Porcelain Bowl stood stunned, staring at his empty restaurant without a word to say. Out of some morbid instinct, he peered out the window after the girl and the now disappearing car. He caught a brief glance of the driver, but even that single moment struck a chord.

_Wasn't that the guy he saw with . . ?_ He thought to himself. But then he shrugged. It made little difference to him. The girl was gone and Ren would show up tomorrow and that was that. He was never one to gossip, he simply didn't care as long as his workers did their jobs. Their private lives were of no interest to him, teenagers and their melodrama; he'd had enough of that years ago.

Ren and Kei and this nameless boy. Always bringing trouble into his life with their twisted love triangle. Or was it a square?

He bent down and picked up the discarded apron with disdain.

Now he'd have to find a new waitress. As if he didn't have enough problems already.

--

Nana's stomach plummeted to her feet, falling through the car floor to be left somewhere on the street behind them. This is not what she had expected at all and it made her nervous, but moreover, filled her with an extreme sense of guilt. The vehicle seemed to shake in sympathy as Rai somehow managed to have enough control to park it in the driveway without hitting anything or causing a commotion. As soon as it stopped, the dark-haired teen jumped out and once more started running for his front door, not even bothering to pull the keys from the ignition.

This time, Nana couldn't blame him.

They had seen the flashing lights long before they'd reached the house. Biting her bottom lip anxiously, Nana watched as Rai made a desperate scramble for the front door, passing a police car and its corresponding officer on the way.

"Hey! Hold up there! You can't go in there, kid!" The officer yelled after Rai's retreating back, but the dark haired boy paid no heed, surging forward to the open door. But it was a crime scene and the nameless officer made chase, quickly overtaking the boy and holding him back, though Rai struggled feverishly. Tears of frustration spilled down his cheeks as Rai yelled incoherently at the man who prevented him from entering.

Nana sprung from the car when she saw that, her heart hammering in her chest and tears threatening to escape her eyes. She had never seen her best friend like that. Rai was always so calm and collected and even when he wasn't he was still more in control than the average person. Rai's skill in restraint was a thing of wonder to her. To see it now suddenly shatter like this was both frightening and sad.

Not knowing what else to do, she sped forward to stop in front of Rai, grabbing his flailing hands as best she could. "Rai, listen. This won't help anythin'! Ya need to calm down. Ah know you're worried, but there's no way they'll let you see anyone if ya keep actin' like this." She saw a glimmer of recognition in the irrational boy's eyes. She shared a quick look with the officer who still held Rai and took a deep breath. "C'mon. Just calm down, OK? It will be alright."

Rai looked at her with suspicion but ceased his futile fight. She was right and he knew it. And he was angry with himself for acting as he had. He knew without her telling him that it wouldn't help anyone. Yes he was scared, angry, so much so that he couldn't breathe or think, but that was hardly an excuse. He was always in control and needed to stay that way. It was important to him. So he stopped his struggle and stood his ground calmly and quietly, closing his eyes and taking a slow breath to regain some semblance of control.

It wouldn't help anyone for him to act uncontrollably. Not anyone.

But he _needed_ to see his parents. He needed to find out what was going on. His stomach twisted into horrible knots that he made a useless attempt to ignore.

Nana let herself exhale slowly as she saw Rai grow calmer. Seeing him finally settle down, as best as could be expected under the circumstances anyway, she turned to the officer. Behind her, she heard the slamming of a car door, and the silence of the engine. It seemed Rei had finally decided to join them.

"Please sir," Nana pleaded. "He lives here. Please tell us what's going on." She blinked, accidentally causing a tear to slip down her cheek.

The officer glanced from boy to girl and seeing that Rai had quieted, he let go and turned to face him. The man scrutinized the young face for a moment and then came to a decision. He checked Rai's hastily offered ID, and nodding his approval he took Rai by the arm and led him forward. Nana quickly stepped in line beside them.

"I'm sorry, miss," the officer said, sounding much kinder than he had only moments ago. "But I can't let outsiders in; it's a crime scene."

Nana wrinkled her nose, wondering how exactly that made sense and was about to protest when Rai stopped her.

"It's alright." He said, attempting a composed smile. "Just, will you wait for me?" It sounded almost like a plea, as if he thought she might actually leave.

Silently nodding, the girl couldn't stop the small tremble to her hands; she was forced to clasp them tightly together to hide it. Her heart skipped over. Just how badly had this shaken Rai?

And just what the hell was going on?

But then Rai disappeared from sight, led by the officer past the front door and into the "crime scene". Nana was watching with apprehension when she felt rather than saw Rei move up next to her. She waited for her brother to do something, say something, but he remained exasperatingly mute. Fed up, her own nerves having grown raw, she turned to him, only to see he was staring rather intently in the other direction. His eyes squinted to the distance and Nana tried following his gaze, but saw nothing.

"What is it?" She asked anxiously, though she couldn't say why she was so nervous.

Rei continued to stare off at the empty distance for a second more, squinting tighter as if that would bring into focus something that plain and simply wasn't there. At long last, he turned up to his sister, that odd smile on his lips. "Just thought I saw someone I knew."

Nana raised her eyebrows at him, but said nothing. Then she turned back to the house and wrung her hands worriedly.

Rei's smile looked like he knew more than he was saying.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Try as he might, Rai's hands wouldn't stop shaking while his pulse pounded relentlessly in his ears. His head felt heavy while his chest seemed to have been sucked free of all air. When he walked inside the house, it was filled with a bustling of activity that was in stark contrast to the creepy quiet outside. Police tape was stretched across several doors and as they passed the library, he saw several officers rooting through desk drawers and meticulously cataloging what they found there. His heart clenched so tightly in his chest that it hurt. He didn't know what was going on and it terrified him.

But it was more than that. How had this happened? How could Mako, in all her self-important posturing, managed to do something so despicably effective? Because with each passing moment, he became more and more certain that she was the one responsible for of all of it. She had to have been involved, she had to have been watching, or even tipped the police to some wrongdoing that frankly didn't exist.

Unless it did.

That's what frightened him the most.

Because it would explain far too much. Why else would there be such a thorough collection of "evidence", the word made his stomach lurch, if there was nothing to investigate? He shook his head defiantly. No. Not his parents. They were not those kind of people. They would never do anything underhanded or illegal or crooked, unless by accident, and even then he had a hard time believing it! They were too meticulous.

And yet there was that nagging sense of doubt . . .

He needed to see them, to find out what exactly was going on.

"Where are my parents?" He asked flatly of the officer standing beside him.

The man looked at Rai, assessing the boy and then continued forward. "They're being questioned right now. This way."

Rai nodded blankly and followed the man into the back kitchen, under the stairs and through the door. He kept his head down, even when he heard the chatter inside and the familiar, though muffled baritone of his father. He didn't really want to see. Seeing would make it real and there was no way it could be real.

It couldn't.

The air seemed to be sucked of the room when he entered. The constant murmur of voices stopped until all that remained was the insistent scratching of pen on paper. He waited, refusing to look up and see what was before him. The moment passed for forever, the scraping of the pen like a clock keeping perfect time.

Then it stopped.

"Rai?" So soft and tentative, it couldn't possibly be his mother.

But Rai lifted his head and saw that it _was_ her. She was sitting there like a ghost with her hands resting daintily on the kitchen table, seemingly untouched by the bustle of activity around her. Strangers now inhabited his home as if they owned it and they melded into each other as if they were one giant cloud passing through. All he saw was his mother, staring at him with those distant, sad, terribly worn eyes with the heavy purple circles underneath. She twisted one finger almost delicately between the others as she kept her eyes on her son. Her hair was up and coiffed, her makeup still applied as usual, her suit somehow perfectly pressed. If it weren't for the expression on her face, Rai would have thought it was any other day.

Rai tripped forward slightly when he was jostled by one of the officers walking by and the spell he and his mother were under was broken. She opened her mouth and said three little word that Rai wanted so much to believe, and yet just by her speaking them, he wasn't sure he could.

"It's a mistake."


	25. 25: Complicated Days

Disclaimer: Diabolo and its characters created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles

Complicated Days

For Rai, the next several weeks went by in what one would typically call a blur. And in his case a half-conscious, stupefied blur. After his mother spoke and snapped him from his trance, time had started up again but in an unnatural way. Since then Rai had walked through life in a disbelieving daze, having too much information he couldn't handle all crammed into his head that could no longer contain it. Questioned by the police, by lawyers, by prosecutors, by his friends, it was all so overwhelming. He just repeated the same few things over and over again. He didn't know anything. Little hints here and there that something was wrong perhaps, but nothing to indicate anything of this magnitude.

And then there were the calls. Everyone wanted their piece of the action, whether it was the papers or the TV or curious neighbors. He even got an email that wanted to post the story on the internet. Apparently, the tale of the sudden downfall of a prominent family was an exciting dish that the overflowing populace was eager to lap up. Sometimes, he also got calls from companies his parents owed money to asking when he was going to pay. As if he could, even if he had any idea what they were talking about! His sanity strung itself thread-thin, ready to unravel and snap at any moment.

Thank God for Nana and Rei. And their uncle. Without them, he hadn't the faintest idea what he would have done; he didn't even like contemplating that. He would have wandered the streets like a vagabond as he had in his last life maybe. Or worse. He had no one else to turn to. He shivered at the thought of what might have happened. He would be forever grateful for their freely given generosity. But he had long ago overstayed his welcome though they all denied it. The funds were stretched thin already with just three mouths to feed. There was no allowance for an unnecessary fourth.

And in the middle of all the commotion school had started but after a few fruitless attempts at attending, he was forced to drop out. As if the rumors and overenthusiastic concern weren't enough, there was the matter of his debt. He wasn't sure about any his parents had and what would happen about that, but he had already stacked up a pile of his own in just these few short weeks. Between room and board and other necessities, he had racked up quite the impressive bill owed to the twins' uncle. And despite what the man said, Rai was determined to pay back every cent. It was only right.

So he took a job in a neighborhood bookstore, a strange string of fate seemed to tie him there, and went in search of yet another job to supplement his new but meager income. Nothing he would be able to get, a high school dropout who only once held promise, was going to pay any kind of good wage, but he promised himself he'd make it work.

That left all his remaining spare time to be spent between two things. The first was finding a place to live. Again, anyone willing to rent to him and at the price he could manage was likely a shady, unsavory character with a place not in the most pleasant part of town. Each building he went to slammed darker and dirtier doors in his face, and he was forced to swallow his pride and swell up his courage and simply do the best he could. And he was reminded with each passing moment of Ren, and how similar their struggles had become.

And how appropriate his present circumstances seemed to be.

The unfairness of life that had momentarily forgotten about him now returned with a vengeance.

Which brought him to the second thing he did in his precious little free time: search for Ren. Somewhere in the beginning of everything, between the police station and the jail, he had begged Nana for a very important favor. She agreed almost before he asked it, rushing off on the vague directions he was coherent enough to give her, on a quest for Ren's home. She had searched the area over and over again but found nothing and was about to conclude that either she was entirely lost or Rai had been too far gone to give her the correct information when the truth of it hit her.

The burnt-out, blackened, crumbling remnants of a building she had passed at least ten times from one side to the other was in fact the exact place she had been looking for.

Her heart sank and her hands trembled, but she bit back her fears and walked onward, seeking any and all nearby residents to ask what had happened. But the answer was always infuriatingly the same.

"Some crazy lady set fire to that place over a week ago."

And when Nana pressed further, for where the tenants had been taken, if anyone was hurt or had died, she was dealt without fail a curt wave of the hand and a dismissive grunt.

So with no further recourse, she went back to tell Rai and it took all her strength to say she had hit a dead-end. Though she was smart enough not to use that unfortunate phrasing.

After this Rai had thanked her, apologized for putting her through it and then did what little he could. Once he had dropped out of school, escaping the alternately curious and vindictive glances and whispers, and had filled his time with work, he felt a familiar calm slowly begin to creep back in. Even though nearly every second away from his job was snatched up by one of the numerous people working his parents' case, he managed to instigate a search.

First he had gone to the Porcelain Bowl, only to discover that not just had Ren never showed up after that fateful night, but the mysterious Kei had also walked out and disappeared the very next day. He had no time to spend contemplating the strangeness of that, focusing only on the fact that his leads were quickly shrinking. Rai dashed out of there dejectedly, if such a thing is possible, and headed for the last place he could think of before he would have to check hospitals at random in the hopes they would have answers.

The restaurant owner watched as Rai ran out, shaking his head in disgust. That was most definitely the boy he'd seen with his employees. Clearly troublemakers, the whole lot of them! He was glad to be rid of them.

But Rai was too preoccupied to notice or care about the surly man's reaction. He wouldn't have thought anything of it anyway.

Finally, Rai made it to Kusunoki-san, his last option. Unfortunately, she had very little to offer him, instead asking for his help as she was worried about her favorite employee as well.

"I looked everywhere when I heard, checking all the hospitals. All of them told me the same thing: information only to family members. The best lead I got was at Haruno hospital, where the receptionist let slip that some burn victims were brought in at about the right time. But after that I got nothing, hearing the same thing over and over again: family only." She shook her head. "I've been watching, when I can, but I have so little time, and it's so difficult to stake out a hospital. I never even found any solid evidence that he was ever there to begin with."

She lowered her eyes, hugging a little brown puppy she held in her arms that whimpered sympathetically. Rai was disappointed, but also lightened to some extent. It was the best he had to go on so far, and he fully intended to follow through. He felt a gentle touch on his arm.

"Just, please tell me if you find him," Kusunoki-san said, her voice dripping with concern. "I'm really worried about what's going to happen."

Rai nodded at her and smiled. "I will. When I find him."

The woman gave him an encouraging look and thanked him, simultaneously apologizing for being unable to offer any greater help.

Rai reassured her and then bid her good-bye, setting out to the last best hope he had, doing his utmost to remain optimistic.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Kaoru licked her finger and turned the page of the magazine with a loud crinkle. It was lunchtime but she kept to herself these days, observing with a keen and interested eye everything that transpired around her. It was far less interesting after Rai had dropped out; there just wasn't much point in it anymore. Not even the little picture of Rai and Ren locking lips in a darkened alleyway that appeared mysteriously in the school paper could really hold her interest. It was cute, but any purpose it may have once served had long passed. Yes, some of the girls squealed and some sighed, but that was about all. Especially since by that time the "insult" as it was intended, had become moot. Rai was gone and the rumors that buzzed about school centered more on his parents and their alleged criminal dealings than in Rai's suddenly existent love life.

She turned another page of the magazine, each as boring as the last; since in reality she was only _pretending_ to read. There was but one article in the whole of the magazine that she wanted to find and that was all. The rest was common rubbish.

Kaoru shifted her eyes, bored with a silly column on "how to please your man" and let out a heavy sigh, dropping the magazine to the desk. An action she immediately regretted as this meant she was forced to face a certain creepy little blond who inexplicably accompanied _her_ in place of his sister.

She curled her lip and stared decidedly in the other direction, unable to hide the way she squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. Rei's chin rested leisurely on his folded arms as gazed up at her. Why the boy insisted on sitting there just _staring_ at her was beyond her comprehension. He couldn't possibly have a reason, as off in his own twisted little world as he was. But still he did it; stared at her like he knew some deep dark secret she was keeping. It made her uneasy to think that maybe he did. Those eyes bored into her. It didn't matter whether he knew everything or nothing at all. It was just disturbing. Her leg bounced under the desk in a nervous habit.

There really was no reason to be here. She decided to leave.

She snuck a sidelong glance at the boy who instantly responded with a little smile.

A highly disturbing little smile.

Kaoru's eyes narrowed. Her brow creased angrily, preventing herself from saying something she shouldn't by gritting her teeth. Rei lifted his head, the grin never faltering, and the air seemed to be sucked out of the room in the unbearable moment when he spoke.

"You know, I'm wondering if you . ." But the vacuum was popped when the door swung open and in pranced the school's resident conceited busybody.

Kaoru's head turned to the door, relieved at the intrusion; the expression of anger laced with fear fell from her face and was replaced by her typical sweet look. Rei kept his gaze locked on her and never did finish his thought, leaving the uncertainty to float in the air to then become obstructed by loudmouthed rich girls.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Mako said, slithering up to the two. She placed her hands on the other girl's desk and flicked her eyes from Kaoru to Rei. "Found yourself a new boyfriend after turning the last one gay?"

Kaoru rolled her eyes. That Mako truly was an idiot. "What is your problem anyway? I suppose you're the one who put the pictures in the school paper?" Kaoru said. "And I guess that makes you think . . . what? That you've gotten some sort of misguided revenge?" She went back to flipping through her magazine, showing how much she didn't care what this girl did.

Mako shrugged. "You knew it was me, don't try pretending you didn't."

"I pretend nothing."

Rei raised his eyebrows curiously, barely noticeable, but there nonetheless and inclined his head toward the two.

Mako cackled, much like a witch. "Whatever you say, my dear. But you know, that was hardly my revenge, as you call it. I'm much more clever than that."

Kaoru stopped mid-page turn, pausing and closing her eyes. After a moment, she let out a short little laugh. "You are not clever at all. And you wouldn't know the first thing about revenge in that tiny brain of yours." She dropped the page and glanced at it approvingly before standing up to face Mako full on. Kaoru's face twisted into an unreadable expression, centimeters apart and whispered with certainty. "You are pathetic and predictable. Always have been, always will be. Just as I knew you would be."

And with that mysterious declaration, Kaoru pulled back, deepened her smile, if that's what it could be called, and strode out of the room.

Mako's eyes were wide, her breathing a little more heavy than normal, her heart beating just a little faster than it should. Her mind raced. What the hell was that? And why did a thrill of fear race down her spine? No one had ever spoken to her like that! No one had ever looked at her like that!

No one before would have dared.

And yet, this useless little girl had done . . . what? Stood up to her? No, that wasn't quite right. There was more to it than that, but she couldn't put her finger on it. The only thing she knew was that her heart simply refused to calm down. She pouted her pink painted lips, disgusted with herself and looked down at the magazine still sitting on the desk. That stupid girl seemed to have a tendency to just leave things lying around.

Mako picked it up and absently scanned the page, feeling her spirits instantly lighten with a smirk to her lips. It was open to an article on the unfortunate events surrounding a certain family and she couldn't help but feel a bit of mislaid pride at having orchestrated the whole thing. True, it was Rai she wanted to ruin more than his parents, but in her mind it was six of one, half dozen of the other. And she had done it! Her and her tiny ample brain. It was fortune that led her this way and showed her what to do. If it hadn't been for the last time . . .

Her smile faltered.

The magazine wrinkled slightly in her hands and her expression changed from jubilant to thoughtful. It was a scene very much like this one that first sparked the idea. She remembered that day, all that time ago when she just happened to stumble across another open magazine, left by a dark-haired, blue-eyed girl. A magazine that had been opened to an article about a school receiving funding from a name she had heard many a time in eavesdropped conversations of her father.

Her mind slowly turned this way and that, but refused to stop on any one place. Her eyes became tiny slits and looked over to where that strange duo had disappeared.

But that door had closed long ago.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

As Kaoru and her unwanted companion marched the halls, their ears were assaulted with the constant chatter of gossiping school kids.

The school's rumor mill overflowed with varying theories on what had happened. Some came startlingly close while others were laughably far-fetched. But the main gist of them all was just about right.

It was said that the school Rai's family ran had received a large contribution a while back to act as scholarship money to help less-than-rich kids to attend. This was common knowledge and all well and good. The only problem was the money came from a place known to be a dummy corporation, a front for a local, but very powerful crime family. One that had been under investigation for years, but had never been legally charged due to lack of arguable evidence. It was a case of knowing guilt without a way to prove it.

All the rumors agreed on this one.

Then came the school.

At first, the money seemed to be just your average philanthropic donation. Nothing of interest happened for a while and moreover the school was mostly off the radar. There was no reason for the government to suspect them of anything. Of course, they kept surveillance just in case.

And before the government's watchful eyes, money began funneling through the school to an untraceable offshore account by the thousands. It was rather too sudden, too easy and therefore suspect in itself. It appeared for all accounts that the school had been set up to take the fall. Yet there was nothing to support the claim that the money was being used for a scholarship. No change in roster, in spending, no notable difference at all. Except that money was flowing in from a dirty source and flowing out just as quickly to a clean one.

In other words, a money-laundering operation.

It was so painfully obvious that it couldn't be let go and the warrants were quickly issued. It started with the local police and went all the way to the top.

This was big.

Or so all the gossip said.

But as anyone knows, rumors tend to get out of hand, sensationalizing the much more bland truth. But there is generally some amount of truth to a rumor.

This one stated that the problem was there was no reason to suspect the school of being any larger part of the operation. Which is to say, the criminal activity came out of nowhere. But it's not that such things didn't happen everyday. The school was in debt, as many institutions are, even the "successful" ones, and it really wasn't as uncommon as all that for those types of places to seek help from an outside source. Some tried getting loans from the bank, and others went a more questionable route. No criminal history need exist for this to be believable.

The history had to start somewhere after all.

The real difficulty in explaining this particular situation was that the charged couple repeatedly and defiantly proclaimed their innocence. The police would not believe it. There was simply too much blatant evidence that showed that the school's proprietors had known. There had been a frantic, sloppy attempt over the past few months to hide it.

No one had yet devised a good or believable theory on why this was.

But still the couple refused to turn on their alleged cohorts, continuing to refute any deeper, illegal connection. Because, they claimed, they couldn't. They simply didn't know anything and without the offer of testimony, they had very little to bargain with. This was unusual. A person new to crime normally turned on their cohorts the second trouble arose, to save their own skin.

But this couple adamantly refused.

Their future did not look good.

It all added up to one simple conclusion: Rai's prominent, well-respected family was not as upstanding as everyone had thought.

At least that's how it was widely reported.

And the truth matters little when there's a story to be told. And suspects are usually sentenced by the public long before they go to trial.

Except Kaoru knew different. As did Rai and Nana and Rei. They all knew that somehow, some way, Mako and her little computer geek, as it turned out _genius_, of a crony Yuu had masterminded the whole thing.

The skinny little bastard had been thorough, leaving no traces behind of his passage, seeming to use magic to cover up his electronic tracks. Then again, maybe he did use a little magic. He was, after all, once a thing not human.

But that was not the main issue at hand. Not as savvy as he by any means, Nana and Rei and Rai had not a clue how to prove what they somehow knew.

And it was something that none could fathom. That some stupid girl could hate a person she barely knew enough to ruin his life and the lives of his family. It was incomprehensible, and yet it was the grim reality.

Not that anyone outside those four and the criminal trio of Mako, Yuu, and Shino would ever believe it.

Which of course was the biggest problem.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Unfortunately, Rai also had other things on his mind since apparently his family troubles were not deemed by "the powers that be" to be sufficient. So much was on his mind in fact, that sometimes he felt like information was slowly leaking out at inconvenient intervals and at some point someone would find out something they shouldn't. So he kept his mouth shut and did his best to concentrate on only one thing at a time.

And right now, at this moment, that thing was Ren.

He had followed Kusunoki-san's tip and had headed straight for Haruno Hospital as soon as he could. But, like every other trail lately, he had hit yet another brick wall. Just as has happened with Kusunoki, the receptionist refused to give Rai any concrete information. All because of the question "are you a family member", to which he had to reply "no". He should have lied, though he suspected with the way they ran this place as if they were hiding state secrets, they would probably have asked for some form of ID. Or proof, or something.

And then he would be screwed.

So instead he let his temper get the better of him, making it rise and boil on the edge of spilling over and continued to argue with the difficult woman.

"Can't you at least tell me if you attended to any patients from that fire?"

The woman shook her head adamantly. "No, sir. I'm sorry. We get burn victims all the time. I can't really look that up and besides, it would do you no good. Only family is allowed to visit, and we don't give out names. Especially in the case of arson."

Rai hit onto that little but crucial slip. "I never said it was arson."

She pursed her lips. "I can't give you any information, sir. I'm sorry. And I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You are disrupting our patients."

The frazzled teen looked around and saw about ten people scattered throughout the waiting area, most reading or talking amongst themselves, though one in the corner was sleeping. How disruptive could he be exactly if no one seemed to be paying any attention? Besides, he felt his courage bolstered by that small bit of information she accidentally leaked. Kusunoki was right. From what little had been gathered between the two of them, this seemed the most likely place. It was so infuriating! Ren could be right there, just a few doors down and he didn't even know!

All Rai wanted was to know that Ren was all right. He just wanted to see him and to be reassured. He wanted to stop the antsy nervousness that permeated his bones when he wasn't with his blond. It grew every day it seemed, his attachment to him. Since the day he first saw Ren, it had grown until now he felt as if he couldn't live without him. Something was missing when he wasn't there by his side.

Was it really so much to ask just to see him?

Something inside him twisted and began to break.

He couldn't take all this interfering anymore, the way everyone and the world itself seemed to be against him. Darkness closed in and threatened to choke the life right out of his body.

Hot tears sprang to his eyes and he gripped the desk fiercely, his pale skin stretching almost as white as the starkly washed walls.

He had been contending with the receptionist for what had to be going on forty minutes. And he could tell by the vein that pulsed persistently in her temple that he was mere seconds away from being "escorted by security." But he couldn't stop, his need mounted with each frustrated plea that escaped his lips.

It was more than just wanting to see Ren. He_ needed_ to see him. It was as if ever pore, every nerve, every vein called out to him.

Rai's world was tumbling down all around him and the only thing that could make it bearable was Ren.

He opened his mouth again and saw the woman's dainty finger poised over the intercom button, fully prepared to spoil any chance he might have had.

And then he was saved quite unexpectedly by an even more unexpected source.

"Rai?" A soft, tentative voice questioned behind him.

He turned, very slowly, afraid of what he would see, afraid of shattering this faint hope. He wasn't sure. It had been so long and he'd only heard her voice a few times, but until he knew for sure he dared himself to believe. And when he fully faced the girl, his heart flipped, unsure whether it should soar with relief or brace itself for tragedy.

Before him stood a girl he knew, her blond hair softly framing her face, her eyes looking at him confused and hopeful and sad all at once, her tiny fingers twisting nervously amongst themselves.

Struck dumb, Rai said nothing and merely looked at her.

"That is you, isn't it Rai? I'm not mistaken, am I? That is your name?" Her anxiety grew, taking itself out in her hands, which became red and white from the pressure.

Rai nodded mutely, stupidly, before finding his voice. "You're Chiaki, right?"

The relief that washed over the girl's face was unmistakable, but was quickly replaced by a watery smile as she too nodded. "Yes!" She said a bit excitedly and took a step forward. "I was so hoping you'd come! I didn't know what happened and I thought you should be here and so I waited and waited even after . . . " The blonde babbled on, but at those last fateful unfinished words, Rai woke up and dashed forward, grabbing Chiaki a bit more roughly than he had intended.

"After what?" He asked anxiously. "Where's Ren? What's happened?"

If the grip on her arms hurt, Chiaki made no indication. She closed her eyes and shook her head, forcing free a few of her tears. "I don't know," she replied cryptically.

Rai's hold loosened and fell away as what little hope he had seemed to vanish into thin air. "What do you mean?"

Chiaki continued to shake her head almost violently. "I don't know where he's gone. He was here only a few weeks ago. Not that they'd let me see him, though I always managed to sneak in. But then suddenly they moved him to I don't know where and they won't tell me anything. But all this time I was wondering where _you_ were." She raised her head to him and scowled angrily through her flooded eyes "Where were you?"

But the accusation went unanswered. There would be time for stories and explanations later. Rai only caught onto the one thing that interested him; the one thing that made his hands tremble. "So he's alive then?" Rai asked, quietly. "He's okay?"

Chiaki studied him a moment, noting how he ignored her question, but also how he'd acted. Then she nodded her head, though he didn't appear to see it. "Yes, he's alive. Most of his injuries weren't too severe and he's been unconscious a long time though they're not sure why. But other than that, he was doing all right."

And something more than relief rushed through Rai's veins. He couldn't explain it, even if he cared to. It was like the release of air from an over-inflated balloon and it made him collapse forward right onto a startled Chiaki. She stood shock still for a second, but then a soft smile crossed her lips as she gently held Rai up, feeling the warmth of the drops that watered her shoulder.

All that was running through Rai's head was the constant refrain _he's alive, he's alive, he's alive_ like a soothing meditation.

And it was only then, when he leaned heavily on her surprisingly strong shoulder that he realized Chiaki was no longer pregnant.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

It was almost at the exact moment that Chiaki met Rai that Kyouya first became aware of the boy's existence.

He sat a little lazily in his hard wooden chair at the precinct. His elbows rested heavily on his desk with his tired head on top of that. It had been an exhaustingly long two weeks, this last case was just asking way too much of him. Which is of course a ridiculous thing to say. It was an important and taxing one, but by no means the worst he'd been assigned to. Some Diet man had died a bloody death, stabbed over ten times and then left to drown in a park fountain, although he was likely already dead by the time he even got wet. And all this while bound and gagged. His wife, the main suspect, kept changing her story, first saying she didn't know anything, then that it was a gang of kids. Her latest claim was that it was a single assailant attempting a robbery. Kyouya knew where it was heading next, especially in light of the blatant absence of evidence to support any of her other claims. She would shout "self-defense!" and some hotshot lawyer would take her case and probably get her off on some strange argument or technicality.

He was quickly losing any faith he may have ever had in the justice system.

And it was all exacerbated by the fact that he_ knew _she was guilty, had known from their first meeting. Let alone that it was pretty obvious, there was also the fact that he still retained, in some small measure, his supernatural ability to read the truth. It was fuzzy these days after the disappearance of the Diabolo and the passage of time, but the ability was inherent to him and still there. He rubbed his head, trying to massage away the headache he felt coming on.

God, how he missed his wife! His beautiful, exciting, intoxicating wife. He felt like he hadn't seen Tsukiko in two weeks, and it was probably pretty close to the truth.

Raising his head, he looked to the clock. Lunchtime. Time for a break. His brain wasn't functioning properly anyway and the inordinate piles of collected information were only meshing into a pattern of lines and dots like an unbreakable code. So, giving up for the time being, he opened a side drawer, pulled out a bottle and popped a couple pills. Probably not the wisest thing; he was supposed to take them with food, but he'd be eating soon enough and he'd been taking them so long for his condition that he had a pretty good idea how his body would react. He just needed to eat quickly. He stretched out his back and acknowledged his partner who was frantically waving to hurry him along so they could get lunch. Apparently he was hungry too and wanted a little company. Kyouya grabbed his coat and left.

The noodles he ate had filled him but not so much satisfied him, and he couldn't say that he thought his logic would be working any better now than before. He dragged his feet across the floor like a disobedient child as he walked back through the building and over to his desk. Yawning widely, he took another glance at the clock as if time would suddenly have started moving at a faster pace.

And that's when it happened.

Later, he was torn between regret and gratitude that he had turned at just the second to look in just that direction.

As he looked to the clock, his eyes passed over a case file that was left carelessly open on some guy's desk. He did a double take, feeling like he had recollection whiplash. Blinking and rubbing his eyes, he cleared his mind as best he could and looked again.

Unbelievable.

Without thinking, he braced his arms on the desk and scanned the file with a cursory glance. It said something about a here to fore reputable family collaborating in a money-laundering scheme. But he only paid fleeting attention to that part. No, his gaze had locked onto a picture of the suspects. There were mug shots of a woman, pretty but worn, who looked like she would be quite a head-turner if given better circumstances, and a man, bulky but not fat with a kind face that looked haggard from too much worry and work. And then there was their son. Or so Kyouya assumed it was their son. And it was this boy that struck him. He stared out from the flat photo like a ghost from the grave. Bright green eyes peered through a pair of round glasses. Long black hair was tied back at the nape of his neck. His skin was an almost unearthly color of pale. Kyouya would have recognized that face anywhere. It haunted his dreams to this day. One of the homeless boys that changed his life forever and led him, if inadvertently, onto a different path, to the one he walked now.

Kyouya felt his heart pump wildly and hoped that it could handle the strain.

He looked around anxiously, but no one was paying him the least bit of attention. With a shaking hand he reached out to take the file in an act of illegal and immoral defiance, but then he heard his and his partner's names called out roughly from across the room. His hand yanked away as if on fire, caught in the act. But he looked back to the chief as if nothing improper had happened. The weathered old man jerked his head back to his office.

"Get in here you two. I want a progress report."

Kyouya nodded dumbly and headed over to the office, grabbing his own plentiful files on the way. Taking a quick glance back, he tried to ascertain just whose desk that was. Kita . . .kita . . . something. Kitayama! That was it.

As Kyouya walked into the chief's office laden with papers, he tried to draw up a plan to meet this Kitayama fellow and get a better look at those files.

And in the next depressing thought, he realized with a sinking hope that when at last he saw his wife tonight, it would not be the blissful, romantic reunion he had hoped for.

Tsukiko would need to know.


	26. 26: Thicken

Disclaimer: Diabolo created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

A/N: I have nothing to say for myself. Hopefully I haven't repeated anything I haven't meant to.

* * *

Imperfect Circles

Thicken

Ren blunders against waking up, preferring the nothing darkness to whatever awaits him outside.

He hears voices, floating around his dreams, Chiaki and Kei, soothing him and urging him to awake. There is a thread of something else too, a dark sparkling line that weaves in and out of his consciousness. He doesn't know what it is, but he's never been in a coma before. Perhaps all people hear the same thing.

Everything goes quiet in his nothing world for a while until his brain is filled only with the noise of people he doesn't know.

A new voice enters, so very old that it becomes new again. It is accompanied by a touch, warm and smooth over his head or the thin bones of his hand. It is a woman's voice, kind and strained and he thinks he has known it all his life.

He does not know who she is.

She tells him he needs to wake up, that there is no reason to still be asleep.

But there is a reason.

He doesn't want to go back where he was. The last thing he remembers is fire; bright and blazing and murderous, tasting for him through the smoke of burnt memories.

He doesn't want to go back.

He can see no reason to.

--

Rai's brand new place was hardly new and the brand could scarcely even be guessed at, but it was one that nobody in their right mind would want. To be kind, one would call it shabby or worn. To be honest, one would call it a rat infested dump not fit to live in. But Chiaki had the good sense and manners not to say any of this.

"Where to start, where to start," Chiaki queried of no one in particular, wringing her hands like an old woman rather than the new young mother she really was. She stopped and turned to regard Rai very seriously. "You know what happened, right?"

"I've heard enough to guess."

Chiaki nodded. "She's dead," the girl said flatly. Then she rolled her head away from Rai and heaved a weary sigh. "I don't even think Ren knows yet. But maybe he does. If only I could find him . . ." She shakes her head, shaking off the divergence in topic. "No, I'll leave that to you. I get the feeling that if anyone could find Ren, it would be you."

Rai gave her a helpless, hopeless look, but then smiled, though weakly. "I hope so," was all he could think of to say.

Chiaki thinned her lips slightly and nodded her head in assurance, though the doubt in her eyes told a different story. Her hands were turning red from the pressure she was putting on them. She shifted restlessly, though lightly, from foot to foot. "You'd just better tell me when you do."

Rai's smile turned a little more kindly and he held out his hand. "Please," he said. "Have a seat."

Chiaki took a quick look around and finally decided that she _would_ sit, even if the furniture available was no furniture all, but rather a set of confiscated milk crates covered with a blanket.

Rai followed suit and sat next to her.

The blonde girl finally ceased wringing her hands and instead spread them out wide on her lap. She looked at them for a long moment before turning to Rai. He tried to give her as encouraging and patient a look as he could muster, even though he was about ready to jump out of his skin.

"You know Kei, right?' Chiaki asked suddenly.

Momentarily shocked by the question, Rai blinked a few times to get his bearings before replying with a wary, "I know _who_ she is."

"I think," the blonde began and then stopped to gather her thoughts, "I think you have to watch out for her. Something, and I don't know what, is going on."

Rai shifted in his seat, unsure whether to be worried or elated at this unexpected piece of advice. "Why do you say that?"

"Well, I don't know exactly," Chiaki answered cryptically, not helping to alleviate Rai's confusion. "It's just that, there's something wrong with my . . . memory of her. Like all the pieces don't quite fit together right anymore. And I feel like each time it starts to come clearer, it just goes foggy again. It didn't used to be that way. But lately, I don't know, I feel like I've been under a spell and it's only starting to lift, but it doesn't know yet what it wants to reveal. Like the train of thought in my head is clicking along just fine when someone comes up and pulls the lever, diverting it onto a different track." She slid her palms flat up either side of her chin and over her cheeks, expelling a long, weary breath of air. "Does this make any sense?"

"I think so," Rai said without sounding entirely convincing.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think she's who I thought she was all this time," Chiaki turned to face Rai briefly and placed a small hand on his arm before looking up to the ceiling. "There's just something wrong, like there's a story in my memory that I believed all this time to be true and am only now finding out is not. Like discovering fairy tales are just that - tales.

"But I don't know who she is either, or if it makes any difference. She might not actually be involved, but just a byproduct of something else." She pressed her fist into the center of her chest. "But it makes me uneasy. There's this sense too, that something's been done to me."

"Like what?" Rai asked, trying not to betray his nervousness.

"That's just it. I don't know." Her eyes roved the expanse of the ceiling as if her answers were to be found there. "I haven't even seen her in a while. The only times I saw her recently were with Ren, but since he's been moved out of ICU, it's like she disappeared too.

"It's almost as if we are all players in some big story and my part has been played out. All I have left to do is to pass on what little I know to whom I can." She smiled. "And I think the best place is in your hands."

The boy nodded once gravely, taking what little information she gave him and locking it away with care. It really wasn't much, a suspicion without much backing beyond intuition, but it was a piece to the puzzle. Perhaps a crucial one.

Chiaki stood up suddenly and in an attempt to match her, Rai also stumbled to his feet. The girl looked at him for a long time, her face going through a series of emotions so fast that Rai couldn't pinpoint them all down. Then she took his hands almost fiercely within her own small ones.

"Please be careful." Her eyes looked at Rai with intense concern. "There is more going on here than just an inaccurate memory.

"I _feel_ it."

Rai nodded again at her, letting her words sink into his own suspicion, doing his best to hold his mounting fear in check. "I understand," he said. "Thank you."

They stood there for a moment like that, clasping hands and staring at each other, the swirl of untapped memories and newfound worries closing in around them. Then Chiaki practically leapt forward and captured the boy in her arms, hugging tightly as if this was the final goodbye between old friends rather than mere acquaintances. Startled, Rai stood rigid for a second before falling into the embrace, raising his arms to hug the girl gently back. After a while, Chiaki let go, leaned back and studied Rai.

She gave him a lopsided smile, nodded and left the apartment without another word.

For a moment, Rai stood there, his mind spinning with both the half information and the girl's abrupt departure.

Then a thought suddenly struck him and he dashed out the door, ramming into the railing with his belly and calling out the girl's name.

Chiaki stopped, turned and gazed up at him, shading her eyes with her hand from the glaring midday sun.

"What does she look like?" Rai asked, feeling somewhat stupid for not asking this basic question before and knowing it was simply because he didn't _want_ to know.

Chiaki smiled at him with frank amusement and put her free hand to her hip, considering. Her mouth twisted wryly. "A lot like you, actually," she called up in a thoughtful voice. "Only shorter and with a little curl to her hair."

Rai's head jerked back with surprise and, in some sense, satisfaction. The emotion however seemed a little wrong to him and he coughed to clear his throat. "Where does she live?"

And Chiaki stood like a statue for so long that Rai thought she might have fallen asleep.

"I don't know," the girl replied, her shading hand tightening into a fist. "I'm sure I did, but now I can't seem to remember."

The boy's fingers gripped tight over the top of the rail. This was getting too disturbingly suspect. What if something like what had been done to Chiaki had been done to Ren too? After everything else he'd been through, would the boy survive it? Of course, Rai was getting ahead of himself. Just because Chiaki couldn't remember things, it didn't necessarily mean that _Kei _was the cause of it nor that Ren was in any way involved.

But that was a baseless hope and Rai had to believe that Ren was strong enough to withstand.

"Thank you!" Rai belatedly shouted to Chiaki, who was still standing under the balcony like a hopeful serenading suitor. She only smiled and waved and headed down the street.

Rai watched her from the balcony rail until her figure became small and indistinguishable among the crowd of strangers below and eventually disappeared, just one more dot among the masses.

--

Gently, motherly in the way that she was a mother, Tsukiko brushed the hair from Ren's face. The resemblance was remarkable, one could even say creepy. She knew that it was the same soul, but she would have expected only a similarity, not a picture-perfect reproduction. In a way, she found his face oddly unsettling.

He was out of the ICU now, which technically took him out of her jurisdiction, but she found the time to visit him anyway during her meager breaks or in the brief time just before heading home.

Ren had miraculously made it out of the fire with little injury. Some scars, some smoke inhalation, but for the most part he showed only the signs of a minor incident and not the deadly conflagration it really was. The nurses and doctors that treated him had no explanation for any of it, not his lack of serious injury or his quick recovery, and attributed it to the work of God, a miracle.

But Tsukiko knew better. She suspected it had a lot more to do with lingering effects of the other side of the eternal mystery.

Ren displayed very little damage, all things considered and was already breathing normally again. Indeed, aside from the inscrutable fact that he would not wake up, he was perfectly healthy. There was no adequate medical explanation for his continued unconscious state. It was more like he had chosen to sleep and had taken hold of the fortuitous opportunity to put himself into coma.

He had not escaped injury entirely though, Tsukiko was reluctant to note. From one side, he looked like the same Ren of eighteen years before; the one who tried to save her. But from the other, he was only vaguely recognizable and even that may solely attributed to the fact that she knew it was him. He now bore a mottled pattern melted into his skin from the fire, an impression of the carpet superimposed into his formerly smooth boy's face. The same marks covered a significant portion of his right forearm and a smaller spot on his left. The burns had already healed much faster than was natural, a feat unheard of before and presently the hot topic of conversation amongst the employees.

He was healed, but would never be the same.

Tsukiko wished desperately that they would all shut up.

She leaned back heavily in the chair and let her head fall back, closing her eyes wearily.

It was Diabolo. She was certain of it. As certain as she could ever have been of anything in her life. But to what possible purpose?

She pulled her hand away from the boy's temple and quickly stood up.

It could, she ridiculously assured herself, be nothing more than the residual aftereffects of the demons. She herself retained some of the preternatural strength and ability endowed upon her by Flurety. It was indeed the driving reason she always worked the night shift. She was more alert, smarter, and quicker at night than she ever was during the day.

Her recovery after the birth of her daughter had been remarkable as well. Again, the vestiges of a creature she used to be rearing its ugly head at opportune times.

It could be all this was.

But then again . . .

She really wished Ren would wake up.

She looked back to the bed and fisted her hands nervously.

He looked angelic as he was. Burned and scarred from the fall from heaven, but angelic all the same.

And she owed him. She knew this. Without Ren, she very well might not be here today, might not have Kyouya and this blessed life.

Acknowledging no one in particular, she nodded her head and decided she would repay him somehow when he woke up. Assuming that he ever did.

She hoped it was soon.

The debt would gnaw continually at the back of her head until repaid.

And she did not like that one bit.

--

Rai had never met Kei, mostly because he had never wanted to. It was a decision that had merit at the time and that he now bitterly regretted. Still, it wasn't hard for him to believe Chiaki's cryptic warning.

Perhaps he wanted to.

It was always possible that he was simply biased. Having a _valid_ reason for disliking the girl would suit his needs quite well.

Besides, on a more subjective note, Chiaki had only ever been good and honest, both in this life and the last. He had no reason to distrust her and she had no motive to besmirch the reputation of her friend unless it was the truth.

This, however, didn't put him anywhere.

Precisely how was he supposed to research a person he had never met and knew so little about?

Maybe Nana and Rei could help. Although he had no inkling at all what they could do. Little more than him, he figured. But they would be two extras sets of hands and eyes and that was something. This, of course, was if that they didn't immediately think he was crazy the instant they heard his tale.

That's what he would do, if he were one of them.

Neither of them had met Chiaki in either of their incarnations and had no driving reason to believe a thing she said.

He found himself wishing that Hiromi was here. She would know what to do; she had always been smart and resourceful, at least as far as computers were concerned. And everything was computerized these days; he just had to know how to search.

He stopped mid-step and almost hit himself in the head for his stupidity.

Then he grabbed his coat and rushed out the door.

--

He had stared at the computer screen for almost the full hour of his allotted time and had come up with nothing.

Of course, there wasn't much surprise in that. With only a supposed name, a general description, and a last known place of employment, it would have been more of a shock if he _had _found something. The manager of the Porcelain Bowl was no help, stating it was illegal and choosing at that inconvenient moment to find his moral compass. Rai had, nevertheless, been able to get a last name and address from a co-worker of Kei's who had been immune to her purported charms.

But when he'd done a search with that information, the answers made no sense. No person by that name had ever existed t that address, perhaps because it was the site of an old warehouse. Rai would have liked to have found _something_, even something small and seemingly insignificant. Although something of an incriminating nature would have been even better.

He felt like pulling his hair out.

Not even Kusunoki-san had given him much to work with. It seemed she had never had the pleasure of Kei's acquaintance either.

Odd that no one thought to think that, well, odd, until now.

With a sigh, Rai looked at his watch and began to collect up his unneeded, unmarked notebook.

"Hey, what're you doing?'

The boy closed the book with a snap and turned his head toward the whispered question. Kaoru was leaning over his shoulder, her eyes quickly and nosily scanning the screen. Then the window blinked out with his time and Rai got up, his vacated seat quickly inhabited by the next name on the list.

"Looking for someone," he answered vaguely and headed for the exit.

"Oh?" Kaoru immediately followed after him.

Rai pushed open the huge glass door, momentarily holding it open for the girl as she nimbly slipped through a moment later.

"What about you?" He asked, surveying the grand outside of the public library as if it would suddenly spill out the answer he needed from it brick and mortar walls. "What were you doing here?"

"I like to read." The girl said, her face strangely flat. Rai looked at her curiously and she quirked up one side of her mouth in a nervous tick.

Then she titled her head and smiled a small smile that gradually took over the whole of her face. "Why don't you just other people who knew this person?"

"I tried that," the boy answered in exasperation, not at her but the situation. He shook his head and started his journey home. Kaoru fell soundlessly into step beside him. "No one knew anything."

"Well," Kaoru mused, clasping her hands behind her back. "Someone must know."

Absently, Rai nodded but he was in no way encouraged.

Abruptly Kaoru grinned and spoke, full of good intentions. "Who knows," she quipped. "If you have friends in common, maybe you've met her already."

And a prickle of a thing unknown raced up Rai's spine and chilled his bones, though he couldn't say why.

But it was possible. Maybe he had seen her, in a million instances in a million places, a glimpse here or there or a moment with Ren. It was entirely possible. And like a world-class idiot, he had lost his best chance.

Just because he _wished_ she didn't exist, he had probably ignored her and let her walk right past him and out of his sight.

The possibility of the very thing continued to niggle at the back of his brain, all the way home.

--

Kyouya was pretty certain it was "suffer for your art" not "suffer for your information". But spending even ten minutes with Kitayama could not be described any other way but insufferable.

He should get a medal for this, he really should.

The man was a _bore_. Worse than that, he would bore a bore. Kyouya was beginning to think that watching paint dry might actually be more exciting.

But he had set himself a task and he'd be damned if he just lost it now because he was bored.

But he was really bored. It was like he was a conscripted contestant in the world championships of boredom.

An hour's worth of time_ and_ he'd had to pay for lunch, but at the end of a grueling 60 minutes, of 360 seconds, he had claimed his prize.

Somehow, someway, he had managed to pull the information out of Kitayama: the rundown on the situation with Rai and his parents and best of all, the family's address. In a matter of moments, Kyouya could walk out the door and head to the place and meet with Rai face-to face. He could flesh out the whole situation and decide what he ought to do. After the disaster of eighteen years ago, the one he had miraculously, inexplicably survived, he could feel it all coming back again

He knew somehow that the story wasn't over yet.

It was just a matter of moments.

If he could just make it through dessert.

--

Ren's dreams, or the images that flared through his mind during his unconsciousness that he called "dreams", are troubled. Although he has kept himself in this comatose state for the express purpose of avoiding the bitterness of reality, it is that very reality that continually bombards his senses. The last, sorrowful, condemning images of his mother keep bobbing back to the surface in persistent regularity. With the force of his waning conscious, he pushes them away. For a moment or two, they blend into the background. But then other things appear; ones he doesn't quite understand but feels that he should. They overflow with blood and religion and death laid at his feet in pieces, so many that they become the paving stones he treads upon.

But it isn't Ren who caused this; it is someone else. Someone beautiful, malicious and precious.

There is black and green and he thinks it is Kei for a fleeting moment, thinks he hears her voice along with someone else, vaguely familiar, tickling at the end of his awareness. But no, that isn't right. It isn't Kei that caused this but someone else. Someone older, someone more special, someone _different_.

He can't name who. He is sure the answer is right there, _right there_, but he can't grasp it. It has something to do with a church of corpses, of lamp lit parks and hospitals, and dangerous back alleys. He wants to remember, to solve the riddle, and yet the solution seems trapped behind a steel door.

And it is so much easier to just let everything go blank.

--

"You're dropping out of school?"

Rai clutched the dirty edge of the table just a little tighter. He lowered his eyes, unable to look at her.

"Yes," he said with a voice much stronger than it had any right to be.

The pause was pregnant with disappointments and guilt. He didn't want her to feel guilty. So he lifted his head and spread his five fingers out toward his mother in a wordless symbol of a hug.

"It's all right," Rai told her with a smile he conjured from thin air. "I can always go back, take my tests. People do it all the time."

He had meant to be reassuring, but he doesn't think he succeeded.

His mother, once vibrant and full of life, looked so old. Without her make-up on or her fancy dresses, with the stress of being locked behind four solid foreign walls- too stringent a place for her "crime" - she had aged decades.

"I didn't mean for this to happen," she said and sounded confused, as though she does not know what "this" she means.

"It's not your fault. You didn't do anything." He asserted it with a conviction he didn't entirely feel. He knows they are innocent, he knows, and yet . . .

"We didn't," she affirmed and lifted her hand to mirror her son's, in an air kiss.

Rai was relieved.

"I don't know how this happened," the woman said. Her fingers dropped and pushed against the tabletop as if she could sink them right through. "We did exactly what we said and the paper records prove it. But the computer says, I don't know. Something different. Somewhere in that sea of information."

Rai's mother shook her head, the normally tidy hair swaying stiffly with the action.

Rai wanted to tell her he thinks he knows who did it. Because he does know, with no evidence and no proof, but he does know. She'd think he was crazy. Or worse, that he's only trying to make her feel better. And he is, but that doesn't make it untrue.

Mother and child are as strangers in this landscape of uncertainty, neither knowing exactly what to say.

"Mom?" The boy finally ventured, not wanting to waste the little time they have been given on awkward silences. "I think," he hedged, "I think I know who did it."

The woman arched her eyebrows cryptically.

"I mean, I can't prove it. But I'm sure if I tell the lawyer, he can . ."

He was cut off by an indulgent shake of the woman's head. She smiled, appreciative yet somehow deprecating at the same time. "We have a very good lawyer. I'm sure you're only trying to help, dear, but leave this to the professionals. Please." She leaned forward, anchoring her hand more firmly on the table. "Your father and I have done nothing wrong. The truth will bear that out."

Rai pursed his lips in doubt, but won't contradict her. It was a response he had expected. If he had any way to prove his claim he would do so, and he silently locked that option back in his mind.

"I don't want you to quit school." The woman set her mouth into a grim line and stared hard at her son.

"Well, I don't want to either," Rai conceded with a twist of smile. "But I have to get a job."

He winced, realizing that it sounded like an accusation, but that wasn't his intention. His mother's hand flattened to the table and tucked beneath her chest defensively. She pulled the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth and looked like nothing more than a lost little girl.

The woman regarded her son for what seemed like forever, her expression indicating that she was mulling over something of great significance. Rai waited patiently, but when she did speak, all she said was, "Have you seen your father yet?"

Momentarily confused, the boy blinked. "No, not yet."

The woman nodded and added, "You ought to do that soon."

"I will," Rai assured her, and then felt the need to explain. "The authorities haven't been exactly forthcoming on that front. Every time I try to go there, Dad's somehow always being interviewed. It's like they don't want me to see him."

His mother nodded again, nervously, agreeing with his claim and finding it unsettling.

"Five minutes!"

Both mother and son jerked, startled by the sudden, clipped declaration. A tall, formidable-looking woman in uniform paced ominously near the back wall. There were two other visitors present besides Rai and he couldn't be sure if the proclamation concerned him, but he had a feeling it applied to all of them. Automatically, his gaze flicked to the watching woman as she paced back and forth, her hands clasped tightly behind her back.

"Look," Rai's mother whispered abruptly. "Your father and I set aside some money in your name." She smiled at the surprised look on Rai's face. "It isn't much. It was meant to help you with your college expenses, but I'd rather you be able to survive through high school."

"Mom!" The teen said this louder than he meant to in his shock.

He got a nasty look from the overlord - or lady as the case may be.

"Talk to Nagai-san. He ought to have all the information you'll need," the woman continued, naming the family's estate lawyer. "I don't believe the police have put any sort of freeze on it since everything's in your name and there been no suspicious activity. There isn't much there to quibble about." Her smile soured. "At least as far as I know."

"Mom," Rai urged, nearly pleaded. "I'll get a job. I don't need that money." The phrase that would have followed that was "you might", but he wisely opted not to say it.

"No!" The woman's refusal was the sharpest word Rai had ever heard from her. Almost instantly she mellowed and with her palm flat to the table, she stretched her fingers into a fan and looked down at the shape they made. "I want you to have it. I'm sure your father would agree."

Rai opened his mouth to protest, but then shut it again just as quickly. He smiled and gave a little nod, thanking her without her having to bear the indignity of him saying so.

"Time's up!" The formidable woman was back, deciding their fate, only now she stood like an ominous shadow over the shoulder of Rai's mother.

"I love you," was the last thing imprisoned woman got out before her arm was roughly grabbed and she was hauled unceremoniously to her feet. She kissed the tips of her fingers, pressed them to the air and gave a watery smile in the moment before she was summarily hauled away.

Rau sat blinking after her and the thud of the heavy closing door with the uncomfortable feeling that this might be the last time he saw her.


	27. 27: The Bad Son

Disclaimer: Diabolo and its characters created by Kei Kusunoki and Kaoru Ohashi

* * *

Imperfect Circles

The Bad Son

The door creaked open quietly in a comically blatant attempt to go unnoticed.

Without looking, Tsukiko raised her hand and ushered her husband inside. Kyouya entered, holding his little girl's hand with more than a bit of misgivings. He was not one for hospitals, or of anyplace enclosed or filled with sickness. But he knew Tsukiko was there and he had news he wanted to share - and not in the few spare moments fate often granted them alone in their home.

Tsukiko's hair was pulled back tight, the yards of deep black wound into an impossibly small bun at the nape of her neck. Kyouya thought about how lovely the creamy white curve of her skin was.

While simply sitting or standing and saying nothing seemed to be plenty enough to occupy the minds of both husband and wife, it did nothing for a little girl, even one as complacent as Yukina. She swung the hand encased within her father's much larger one and broke him from his stupor.

The man cleared his throat, wondering how to begin. "I've got a possible address," he said abruptly, opting for the straight route.

"And?" Tsukiko prompted without bothering to face him.

"The first one was old," her husband told her sheepishly. "And anyway, it's still under police control. But it seems he's been moving around a lot since, well, since he lost his home. But this latest one looks promising. I've managed to get a lot of information out of Kitayama and let me tell you, that was no easy . ."

"Dear," the woman broke in, "You're babbling." She hated it when he babbled. It was such an un-Kyouya-like thing to do in her opinion and was only done on the very rare occasions that he was especially uncomfortable. It was a relatively new and wholly unattractive habit and she saw no reason for it to rear its ugly head right now.

"Sorry," Kyouya mumbled. The thing was, seeing his wife like this always made him itchy. She was strict and stern and proper and not exactly_ his_ Tsukiko.

He hated hospitals and he wasn't particularly fond wife when she was in them.

Yukina squeezed his hand.

The man looked down at his daughter, her large wide eyes staring off in the general direction of her mother. He smiled and squeezed her hand back, knowing full well that her automatic gesture had not been an encouraging one.

"Anyway," he went on, "The point is, now what?"

Tsukiko sighed wearily and got to her feet, finally facing her husband. "Well," she said in the professional tone that allowed for no crack in her porcelain veneer - the one Kyouya did not like, "I suppose we ought to find out just how much they remember. And if anything," she glanced quickly at her daughter, "_history-related_ is going on now. I just get this bad feeling." She touched the center of her chest. "Then we can decide what we should fill in. And then," she placed the tips of her fingers delicately on the back of the chair she'd just been using. "I imagine we should bring them together."

Kyouya only nodded gravely, not having anything he felt necessary to say just then. It took the child to break the strangeness that wheedled into the room, though she didn't dispel it, only transformed it to a new kind.

"Who's that?" She asked in her normal, bland tone.

Her father followed the line of her sight and even though he knew what he would see, the resemblance, the trip back in time it elicited, made his breath catch in his throat. Yukina squeezed his hand again and he blinked himself free of memory.

Tsukiko smiled, unsure of the emotion she should reveal with the expression. "That," she said plainly, "Will be our new houseguest."

--

Nana looked around the room with a very unflattering eye while her hands sat firmly on her hips. She shook her head in grave disapproval. Then she walked over to a corner, knelt down, and delicately picked up a dead beetle by one of its spindly legs. She examined its hard shell, its appendages clenched up in its final death throes, and raised her eyebrows. Then she shook her head again and tossed the lifeless creature out the sole open window.

"This place," she said, turning around and crossing her arms over her chest, "Is a disgrace."

Scuffing her feet as she went, she moved towards the center of the room, stopped, and began to work diligently at a stain in the carpet with the toe of her shoe. Her lips pulled down in a frown. "It's a filthy, disgustin' dump."

Clearly, she did not posses Chiaki's tact.

The stain persisted, it had been there much longer than Nana had, so she gave up the fight and simply stomped on it as punishment for its existence.

"Ya know, ya coulda just stayed with us," the girl called back to the kitchen, which was really just a line of cabinetry barricaded against the rest of the apartment by a low partition.

"I couldn't do that," Rai answered softly, lining up his newly acquired food cans onto the counter with hollow clanks.

Nana thinned her lips and growled under her breath. She looked over to her brother as he ritualistically placed a pillow on the requisitioned milk crates, adjusted the blanket, tested out the comfort and then repeated the process about twenty zillion times. Rei had just tweaked the position of the blanket yet again before he sat down, bounced a little and then smiled out into the empty space. Apparently he had finally found the magical configuration and was pleased.

Nana rolled her eyes and turned back to Rai.

"Ah cannot believe you sold that car," she moaned as if it ought to have been bequeathed to her.

"How else did you expect me to get this place?" Rai reasoned.

The dark-haired boy placed the last of his meager provisions into the cabinet and closed the door. Carefully folding the paper bag for future use, he stowed it away in a separate cabinet, and tried not to think about how bare they all were.

The girl waved off the explanation with a sigh and returned to the window. In the distance, she could see the clear blue sky as a backdrop to the Tokyo skyline. "At least the view's not half bad," she allowed.

"Gee, thanks," Rai said disingenuously as he sat down beside Rei. The taller boy then tested the comfort of the "sofa" before turning to his friend and nodding satisfactorily. Rei smiled.

"So, when do ya start?" Nana asked.

Rai blinked. "Oh, uh, Tuesday."

"Hmm."

There was silence for a while, not strained exactly, but strange.

Rai coughed. "So how about you?" He asked hopefully. "Any luck?"

Nana leaned back against the sill and turned her head to the side so she could gaze out the window. "Oh, yeah," she said. "Because we are _so good_ at these things."

"You don't have to be snide." Though Rai knew this would be the case, he was still bitterly disappointed.

The girl simply pursed her lips.

"Mako's been actin' funny," Nana offered. "Well, more'n usual. And she's been buggin' the hell outta Kaoru. Don't know what's up with that."

There was another pause.

"She has your money," Rei stated helpfully.

Rai paused a second before replying. "I know."

The three friends waited quietly for a moment longer, each lost to their own individual thoughts.

Rei began to swing his legs, letting his heels hit the crates he sat on in a percussive rhythm. "I don't like that girl."

His sister snorted inelegantly.

The blonde turned to the boy next to him. "I don't trust her."

Rai tilted his head curiously and nodded, already well aware of Mako's lack of scruples.

"Yeah, well, that ain't any shock to us," Nana observed dryly.

Rei hit his heel against the crate again, reverberating the sound like announcements through the thin building construction.

Slender dark brows pulled together over Rai's green eyes. He jerked his chin in Nana's direction. "What's this thing with Kaoru you were talking about?"

"Wha? Oh." Nana turned her head to her friend as if roused from a daydream. "Hell if Ah know."

Rai dropped his chin to his hands, a bit disappointed.

"She saw something."

Both Nana and Rai turned to the smallest member of their trio simultaneously. The little blonde blinked at them innocently, his eyes volleying slowly from one to the other.

"What did she see?" Rai asked, blindly hoping it was something to do with his parents while wondering, if that was the case, why she hadn't mentioned it before.

The blonde only shrugged.

His sister twitched her head curiously and pushed off the wall, considering her brother.

Thoughtfully, Rai bit his lip. "When did you notice?" He turned to his quiet friend and clarified. "The problem between Mako and Kaoru?"

Rei placed his hands on either side of his hips and stared down at his feet. He scrunched up his forehead. "Right around when. . ." He trailed off, indicating without words that he meant the day Rai's parents were arrested.

After staring for a moment at Rei, Rai's gaze transferred to the boy's twin. But Nana's eyes were fixed rather resolutely on her brother.

She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. "Well, then," she said, dragging the words like molasses, "Aren't we just a bag full of secrets?"

Rei just swung his legs, no longer hitting the crate, and continued to stare at his moving feet.

Nana blinked very slowly once, then with a sudden twitch of her head, turned her attention back to her dark-haired friend. She raised her eyebrows and waved her hand as if to say, "what can you do?" But what she actually said was, "Ah'll look into it."

Her friend gave her a sheepish smile as he clasped his hands, his elbows on his knees. "Thanks, Nana." And he gave her another awkward smile.

--

Although the school had gone through no major changes since Rai left, it felt completely different to a small, select group of people. To Nana it felt gloomier and put her constantly ill at ease as if something was inherently missing in the day-to-day run of activities. On the other hand, Mako was deliriously delighted as if she'd won the lottery, continually grinning with an evil flash of her overgrown canines. Yuu walked the halls with an air of pompous self-satisfaction, which frankly wasn't much of a difference. Rei behaved as quietly as normal except that he would repeatedly stop and cast glances at no one in particular. And Kaoru, well Kaoru just seemed perpetually agitated as though a swarm of bees was hot on her tail.

That, however, could be for reasons unrelated to Rai's absence.

But then again, maybe not.

Nana had promised to find out what all the fussing was about and she fully intended to follow through. So she had tailed the dark-haired girl for several days, hoping to get some clue, but Kaoru's school life turned out to be nothing but an ordinary school life. But Nana persisted and on the fourth day, something of interest finally occurred.

Nana's mark was going about her business of cleaning up when Mako stepped out in front of her, seemingly out of nowhere. Nana felt a little thrill of surprise go up her spine and then narrowed her eyes to watch intently. Kaoru meanwhile, had given very little sign of shock, perhaps a small shift of her foot backwards before standing a little taller and clutching her broom tighter to her body.

"Well, well, well," Mako drawled, circling her victim like a shark. She was decked out in her usual after school attire of clothes of bad taste. The ghastly necklace she wore was almost the size of her head and the many faceted mirrors glued to it nearly blinded Nana, even as far away as she was. It looked like Mako was the winner in some twisted Olympic event no one actually wanted to win. "If it isn't the peeping tom."

Kaoru scowled. "I believe you're talking about yourself." She pitched it slightly as though asking a question she already knew the answer to.

But Mako, as usual, was unfazed. She just continued to circle. "Don't play innocent with me." The fashion victim leaned in close. "I saw you. I know it was you, even with . . ." the girl flapped her hand up and down as a sneer curled her lip. "But you still haven't told me _why_."

"Huh." Kaoru mused, settling easily onto her back foot. "I'm sorry, but I just don't have an explanation for why your life is so empty that you have to obsess over the trivialities of others'"

A muscle near Mako's right eye seized. She frowned momentarily then melded the expression into one of her patented sneers. "You want to continue playing it that way? Fine. But I know _something_ is going on."

"Don't base wild suppositions on events that never even occurred." Kaoru smiled sweetly. "People might start to think you're paranoid."

Mako delicately lifted one eyebrow and smirked with amusement. Then she gave the other girl a long, knowing look before sauntering away as if triumphant, even if it was in a game only she was playing.

There was barely a breath's amount of time before Nana made her presence known. "What was all that about?"

Kaoru turned to Nana quizzically, probably trying to figure out how the girl popped up out of the woodwork, before sighing and waving her hand dismissively. "Oh, nothing."

Nana crossed her arms and faced the direction the infamous girl had taken. "Didn' sound like nothin'." She swiveled her head back to face Kaoru. "Where were ya that's got her so interested?"

"No place special," Kaoru answered evasively, but upon seeing Nana's unwavering stare, she sighed again and said, "She seems to think I was there when Rai kissed that boy."

"Why would she think that?"

"I don't know." Kaoru replied, clearly confused. "Because she's unstable?"

Nana snorted then quirked an eyebrow. "That's old news anyway."

The blue eyes of the other girl rolled to the side. "No kidding."

"Ah don' know why she thinks she can always get away with things like that."

Kaoru shrugged disinterestedly. "Because she always does? People like her somehow get away with everything."

Nana made a puzzled noise and looked back down the hall Mako disappeared down. She unfolded her arms. "Ah was hopin' you knew somethin' about Rai's family."

"Why would I?"

Nana twitched her shoulder. "Well, the princess has been botherin' you, and Ah'm pretty sure she's involved."

Kaoru's eyes went wide and her jaw dropped slightly. "Why would you think that?" But apparently she saw the flaw in that question and shook her head. She attacked the other half of the statement instead. "Don't you think if I knew anything I'd have told Rai?"

"Yeah, Ah guess." The taller girl put her hands to her hips and screwed up her face in thought. "But that doesn't make any sense. Why would she be buggin' you so much over something so . . . stupid?"

"How should I know?" Kaoru shot back a bit peevishly. "That girl's always plotting something, maybe she thinks everyone else must be too."

Nana turned on the girl and crinkled her brow, asking relatively flatly, "Are you?'

The brunette pursed her lips in irritation and gave Nana a "you've got to be kidding me" look. "The only thing I'm plotting," she said, "Is how to get Mako off my back."

Nana's lip went flat as she looked off into space. "That's understandable." She took a sudden look up, catching sight of a cobweb floating lazily in an unseen breeze. "How 'bout Ah give ya a hand here?"

Wordlessly, Kaoru accepted the offer and Nana walked off in search of a broom. And so they left it, with no questions answered, and a few new ones raised.

--

"Still nothing?" A male voice asked.

"Still nothing," a woman repeated in answer.

There was a scrape of metal against linoleum as a chair was pulled up beside the bed. A long silence followed, interrupted only by the growing crackle of a remote fire.

"I think I've found him this time," the man offered hopefully.

The fire fled back out into the far distance.

The woman hummed. "You said that the last time."

"True, true," the man admitted. "But I didn't know then that he hadn't been keeping anyone up-to-date on his whereabouts."

"Oh?" The woman brushed a warm hand over Ren's injured cheek as he slept. "Then what makes you think you've found him this time?"

"Well, I said he _hadn't_ been keeping up-to-date." The male chuckled.

The woman heaved a sigh. "And? I suppose he just came up and told you, did he?"

"Now, now," the low, masculine voice soothed as a rustle of fabric, his hand across the woman's arm, sounded into the silence. The woman released an apologetic breath of air.

"I'm sorry. I'm just under so much stress," she explained.

Then there was a lull in the conversation and the roar of flames that had been relegated to the background of Ren's mind resurged, attempting to drown out everything else.

"You were saying?" the woman prompted.

The sound that didn't fit, the blaze that searched for Ren in the darkness, faded away again.

The chair made a horrible squeal along the floor as it was pulled back. "I followed his lawyer."

"Well," the woman said, plainly unimpressed. "That works too."

"Hey, a little credit here. That guy didn't know where he was any better than I did until recently. And it's harder than it sounds." He began ticking off the impediments to his success. "I have to avoid being seen by the lawyer and my boss and anyone who could rat on my activity. And all this while maintaining my own case load . . ."

"Yes, yes, of course."

The man sounded as if he was pouting.

"Anyway," the male went on, still rather put out, "I'm heading there in a couple of days."

The woman sighed again and placed her fingertips to Ren's brow. "Thank goodness," she said with obvious relief. "Hopefully soon we can find out how Rai's doing."

Ren's eyes flew open, an action he immediately regretted when the harsh, sterile light assaulted his pupils. Squeezing them shut again, he tried to raise his hand to his face and found it to be a much more difficult task than it had any right to be.

How long had he been asleep? It felt like a long time; like just this side of forever.

But then he'd heard that name, and like it was a trigger, his eyes opened. He groaned loudly and tried again to lift his hands, succeeding this time with the exertion of great effort, in bringing them to his cheeks. His fingers stopped and for a moment he felt frozen in time. There was something wrong with his face.

"No, no," that woman, the one he kept hearing in his sleep, said. "Slowly, now. Slowly."

Then there were small, warm, gentle hands on his, bringing them back down to rest at his sides.

"That's good, that's right," the woman encouraged calmly. "Now, try again. Slowly, slowly."

And Ren did exactly as she advised, carefully raising the lids of his eyes as if they were made of glass. The adjustment went better this time around, but the room was also dimmer than it had been before. He blinked a few times; his eyes felt dry as did his throat, but he was too busy trying to take in his new surroundings to be overly concerned with his discomfort. It was an all too depressingly familiar sight. He'd woken up in hospital beds too many times to properly count. But he couldn't remember clearly how he had gotten here this time. His father? No, that was ages ago. Those bullies? Well, that was always a possibility, but he'd never had a beating so bad that it knocked his memory clear out of him. Unfortunately. Himself? He didn't think so. He'd been doing well lately, he thought, and for quite some time now. So that left what? He shook his head, not coming up with any viable options and chose to take a better look around instead. That was at least something he could handle, even in his bewildered state.

On the second pass, he noticed the most obvious difference between this room and every other one he'd been in before. This one came equipped with a beautiful woman perched in a chair beside his bed.

Tsukiko smiled at him. "You're up."

Ren squinted, the wheels in his head in desperate need of oil to work properly. He felt more out of sorts than he'd been in any other time he could recall, floundering in confusion. Instead of making any remark to the woman, he twisted oddly to the side and spotted a cool, inviting glass of water sitting on a side table.

Suddenly he remembered how thirsty he was.

He put his hands flat to the mattress at his sides and attempted to lever himself to a sitting position. Immediately and without any express request on Ren's part, Tsukiko was at his side, her sure hands gently guiding him up. She eased the glass into his hand and waited for his grip to become steady before letting go. Her presence did not abandon him entirely though, and while she did not hold the glass, she kept her hand floating protectively beneath it in case he should falter. When he took in what little water he could down a throat that was out of practice, the woman retrieved the glass and carefully replaced it to the table.

As he let the water slip its way slowly to his stomach, Ren decided to take a better look at his companion. She was perfect and pristine and dressed all in white. '_Of course, she's a nurse_,' Ren thought to himself. He had known many of them in his short lifetime - always kind, always helpful, but ultimately nothing more than a transitory intruder in his life. It disappointed him every time.

The water sloshed down into his empty belly and made him slightly nauseous.

The woman's smile turned sweeter. "How are you feeling, better?"

Ren nodded dumbly, not able to trust his voice.

"It will be a little while before you're able to function normally," the nurse told him. "Not too long I suspect, given your history, but don't try to rush things."

Ren looked away.

He could hear the woman shuffle anxiously in her seat. "Do you remember what happened?"

The boy paused a moment as if thinking, then shook his head.

"Ren," Tsukiko said patiently. "Look at me please."

The "please" was unnecessary. At the mention of his name, Ren whipped his head around violently. His mouth worked uselessly like a fish out of water and his eyebrows squeezed together, making a deep crease over the bridge of his nose.

Tsukiko inclined her head curiously at his behavior but in true professional fashion, she forged ahead as though nothing unusual had happened. "There was a fire," she explained carefully. "Do you remember that?"

Ren's whole face pulled into its center and his eyes rolled up in thought. He lowered his lids and took in long drags of air, releasing them slowly and unwillingly let the memory roll up from the back of his mind. The snap and crackle of flames that had long haunted his dreams crept to the forefront his consciousness. His mind went red and yellow, white and orange. A sweat broke out all over his skin. Within his mind, he opened his eyes and saw in the burning background a shadow slowly being devoured by fire.

Immediately, he opened his eyes so he wouldn't have to see what his mind already remembered.

Tsukiko looked at him with heartfelt and experienced empathy. Her eyes softened as she said, "You've been in a coma for a little over a month. And you sustained some minor injuries from the fire, but those have already healed for the most part." She drew out the last word, expecting him to comment, but when he didn't, she went on. "They have, however, left scars."

Automatically, Ren's hand returned to his face, but Tsukiko quickly grabbed it and lowered his arm back down. The damage had already been done though, as Ren finally registered the scar tissue on his arms. As he looked down at the mottled, melted pattern, his expression remained flat. Tsukiko rubbed a comforting hand over his shoulder.

Ren turned his golden eyes to the nurse and with a shift of the pupils only, told her he wanted a to see himself. That he _needed_ to see himself. Tsukiko held his gaze a moment, debated, and then nodded. As though she knew he would ask for it, and she probably did, she reached beneath the end table and pulled out a mirror. Mechanically, Ren took it and studied his reflection as he turned his head to the side to get a better look. Then he dropped the mirror to his lap, seemingly unaffected as if he had seen no difference. The woman tightened her lips in worry, biting slightly on the lower one.

"Ren?" She ventured with concern. "Are you all right?" It was a stupid question. She knew that of course he was not all right, but his complete lack of response was far more troubling than if he'd had an outburst.

The boy dropped his eyes to his lap and coughed dryly. "Why?" he rasped out.

"What?"

The teen lifted his gaze to stare directly at Tsukiko. With a minutely stronger voice, he asked, "Why do you know my name?"

A quick blink was the only evidence Tsukiko gave that this inquiry surprised her. Then she smiled mildly at him, her mouth barely curving upward at the edges. "It's on your chart," she explained and Ren blushed. "Although I did know you once, a long time ago. But I guess that you don't remember." She pitched it like a question and her only response was a turn down of Ren's lips. "Well, you did something for me whether you know it or not, and I don't easily forget such things. You need not know what I mean, only understand that I am not crazy and mean you no harm. And allow me to introduce myself again. My name is Tsukiko." She held out a delicate hand, smooth and white. "I am very happy to meet you, Ren."

The name tumbled around in his head - _Tsukiko, Tsukiko, Tsukiko - _as it sought recognition_, _but it only bounced against walls. He looked at the proffered hand blankly before taking it into his own. He did not bother to introduce himself since she already knew his name.

After a moment, Tsukiko reluctantly let go. His response was one she had put into her list of possibilities, but in her heart of hearts, she had never truly believed that it would be the one she'd receive. Her eyes roamed over his face, trying to read him like a book, only to discover she no longer knew the title. She took in a deep breath. "So, you don't know Rai at all either, do you?"

The reaction was instantaneous. Ren almost jerked from his seat, lunging at her, but when she blinked she found that it was only an illusion. Ren had in fact barely moved at all but the contraction of his aura, as it were, was so intense that it felt as though he had hurtled through the air straight at her.

His voice, however, was calm and small when he spoke. "You know Rai?"

Tsukiko nodded slowly. "Yes. Just as I know you."

For a long, weightless minute, Ren stared at her. Then with a short, slight intake of breath, he turned away. Tsukiko could see the working of his throat when he swallowed.

"Did he come?"

The nurse smiled sadly to herself. "No," she told him with regret. "You had only two visitors. A blonde girl. And another, with black hair and green eyes."

Still not facing the woman, Ren nodded acknowledgement. Chiaki, of course, and Kei. _Kei_. His He felt his gut clench with guilt. Poor loyal, kind Kei. He'd have to tell her, but tell her what? That he was going to leave her if not for the . . . accident? He couldn't say that. Even if it was true.

That part he remembered clear as a bell: the last heavenly moments with Rai before everything crashed down, a feeling he knew he ought never to trust. But even as his guilt assaulted him anew, his anxiety and disappointment over Rai - he had never come - also churned away.

"But I heard," he halted to clear his throat mid-sentence. "You were talking about him."

"Yes," Tsukiko answered warily. "But that was several days ago."

Rai gazed at the window, its blinds shut to protect the world from him. "Then why hasn't he come?"

"A lot has happened," the nurse tried to explain vaguely, though there was more to it than that. It was a tricky, risky situation that could land them all in trouble if not played right. "Ren," she said, edging nearer to place her hand on his arm and draw his attention. "The hospital will send you home soon." Ren turned to her, confusion clouding his eyes. "Do you have anywhere to go?"

What a deceptively simple question. His amber eyes lost focus for a second. Then he mumbled, "Home?"

Tsukiko's face grew uncertain even as her grip on Ren's arm tensed. "Oh my. No, of course you wouldn't know. I'm sorry. I should have explained first. But your apartment, most of the building in fact, was destroyed in that fire. You can't go back there." She titled her head in sympathy. "I _am_ sorry."

The boy looked at her long enough to believe her then dropped his gaze to his lap, remarking her perfect white hand on his pink and tan mangled arm. He had nothing to say and didn't know how to handle her apology. It wasn't her fault and she had no reason to be sorry.

He wasn't.

"Do you have any place to go?" Tsukiko repeated.

Ren thought about it. He had so many options - Chiaki, Kusunoki-san, Rai - that weren't really options at all. Besides, he could make no decisions until he settled his mother first; he had to take care of her or no one else would.

But then fear, red and black and scorching trailed down his spine to boil in his stomach, now a blender for his mixed, tumultuous emotions.

A face appeared. And a match and a phone. A smell strong and sharp. A shadow behind flames.

The fear gnawed and clawed and bit and scratched and Ren squeezed his eyes shut. Fiercely, he bit the inside of his cheek and pulled his eyes open and forced himself to look straight into Tsukiko's eyes.

"Where," he said slowly in a small voice that wasn't his own, "is my mother?"

The irises of Tsukiko's eyes grew deep and wide like bowls filling with water. Her hands, pleasantly cool, went to his face and cradled his chin firmly but gently with the tips of fingers. She looked at the boy with a tender intensity as she spoke.

"Ren." She swallowed silently. "I cannot tell you how sorry I am. But the fire . . . took your mother. She is gone." The nurse searched her patient's eyes for any sign of recognition. For a long time, there was none, but that wasn't unusual. So Tsukiko just held the boy's face in her hands and waited.

Ren did not know how to feel.

Or to be more truthful, he knew precisely how he felt and it was repugnant. His mother was gone. He had failed her. He was a terrible son and now there was proof for the whole world to see. And he had known she was gone, long before Tsukiko told him. For a few blissful minutes his mind allowed him to forget and granted him the peace he so desperately needed.

But now there was no more running away.

There was no pretending he wasn't a failure.

He looked into the eyes of the woman across from him and snapped to reality.

She was touching him.

With a violent thrust, he pushed her hands away. But he was in no way fully recovered and the attempt was clumsy and inept.

Even with his rejection of her, the woman had kind, warm, understanding eyes. They were similar to those of Rai's mother. They were the eyes of what Ren thought a mother's should be.

His own eyes began to tear up until he was swimming in his sorrow, drowning. He fought it off as long as he could, but when he was forced to blink, the water was pushed out, carving two long trails into his cheeks. His ribcage started to spasm with half-restrained sobs, bottomless and harsh as they escaped the long line of his miserable history.

Tsukiko reached for him again, and again the boy tried to fend her off. But he was weak and she knew better and eventually prevailed, maneuvering onto the bed and laying his head on her shoulder. Just for now, because nothing mattered anymore, Ren let her. She calmly ran her hand up and down his arm and rocked the two of them together, just slightly.

Just like a mother.

"Shh," she whispered. "It will be all right. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will be all right." She threaded her thin fingers through his hair over and over again like a lullaby. "It's always difficult to lose someone."

Ren shook his head vehemently against her embrace because that wasn't why he was crying.

He was crying because deep down, in the darkest parts of himself, this is what he secretly wished for all along.

--

Rai discovered, as he looked at the mountains of books piled up all around him, that he didn't mind work. It kept him busy and kept his mind off of other, more troubling things.

Like Kei.

Or the fact that his constant snooping and eavesdropping around the hospital had yet to yield any results. That one receptionist was starting to give him the evil eye. A few more encounters with that woman while he tried to investigate would spell a personal security escort for him.

But now was not the time to worry over those things. He had a thousand books to record and sort and shelve and that was plenty. Chiaki had confidence in him and Ren and he were linked by destiny. He had to let that conduct him over his fears. Despite everything that was going on, he smiled to himself.

Rai chose to take it as a good omen that the bookstore that he'd shopped for Ren's gift was the same one that ultimately hired him. He'd have ample opportunity to find the perfect thing now, just as soon as he found him. He was certain that it would be any day now; he could feel it in his bones. All he needed was one more day.

Rai found optimistic thoughts really did help his outlook.

It was silly.

It was all he had.

If he didn't hold onto those thoughts, the fears and anxiety would crush him.

He was stacking the sorted reference books onto a dolly to be loaded out when his new boss called for him.

"Rai!" The man yelled genially into the backroom. "You have a phone call."

Wearily, Rai deposited the books in his hand to the dolly and went to retrieve his call. It was probably Nana who, in the absence of seeing him every day at school, had taken to "mother-hen"-ing him. He grinned and shook his head. He began to get a new understanding for what Rei went through.

The older man attending to the cash register gestured with his chin towards the phone. "Sounded important."

Rai gave him an appreciative smile. Nana had developed the tendency to treat everything as if it was a dire emergency.

"Rai speaking," the teen said into the phone, expecting some tart remark from his closest friend.

It wasn't Nana.

All his optimistic thoughts were for naught as he got whiplash from a totally unexpected side.

The store manager watched with growing concern as Rai's knuckles gripped the receiver so tight that the plastic should've broken and his normally pale face paled further until he was nearly as white as a ghost.


End file.
